


For The Love of Sport

by 3ALover



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Hockey, Angst, Falling In Love, Fluff, Homophobic Language, Injury, M/M, Mutual Pining, Romance, Sexual Harassment, relatively slow burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-07-06 07:26:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 86,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15881370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3ALover/pseuds/3ALover
Summary: Two-Time Olympic Champion Yuzuru Hanyu needs extra weekend training after an injury comeback. When his coaches book him ice time at a hockey training facility on the weekends, he finds it nearly unbearable that he's asked to share ice with a hockey team. However, one hockey player in particular catches his eye with his handsome smile and friendly attitude.That hockey player's name is Javier Fernandez, and Yuzuru Hanyu happens to be Javier's favorite figure skater as well.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Edit:** Now available in [Russian ](https://ficbook.net/readfic/8159526)
> 
> So I asked Tumblr and decided to make HOCKEY AU! my new goal!
> 
> I hope you guys like this one because I dove headfirst into my research. I come from a country where ice sports are very much not popular, so I'm relying on the internet to help me out on hockey in Canada. Special thanks to mikarala on Tumblr for giving me CRAZY DETAILED info on Hockey!!!!!
> 
> Hopefully my terrible summary won't scare people away. 
> 
> As always, my friend checks my English, but if something is wrong, it's likely because this is not my first language. Thank you for your patience!

Having a bit of a history of preferential treatment, Yuzuru was very surprised when Brian told him that he couldn’t get worked into the training schedule on the weekends. “It’s not that I don’t think you could handle sharing the ice with some of the younger kids, it’s that it would distract them.”

Yuzuru pouted. “Okay. What about other ice?” he asked, and Brian shook his head.

“Hockey season has started and that rink is used by kids hockey teams. They let us use it early in the morning only now, not on weekends,” he explained.

“What I do then?” Yuzuru asked, tapping his toe. “I need weekend ice! You know this,” he said with a playful whine. “Brian, I must do more skate and make up time I lose when hurt.”

Brian chuckled at his behavior and reached out to pat him on the shoulder. “I’ll make some calls. See what I can do. This is Toronto. There’s a lot of ice around here.”

~

Yuzuru stared at the rink in front of him and then looked at Tracy beside him skeptically. “Is this actual real?”

She nodded with a sympathetic smile. “Don’t worry. I’m with you. Nothing to worry about.”

Yuzuru looked at the five men in hockey gear training at the far end of the rink, though he thought ‘training’ was a loose word for guys laughing and waving sticks at each other, and his empty end of the rink and wished they were farther apart. “Can I help you, ladies?” Tracy and Yuzuru turned around and Yuzuru pointedly uncrossed his arms and put them on his hips, giving the man approaching them a look. He was an older guy, and when he spotted Yuzuru’s clear lack of breasts, he looked kind of horrified. “Oh, sorry, lady,” he changed, smiling at Tracy. 

“Hi, you must be Mr. Holden,” Tracy greeted, holding her hand out to shake his. “I’m Tracy Wilson. We’re the two that will be using some of your ice every Saturday for the next few months.”

“Oh, of course. Sorry. I forgot that was today,” he said, nodding to Yuzuru. “Chuck Holden. You’re Mr. Hanyu, right?”

“Yes, thank you for give us ice time,” he said politely. As displeased as he was to have to share ice with gross hockey players, he was grateful for somewhere to skate on Saturdays. 

“It’s not a problem.” He nodded to the ice. “My offensive line will just be working on shooting so the only risk is a puck getting away from them, but I’m sure it won’t be a problem. They won’t be hitting your way and if it slides off, they can just yell a warning so you don’t trip-“

“Hey Coach, who’s the girl?” someone shouted from the other end of the ice. Yuzuru sighed and rolled his eyes, knowing they didn’t mean Tracy. 

“Hey, Sweetheart, I like those pants!” someone shouted and somebody else whistled at him. He looked at Tracy when he heard the voices getting nearer and she clenched her jaw, clearly ready to tell them off. 

“Coach, an ass like that sure won’t help us focus on our practice.” This voice was right behind Yuzuru, so he turned around with a glare on his face, hands still on his hips. The guy was close enough he immediately spotted the Adam’s apple and flat chest, and he actually reeled back. “Oh shit, it’s a boy!”

“Oh? I thought you say you like ass?” Yuzuru said with a cold smile. “Guess you like boy ass.” The guy flushed and the other four all laughed at him, some of them clinging to each other to not fall down.

“Alright, Yuzuru don’t engage,” Tracy said, then glared at the five guys standing on the ice. “Hello, Gentlemen. We’re using your ice. Get out of our way,” she said coldly. 

The coach, Mr. Holden, just chuckled at the way the guys actually seemed a bit scared of her. “Guys, leave them alone. No harassing a fellow athlete. And he’s a figure skater, I’m pretty sure if you piss him off, he can kick you hard enough to break your leg. Imagine how embarrassing that would be when it got out your leg is broken because a figure skater kicked you when you pissed him off.”

Yuzuru gave the coach a smile. “Thank you,” he said, then stepped up to the edge of the ice, not caring he was going to have to skate past the hockey players. He took off one blade guard and then the other, handing them to Tracy, who just winked at him. 

“Hey, I’m sorry about them. They’re just messing around.” Yuzuru turned back around and saw the guy who spoke smiling an admittedly charming smile at him. His accent was different than the others. “I’m Javier,” he introduced. “That’s Scott, Milo, Brett, and the asshole you put in his place is Josh.”

Yuzuru looked down the line of them skeptically, but then bowed his head to them. “Yuzuru,” he said, and the one called Milo snickered.

“Oh, we know now that we saw your face,” he said in a thick accent, though different from Javier’s. “Javi’s a big fan. He made us watch the Olympics with him,” he said, and Javier reached around Scott to smack him.

Yuzuru laughed in surprise, looking at the nice one who greeted him. “Oh? I would think hockey player make fun of figure skater, not be fans.”

“Oh, we did,” Scott said and Javier smacked him this time. “All those men in sparkly outfits…” He trailed off and mock-shuddered. He saluted Yuzuru then skated away, which seemed to break it up because the others followed, even though Javier gave him a sheepish smile and shrugged as he skated away, catching up with his teammates to smack them all again. 

Yuzuru wasn’t sure what to make of that entire interaction, but he shrugged it off and skated off to warm up his legs while Tracy got ready to join him. 

~

Javier’s teammates noticed his eyes straying to the figure skater at the other end of their ice often enough that the teasing was endless. “Javi, stop looking at your boyfriend and focus on fixing that slapshot.”

Javier didn’t even blush, just rolled his eyes. “I’m not the one who said he has a hot ass,” he said to Josh, and the others all laughed and shoved Josh playfully. 

“Hey, you all saw him from the back. Tell me that looks like a man’s body,” he defended, and Scott grunted with a smirk.

“Damn sure doesn’t. I’ve never seen curves like that in person on a woman, nonetheless on a kid like that one,” he said, then shoved Josh. “Although at least I didn’t fuck up and say it out loud.”

“Yeah, only our resident homo can do that,” Josh said, clapping a hand to Javier’s shoulder. 

Javier scoffed. “Oh whatever. Just because we Spaniards are confident enough in our manliness to joke around without panicking while you all are going to worry about your sexuality just because you saw a hot ass and were wrong about it being a girl, it doesn’t mean you have to take it out on me,” he said with a smug grin, mostly because he knew it was true. They were all joking about it because they were shaken at finding themselves momentarily attracted to a man just because they didn’t know it. He threw a sultry gaze at Milo. “Besides, we all know if I were going to go gay, it would only be for big, sexy Germans,” he said, skating over to slap Milo on the ass, then ducking the swat aimed at his head while all the others nearly fell down they laughed so hard. 

If Javier snuck a few looks over at the figure in black skating around with his coach every once in a while, it was all harmless, after all. 

~

The following Saturday, Yuzuru arrived early to the practice rink and was surprised to see the hockey team, the whole one this time, he assumed, was already there. It was seven am and they were all skating back and forth at great speeds, clearly working on skating skills, and everybody was already sweaty under their heavy gear. He had never really paid attention to hockey, but it looked like they trained a _lot_ more than he thought would be the case. 

“Oh, Yuzuru. You’re early.” Yuzuru looked around and smiled when he saw Coach Holden coming from the office. “They’ll be finishing up before too long. Most of them don’t stick around for extra training after we finish.” 

Yuzuru nodded, looking back at the ice. “Hockey skate is so fast,” he mentioned, looking at the speed of some of the guys. “Small one, Javi, he skate more fast than I ever see on ice,” he said, watching the one who had introduced himself last week well ahead of the others as they skated from one end of the ice to the other and then back. 

Coach Holden snickered. “Small one. I like that.” He nodded. “He’s so fast because he’s smaller. Less weight means more speed for the same effort.” He looked at Yuzuru. “If somebody put you in hockey skates, with your legs and your size, you’d fly across the ice.”

Yuzuru scrunched his face. “Ew. Hockey skate is gross. I do on them for tv thing one time. It feel like worker people boot with blade on bottom. I do not like.”

“Not a hockey fan, are you?” Coach Holden asked curiously, and Yuzuru blushed, immediately realizing he was being rude.

“I am sorry. I do not mean to make fun. You love sport for you same way I love sport for me. I should not be rude-“

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Coach said, chuckling. “I wasn’t offended. I was just noticing it. I guess growing up figure skating, hockey seems kind of caveman,” he said, and Yuzuru frowned.

“What means ‘caveman’?” he asked, and the coach grinned.

“It seems like a ‘dumb guys hitting each other’ sport,” he said, and Yuzuru laughed and nodded.

“Yes. Figure skating is beautiful and hockey is big men fighting over little flat ball with sticks. It is like baseball for mean people who want violence.” Yuzuru shook his head. “Do not like hitting. Hitting is ugly. Maybe would like if it has no hitting.”

Coach Holden nodded. “I guess I can see that.”

A whistle sounded and Yuzuru looked up to see the skating had stopped. The hockey players were all panting and looked tired, but they seemed happy with the result as they high-fived each other and shared water bottles. Yuzuru cringed at that, too. So many germs. As they hockey players started taking their helmets and gloves off and skating towards them to get off the ice, he stepped over to a bench to sit and get his skates on. By the time he was ready, he walked back over to the barrier, waiting for the last of the hockey players who were still lingering out on the ice to get off, there were only a few still on the ice at all. 

Tracy was still not there, so he decided to go ahead and get warmed up. He skated the length of the ice, pushing into his knees to get his legs and muscles going, really pushing into the curve to get his core working. He weaved between hockey players as they thoughtlessly got in his way, glaring at them on his way past. He had to pull up and stop when the guy pushing the goal pushed it right in front of him, and the guy startled at the spray of ice hitting him. “Oh, hey, sorry,” he said, looking up, only to frown when he saw Yuzuru. “Uh, who are you?”

“It is my ice time, too, please look around,” Yuzuru said coldly. 

“Hey Coach,” the guy called. “Why’s there a skinny kid without any gear out on the ice?”

Coach Holden shouted back, “I told you all a figure skater is training while we do. He’s just skating around while you all get set up on your half of the ice, leave him alone.”

The guy looked at Yuzuru curiously. “Figure skater, huh?”

Before Yuzuru could say anything, the same one who had talked about his ass last week skated up, slinging an arm around his friend’s neck. “Hey, you’re back. I figured we scared you off last time.”

Yuzuru smirked. “Awww, and deprive you of see my ass?” he said, and the guy – Josh, he thought – blushed and glared. Yuzuru spun around, swaying his hips harder than usually as he skated away, cackling when he looked back and saw Josh’s teammate laughing at him. However, since he was looking back, he did exactly what he’d been annoyed by and slammed into someone. He gasped and braced himself to fall, only to find himself being righted before he could even tell what direction he was falling. 

“Hey, you okay?” Yuzuru opened his eyes and saw the charming smile of Javi right there in front of him. “You shouldn’t let them bother you enough to get distracted,” Javi encouraged.

Yuzuru found his voice about the time he felt how large Javi’s hands were around his waist, so he stuttered as he spoke. “I-I sorry I just- I um- It is not-“ He made a frustrated sound and took a breath to calm himself. “Sorry for hit you. I was just enjoy watching him blush because I tease him about time he liked my ass.”

Javi smirked. “Oh we all love to tease him about that,” he said playfully. “Not that I can blame him. I mean, honestly,” he teased, looking down at his hands on Yuzuru’s waist. “You have better curves than his girlfriend.” Yuzuru blushed when he winked at him, and Javier grinned. “Just be careful about hitting people,” he said, patting Yuzuru’s side as he released him, skating away backwards. “As little as you are, you’ll hurt our egos with that solid of a body-check!”

Yuzuru giggled. “It is just because you are small, too, so little Yuzuru is closer size with you,” he teased back, earning a big smile from Javi for joking back before they both went back to their training. 

~

Yuzuru was surprised when he left the locker room – he had worried a little about using a locker room with hockey players in it, but Tracy promised him they knew damn well not to mess with him – and heard the crack of someone still training on the ice. He had to pass the ice to go to the entrance to leave, and he looked out to see Coach Holden and Javi on the ice in street clothes, talking while Javi hit the hockey puck into the net repeatedly. He watched for a moment, curious at what they were doing, only to freeze when they both decided to leave and spotted him standing there watching when they turned. 

“Oh, hey Yuzuru. Your coach already left, if you’re looking for her,” Coach Holden said.

“No, I am just going,” Yuzuru said, nodding to the door. “I hear stick thing and stop to look and see why.”

Javier grinned. “‘Stick thing’, huh?” he teased, skating towards him.

“Javi, don’t pick on his English. You weren’t any better when you came here,” Coach Holden said as they got to the edge of the ice. Holden was just wearing shoes, so he patted Javi’s shoulder and went to his office. 

Yuzuru stood watching Javi taking off his skates and looked at them curiously. Javi saw him and smiled. “You ever try hockey skates before?”

Yuzuru nodded. “I don’t like. It feel wrong.”

Javier laughed. “I can imagine. They’re very different from figure skating boots.” 

“You call them boots,” Yuzuru said, surprised. “Most people outside figure skating just think they are ‘figure skates’.”

Javier stood up, slipping into his shoes. “Well, like my friends said, I’m a fan of figure skating,” he said, then leaned closer, lowering his voice. “Also, it’s a little known secret that I tried figure skating before I swapped to hockey.”

Yuzuru smiled in surprise. “You did figure skating?” he asked, and Javier grinned bashfully but nodded. 

“Yes, until I was eleven. Figure skating is next to nothing in Spain so I got tired of it. Swapped to hockey. Hockey isn’t super popular, but I stuck with it.” He winked. “Less teasing from the other boys, too.”

Yuzuru shook his head as they walked out. “That is crazy. This is big team, right?” he asked, gesturing to Javier’s jacket. “I see picture on hats and things, so your team is big, and you start out figure skating. So funny,” he said.

Javier grinned. “You really don’t know anything about hockey, do you?” He shook his head in amusement. “Yes, you could say one of the original hockey teams in the NHL is a big team.”

“I tell you, I do not know hockey,” Yuzuru said, rolling his eyes at Javi. “Most your teammate do not know me, it is just equal.”

“True,” Javier agreed. “I’m walking out with the most famous figure skater in history and most of my teammates just see a figure skater kid.”

Yuzuru blushed and swatted at Javier’s arm. “I am not most famous figure skater ever, that is silly.”

“Oh come on, I saw your arrival at the Olympics, you had more bodyguards than the entire royal family of Spain!” he teased and Yuzuru scrunched his nose at him. 

“Okay, maybe I am little bit famous,” he said, laughing at himself. He looked at Javi curiously as they left the building and continued walking together the same direction. “You really are fan of me?”

Javier smiled sheepishly. “Maybe you have been my favorite skater since I saw you skating when I went to Skate Canada in 2013,” he confessed, and Yuzuru gaped, then laughed.

“Wow, really?”

“You are just really good!” Javier said with a shy smile still. “You aren’t like most of the men’s skaters who sacrifice the art for the power. My sister says you are ‘the most complete’ skater, because you have the art and the power, even if others are as good at you in one or the other.”

Yuzuru preened. “Your sister is good lady,” he said, nodding, and Javier grinned.

“My sister stuck with figure skating. She never competed internationally, but she was actually pretty good,” he explained. “If I’m visiting home when skating is going on, we always watch it together.”

Yuzuru hummed. “So, if Javi…. What was family name again?” he asked quickly and Javier grinned.

“Fernandez.”

Yuzuru nodded. “If Javi Fernandez, big hockey team member, watch figure skating and used to do figure skating, you know my sport well. Maybe I should watch and try to learn more about your sport. It is only nice to learn more about fellow athlete.” He scrunched his nose. “Even if there is hitting.”

Javier laughed softly. “You really don’t like the hitting, huh?”

“It is mean! Mean person hit other person,” Yuzuru said simply. He shuddered. “Besides, crash into other skater hurt much. The thing you say, body-whatever. It hurt a lot.”

Javier looked at him again. “Oh that’s right. I remember seeing you skate after you hit somebody once. I bet that did hurt,” he said, shaking his head. “But we’re wearing lots of pads and helmets. We are mostly just rough-housing. A good fight is fun, though,” he said and Yuzuru made a face. 

“You are such ‘man’,” Yuzuru said distastefully. 

“What, and you don’t like ‘men’?” Javier asked with a flirtatious wink.

Yuzuru blushed and snapped his head forward. “Do not tease, is not nice.”

“Okay, I’m sorry,” Javier said, and Yuzuru was surprised at how genuine he sounded. He looked at him and Javier shrugged. “What? It’s just my personality. But I’m sorry, I won’t make you uncomfortable again.”

Yuzuru gave him a little smile. “Thank you.” When they got to the bus stop, Yuzuru sat down and gave Javier a little bow. “Thank you for walking me.”

Javier rounded the bench and sat beside him. “I’ll wait a little longer with you,” he said, looking at Yuzuru carefully. “If that’s okay with you, anyways,” he said with an apologetic little smile. 

Yuzuru shrugged. “Okay. But why?”

Javier put his hands in his jacket pockets and looked around at the empty, dark street. “Well, it’s late. Nobody is around. You’re kind of small and pretty.” He shrugged awkwardly. “Kind of high on the ‘could be kidnapped’ scale.” 

Yuzuru grinned. “I should be mad you think I need hockey player man with big arms to keep me safe, but honest, that is very nice. My mother always worry. She know men do like your friend and think I am girl from behind, and she worry one will approach me then see I am man and hurt me because he feel ‘tricked’.” Yuzuru scrunched his nose. “I think that bit much drama, but oh well. She is mother, I am youngest child. Guess worry does not must be realistic.” He put a hand on his chest. “I feel okay when alone, but I guess other people worry more.”

Javier hummed. “That makes sense. She’s your mother, it’s her job to worry. And even if I’m lucky and my teammates aren’t like that, especially not the ones I’m close to, I am around enough macho, ‘manly’ men to know what they can be like. I have heard them say things that made me sick. The way they talk about girls sometimes is just horrible. I just think about those kind of men being out and spotting who they think is a girl with a great ass walking alone in a dark street. Even if they wouldn’t go so far as to hurt you, they would still scare you pretty good.” 

Yuzuru smirked. “I like everybody say I have good butt. I may not like who say it but it good to know my butt is nice.”

Javier grinned. “I get that one a lot. Skating builds up those butt muscles and my ass is even bigger than my teammates. Girls love it.”

“I did not notice,” Yuzuru said, and Javier just hummed and nodded. They sat in silence for a little while before Yuzuru thought of another question. “You like Canada? You say you from Spain, yes?”

Javier nodded. “It’s better than Russia, for sure.” Yuzuru tilted his head curiously and Javier grinned. “I tried hockey in Russia first. Figured it was closer to home.” He shook his head. “Nobody spoke English, which I barely spoke myself. It was very cold. The food was terrible. Russian players don’t like non-Russian players.” He looked around them. “Toronto is nice. Modern, good weather, friendly people. I’ve lived here for ten years now. I like it.” He looked at Yuzuru. “How about you?”

Yuzuru nodded. “I like. I do not live always here. I have condo and mother live with me here. When I come here to begin, I was underage. Mother move with me. I went home more often then because I was still in school. Had to finish it.” He smiled. “Now I do maybe half year here and half home. Father and sister live there always so we go home often.”

Javier smiled. “We spend a lot of time traveling so I know the feeling. My cat gets so angry with how often I’m gone.”

Yuzuru lit up. “You have cat?! I love cat!” He clasped his hands together. “So cute and little paws and fuzzy faces.”

“Do you have one?” Javier asked, and Yuzuru’s shoulders slumped and he pouted.

“Asthma,” he said sadly. “I can pet for short while but asthma acts up if I do not take medicine and go with them for long time.”

“Awww, that’s sad.” Javier patted him on the back. “Well, I’ll give my cat a hug in honor of your lungs,” he said and Yuzuru giggled.

“Javi is silly,” he said, and Javier smiled at him.

“It’s worth it to make you laugh,” he said, and then looked embarrassed, turning around just in time for the bus to arrive. 

Yuzuru wondered what that was about, but stood up all the same. He hitched his backpack up and bowed to Javier slightly. “Thank you for wait with me,” he said, and Javier nodded, watching him walk to the bus.

“Have a good night, Yuzuru,” he said, and Yuzuru smiled over his shoulder and gave him a wave before the doors shut.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I am so happy so many people are excited for this!
> 
> Hopefully this will not disappoint as an update!

“Javi!” Javier beamed and waved at his family on Skype. 

“Hey guys,” he said, picking Effie up. “Effie says hi, too,” he said, waving her paw until she got tired of him and squirmed away, leaping off his lap. 

“What’s up? Has everything been good? I know the season is starting very soon,” his mother said, and he nodded.

“Training is going well. Coach is talking about me starting this year! That would be amazing,” he said brightly. He perked up. “Oh, Laura!” She leaned over their parents’ shoulders. “You will never guess who I met last weekend and actually had a chat with today.”

“Who?” she asked, and Javier smirked smugly, already knowing what was coming. 

“Who is our favorite figure skater in the whole world?” he asked, and Laura, as expected, gasped. 

“Yuzuru Hanyu?!” she asked, and he nodded excitedly. 

“He’s using our practice rink on Saturdays to get in extra weekend training after that ankle injury last year,” he explained. “Last week there was an incident when he first arrived where Josh thought he was a hot girl from the back and said something about his ass and he kind of had a bad first impression of us hockey players, but then today, after I finished up, he was just leaving, and I walked him to the bus stop and we talked.”

“Oh my God, that’s so cool!” she said excitedly. “What’s he like? Is he as nice as he seems on TV?”

Javier grinned. “He’s a bit of a firecracker, actually. He was very nice to me, but he doesn’t mind bickering with Josh after that whole ‘ass’ incident, and he is very outspoken in his distaste for hockey. He says he doesn’t like violence so he doesn’t care much for my sport,” he said with a smile. “It was so cute, his English is okay but it’s broken, so his way of saying that hockey was ‘mean’ because of the ‘hitting’ was just adorable.”

Laura squealed excitedly. “That’s so cool! “

Enriqueta tutted. “I sure hope those boys aren’t mean to him. I know how you hockey players are. So stuck in your ‘macho’ ways.”

“He’s not helpless, Mama,” he defended, laughing at the thought of Yuzuru putting up with his teammates bullying him. “Also, like Coach said, I have a feeling that if someone made him mad, he could kick us hard enough to break bone. His thighs are _huge_ up close,” he stressed. “They look big on TV, but in person his legs are thicker than his waist.”

“Still, you should make sure they know better than to mess with that boy. Your sister might come all the way to Canada to slap them for teasing her favorite figure skater,” she said, and Laura nodded seriously. 

Javier smiled. “It’s so cool. I sat on a bench and talked about my cat to our favorite figure skater. Finally, a _real_ perk of being a part of a famous hockey team!” He waved a hand. “So tell me about your new job, Laura,” he said, still smiling at how his sister reacted to him talking to Yuzuru Hanyu.

~

At the hockey rink, Yuzuru had mostly just been doing stroking and footwork practice the past few weeks. Because of that, he didn’t even think about the fact that the hockey players training at the other end – which included Javi again this week after last week he wasn’t among them – would see him actually jumping. It only came to mind when he lined up for just a simple triple axel and by the time he landed, there were already guys going, ‘holy shit’ and ‘what the hell’ on the other end of the ice. He turned and looked that way as he glided out of it and saw that training had halted as the guys there today looked his way. He spotted his new favorite hockey player smiling brightly and he smiled back before skating to build up some speed. 

“Good, now the toe,” Tracy called, and he shifted to his entry position and threw a quad toe, landing it easily. 

“Damn, can you imagine landing on one foot from that height on skates?” 

“I know, man, my knees would give out.”

“No wonder his thighs look like a body builder.”

Yuzuru smirked over his shoulder as the same guys who laughed at him were impressed. He giggled when he turned back and saw Tracy giving him a warning look. “Alright, show-off, we’re here to train, not put those guys in their place.”

Yuzuru gave her an innocent smile. “I know but it just so fun.”

After his training finished, the hockey players were still there, practicing hitting into the goal. He showered and changed and came back to stand at the barrier and watch them until they finished. It was amazing how strong their arms had to be to move so fast. And the little flat ball flew so fast it was hard to even keep his eyes on it. The ability to skate and swing a stick and hit a thing while weaving in between people was pretty amazing. Yuzuru didn’t know how they managed it. If that was all there was to the sport, not macho men bashing each other’s heads in, he might actually admire it. But the amount of padding they wore and the full helmets told him all he needed to know about how violent these people got while doing their intricate sport against another team. 

He was lost thinking about the sport he was watching and didn’t even realize they had finished and were now coming off the ice, most of them already half out of their heavy uniforms, until one of them – Yuzuru thought he was the one called Milo – saw him and spoke. “Hey, the Ice Princess is still here. You like watching a bunch of big, sweaty men stripping?” he teased.

Yuzuru wrinkled his nose at the amount of disgustingly hairy backs he was currently looking at. “I like it better with clothes on,” he said bluntly, and it got a wave of laughter from the team. 

“Hear that, Milo? You’re so ugly another man can’t even stand you shirtless,” Javi said, skating up to sling an arm around Milo’s shoulders. Yuzuru blinked in surprise at the sight of Javi shirtless. He was far leaner than most of the giant guys on the team. He had a surprisingly narrow waist, nice muscles, and broad shoulders. Yuzuru suddenly felt very, very small if _that_ guy was much smaller than any of his other teammates. “Besides, I’m your favorite, right Yuzu?” he said, skating up to step off the ice with a wink. 

Yuzuru put on a dramatic thinking face. “Weeeellll. You are less gross than others,” he conceded, then let out a honking laugh, unable to keep up the joke. 

Some of the others teased Javi on their way past, but nobody bothered Yuzuru. Javier shuffled his gear around and pushed his hair out of his face with his free hand. “Hey, you want to wait for me? I can walk you out again,” he offered, and Yuzuru smiled and nodded.

“Okay. I wait here.”

“Okay, I’ll be quick,” Javier said as he turned to leave, following his teammates to the locker room. 

Yuzuru sat down on the bench and felt a wave of embarrassment come over him. He had no idea why he wanted to wait and talk with that hockey player again. He wasn’t one to really make friends, nonetheless with a hockey player he had only talked to three days in the past month, but he just enjoyed talking to him. Maybe it was because they were both foreign visitors living in Canada, maybe it was because Javier was a fan and unashamed of it, or maybe, if he was honest with himself, he just really liked his smile.

Yuzuru put his hands over his face and groaned. “It’s definitely the smile,” he mumbled to himself, already dreading having to deal with that realization and self-reflection later on. 

~

“Hey Fernandez.” Javier looked up from where he was packing up his gear.

“Yes, Schneider?” he replied, parroting Milo’s use of his family name. 

Milo rolled his eyes as he shut his locker across the room. “What’s up with that figure skater? Why did you ask him to wait so you can walk him out again?”

“Yeah, I wondered about that,” Greg said, pulling his shirt on. “Again?”

Javier shrugged. “Last time I was here, Coach and I were finishing up when he was leaving. I walked him to the bus stop and waited with him.”

A couple guys gave him looks. “You being a crazy sports fan or you turning into the figure skating version of a puck bunny?” Scott teased and Javier rolled his eyes when everybody ‘ooohed’ and laughed at him. 

“Actually, like we saw with Josh that day, from the back he looks like a hot girl with a great ass,” he said, grinning at Josh’s bright red face. “I’m around you cavemen all day, I know what kind of guys are out there. If he’s walking on a dark street alone at night, anything could happen. This isn’t exactly a bad neighborhood, but it’s dark and deserted at night so there would nobody to help him.”

Milo chuckled. “Awww, you’re just a gentlemen, huh?” he said with an elbow to the guy next to him, earning some more laughs. “Look at Fernandez, next thing he’ll be helping old ladies cross the street.”

“Hey, say what you want about me liking figure skating, but the man is my favorite skater, would you want your sport favorite to get mugged and miss a season or worse?” he reminded them, and Scott scoffed.

“My favorite athlete is an MMA fighter, he’d be fine,” he said, shutting his locker with a pointed look. “Because unlike you, I’m a real man and I like a real man’s sport.”

Javier just scoffed. “Yeah, you go tell that guy with tree trunks for thighs he’s a girl, we’ll call the ambulance when he snaps your femur with one kick,” he said, and everybody laughed and then started talking about how high Yuzuru jumped and how he landed on one leg, so it was probably true. 

If, when Javier headed out to where Yuzuru was waiting, his stomach twisted a little when Yuzuru lifted his head as he heard him approaching and smiled at him, he would never admit it to anyone. 

~

Yuzuru thought he was being good and sneaky about it, but of course, the second he pulled up an old hockey match of Javi’s team on the smart TV in the lounge, Brian came walking in, talking with Boyang about something. Yuzuru panicked and tried to switch it off, but instead it just turned on the volume where he had it muted. Brian looked at the TV after the sound started, then frowned and looked at Yuzuru. “Hockey?” he asked, and Yuzuru froze, panicked, then just threw the remote and laughed. 

“I not know. I do not do it.”

Brian raised an eyebrow. “You were just holding the remote and turned it on, Yuzuru, why are you being weird?” Boyang walked over to sit beside Yuzuru at the table, looking at the TV.

“Hockey is strange sport,” he mused. Yuzuru tried to avoid Brian’s gaze but he was still looking at him expectantly. 

To make things even worse, Tracy followed them in with some paperwork in her hands. When she saw the screen, she smiled faintly. “Oh, that’s the team we’re sharing ice with, isn’t it? Looks like a home game. I didn’t think the season had started yet.” She grabbed the remote and looked to see the date. “Oh, last season. Who’s a hockey fan around here?” she asked, looking around at the three men. 

Yuzuru blushed and Brian raised an eyebrow at him. “Made some friends?” he asked, and Tracy looked at Yuzuru. 

“Yuzu? Oh no. He hates most of those guys. They like to pester him,” she said with a laugh. 

Yuzuru sighed, flopping over on the table. “I just see practice and wonder what game seem like so I want to see,” he said. “One hockey man did figure skating before,” he said quickly, trying to change the topic. He pointed at the TV. “That small one, Fernandez.”

“Oh, really? Cool.” Tracy sat down beside him at the table. “How did you find that out?”

“He is nice,” Yuzuru said hesitantly. “He is nice man. Javi walk with me to bus and wait on it when you go before me.”

Brian raised an eyebrow. “A hockey player has been walking you to the bus stop and waiting with you? Why? And why do you want him to?”

“Because he is nice,” Yuzuru said again. “And he is fan. He say I am favorite figure skater for him and sister,” he said with a big smile. “He tell me he did figure skating until he was not good enough for go up to Juniors. Then he change to hockey. He say he walk with me because he know what man are like and his friend think I am girl from behind with good butt so he worry other man see me alone on dark street and think it, too.”

Boyang smirked. “Sounds like this Javi like you, Yuzuru.”

Yuzuru blushed. “He is just fan who is nice, he not ‘like’ me,” he dismissed, rolling his eyes. 

Tracy chuckled. “Oh trust me, he’s a hockey player, he’s definitely not interested in Yuzuru that way. Hockey players would rather saw of their foot with their own skate than appear as anything but the straightest, most ‘manly’ guy ever.”

Brian snorted. “Oh yeah, us gay guys don’t play hockey. Too big of a risk of getting your ass kicked by a dozen huge dudes with hams for fists.” He pointed at Tracy. “Speaking of, make sure that coach knows what happens if any of his guys decide they don’t want a ‘girly figure skater’ around anymore. I still don’t like Yuzuru alone with hockey players.”

“I can’t stay as late as he does, you know this,” she reminded Brian. “If you want to rework the schedule and take over to stay all day with him, feel free, but I have to get home earlier than the energizer bunny over here.”

“Don’t worry,” Boyang interrupted. “Yuzuru has new boyfriend, he will keep Yuzuru safe from teammates,” he teased, and Yuzuru swatted at him with a fake glare.

“You so mean to me,” he complained, rolling his eyes at Boyang when he made kissy faces at him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dooo dooo doooo there is romance in the air!!!

Javier got used to talking to Yuzuru every Saturday and more and more these days, he looked forward to Saturday training. He learned about Yuzuru’s family and his friends – and how few of those there were – and his favorite sports he didn’t play. “I have never seen a baseball game in my life,” Javier confessed, and Yuzuru clutched his chest in mock-despair.

“Baseball is _everything_!” He giggled at his own silliness. “But I forget, you come from Spain. Spain do not do baseball like Japan do.”

“I thought baseball was American anyways,” Javier confessed and Yuzuru nodded.

“It is, but it very, very popular in Japan. Baseball is Japan game popular like hockey in Canada. We do high school baseball like America do college sport. We have big, big league and everybody watch it,” he explained. “When I have too much illness and things to do baseball as small boy, my father so, so sad,” he said with a little pout. “He never disappoint in me, he know it is just how I am born, but he still teach me how to throw and hit ball, even if I get too sick to play.” He rubbed his chest and Javier watched his dainty hand move across his narrow chest and figured he really had to be a frail child if this was him as a healthy adult. “Lungs are too bad to run outside,” he explained. “Plant dust make me sick and make asthma get very, very bad. I do figure skating because it was inside and it get hot in Japan in summer so air is wet and bad for lungs. Inside sport good for me.” He laughed softly. “When I first come to Canada, I still do not have good lung strength, and when I finish skate, lips got blue and I cannot breathe.

Javier raised an eyebrow. “You seem better now. You train hard all day and manage your breathing.”

Yuzuru nodded. “As adult, lungs are much better. I get stronger in all ways, body and lungs. I even have less illness now.” He shook his head. “I get flu almost every year as child even with flu stick thing,” he said, miming an injection in a way that made Javier’s lips twitch in amusement in spite of himself. “Now I have not had for three year,” he said proudly. 

“Good. The flu sucks. I can’t imagine it’s good for your training either,” he said, trying to imagine keeping a flu-ridden Yuzuru off the ice if he booked their rink for _extra_ training every week. He saw the bus coming and he felt a pang of sadness. Javier didn’t want Yuzuru to go already. He really liked talking to him. 

“Oh, it is bus.” Yuzuru stood up and smiled at Javier as he picked up his bag. “You be here next Saturday?” he asked, and Javier nodded. “Okay, see you, bye bye!” he said, waving as he walked over to where the bus was now stopped. 

Javier barely waited for the doors to shut before texting his coach and asking to add him to the roster for those doing drills next weekend, since he originally hadn’t been asked to come since his progress was going good.

~

As the season approached, Yuzuru did more hours at the Saturday rink, and because of that, he saw Javi more and more. It was hard to deny anymore that Javi’s smile was his favorite he had ever seen. When Javi smiled, he did it with his whole face. Those ten or fifteen minutes they walked to the bus stop and waited together were the highlight of his week sometimes. He learned so much about Javi’s family and his cat and his home country. He also learned more about hockey.

“So the thing, the flat ball, it is called ‘puck’?” Yuzuru checked, and Javi grinned and nodded. 

“Yes, and the thing we do when we hit the ball very hard and fast, it’s called a slapshot,” he added, and Yuzuru frowned seriously, nodding as he looked at the video on Javi’s phone. 

“And hitting is called ‘check’?” he asked, and Javi grinned.

“Sort of. A body check is when you slam into someone with your whole body to knock them out of play. There’s also more fair blocks than that where you just sort of bump them out of the way. Although, if you swing the stick at them, that’s no good. You will get a foul,” he explained. “Especially if you high-stick them.”

Yuzuru frowned. “What is high-stick?”

“Swinging at their head,” Javi said and Yuzuru’s jaw dropped.

“Why would man ‘high-stick’, it could hurt other person!” he said, outraged at the thought. “Hit in head with stick is much dangerous! It could give concussion!” 

Javi smiled at him. “Yeah, which is why it’s a foul. Although, a concussion is kind of inevitable. Everybody gets one eventually. I had several when I was a teenager, before I learned how to dodge better.”

Yuzuru shuddered, thinking back to his own experience with a concussion. “Concussion is bad. It make things very hard for weeks. I get some small concussion when I was little, many time when first learning to jump, but it get bad when I hit head on ice when I collide with skater one time. It was bad. I forget things while it heal. I do not remember skating,” he confessed. “I know I convince coach to allow skating, but I do not remember. I see it on video and it feel weird not having memory of skate.”

Javier looked concerned. “Wow, that must be really weird.” He hummed. “I haven’t had any major injuries since I started with the NHL. Better gear and just better skill to avoid injury.”

Yuzuru sighed. “I get injury often,” he confessed. “In career, I have had broken foot injury, concussion, bruise tail bone, sprain ankle, pull groin, knees twist all the time, and I do back injury but not bad enough to not skate.” He grimaced. “And I need do surgery on birth defect in stomach. Some thing behind belly button. Some kind of thing get infection random and it hurt bad and surgery hurt worse.” He shook his head. “I will be no good when I am old. I can see wheelchair in the future already.”

Javi cringed. “Worst problem I have is dislocating my shoulder.” He tapped his left shoulder. “You dislocate it once and it’s prone to doing it again. Mine pops out pretty easily if I get hit in it. It’s done it about seven times now.”

“Ew,” Yuzuru said, cringing.

Javier shrugged. “It happens.” He smiled widely. “At least I have all my teeth still,” he said, snapping them together comically. “I know about five guys just on my team with false front teeth because they took a puck to the mouth.”

“Good thing you do not do this, because you have perfect smile,” Yuzuru said, then froze, eyes wide, and blushed, jerking his head around. “I- uh- I mean you have good teeth,” he said, putting a hand over his eyes.

“O-oh.” When Yuzuru snuck a look he saw a rather stunned look in Javi’s face. He didn’t look upset, just surprised. “Um. Thank you?” he asked, then laughed, his cheeks showing a little bit of pink in them. 

Yuzuru was saved by the arrival of the bus. He had never been happier to see a bus in his life. “Oh look, bus is here, bye, Javi!” he said, sprinting to the bus, bouncing while waiting for the doors to open wide enough for him to get on. He didn’t bother looking back as he ran up, scanned his card, then sprinted to the far end of the bus and dove into a seat, hiding his face in his hands. 

~

Javier smiled when he saw Yuzuru waiting on him, and when Yuzuru blushed, he remembered what he had slipped up and said the other day. It was just a slip, and Javier was sure it didn’t mean anything, but it still made him feel pretty good about himself. Yuzuru Hanyu thought he had a good smile.

“I have an idea,” Javier said with a smile. He swing his bag onto his back. “How do you feel about coffee?”

Yuzuru looked confused. “Coffee? It is yuck, why?” he asked, and Javier snickered at his expression.

“Well, how about hot chocolate? Or tea?” he asked. Yuzuru tilted his head like a confused puppy and Javier laughed outright. “I’m asking if you want to go to a café or something tonight instead of just sit at the bus stop.”

Yuzuru smiled. “Oh! Okay. I did not understand,” he said, then nodded. “Okay. I can do this. I will just text that I am being late,” he said, already taking out his phone. Javier smiled and nodded.

“Okay. There’s one not far from here. We can walk,” he said, and Yuzuru nodded, falling into step with him on their way out. 

When they arrived at a café Javier frequented in the morning before practice – early practices were definitely invented by psychopaths – and walked inside, he waved in greeting to the girl behind the counter. “Hi, Miranda.”

“Javier Fernandez, this time of night? What’s up, pulling an all-nighter?” she asked, and Javier shook his head, putting a hand on Yuzuru’s lower back to guide him out from behind him. “Wow, I’ve never seen you with another person before,” she joked.

Javier looked at Yuzuru. “Figured I would get some coffee with my friend. It’s getting cold out.”

“Alright, you want your usual?” she asked, and Javier winked with a charming smile.

“You know how I like it, _Amiga_.”

“And what can I get started for you?” she asked, Yuzuru, who was looking at the menu and mouthing the words to himself. Javier wondered if he was struggling to read the hand-written chalk menu. Just as he was going to offer to help, Yuzuru tapped his cheek and tilted his head.

“That say matcha, yes? You have real matcha? Not just green tea?” She nodded and he perked up some. “I want soy milk matcha latte, please,” he said brightly. 

Javier paid before Yuzuru could even get out his wallet, and Yuzuru glared at him, but Javier just took his card back with a teasing smirk Yuzuru’s way. “I make good money. It’s really no problem.”

Yuzuru raised an eyebrow. “You do not think I have ‘good money’?” he asked as they headed to a table to wait on their drinks. “I have big sponsors. Trust me, I get money.”

Javier hummed, sitting back in his chair. “I actually have no clue how much money figure skaters have or don’t have. I would imagine the costs are very high for coaching and equipment and travel.”

Yuzuru giggled. “We have money,” he said, nodding. “Not all skater do, some not as popular do not have big sponsor, but I have big sponsor. One teammate in Japan, he sponsored by Toyota, so that give you idea of how big I am talking,” he said and Javier whistled.

“Wow, that is a big sponsor.” Javier grinned. “You can buy me coffee next time,” he teased and Yuzuru rolled his eyes at him. 

Miranda arrived with their drinks, and Javier watched with an amused grin as Yuzuru scrutinized his latte, took a sip, and then immediately sat up straighter, put the glass down, and did a little happy-wiggle-dance and clap his hands adorably. Javier felt whatever pieces of his doubts about how not good the way Yuzuru made him feel was shattering. He was well and truly attracted to a man. It was not the sort of thing he wanted to think about, however, so he just cleared his throat and sipped his coffee. “What kind you get?” Yuzuru asked, drawing him back to reality.

“Oh, I like an americano with eight sugars,” Javier said, and Yuzuru gaped in horror.

“So much sugar! You die!” he said, shaking his head. “Sugar is bad. It give you fat!”

Javier laughed. “I’m not in any danger of getting fat. I skate so much and go to the gym so much, there’s nothing going to make me fat.”

“Maybe this is why butt is big really,” Yuzuru said sternly. “It is not muscle, it fat. You have fat butt.”

Javier smirked. “Want to feel how solid it is?” he teased, only to internally panic a bit when he realized his reflex-flirting was probably a bad idea with a guy he was actually attracted to.

Yuzuru just scoffed. “I have own hard butt, I can just touch it,” he said, and Javier sunk deeper into his panic when his brain offered him mental images he was both horrified by and weirdly turned on by. He sipped his drink. “You should drink like this. This kind of drink is not bad. It will not make butt fat.”

“Okay, let’s stop talking about asses,” Javier said with a laugh. He shook his head. “So what do you usually do for fun if you aren’t into going to coffee shops with friends?”

Yuzuru seemed to think for a moment. “I like video game. And music. I buy best headphone for type of music I like then other headphone for other type of music. Favorite band is Japanese band I really like. They have good songs,” he said excitedly. 

Javier smiled. “Yeah? You’ll have to play me something sometime. Maybe I’d like it.”

“I can send you song!” Yuzuru said, picking up his phone, only to laugh. “Wait, we do not have numbers,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Give me,” he said, holding his hand out. Javier raised an eyebrow and gave him his phone. “I give you app so we can talk, because I do not do regular text.” When he added Javier’s phone back, Javier had an extra app and when he opened it, a message had been sent to “Yuzu” already. Javier chuckled when Yuzuru did something on his phone and Javier’s phone buzzed with a message that was just a smiling cat sticker. “Yay, now I can send you song later.” He looked so proud of himself that Javier couldn’t help but be even more charmed. 

They talked for a while until they had both finished their drinks, and it was pretty late when they left. “Hmmm. Where is bus from here?” Yuzuru asked, looking around. He pulled out his phone, frowning some. “I do not think I know where I go,” he muttered.

Javier felt bad instantly. He should have guessed Yuzuru used set routes and didn’t go around by himself much. “Hey, I can give you a ride home,” he offered. He nodded his head back the way they came. “I park my car at the rink.”

Yuzuru raised an eyebrow. “Why you sit with me at bus stop if you have car? You can go home.”

Javier rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged. “Like I said that first time, you’re alone on a dark street. I would rather wait with you. And I like talking to you.”

Yuzuru gave him a big smile. “I like talk with you too,” he said, then nodded his head. “Okay. I can do address on GPS,” he said, shaking his phone. “Will have to text mother that Javi give me ride. She see me get out of strange car and think I am being sneaky,” he said with a chuckle.

“You really don’t go out and do things on your own?” Javier asked as they headed back to the rink. “I mean, is everything you do structured and scheduled so that your mother would think it’s sneaky you are coming home with somebody?”

Yuzuru nodded. “I do not go out,” he admitted. “It okay, though. I have to be best. Be best mean every hour of day has schedule. I do not go do coffee with friend like this before,” he said with a little smile. “Javi is very nice. Not many people want talk with me or take me to café. We are nice, but we are not friend at rink. I like them all very much, but we do not do fun outside of skating time together. It like coworker, not friend,” he said, clearly trying to explain it as best he could in English. He sighed, frustrated. “Javi understand?” 

Javier nodded. “Javi understand,” he parroted back, ducking when Yuzuru whined and swatted at him. 

“Javi mean to me!” he said, though he was smiling as he said it. 

Javier grinned and shook his head. “You’re just so fun to tease, you get all pouty,” he said, and Yuzuru gave him an exaggerated pout before cracking up and laughing that ugly laugh that Javier was really growing to love. It was loud and unattractive, but it was so Yuzu he couldn’t help but be charmed. 

The whole drive to take Yuzuru home, Javier tried not to focus too hard on how hard he was falling for the very male figure skater in his passenger seat. Because he was. It was definitely happening. He only hoped he could keep it to himself and never let on that he thought of Yuzuru as anything but a friend.


	4. Chapter 4

Yuzuru didn’t expect a repeat of the trip to the coffee shop, but the following weekend, Javi didn’t even ask, just started walking that way. This time, Yuzuru slapped his card down onto the counter, smirking at Javi before he could pay. “Me this time, yes?”

Javi chuckled but nodded. “Okay.” 

When they sat down, Javi yawned and Yuzuru smiled. “Sleepy?” he asked, and Javi nodded.

“Just tired. Training all day is exhausting.” He shook his head. “Saturday training is the hardest. Usually it’s less strenuous.”

Yuzuru hummed. “That word, it mean ‘hard’, yes?” Javi nodded and Yuzuru was proud that he remembered Brian’s word. “What you usually do to train?”

Javi sat back in his seat. “Usually we do drills and practice in the afternoon. The mornings are usually free. Most of us go to the gym together, but I tend to sleep in,” he admitted. “These seven AM drills aren’t fun,” he confessed. 

Yuzuru snorted, shaking his head. “That is silly. I wake up every day at five,” he said and Javier gripped his chest in faux pain.

“No, why? Sleep!” he begged Yuzuru. “You’re too young and attractive to lose so much sleep!”

Yuzuru laughed and rolled his eyes. “I get good sleep. I just not stay up all night.”

Javi looked at his phone. “Well, it’s eight now. How early do you go to bed to get up at five?” he asked curiously.

Yuzuru hummed. “Ten, most night. Five is when I must wake so I can do train at seven.” He counted on his fingers. “I do train on ice seven to ten, then I do break and lunch, and then at one I do gym and then dance or yoga to end day.” He scrunched his nose. “I do not like yoga. It boring. Dance better than yoga.”

Javi smiled, sipping his coffee. “You like dancing?”

“I _love_ dance!” Yuzuru said, clapping his hands together excitedly. “I do good at dance. In ice show, in big group choreo, it is _very_ fun!” Yuzuru struck a pose, then giggle at his own dramatics. “Sorry, I silly. Dance just fun times.” 

Javi hummed. “You ever go out dancing?” he asked, and Yuzuru tipped his head. “I mean like do you ever go to clubs, or even just dancing, like restaurants with dancing.”

Yuzuru shook his head, smiling. “I like dance but I do not go out at all.” He giggled. “I don’t even know where ‘club’ is.” 

Javi looked at him with a small grin. “You’re a funny guy, Yuzu.” Yuzuru giggled and Javi tilted his head. “Why do you laugh at that?” 

Yuzuru sipped his drink and bit his lips. “‘Yuzu’ is fruit. Like orange fruit. It funny you call me it.”

“You don’t like it?” Javi asked, and Yuzuru shook his head.

“No, I like. It is fun,” he said with a smile. “Just make me laugh.” Yuzuru smiled softly. “I like funny Javi.”

Javi chuckled. “Well, that’s good, because I’m kind of a funny guy. It’s part of my charm,” he said, striking a pose. “Though I have many of those. I’m a very charming person.”

Yuzuru giggled. “You silly, Javi,” he said, putting a hand over his mouth. “Do have much charm, but more silly.” 

Something about Javi drew Yuzuru in. He couldn’t help but look forward to their time together and that included his silly attitude. He wasn’t like other people Yuzuru knew. Yuzuru wasn’t used to new people. Even when it was new individuals, skaters were all the same: they were in it for themselves. Skating was a singular sport. Most of them were friendly, and most of them got along, and some of them were even casual friends, but in general, skaters were skaters. At the end of the day, they were all focused on their own success and that meant they were hoping for others’ failures. Yuzuru really only knew people who either wanted him to succeed or people who liked him but still wanted him to fail. 

(Or people who didn’t like him at all.)

But Javi was different. Javi was from a team sport, where he had tons of fellow hockey players who were all on one side together. They wanted group success and he didn’t really associate with other teams, so he wasn’t friends with people who would benefit from his failure. Javi didn’t have to be all for himself, he was open to others in a way Yuzuru wasn’t used to. He liked that about Javi. Also, Javi was just _different_. Yuzuru wasn’t used to new people. He never met new people organically, so for Javi to have just been at the rink and he met him that way, it was entirely new to Yuzuru. He liked it. He liked that Javi was somebody just for him. He was somebody outside Yuzuru’s usual circle and nobody inside his circle knew Javi.

On the drive home, Javi giving him a ride again, Yuzuru leaned against the window and just looked at Javi, who was nodding his head along to the radio and mouthing the words. “You are fun.” Javi glanced over at him curiously and Yuzuru was glad it was dark so he didn’t see his blush. “I mean it fun to see you. I do not have friend who do free time like you. We all do same thing all time, you do thing because you want and just do.” He shrugged. “It is fun.”

Javi smiled. “Interesting way of looking at it.” He hummed. “I have fun with you, too,” he added. “I’m around big, manly-man men all the time. As a European, I do fall into some stereotypes,” he said with a chuckle. “I’m masculine, but I have no problem being more gentle and friendly. There’s no need to grow a bushy beard and fight people just to reaffirm your manliness,” he said with a scrunched up nose. “You’re a softer person. I guess in figure skating, over the top manliness doesn’t make for good artists. It’s a nice change of pace to spend time with someone who has a softer side.”

Yuzuru hummed, tapping his chin comically. “You like me that I am feminine, huh?” he asked, then laughed at the look on Javier’s face. “It is okay, I get,” he said, humming. “Manly-man, you say, is scare me most time,” he admitted. “Do not like skater girly like me. I never get beat up but it scare me I can be. Coach do not like me stay more late than Tracey. He think you hockey guys will hurt me.”

Javi scoffed. “Trust me, those guys won’t hurt you. They like to tease, but they aren’t that bad. Even if they wanted to, it would get them kicked off the team.” He grinned. “And I’m there, so you don’t have to worry anyways. I wouldn’t let anybody hurt you.”

Yuzuru bit his lip to try not to smile so big. His stomach squirmed like crazy at the thought that Javi would protect him if someone tried to hurt him. He liked feeling like he was special and important to Javi. “You are nice person,” Yuzuru said, looking at Javi with a little smile.

“You’re pretty sweet, too,” Javi said with a little wink his way. 

Yuzuru almost blushed, because Javi’s jokes were true: he was very, very charming.

~

Since they exchanged numbers and started messaging, Yuzuru was getting used to Javi sending him little messages and usually a lot of photos of things or places or himself sweating at the gym and pretending to cry. He couldn’t stop giggling at the latest, which was the last type: Javi was at the gym taking a spin class with his teammates and he was pretending to cry in a selfie with the words, ‘help my legs are falling off!’ at the bottom. 

“What’s got you so amused, Yuzuru?” Yuzuru looked up and saw Brian and Jason coming into the lounge. 

“Texting someone special?” Jason asked, coming to flop onto the couch beside him to take a peek. Yuzuru tried to turn his phone away but Jason saw it before he could. “Ooohh, who’s that? He’s cute!” he said shamelessly, leaning on Yuzuru’s shoulder to look closer.

Jason was a weird guy but Yuzuru liked him. He was so friendly and so genuine it was hart to imagine he could think a bad thing about anybody. He was so open and never hid what he was feeling. He was a really, really nice person. Yuzuru had always admired him as a skater, but now that they trained together, he enjoyed how sweet he was. He was friendlier to Jason than most others just because he would feel like an asshole if he didn’t respond to Jason’s friendliness. It was also funny how open he was with what he thought in any situation. Most people wouldn’t just say another man is cute – even if it was basically no secret Jason was attracted to men – the way Jason announced it. 

“This Javi,” Yuzuru said, giving up and showing him the picture. “He is hockey player I meet at Saturday training.”

“Oh wow, a hockey player?” Jason fanned himself comically. “I bet the rest of him is as hot as his face, then!”

Brian rolled his eyes at them. “Yeah, probably don’t say that around a hockey player,” he said and Jason huffed and rolled his eyes.

“I’m not stupid. Besides, Yuzuru already has this one, I’m not a boyfriend stealer,” he defended and Yuzuru blushed and stuttered.

“H-He is not- I- we just friends!” he said quickly. “He just take me out after ice time and then drive me home, it is not that thing!”

Brian perked up at this, narrowing his eyes at Yuzuru. “Oh he is, huh? Since when did ‘there’s a nice hockey player who walks me to the bus stop’ turn into going out after training and then taking you home?”

Yuzuru ducked his eyes. “Um. Few week?” he said, sneaking a look at Brian, who looked at him like he was doing something stupid. “He is just friend,” he stressed. “We go get coffee so we can be talking more. And he drive me home because it is later after we do coffee shop.”

“Sounds like a date to me,” Brian said, and Yuzuru gave him a glare.

“It is not date, he is just nice man who worry about me. He do not want me alone so I could be hurt by robbers. He just want protect me,” he argued. 

Brian looked at him sternly. “Yuzuru. A hockey player wanting to protect you from muggers is definitely a macho ‘look, I can protect you from harm’ power trip way to flirt. You should be more careful who you trust. Guys like that can seriously crack when they feel their masculinity is threatened, and if he likes you, he will probably consider you the ‘threat’ when he finally cracks.”

“Javi is not like this!” Yuzuru defended. “Javi is not ‘macho manly man’, Javi is very kind and- and comfortable with ‘feminine’ side. He don’t like me that way so it not a problem, but if it did, he is not danger to me! Javi is my friend!”

Brian held up his hands. “I’m not trying to lecture, Yuzuru. I’m just telling you not to be naïve just because someone is nice to you. You’re a figure skater, you should know better than most that people can be nice to your face and then stab you in the back.”

When he left, Jason patted Yuzuru on the thigh, giving him a smile. “He’s just over protective because you’re like a son to him,” he said and Yuzuru rolled his eyes.

“I know this, he is just being wrong,” he said firmly. “Javi is not like other hockey player guy.”

“I believe you,” Jason said with an encouraging smile. “Anyways! Tell me about this Javi! He’s so handsome,” he said and Yuzuru laughed and shook his head.

“You shameless,” he said, and Jason scoffed.

“And you’ve got a hot guy texting you. Spill!”

Yuzuru giggled. “His name Javier Fernandez,” he said, trying to pronounce it right. “He is from Spain. He actually did figure skating first, but he did not feel good enough to do Juniors, so he change to hockey. He try hockey in Russia first but then come to Canada. He is on big team,” he explained. “The top league hockey. I do not know what it called,” he added, shrugging. “He has cat, she is so cute!” He pulled up the picture of Javi’s cat that he sent him, and Jason cooed.

“Awwwww, cuuuuute.” He clutched his chest dramatically. “Hot, athletic man who has a cat. Your friend is a dream!”

“And he is funny,” Yuzuru said with a pointed look. “Handsome man, loves cat, and is funny. He so charming,” he said fondly. “I really like talking with him. He is different from other people I know. I am used to skater like us, he is more relax and fun. He lazy, too,” he said, giggling as he thought about all the sleepy-eyed selfies he had gotten in the mornings. “He always late to train and stuff.”

Jason sighed. “So lucky. I wish I could meet a hot hockey player who loves cats and sends me selfies,” he said with a pout. “Hey, you said you’re not dating him, can I have him?” he asked, and Yuzuru laughed.

“Javi straight, sorry,” he said, and Jason flopped against the back of the couch in silly despair. 

“This always happens,” Jason said with a pout. “Hot boys are never gay.”

Yuzuru patted his head with a giggle. “Poor Jason,” he said, shaking his head at his silly training mate. Jason would really like Javi, Yuzuru thought. They were both funny, friendly guys, so they would be never-ending laughs if they were friends. Jason and Boyang goofed off so much when they were on the ice together, so Jason and Javi would be absolutely hilarious.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! Fast update! I got this back from my English Checker faster than ever, so enjoy!
> 
> (and no, I will not translate what Javi says, you must live like Yuzuru ... or do your own research! Also, if the grammar is bad, forgive me. I tend to have terrible grammar in my mother tongue, jaja. I never write in it and we do so bad about proper speaking in my home. I work so hard to learn English properly I speak terrible grammar and tons of slang in Spanish. My friend is learning Spanish so she may have tried to fix it for me, jaja, I did not even check!)

The first time Javier and Yuzuru did something besides get coffee after Saturday practice, Yuzuru’s mother was sick and couldn’t take Yuzuru to practice. He would normally take the bus, but it was raining so hard he didn’t want to get soaked and end up sick, too. When he was complaining about it via messages, Javier offered to come pick him up and take him since he wasn’t on the roster for training or gym time that day. 

“You want come see?” Yuzuru offered shyly when they got to the rink, and Javi raised an eyebrow. 

“You’ll let me watch you train?” he asked, and Yuzuru nodded, smiling brightly.

“Coach may not like but he won’t make you go away.”

Javier was planning on just going shopping or something while he waited for Yuzuru to need a ride home, but he figured it wouldn’t hurt. “Sure. How often does a man get a chance to watch his favorite figure skater training?” he asked and Yuzuru blushed adorably the way he always did at that. 

“Javi so silly,” he said, rolling his eyes. 

Javier got a few looks from the staff at the rink on his way in with Yuzuru, but he figured it was because Yuzuru was usually alone if not with his mother. Javier whistled as they walked through some doors and he saw the facilities. “Wow. This is so fancy,” he said, and Yuzuru nodded.

“It expensive place for people. Brian say it is like ‘country club’ but I don’t know what that mean. They do outside things too. I watch cricket match one time, but it is boring,” he said, scrunching his nose. “I try curling. It funny,” he said, tapping his cheek. “I swim in pool one time, but I do not like swimming much.”

Yuzuru walked into a locker room and Javier was amused at how it was just as nice as an NHL locker room. Yuzuru went to a locker and opened it, then hesitated and looked back at Javi. “Turn around,” he said with playfully narrowed eyes and Javier grinned.

“What? You afraid to change in front of me?” he teased. “I shower with twenty men every day, there’s nothing you have I haven’t seen.”

Yuzuru narrowed his eyes. “You never see what _I_ have. Do not look now,” he said, and Javier chuckled but turned around. If Yuzuru was embarrassed, he wouldn’t tease him any further. 

When Yuzuru was done changing, they left to go to the rink. It was amusing to walk beside Yuzuru in his skates when Javier wasn’t wearing his. Yuzuru taller than him was hilarious. “The one friend I have who isn’t taller than me and suddenly you are,” he said, shaking his head with a heavy sigh. 

“You are short,” Yuzuru teased. 

When they got to the ice, Javier was amazed. He had never seen such a unique rink. It wasn’t a hockey rink, for one. Also, it was very large and wide open. There were other skaters there and when he spotted Yuzuru’s coach, Tracey, she was leading two ladies in some sort of synchronized skating pattern. “Yuzuru, why is there a visitor in my rink?” Javier followed the voice and saw Yuzuru’s coach, Brian Orser, walking towards them with a coffee cup in his hands. 

Yuzuru looked back at Javi and gave him a reassuring smile. “Brian, this is Javi. Javi is watch practice today!”

Brian didn’t seem to like that, Javier noticed. He didn’t look friendly at all as he met Javier’s eyes. “He is, huh?”

“Yes,” Yuzuru said firmly. “He is ride so he stay and watch.”

Brian looked at Javier suspiciously. “You gave him a ride here? And where exactly did you give him a ride from?”

Javier frowned. “His house? Where else would I pick him up?”

Yuzuru flushed. “Brian! We talk about this!” he hissed. 

“Hmmm.” Brian looked back at Javier. “You can sit in the lounge. I don’t want you out here to distract people,” he said, and Javier frowned. Brian nodded to the windows behind him and when Javier turned around, he saw there was a lounge overlooking the ice. 

Yuzuru sighed in frustration but turned to Javier with a shrug and an apologetic smile. “Sorry, Javi. It is warm there anyway. You can sit and not freeze.”

“Okay,” Javier said, because he didn’t want to get Yuzuru in trouble. He talked about his coach like he was a loving uncle, but from Javier’s brief introduction, Brian seemed to be kind of a jerk. He didn’t want to get on his bad side either. He went through to the lounge and took a seat by the window to watch Yuzuru skate. 

Once he stopped arguing with his coach and took to the ice, however, he was mesmerizing. Something about the ice he was on now highlighted his gracefulness. He was clearly working on his step sequence, and the way he moved highlighted the fluid control he had over his body. It also highlighted his incredible figure to be wearing nothing but skin tight black training gear. Javier could no longer deny to himself that Yuzuru’s full, curvy hips, tiny waist, round ass, and strong legs were very, very attractive. He had thought more than once about what it would be like to get his hands on those hips and that ass. He had the pleasure of feeling his tiny waist once when he helped Yuzuru miss a puddle by tugging him to the side by his waist. 

Yuzuru was beautiful in a way Javier had never quite seen before. He had a pretty face, feminine curves, but he was still undeniably masculine. He was the strangest mixture of feminine beauty and masculine beauty and it confused Javier as much as it attracted him. 

The whole time Yuzuru skated, even when others joined the training session, Javier’s eyes never left him for a moment. 

~ 

Yuzuru was so embarrassed that as soon as Javi had gone, he hissed at Brian, “Why you embarrass me in front of friend?! I know what you mean when you say ‘where he get me from’,” he said angrily. “You still think I am more than friend. I tell you, he is just friend!”

“Yeah, and ‘just a friend’ picks you up from your house to take you to training,” he said, and Yuzuru flung a hand up.

“Jason and Zhenya do it all the time! He drive her always, you never say ‘oh maybe they dating’, and don’t just say it because Jason like boy not girl, Javi like girl, not boy, but you still say he like me!”

Brian scoffed. “Yeah, just because you say he’s straight, it doesn’t mean he can’t be a closet case. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about-“

“You do not know him,” Yuzuru said with finality before skating away. Brian sighed heavily but let it go, going straight into coaching mode. Yuzuru hated arguing with Brian, but this was far from the first time and definitely wouldn’t be the last. They butted heads often enough Tracey said it was like a teenager fighting with his father. 

When Jason and Boyang arrived for group jump training, Jason skated over to him excitedly. “Zhenya said a hot guy is here with you! Is it your Javi?!” he asked, and Yuzuru nodded, tilting his head towards the lounge. Jason looked over and saw him in the window and gasped. “Ooohhhh my Gooooood.” He fanned himself. “He’s so cute, Yuzuru. I’m going to die!” He shoved him playfully. “Lucky,” he accused, then skated off to talk to Evgenia since they were on a water break with Tracey. 

Boyang just cackled at Yuzuru. “Your boyfriend come to see, huh? He is small. You sure he is hockey player?” he asked, and Yuzuru laughed and swatted at him playfully.

“Do not be mean! Javi is very fast because of small size!” Yuzuru hummed to himself as he thought about it. “I like that he not huge man. Other hockey men, they scare me some. They huge and tower over, but Javi is nice. He just little bigger than me. Good size,” he said, and Boyang smirked.

“Good size, huh?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows, and Yuzuru flushed and spluttered.

“BOYANG YOU SO DIRTY!” he cried, skating away from him with his hands over his cheeks to hide his blush. He could hear Boyang cackling and he wanted to fall through the ice and disappear, he was so embarrassed. 

~

 

When training ended, he went over to the window and waved at Javi, gesturing for him to wait for him. Javier smiled and nodded, and Yuzuru showered quickly and changed so they could go get lunch together. When he got back with his things, however, Brian stopped him before he could leave. “Yuzuru.” Yuzuru sighed and looked at him expectantly and Brian rolled his eyes. “Don’t do that,” he said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Look, I know you won’t listen so I’ll stop trying to talk to you about your friend. However,” he said seriously. “Clear it with me if you ever bring him back to watch you train. If I think he’s a distraction, I’ll say no. Not just to you, either.”

Yuzuru didn’t like it, but he guessed it made sense. “Fine. Okay. I just… I need ride and I want him see me skate,” he admitted. “He is big fan before he is friend. I do not do being friends with any fan before, and I want hear what he think. I have to make him promise not to video and show his sister,” he said with a smile. “She love me. She was figure skater too, longer than Javi figure skated.”

Brian smiled. “Well, I guess that is a unique perspective, someone with a little skating experience and a fan you can ask about your performance.” He nodded his head. “Alright, you need food. Go eat something. You’re making me look fatter and fatter.”

Yuzuru grinned. “You get fatter and fatter, that is why!” he said, then let out a honking laugh when Brian pretended like he was gonna swat him for it. He ran out of the rink and met Javi at the doors to the lounge.

Javier looked very happy. “Okay, that was so cool. I just got to watch several elite figure skaters training. This is going to make my sister so, so jealous.”

Yuzuru smirked. “I happy you like this.” He nodded his head. “Want go get lunch? I need calories before I do afternoon training. I usually eat prepared food but mother is sick so she did not make.”

“Oh my God, your mother packs you lunch even?” Javier asked, then groaned and put an arm around Yuzuru’s shoulders, guiding him out. “That’s just sad, Yuzuru. Very, very sad. You are a grown man!”

Yuzuru tried not to blush at the casual touching, and focused instead of Javi’s words. “I am athlete with structure diet!”

“You can’t feed yourself?” Javier asked. “Honestly, that’s so sad. I’m going to teach you to cook someday,” he said, and Yuzuru’s stomach flipped at the thought that Javier would invite him to his house and teach him how to cook. “So, Mr. Mom Packs My Lunch,” he continued and Yuzuru rolled his eyes. “What kind of food do you eat on your ‘structured diet’?”

Yuzuru hummed. “I eat fish and vegetables most times. Or tofu. Meat and dairy make tummy angry,” he said, and Javier smiled at him suddenly.

“Oh my God, you saying ‘tummy’ is the most adorable thing I’ve ever heard,” he said and Yuzuru huffed and pouted at him. “Okay, so fish and veggies. I think I can do that.”

~

Javier smiled when Yuzuru’s food was placed in front of him and he did Javier’s favorite little clappy hand thing. It was just too cute. “Oooh, this look so good!” Yuzuru put his hands together and bowed his head and said something in Japanese before grabbing his fork.

Javier hummed in interest. “What is that? That thing you just did.”

Yuzuru looked up and frowned, only to seem to realize what Javier meant. “It is Japanese good manners. It basically say ‘I grateful for this food’,” he explained. “Japan have very strict rules for good manner,” he said, shaking his head. “When I come live here, it take long time to not be shock at things people do. Like talk on phone on bus!” he said, eyes wide. “It so rude! I cannot imagine ever do this at home. Oh my God,” he said, and Javier grinned.

“Culture shock, huh?”

Yuzuru nodded, then blushed. “I do not know some thing though. Like noodle! I did not know you should eat noodle quietly in Canada. I get so embarrass when people stare,” he said, hands on his cheeks. “And my English very bad when I come here,” he added. “It not perfect now, but it so bad when I first come.”

Javier grinned. “I know that feeling. I knew at least a little English, but when I went to Russia, nobody spoke Spanish or English and I knew zero Russian. It was terrifying. My English was about like yours when I got here.”

Yuzuru smiled. “I like Javi accent. You have good voice. I want that I get as good as Javi at English, but I will not ever sound so nice.”

Javier smirked. “A lot of people like my accent, and it’s so weird. I don’t think it’s anything special. I sound like any Spanish person.”

“I never meet Spanish person before you,” Yuzuru said with a little shrug. “There no Spanish skater I talk with at competitions.” Yuzuru’s eyes lit up some. “You must teach Spanish word to me!”

Javier grinned. “Okay, I can do that.” He hummed. “Do you know hello and goodbye?” he asked, and Yuzuru shook his head. “For hello, you say _Hola_. For goodbye, it is _Adiós_.” 

Yuzuru repeated them both in by far the cutest accent Javier had ever heard, and then giggled and scrunched up his nose. “I sound silly,” he said, and Javier shook his head, unable to stop the fond smile on his lips as he looked at him.

“No, you did very good,” he encouraged. “ _Lo hiciste muy bien_ ,” he said, and Yuzuru gasped.

“Wow, so pretty!” he said, clapping his hands again. “Say other thing! I like this!”

Javier chuckled but couldn’t deny Yuzuru when he was so happy just to hear Javier speak. The look of joy on his face made Javier just brave enough to take a small risk. “Me gusta escuchar tu voz también. Es tan hermoso como tus ojos. Eres un hombre bonito en todos los sentidos. Todo el tiempo que estoy contigo, nunca tengo un momento sin felicidad. Y esto me asusta.” 

Yuzuru beamed and shook his head. “I really, really wish I know what you say. It so nice to hear.”

“Maybe one day I will tell you,” Javier said in a softer voice.

He knew he could never tell Yuzuru what he said, because if he did, everything they had and everything they were to each other would end. He would rather have Yuzuru in his life as his friend than ever risk losing that to something he knew could never be. He had never wanted a man before, and he would have to continue living that way for the sake of their friendship. Yuzuru was so incredible and if he knew what Javier felt, he would never give Javier those beautiful smiles and adorably ugly, honking laughs ever again. 

Even if Javier could ever find the courage to risk his career over his newfound feelings, he could never, ever risk the possibility of losing Yuzuru in his life now that he had his friendship.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of drama begin stirring!!!

Yuzuru was amused at how late Javi’s practice lasted. He was sitting and waiting, watching them practice, and the coach was being _brutal_. “Faster, Ladies!” Yuzuru watched as even Javi was struggling to skate fast enough when he was usually very fast. When he finally let them go, half of them were hanging off each other on the way off the ice. 

“Fernandez, I’m gonna murder you if you drop me,” Milo said, mostly using Javi as a crutch since he was smaller. Yuzuru giggled at the expression on Javi’s face and it must have alerted him to his presence, because Javi looked up and instantly slid from under Milo’s arm, letting him fall onto the ice at the unexpected absence of his crutch. “FERNANDEZ!”

“Yuzu, you were watching this whole time?” Javi asked as he got off the ice and waddled over to him, clearly exhausted. “What did you think, huh?” He struck a pose. “Still the best hockey player you know?”

“You are only hockey player I know,” Yuzuru said, rolling his eyes. He made a face when Javi leaned on the barrier beside him. “You so icky, and this coming from man who sweat like me,” he joked. 

“Yo, Fernandez, you dumped Milo for your boyfriend, huh?” Yuzuru frowned at the guy who said that, shrinking back some. He knew it was bad for Javi to have people joking about that. He really didn’t want rumors to get started about Javi when he was already so much smaller than all his teammates. Yuzuru would hate for something to happen to Javier because of him. 

“Oh, come on, Stewart, you know you’re the only man for me,” Javier called back, winking and blowing a kiss. Yuzuru guessed it wasn’t so bad if Javier was willing to joke about it. He turned back to Yuzuru. “It’s kind of late. Do you just want me to drive you home tonight?”

“As opposed to what, huh?” Milo asked, coming to pretend to strangle Javi. “You two got a date?”

Javier ducked and shoved at him with a chuckle. “Hey, somebody’s buying my dinner, I’m not gonna say no,” he said with a wink. “You get up early, Yuzu, sure you want to go out tonight?”

Yuzuru smiled. “Sunday is rest day. I can stay out later,” he said with a shrug. 

Javier grinned. “Well I’ll go get showered, then,” he said, and Yuzuru nodded his head to him as he walked off, half-dragging his friend as he went. 

~

When Javier came out of the showers and went to get his clothes out of his bag, he noticed a few of the guys muttering and looking at him. He ignored it until Josh spoke up. “Listen, you guys need to stop talking about that kinda shit before rumors get started.”

“Well maybe they’re not rumors.” Ivan turned around. “So Fernandez, settle it for us: are you gay?” he asked bluntly.

Javier raised an eyebrow. “Why, you interested?” he asked, and Ivan hummed.

“You sure like to deflect with jokes when people bring up the figure skater,” he said, and Javier turned around, shirt in hand, watching him closely.

“I’m not dating ‘the figure skater’,” he said truthfully. “And he has a name. It’s Yuzuru.”

“I don’t give a shit what his name is, but he needs to stop hanging around waiting on you,” Ivan said. “You can say you’re just a fan of his all you want, but don’t think nobody noticed you sign up for every Saturday practice now, not just the ones you have to do. And Schneider said you blew him off one day we had off when he said something about going to a bar because you were picking your boyfriend up at his house to take him to practice.”

“Yeah, I did,” Javier said more heatedly. “Because my _friend_ didn’t want to walk in the rain and I have a car and the day off. I’ve never hid that I like figure skating and he let me sit and watch so many elite skaters training, excuse me for wanting to do that instead of go get a beer.”

Ivan scoffed. “And that’s another part of it! You watch fuckin’ figure skating, you watch a bunch of little faggots in sparkly, skin-tight uniforms twirl around-“

“Hey, hey, there’s no need for that,” Brett said, standing up. “Ivan, you know how coach gets about that kind of language.”

Javier gritted his teeth. “You know what, yeah, Yuzuru has at least one training mate that’s gay, and he hit on me,” he said openly. “And I don’t give a fuck, because there’s nothing wrong with it,” he defended. “I don’t know what Yuzuru likes, but if he’s gay, so what? You fucking backwards ‘gotta be the manliest guy there is’ assholes need to grow the fuck up and join the rest of us in this century. In Spain this wouldn’t even be a conversation. Nobody gives a damn!” He pointed at him. “And fuck you for calling my friend that name,” he said, and Josh grabbed Ivan’s arm as he started away from the bench like he might go after Javier. 

“Hey, hey, enough! Both of you!” Milo roared. “I like giving Javi a tough time cause it’s in good fun, there’s no reason to go around calling him shit like that, Ivan. And you know damn well if Coach heard that, you’d be benched.”

“And you all need to lay off making rumors about Javi like that,” Josh added. “If that shit got out of this locker room, he’d be so totally fucked.” He looked at Javier and shrugged. “This isn’t Spain, buddy.”

Javier rolled his eyes. “Whatever.” He pulled his shirt on. “I’m going. Because I’m going to _dinner_ with a _figure skater_ ,” he said, glaring at Ivan and his co-whisperers on his way out, muttering curses in Spanish as he did so.

He was still steaming and didn’t even notice he was already near the doors until he felt a hand on his wrist and heard, “Jabi okay?” He lifted his head and exhaled heavily, nodding to Yuzuru’s concerned question.

“I’m fine.” He smiled tiredly. “Just tired is all.”

Yuzuru pouted. “Javi want just go home? It look like you need sleep.”

Javier smiled and shook his head. “No. I’m thinking sushi, how about you?”

Yuzuru smiled. “Okay, let’s go!”

Javier slung an arm around Yuzuru’s shoulders and grinned at his enthusiasm as they headed for his car. 

~

When their food was delivered, Javier watched as the man who served it said something in Japanese to Yuzuru, who perked up and smiled and bowed his head repeatedly. When the man left, Javier raised an eyebrow. “What was that?” he asked, and Yuzuru laughed.

“He thank me for not ordering like you,” he joked and Javier laughed in surprise.

“What?” he asked, and Yuzuru pointed at Javier’s dishes. 

“You get white people sushi,” he teased. “He really from Japan, not born here, so he like that I get normal sushi.” 

Javier leaned in some. “So what’s ‘white people’ sushi and what’s ‘normal’ sushi?” he asked. 

Yuzuru pointed out some of the things on Javier’s dishes. “Well, this thing, rice outside? This is not right,” he said, scrunching his nose adorably. “I notice when I travel, Americans do not like nori that much, they want less taste, so rice is on outside. But this is bad because nori _so_ yummy,” he said. “I eat dried snack nori. It so good,” he emphasized. 

“Seaweed, right?” Javier asked, and Yuzuru nodded. “Okay, I can see how that is different. What else?”

“This stuff,” Yuzuru said, pointing at the chunks of cream cheese or avocado and the like inside of Javi’s sushi. “These make no sense,” he said, making a face. “Why put thing in sushi? Sushi is rice, nori, and meat. This just silly.”

Javier chuckled. “So that’s why you ordered such plain sushi,” he said, and Yuzuru nodded.

“Sushi is suppose be plain. Put stuff and it just gross. Fish and rice, this is all you need. Other stuff, you cannot taste fish right!” He picked up a piece of his sushi – with his bare fingers, Javier was shocked to see – and held it up. “This _ika_ and rice under? This all you need. So you taste _ika_ not dumb other thing.” He popped it in his mouth and hummed happily as he chewed. 

“What is _ika_?” Javier asked, grabbing a piece of his sushi with his chopsticks to eat while they talked.

Yuzuru giggled, hand over his mouth to keep from showing his half-chewed food. After he swallowed he shook his head. “Sorry. Javi look silly. All people look silly here,” he said in a lower tone. “Chopsticks not for sushi, I don’t know why everybody do this.” He looked so amused and Javier was more than a little smitten with that expression. 

“No?” he asked, and then put them down. He picked a piece up and held it up and Yuzuru nodded, mirroring him with another piece of his. After a moment Javier sipped his water. “You never answered my question. What is _ika_? I usually stick to what I know,” he added.

Yuzuru hummed, frowning some. “It is… the thing. Fish thing.” He wiggled his fingers. “Have wavy arms. I do not know word in English, I do not think.”

“Octopus?” Javier asked, and Yuzuru shook his head.

“No, I know this word, that is cute one with big head. The other one,” he urged and Javier ‘ahhed’. 

“Squid,” he said, and Yuzuru lit up.

“Oh, yes! Squid! That one.” He smiled. “I like. It very yummy.”

Javier hummed. “I’ve never actually had it raw, but I like squid, too. We eat a lot of seafood in Spain, and squid has always been a favorite.” He smiled slightly. “ _Calamar_.”

Yuzuru perked up. “That _ika_ in Spanish?” he asked, and when Javier nodded, he beamed. “ _Calamar_!” he said proudly. He pointed to the one that Javier knew was salmon. “What this?”

He laughed and grinned. “It is the same in English and Spanish. Salmon,” he said, and Yuzuru’s shoulders fell with a pout.

“Awww. That boring.” He pointed to rice. “What this in Spanish?”

Javier grinned and settled in to be a dictionary for Yuzuru. “ _Arroz_ ”

“And this?”

“ _Camarón._ ”

“What about this?”

“ _Atún_.”

When Yuzuru picked up the chopsticks, Javier snorted, but obeyed. “ _Palillos_ ”

“What about table?”

“ _Mesa_.”

Yuzuru burst into giggles. “I love this! I want know more Spanish word. It so cool.” He clapped his hands adorably and wiggled in his seat. “I like have friend who know Spanish. It sound pretty.”

Javier wanted to say, ‘not as pretty as you’, but he wasn’t an idiot. It was true, though. Yuzuru was smiling at him and he looked so, so beautiful. It was bad for Javier’s heart how much he wanted to never stop looking at Yuzuru. For the rest of the meal, he let Yuzuru ask him for the Spanish word for everything in the restaurant and he never once complained, because every smile, every laugh, each moment with this man’s attention on him was a gift. 

He knew he was lying when he told his teammates it was only about being a fan. It had stopped being that long ago. In spite of the fact he and Yuzuru could never be more than friends, Javier wanted to see him anyways. 

~

Yuzuru knew his mother had been texting him increasingly frustrated texts since the end of dinner, but in spite of the late hour, Yuzuru didn’t want to leave Javier yet. He was having so much fun. “Hey Javi, you still not too sleepy, yes?” he asked, and Javier tilted his head curiously as they got into the car. “What you think about ice cream?”

Javier chuckled. “You want ice cream at eleven at night?” he asked, and Yuzuru nodded. “Okay, we can get you some ice cream,” he said, turning not to the left, which would be towards Yuzuru’s home, but to the right, to go a few streets over to Yuzuru’s favorite ice cream place. “You eat so much to be so skinny,” Javier teased and Yuzuru rolled his eyes.

“I have much energy. Ice cream is burned away. I do not eat bad thing often, I just eat lot of healthy,” he defended. When they pulled into the parking lot for the ice cream shop, Yuzuru hopped out with a little bounce to his step. 

For all the joking, Yuzuru really liked frozen yogurt, which was reduced-fat and had less sugar, so it didn’t matter if he ate some. Javier got a hot fudge Sunday, and Yuzuru kept sneaking little bites and giggling when Javier swatted at his hand but never actually knocked it away. “You are so sneaky,” Javier teased, but the smile he had on his face while looking at Yuzuru made Yuzuru’s tummy do funny little wiggles, but instead of making him afraid, it just made him happy. 

He had never known what it was like to see a person’s smile and want to keep it there no matter what, and it was an amazing, beautiful feeling. 

“Hot fudge so yummy,” Yuzuru said, smirking at Javier as he dipped his spoon into just the chocolate and got a little bit to lick off the spoon. “I like Javi order fat food and let me steal taste.” He gave him a mocking, cheesy grin with his hands under his chin. “Thank you, Javi.”

Javier rolled his eyes but chuckled. “You know I can never say ‘no’ to your adorable face, you little shit,” he said, and Yuzuru cackled at that.

“I love how Javi is weak for me,” he said, and Javier gave him a cryptic look that made his smile not meet his eyes. Yuzuru didn’t like that.

“You have no idea how much,” Javier said, shaking his head like it was a joke. He looked at his phone. “Well, it is officially going to be tomorrow by the time I get you home. Your mother is going to kill you,” he said, and Yuzuru laughed to cover the internal panic about how true that was.

“I am adult, she know I can be out late, it is fine.”

~

It was not fine. It wasn’t fine at all. After seeing Javier off, Yuzuru trudged up the steps, yawning the whole way, and as soon as he got his key in the lock, the door was yanked open, keys flying out of his hands, and his mother stood there with a look of anger on her face. 

“Yuzuru where on earth have you been? I’ve been texting you!”

Yuzuru bowed his head as he walked into the house. “I- I was with Javi. It is rude to text while you are with other people,” he explained as he took off his shoes. 

“Oh, out with Javi, huh?” she asked, and he bowed further, knowing she was really, really angry. “You _know_ why you cannot be out this late at night with _a hockey player_ ,” she stressed. “Those boys are dangerous, just like Coach Orser says. You don’t know what he could do to you all alone this late, when there’s less people around to witness it.”

That had Yuzuru snapping up, eyes wide. “What?! When have you talked to Brian about Javi?”

“When you brought him to the rink with you, Coach Orser called me to talk about this whole situation-“

“There is no ‘situation’,” Yuzuru defended. “Javi is my friend!” He turned around and stormed away, not even caring how disrespectful he was being. “None of you even know Javi, so stop acting like you know better than me!” 

He would regret storming to his room and slamming the door and being so disrespectful to his mother in the morning, he knew it, but right now all he could think about was how Javi was the sweetest, most caring person Yuzuru had ever met, and he made Yuzuru laugh, and he was kind to Yuzuru, and he put up with Yuzuru’s weird quirks, and he was the best friend Yuzuru had ever had, and all anybody else cared about was that he was a stronger, bigger man than Yuzuru who played a ‘man’ sport, so obviously he was going to beat Yuzuru up for being a ‘girly’ figure skater without ever even meeting him. 

Javier was quickly becoming the most important person in Yuzuru’s life that wasn’t his mother or his coach, and he hated that they were trying to take him away from Yuzuru one way or another.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are going to kill me.

With the season fast approaching, the last thing Yuzuru needed was to get to the hockey training rink and find everybody standing outside, grumbling unhappily while Coach Holden spoke to them all. “What is wrong?” he asked Tracy as he shoved his way through the hockey players to where she was standing. 

Tracy sighed. “Unfortunately, as Coach Holden was just explaining, there was an issue with the refrigeration system and the ice melted overnight.”

Yuzuru pouted. “No ice?”

“No ice,” she confirmed. 

“Kuso,” he grumbled.

Tracy patted him on the back. “It’s fine, I can give you a ride home-“

“But I-“ He stopped quickly, looking around until he spotted Javi. Javi was looking at him instead of the guy talking to him and he almost blushed. He smiled and gave him a little wave, and Tracy sighed.

“Oh Yuzuru,” she muttered and he looked at her with a warning look. She held up her hands. “You know your mother and Brian have been talking about this, right?” she asked and he huffed.

“Trust me, I know this.”

“Yuzu!” He turned and smiled when Javier stepped up beside him. “I have a plan.” He looked at Tracy. “That is, if it’s okay with your coach.”

She raised an eyebrow. “I’m listening,” she allowed, and Javier lowered his voice. 

“I might not be able to get any training in, and you may not be able to get the training you want in, but I happen to know a public rink that’s open this early and there definitely won’t be anybody there until around noon.”

Yuzuru beamed. “Take me!” he said, and Tracy laughed at him but shook her head.

“Alright, fine,” she said, nodding. “Mr. Fernandez, feel free to lead the way.”

~

Yuzuru laughed his ass off when Javier realized he had forgot his skates in his locker at the training rink and then had to rent skates to join them on the ice. And there were no hockey skates. “Oh my God, you must wear rental boots!” he teased, watching Javier lace up the skates with a slightly fearful look on his eyes.

“Yuzuru, do you realize how long it has been since I wore anything but hockey skates?” he grumbled.

Tracy chuckled, watching his first time standing up. He bounced a little on his toes, only wobbling some. “No ankle support at all, huh?” she asked and he grimaced. 

“I’m lucky I had tape to tape my ankles,” he said, kicking each foot out. “No cushion at all, either. I really feel like I remember figure skating boots having more cushion.”

“It’s because of the style,” she said. “That’s more like the style of boot they had when I was competing,” she joked. “Cheap rental skates don’t have all the comfort features real boots to these days.”

Yuzuru beamed when they stepped out onto the ice, which as Javier had suggested, was nearly empty. There was one girl there with headphones and her phone in her hands and a bored looking employee skating around, clearly hired to help on the ice in case of accidents. They had told the rink staff what they were going to do, and the girl at the ticket booth just perked up, looking excited at the prospect of something beyond a few hours of boredom. 

In spite of his misgivings about the crappy boots, it was clear Javier skated professionally in some sport, because he was very at ease on the ice, even in unfamiliar skates. He had asked permission to take some photos and video if he promised not to post it, and Tracy and Yuzuru allowed it, so he basically followed them around, offering comments as he took photos of Yuzuru training. He couldn’t get up to too much since it was out in the open and anybody could sneak a clip of his upcoming programs, but he could work on spins and jumps. 

“Oh, cool.” Yuzuru looked over at Javier, only to see him looking at where the teenager girl that was also on the ice was doing a basic layback spin in the center ice. Yuzuru smiled when he recognized what had to be a hobby skater. Yuzuru loved that there were people who loved figure skating but didn’t want to compete, so they just found rinks and skated for the fun of it. “I wonder if I can still do spins,” Javier mused, and instantly Yuzuru got an idea.

“That right, you did figure skating!” He skated over to him, taking his phone out of his hand with a devious grin. “I film you do figure skating!”

Javier blinked. “Yuzuru, there’s no way in hell-“

“Just something basic. Do spin?” he asked, and Javier groaned.

“Yuzuru-“

“I keep phone until you do something!” he said, skating away from him when he tried to grab it. 

Javier sighed. “If you film me falling on my ass, I’ll run you down. I may not be in my skates, but I’m still very fast,” he warned and Yuzuru just smiled smugly and raised the camera. Javier skated a little bit and then swung his leg out, and did a slow but steady upright spin, nothing fancy, just hands on his hips as he spun around. When he stopped with his toe pick, he wobbled some, and Yuzuru laughed happily.

“Oh my God, Javi do spin!”

“Hey, that wasn’t half bad,” Tracy said supportively. “Yuzuru said you skated as a kid, I’m shocked you still remember how.”

Javier shrugged. “I still skated with my sister some a few times a year up until I moved away, so it was really I gave up trying to be good at eleven, but I hung out with my sister until I was a teenager.”

“What Javi favorite thing to do?” Yuzuru asked. “You look like sit spin kind of man,” he said sagely. 

Javier chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. “Actually, my favorite was a salchow. I never managed more than a double, but it was the most comfortable thing for me to do on the ice. I never managed more than a double anything, actually. And never more than a single axel.”

“Axel is my favorite!” Yuzuru said proudly. “He is most friendly jump for me.”

Javier made a face. “It scared me to death. Jumping forward felt so wrong.” He looked around, then groaned. “Screw it. I just have to see,” he said, hands on his hips. “If I break my leg, lie and tell my coach I was hit by the Zamboni,” he said, and before Yuzuru could tell him he was crazy or Tracy could stop him, he started skating away from them.

“Oh my God, is he going to try to jump?” Tracy asked, and Yuzuru’s heart pounded with panic.

“Javi, do not, it is bad idea!” he called, but by the time the words were out of his mouth, Javier had left the ice. “Javi!” Yuzuru cried out in a panic, but Javier actually landed on his back foot and carried through to turn around and skate forward, looking flushed but laughing all the same. Even if it had just been a single salchow, Yuzuru was speechless. 

“You so stupid!” Okay, maybe not so speechless. He skated up to Javier and smacked him on the chest. “You get hurt! Jump without train is bad! Very bad!” He couldn’t help wagging his free finger. “Javi do not be dumb, that is so bad!”

Javier just grinned, catching Yuzuru by the hips to stop him skating away. “Come on, I dodge men twice my size slamming me into a wall for a living, danger is just fun.”

“Grrr, Javi make me mad,” Yuzuru grumbled, shoving Javier’s phone in his jacket pocket. “You scare me! If you fall and get hurt, I never forgive myself. You come here because of me, and I tell you do spin and you get stupid and do jump!”

Javier just tugged Yuzuru a few inches closer, giving him his best puppy-dog eyes. “Come on, Yuzu. I wasn’t in any danger. I fall all the time. I’d be fine.”

“But it be my fault,” Yuzuru mumbled, pouting at him, and Javier sighed, sliding his hands up Yuzuru’s waist to curl around the smallest point. 

“Nothing that happens because of my choices is ever your fault, _Cari_ ,” he said with a fond little smile that did fun things to Yuzuru’s insides. 

Tracy interrupted with a small clearing of her throat. “Yuzuru, business is starting to pick up. I think we should go,” she said, and Yuzuru looked around and realized she was right. 

Javier slid away from Yuzuru some. “Would you two like to go to lunch? My treat,” he offered, and before Tracy could say no, Yuzuru nodded, beaming.

“We will follow you,” he said, then turned to Tracy. “Javi pick best restaurant, always! You love it, I know!” She offered a tight smile but nodded.

“Alright, let’s pack up and get going,” she said, and Yuzuru didn’t miss the way she kept looking at Javier as they got ready to leave.

When they got in the car, Tracy insisting he ride with her and not with Javier, she only waited until they were underway to sigh and rub at her temple before speaking to him. “Yuzuru, I want you to tell me something, and don’t lie to me, because I promise, I won’t tell Brian or your mother. Whatever you say is just between you and me, so I want the truth.”

Yuzuru frowned. “Okay?” he asked, and she cleared her throat.

“Are you sleeping with Javier?”

Yuzuru’s eyes bugged out. “WHAT?! No!”

She scoffed. “Well, maybe you haven’t yet, but do you plan on it? Are you dating him?”

“No! Tracy, I never lie before! He just friends!”

Tracy shook her head. “No, Yuzuru, that is not just friends. The way he goes out of his way to make you laugh and the showing off for you-“

“Javi is just silly!”

“And the way he touches you, God, he was holding you by the hips and you didn’t even react, even when he slid his hands up to your waist,” she accused.

Yuzuru flushed. “Javi just- just touchy. He touch much everybody!”

She gave him a glance. “He rubs their hips and waist?” she asked, and he hesitated, realizing that no, maybe not. She pushed her hair out of her face. “And I thought ‘Yuzu’ was just a cute nickname, but now I’m realizing it’s an endearment. I’m pretty sure when he called you ‘Cari’ that was short for cariño,” she said, clearly agitated. 

Yuzuru frowned. “What that word is?” he asked, and she took a breath and let it out.

“I’m no expert in Spanish, but I’ve seen enough movies to know it’s an affectionate term, like honey, or baby,” she explained, and Yuzuru’s heart began to pound.

“No,” he said softly. “It cannot. Must be other word.” 

“I’ll ask one more time,” Tracy said softly. “Just between you and me, Yuzuru.” She hesitated and then spoke once more. “Are you dating Javier?” 

“No,” he said simply, the world falling from his lips hesitantly. “I- we do not do this. He never- he never say.”

Tracy shook her head. “If you don’t have feelings for him, you should make sure he knows that so he doesn’t think you’re leading him on, Yuzuru. Because I’m positive that man has feelings for you, and the ones like that, if you deny them and they think you’ve led them on, it can be ugly.”

Yuzuru groaned. “For last time, Javi would _never_ hurt me!”

“No, I don’t think he would,” she said, surprising him. “He doesn’t seem like the type who would attack you, but there would be shouting and crying and it would still be a very public, very ugly display.” She gave him a strong, supportive look like he was used to from her. “If you don’t like him that way, tell him now before it gets any deeper on his end. End it amicably before he can fall in love with you.”

Yuzuru opened and closed his mouth a few times before just nodding, looking down at his lap as he tried to control his breathing and stop his heart from racing.

~

After lunch, Javier was surprised when Yuzuru asked if they could go meet his cat. Yuzuru had never wanted to go to Javier’s house, much less be invited inside, but he didn’t see why not. Yuzuru liked cats and loved photos of Effie. They had all afternoon free after lunch, so when Tracy bid them goodbye, Yuzuru got into Javier’s car with him and they set out for Javier’s home. 

What really surprised him was how quiet Yuzuru was the whole drive there, fidgeting with his phone in his hands. “Are you okay, Yuzu?” he asked, and Yuzuru just gave him a big smile.

“Yes. I am fine.” Javier wasn’t fooled by that smile or his words, but he let it drop. When Yuzuru’s fidgeting got annoying, he just reached out and grabbed one of Yuzuru’s hands, tugging it onto Yuzuru’s thigh and curling his around it to keep it occupied. Yuzuru stilled completely so he considered it a success.

When they got to his place, he left Yuzuru in with a big, grand gesture. “Welcome to my home!” he said in a cheesy presenter voice to try and make Yuzuru laugh.

Instead, Yuzuru was too busy ooh-ing over the house. “Wow, this big house!” he said, looking around at the staircase leading upstairs. “From outside it look more small. I like this,” he said, and Javier chuckled, looking around his condo. 

“I could have got a big, fancy apartment like some of my teammates, but I like the way this feels like a ‘home’,” he said, going through the living room. “Effie!” he called, making kisses noises. “Effie, I have someone who wants to meet you, _Princesa_!”

Javier heard the tinkle of the bell on her collar and turned to see her hopping off the kitchen counter. “Hey, you know you can’t be up there.” He picked her up, kissing her head as he brought her through the house. “Yuzuru, meet Effie.” He held Effie out and Yuzuru cooed.

“Oh my God, she so fluffy!” He reached out to tentatively pet her, beaming when she leaned into his pets. “Oh my God, I want one. I love her!” he said excitedly and Javier could only grin at the happiness on his beautiful face. 

“Want to hold her? She’s friendly.” 

Yuzuru looked worried for a moment and then shrugged and held out his arms. “Come on, Kitty!” Yuzuru took her and beamed. “Oh my God,” he said again, cuddling her gently against his chest. “Javi, she so beautiful.” He kissed her head, then nuzzled her ears. “I want one. So sad I cannot.” He walked over to the couch and sat down, putting Effie on his lap. “Javi is lucky. He have soft kitty to cuddle always.” Yuzuru stroked the cat’s fur with a faint smile on his lips. “Javi have nice home and nice cat. Javi is good to me.” Javier wondered where this was going but chose to stay quiet so that Yuzuru could talk. “I wish this real reason I want talk to you alone.”

Javier startled a bit. “What’s going on, Yuzu?”

Yuzuru sighed and looked up at him. “Javi sit?” he asked, and Javier moved to sit beside him on the couch. Yuzuru looked down at Effie, playing with her tail. “Javi, Tracy want that I talk with you.” He bit his lip. “I- I do not know how say this, so I just do.” Javier saw the tension in his shoulders and worried suddenly what he might be about to say. “Tracy say- she want know if I am doing more than friends with you.” Javier stilled, fear crawling up his spine. “I tell her no, but she say if we are not dating, I should- I should talk with you.” His cheeks showed a little pinkness to them when Javier looked closer. “I should- I should make clear with Javi what he- what he feel for me,” he all but whispered. “She say you must like me. _That way_. If you do not, you would not treat me how you do. Touching waist and hips. And- and saying word. She say you call me word that mean ‘honey’ or something in Spanish.”

Javier startled some to realized he had called Yuzuru ‘Cari’ in front of his coach. “Oh.”

Yuzuru pushed on. “I know Javi cannot be like this. He cannot like boy. Boy who cannot like boy, they- they get upset. She worry you will be upset with me because you like me and I am man. You blame me for- for something. Being pretty or something.” He looked up at Javier with a surprising look of fear in his eyes.   
Javier quickly put space between them. “Yuzuru, you have to know I would never hurt you. You don’t ever have to be afraid of me-”

Yuzuru smiled tightly. “I am not scared of Javi. I- I am scared of truth.”

Javier’s heart sank. He looked down at his hands and wondered why he thought this could go on without Yuzuru realizing his feelings. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I didn’t mean for this to happen, and I thought I was doing a good job hiding how I feel.”

“And how is it you feel, Javi?” Yuzuru asked, still petting Effie as a distraction. 

Javier had to look at him, though, because what he felt was so hard to speak into words without focusing on him. “Like you make my life better.” Yuzuru’s breath hitched, but Javier couldn’t stop until he told the truth. “I wait impatiently for Saturdays, because it means I get to see you. I sign up for practices I don’t even benefit from, just because afterwards, I want to spend time with you. I knew a few weeks after we met that you are important to me, and I can’t stop myself from wanting to be around you as much as possible. It’s not just the fact I’m a fan, it’s the real you and knowing who he is. You’re so special to me, Yuzuru. You’re beautiful, and sweet, and funny, and smart, and you make me laugh and you brighten my day.” He chuckled weakly. “Every time you smile and your cheeks get all puffy and your eyes scrunch up, my heart feels like nothing will ever be more special for me.” He rubbed at his eyes. “Can you please forgive me for ruining our friendship?”

“Jabi, look at me.” 

Javier picked up his head, and when his eyes met Yuzuru’s, they were far closer than he expected. “Yuzu-“

Yuzuru silenced him with his lips.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit short, but you're gonna love it anyways, I just know it!

To have never kissed anybody before, Yuzuru was feeling encouraged by the sounds Javier made as they kissed. Yuzuru had been terrified of that strange ‘push lips together’ kiss he’d started with, but now that Javier had taken charge and give him a lead to follow, he discovered he really, really liked kissing. 

Or maybe he just liked Javi. 

Javi, for his credit, seemed to be more inclined to just accept what he was being given because he hadn’t tried to stop Yuzuru and make him talk at all. It was only when Yuzuru moaned when Javier sucked on his lip that Javier seemed to come back to his senses. 

“Yuzu, shouldn’t we talk about this?” he murmured, lips brushing Yuzuru’s just barely. 

Yuzuru blushed. “It easier to show how I feel not with English,” he said bashfully as he stroked his thumb across Javi's cheek. Javier grinned at him and Yuzuru leaned his forehead against Javier’s. “Maybe it not so easy,” he admitted, “But right now, I just want to do kissing man I have feeling for.”

Javier seemed so fondly amused that he just nodded and turned to kiss Yuzuru's fingers that had been touching his face. “I certainly can’t complain there,” he said, and then cupped Yuzuru's face in his hands, guiding their lips back together. Yuzuru closed his eyes and sighed through his nose, resting his palms on Javier’s chest as he sank back into kissing the amazing man before him.

~

Javier was careful with Yuzuru because his inexperience was obvious. They only kissed, nothing more, and then sat together – cuddling really – on the couch just talking about everything besides the sudden shift in their relationship for the rest of the day. When Javier started to get hungry, he offered to cook them dinner, and Yuzuru accepted eagerly.

“You like cooking?” Yuzuru asked, watching curiously from beside Javier while he started getting out cookware.

“Yeah, it’s calming,” Javier explained. “I cook most of my own food since I need a high-protein diet with a lot of calories. It would cost a fortune to eat enough from takeout or restaurants. Even if I could afford it, it seems wasteful.”

Yuzuru looked very curious so Javier got an idea. “Want to help? You can wash and cut the tomatoes for me,” he offered. 

“Okay,” Yuzuru said. “What you make?” he asked as he got to washing the tomatoes gently under the faucet.

“A lazy paella,” Javier said with a chuckle. “My mother would fuss as me if she saw how I ruin her recipe.”

Yuzuru hummed. “What is that? The thing you say,” he added, frowning at his inability to say it.

“Very traditional Spanish dish,” Javier explained. “My mother’s recipe has tons of ingredients and is best,” he said with a fond smile. “But I am lazy,” he joked and Yuzuru giggled. “For us, I have rice, tomatoes, onions, green peppers, and chicken. It won’t be my mother’s amazing traditional paella, but it is food,” he said with a shrug. “If you don’t want the chicken, you can scoop around it,” he added. “You said you don’t like meat, yes?”

Yuzuru scrunched up his face adorably and tilted his head. “I can eat little chicken,” he allowed. “Cow meat make my tummy hurt and pig meat is icky,” he explained. “Chicken not so bad. Fish is most what meat I eat, but I can eat little chicken.”

Javier nodded but had a “How do you eat enough protein as an athlete without much meat?” 

“Lot of tofu,” Yuzuru said dramatically. “I like vegetable more, but coach and mother make me eat lot of tofu. Brian say that protein drink okay but food protein better.”

Javier hummed. “I can make this with tofu next time,” he offered, only to blush when he realized he was already planning on cooking dinner for Yuzuru again and they still hadn’t talked about the change in their relationship. When he peeked at Yuzuru, he saw he was blushing but smiling down at the tomatoes.

~

After dinner, Yuzuru helped him with the dishes and then finally retrieved his phone from his jacket pocket with a tentative peek at the screen. His wince said all Javier needed to know about what his mother thought about him being out so late.

“Ready for me to drive you home?” Javier asked and Yuzuru sighed.

“Maybe it best if I phone a cab,” he said sadly. “If mother see you drop me off, she get even more mad I think.”

Javier pursed his lips. “How about I drop you off at the end of the street? It’s very late. You shouldn’t be in a car with a stranger this late.”

Yuzuru gave him a warm smile and stepped closer. “You are sweet.” Yuzuru’s stood in his tip toes a bit and wrapped his arms around Javier's shoulders, tucking his face into his neck in a warm, tender embrace. Javier curled his arms around Yuzuru’s tiny waist and held him right back, pressing a kiss to Yuzuru’s shoulder.

“Yuzuru, what are we doing?” he asked softly.

Yuzuru just hummed and slid a hand into his hair. “We are hugging.”

Javier decided to just let it go.

The whole drive to Yuzuru’s house, Yuzuru held his hand and played with his fingers in the most adorable way. When they got to his street, Javier stopped a free doors down and looked Yuzuru with a shy smile. “This isn’t just a one time thing, right?” he asked, and Yuzuru smiled sweetly, his mouth almost looking like a cat's. 

“I do not want it to be,” he said and Javier’s heart swelled as Yuzuru leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips.

Javier looked into his beautiful eyes and whispered, “I want to be with you, Yuzuru.” He swallowed hard. “I know neither of us are in a good position to be in a relationship, especially with a man, but I- I would rather be with you and keep it quiet than just try to stay friends when my heart wants you.”

Yuzuru’s breath hitched and he visibly tensed, but he smiled wider. “Yes. Okay. I want do that. I want have all of Javi.” Javier couldn’t help but kiss him again, and this time it wasn’t chaste. Javier held Yuzuru face and jaw in one hand and kissed him deeply. Yuzuru laid a hand on his chest. Moaning as he leaned into the kiss, not being passive for a moment. He kissed Javier like he seemed to everything: intent on achieving perfection. Javier groaned reluctantly when he had to break the kiss and Yuzuru pouted at him for doing so. 

“Sorry, _Cari_ ,” he murmured. “You really need to get home. It’s very late.”

Yuzuru clearly didn’t want to go, but he nodded and sat back to fix his hair in the mirror and at least try to look more composed. “Goodnight, Javi,” he said sweetly, and Javier almost melted.

“Goodnight, Yuzuru.”

~

When Yuzuru walked into his house, his mother was waiting. He smiled at her and she crossed her arms. “I called Coach Tracy to see why you were out so late. She said she hadn’t seen you since lunch time.”

Yuzuru bit his lip. “I went to a friend’s house.”

She sighed, hanging her head. “It’s the hockey player, isn’t it?” He nodded hesitantly. She walked up to him and reached out, taking his hands. “Yuzuru. Is there anything you want to tell me?” she urged and his blood ran cold. 

“N-no, Mom,” he said softly. “I just like having a friend. He let me play with his cat and then he cooked a traditional meal from his home and we hung out some.”

She looked like she didn’t believe him, but thankfully, she didn’t ask anything further. She just cupped his face in her hands, looking into his eyes. “No matter what, you can tell me things, Yuzuru. I am your mother. I love you more than words can say,” she said so intensely that his throat tightened. “You can trust me to always love you, no matter what.” 

“I know, Mom,” he said, smiling tightly. “I love you, too.”

She smiled and pulled him into a hug that lasted longer than he expected. He tucked his face into her neck and she rubbed his back. “You’re just so grown up. It’s hard to not worry with you suddenly going out without telling me where you go.”

His heart sank, because he was so mad at her for disapproving of his friendship – even before it became something more – that he hadn’t thought of how it would worry her for him to just be gone. “I’ll text you if I’m going out after practice from now on. I’m sorry,” he said, and she chuckled.

“I guess most men your age don’t have to tell their mom they want to go out,” she said as she pulled back. “I forget how old you are sometimes. You’re still my baby boy, but you’re a man, not a boy,” she said, looking at his face. “I was your age when I married your father, but it’s so hard to imagine you living on your own and having a home to share with someone.”

Yuzuru grinned. “I can’t even cook my own food and I don’t know how the washing machine works, Mom, I think there’s a big difference in you at twenty-three and me at twenty-three,” he said and she smiled.

“I guess so, too.” She kissed his cheek. “Just… tell me where you’re going from now on, okay? I was really worried.”

“I know, and I’m sorry, Mom,” he said, bowing his head to her. “I’ll tell you if I’m going to be late from now on.”

She sighed and nodded. “That’s good enough for me.” She patted his hip. “Now you go get to bed. I may not be the mother of a child anymore, but I’m the mother of an athlete. You need rest or your body won’t be fit enough.”

He grinned. “Yes, Mom.” He kissed her cheek and hugged her again. “Goodnight!” He went to his room with a warm feeling in his chest, because his mother made him feel loved and because he could still smell Javier’s cologne on his shirt from their hugging and kissing. 

When he flopped across his bed, he grabbed Pooh-san off the bedside table and smiled at him. “I think I have a boyfriend,” he whispered to Pooh-san, then squished his fluffy face for good luck with Javi the same way he gave him good luck for competitions. 

It might be silly, he thought, but it sure couldn’t hurt to try. 

~

Yuzuru woke up to a message from Javi on his phone, which surprised him since Javi said he liked to sleep in. When he checked it, he blushed and had to tug the covers over his face so his squeak of happiness wasn’t too loud. 

_Can’t sleep because I keep thinking about how sweet your lips were_ Cari _. Can’t wait a whole week to see your beautiful smile again. I know you’re sleeping, but when you wake up, can you send me a photo of your smile?_

Yuzuru was blushing and hiding under the covers when he snapped a selfie of his ridiculously happy smile. It was ugly, but he sent it anyways, knowing his mom would be suspicious if he got up to do his hair and wash his face and stuff so early. 

_Javi is silly [one attachment]_

After he finally got up and got showered and dressed, he went to the kitchen and smiled when he saw his mom had already sat out his breakfast. He had a note left for him telling him she was going out to go shopping. He had an idea as he ate his breakfast that he knew was probably a bad idea, but he was already getting butterflies thinking about it. 

He pulled out his phone and texted Javi again.

_It is rest day. Would you like to go out?_

He put his phone back down and then covered his eyes and groaned. “What am I doing?!” he said, hitting himself in the head. “I am going crazy, crazy, crazy.”

When his phone buzzed he flailed and fell off the barstool, landing on the floor on his ass. He yelped and scrambled up, nearly ripping his shirt as he grabbed his phone and picked it up. 

_Good morning beautiful. Yes, I would love to see you. Do you like taking walks? There’s a great park near my house we could visit._

Yuzuru beamed. He loved parks. He also loved being called ‘beautiful’. 

_Pick me up at eleven?_

_Anything for you, Cari_

Yuzuru actually did squeal this time and jump around the kitchen, warmth and happiness flooding his system entirely. He was going on his first actual date with Javier and he couldn’t be happier than he was right at that moment.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy their first date!!!

Yuzuru saw Javier before Javier saw him, and when Javier did look over and spot him, the way his facer lit up made Yuzuru’s heart skip a beat. “Javi, hi,” he said, biting his lip to keep from smiling like an idiot when he stopped in front of him.

Javier’s smile turned softer and more private, and he stepped closer. “Hi,” he said, looking into Yuzuru’s eyes. He laughed weirdly. “This is so weird, now. I know what it’s like to kiss you and I can tell you how beautiful you are without fear and it’s not Saturday,” he added.

Yuzuru giggled and sneakily wrapped his index finger around Javier’s pinky, moving so their bodies blocked it. “It is Sunday and you have pretty eyes, too,” he said softly. He sighed. “I wish hand holding could be thing, but it cannot,” he said with a small pout. “It okay, though. We go for walk, yes?”

Javier nodded and then glanced around. “Nobody is around, and I know what can seem friendly not just couple things,” he said, then wrapped his arm around Yuzuru’s shoulders, tugging him into his side. 

Yuzuru beamed and momentarily leaned his head against Javier’s shoulder before putting a few inches between them even with Javier’s arm around him. He liked the point of contact as they walked. The park was beautiful and Javier seemed to know all the most beautiful spots and things to show Yuzuru. There were no flowers, since it was fall, but the trees and leaves were pretty fall colors. “I love tree color,” Yuzuru said, pointing at a pretty tree with leaves that were orange and shaped like the ones on Javier’s jacket. “This look like you,” he joked.

Javier stopped to pick up one of the fallen leaves and held it up with a fond smile. “Yes, it’s a maple leaf. Just like me.” He held it up to the logo on his jacket playfully and Yuzuru had to laugh at him. “Nothing says ‘Canada’ like this.”

Yuzuru hummed. “What say Spain in nature?”

Javier seemed to think for a while. “Probably pretty blue waters on the Mediterranean beaches,” he decided. “The beaches in Spain are so beautiful.” He nudged Yuzuru. “What about Japan? What says ‘nature’ in Japan?”

“Probably cherry blossom,” Yuzuru said easily. “Hot spring close, but cherry blossom so popular. Beautiful pink everywhere,” he said, then scrunched his nose. “Lot of sneezes for allergy people like me. So much sneezing.” He shook his head. “I like winter. Less flower mean less sneezing,” he joked. 

Javier chuckled softly. “It’s amazing how strong you are for how poor your health is and how thin you are. You’re so skinny, it would seem like you were underfed and weak if I hadn’t seen how strong you are in person.”

“Coach Brian say I have ‘petite body’,” Yuzuru said, tapping his fingers together. “He say it just how body is made. It good for flexible, though. Long leg and arms, it make me bend better.”

Javier looked at how tiny Yuzuru’s waist was from the side and chuckled. “You’re long and slender everywhere. You’re an interesting looking person, but so, so beautiful because of it.”

Yuzuru smiled, eyes scrunching up. “I have strange face, but I like it. My jaw, it narrow and chin pointy, but it look different. I like look different.”

“You look beautiful,” Javier said without hesitation, and Yuzuru blushed and rolled his eyes. 

“You very sweet,” he said softly. He looked around to be sure nobody was around them on the path, and then stood on his tiptoes to press a quick kiss to the corner of Javier’s mouth. “Thank you,” he whispered, stepping back far enough away that they weren’t _too_ close. 

Javier beamed like Yuzuru had give him a new car or something and Yuzuru had to turn away and keep walking to keep from blushing too badly. Javier used the bulkiness of their jackets to sneakily link their pinky fingers between them and Yuzuru met his eyes with a sweet little smile. 

~

Javier smiled and watched as Yuzuru ran around at the pond bank, chasing the ducks as he tried to feed them birdseed he bought from a vending machine, only to squawk and run away when he accidentally angered a goose. “Javi!” he cried, rushing to him. He grabbed his waist and hid behind him. “Hissy bird angry at me!” he said, peeking over his shoulder.

Javier laughed. “You’re so funny,” he said, and Yuzuru poked him in the spine and pouted at him over his shoulder.

“It not funny! It want to eat me!” 

Javier rolled his eyes and leaned back against Yuzuru’s chest slightly, careful not to put too much weight on him since he was much heavier. “It’s a goose, they hate everybody. It’s nothing personal.”

Yuzuru glared at the goose where it flapped its wings at the ducks. “Mean goose,” he declared and Javier just shook his head fondly. 

Yuzuru was by far his favorite person he had ever met. It almost scared him how fast he had fallen, but it was hard not to fall for someone as funny and beautiful and smart and talented as Yuzuru. Every moment he spent with him made him feel invincible. “Come on. Let’s go eat something. Maybe somewhere has foie gras,” he joked, but Yuzuru just frowned.

“Is that Spanish?” he asked, and Javier couldn’t help cracking up and slinging his arm around him again to keep him close as safe-for-public as possible.

~

Yuzuru loved Javier’s hair. The way he moved his head made a curl near his temple bounce and he couldn’t stop looking at it. His curls were so pretty. “Yuzu? Yuzu?” Yuzuru snapped out of it and blushed when he realized he had missed what Javier was saying. 

“Um, sorry?”

Javier raised an eyebrow. “She asked what you want to drink,” he said, and Yuzuru startled and realized the server was standing beside their table.

“Oh, I am sorry! Water, please,” he said, bowing his head to her. 

When she left, Javier looked at him expectantly. “What had you off in a daydream?” he asked, and Yuzuru blushed, ducking his head. “Oooh, pink cheeks, that means it’s embarrassing. Tell me!” he urged playfully. 

Yuzuru smiled sheepishly. “Javi has nice hair,” he said, and Javier snorted in surprise, putting a hand over his mouth.

“My hair?” he asked, and Yuzuru nodded.

“I like curls,” he said, reaching out absently to poke at the curl bouncing when Javier moved, smiling as he brushed Javier’s hair off his forehead. “You are handsome man with good hair.”

Javier, to his surprised, softened and looked so pleased at that. “You’re sweet,” he said, catching Yuzuru’s hand to squeeze it before letting go. 

“Fluffy is just so cuuuute,” Yuzuru cooed, giggling some at his silliness. “I have friend, he skate for Japan, too. He have fluffy hair. He get it made fluffy, but it still is fluffy and so cute.”

Javier hummed. “Are you talking about Shoma Uno? Man, he’s got some great jumps,” he mused and Yuzuru giggled at the reminder that Javier was a real fan of figure skating. “How can someone so small go so high?”

“I think he have springs in knees,” Yuzuru said in a very serious tone, then snorted and laughed, unable to keep up the joke. “He is very good. I first meet when he is tiny boy.” He clutched his chest. “OH my God, he is small but he was SO TINY!” he squeaked. “He about twelve I think, and he skate at junior nationals as novice skater who get change to go up, and oh my God, he look so adorable.” He sighed. “He grow up last year. I don’t like. He had tiny baby face now he look like man. It sad day for me.”

Javier chuckled. “Well he’s an adult, I’m sure he was glad to finally look like it.”

“Yeah, but that dumb, it better he have fat baby cheeks,” he dismissed. “Little boy skater at my training, he skinny so he is not fat baby cheeks. It make me sad.”

Javier grinned. “Well, I may not have a fat baby face, but I do lack the ability to grow a beard like most of my teammates, so there’s that,” he said, and Yuzuru made a face.

“Ew, you look icky with beard,” he said, looking at Javier’s smooth-shaven face. “Maybe little bit around mouth. What this called? That not real beard?” He frowned then shook his head. “Anyway, little hair look good, but beard is ugly.” 

“A goatee?” Javier asked, then hummed, rubbing his chin. “I might could manage that. You think I would look good with one?”

“Probably,” Yuzuru said, nodding. “Look very mystery. Like tough guy,” he added.

“I am a tough guy, I play hockey,” Javier argued and Yuzuru giggled.

“Yes, but Javi is sweet guy, not just tough guy.” He rested his face in his hands and gave Javier what he hoped was a sappy look. “You are sweetest man. You so nice to me. It what make me like you.”

“And my charm and handsome face right?” Javier teased and Yuzuru felt a rush of warmth towards how silly Javier was. 

“Mostly your butt,” he joked back and Javier perked up, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Oh-ho, an ass man, huh? I agree, my butt is very nice.” He snorted. “Although, next to you, even my nice backside pales in comparison. I’ve wanted to get my hands on that thing since I saw it and I didn’t even realized I liked you that way yet.”

Yuzuru blushed at Javi’s forthright words, but couldn’t deny he enjoyed feeling sexy. “I have lucky body for look, but bad for clothe,” he said, scrunching his nose. “I too skinny for clothes! I only have fifty-four kilogram, but I am one hundred forty-seven centimeter, so clothes always too big. I wear track pants not jeans because jeans do not fit.”

“You’re definitely built like a supermodel,” Javier said, though he didn’t seem to bothered by that. “I thought I had a small waist, but yours is just ridiculous.”

“I hope you like,” Yuzuru mumbled bashfully.

“You’re beautiful,” Javier reassured him warmly. Yuzuru bit his lip and smiled at him, which only made Javier’s smile widen. 

~

After lunch, Yuzuru mentioned that he needed to pick up a new charger for his phone, so Javier suggested they go to a shopping center. “I am happy you know this route,” Yuzuru said as they got off the bus. “I never go but certain place. I use Google to get to park,” he added.

Javier chuckled. “I’ve lived in this city long enough that I have gone exploring most of the city,” he explained as they walked into the train station. “If I had thought about it, I could have just driven and saved us time,” he said, and Yuzuru shrugged.

“It is okay. I always do bus and train, so it is fine.” When they boarded the train, they were left standing. Javier used the excuse to lean closer so that he could look into Yuzuru’s eyes from only inches away. Yuzuru kept looking at his lips and Javier was very flattered to know Yuzuru wanted to kiss him. He was lucky they both were too worried about what might happen if anybody recognized them as they kissed to actually do it right there on the train. “You’re very obvious,” he teased, resting his free hand on Yuzuru’s waist to ‘steady’ him.

Yuzuru smirked slightly, though his cheeks showed hints of pink. “So are you,” he said, leaning into the hand on his waist. “You want touch me, I want kiss you, we both very obvious,” he whispered, and Javier had to smile at that and gently stroke his thumb over the fabric of Yuzuru’s jacket. 

“You shouldn’t be so beautiful when I can’t do anything about it,” he teased and Yuzuru rolled his eyes but giggled bashfully all the same. As the train slowed, Yuzuru swayed into his chest and raised his free hand to brace himself with a hand resting over Javier’s heart. It made Javier feel very warm. He snuck a finger underneath the hem of Yuzuru’s jacket so he could brush it against the skin of Yuzuru’s hip. Yuzuru shivered and he smirked, leaning forward to whisper in Yuzuru’s ear. “I couldn’t help myself. Your hips beg to be touched.”

Yuzuru turned just so his lips brushed Javier’s earlobe, making him also shiver. “It is lucky we are in public. I would kiss you until lungs get angry at me.” Yuzuru pulled away and gave him a smug little smirk as he turned and led the way off the train at the stop. Javier watched his hips swaying through the crowd for just a moment before hurrying to catch up with him. When he did, Yuzuru looked at him and cackled. “You are pink!” he teased, poking Javier in the cheek. 

Javier rolled his eyes. “And you are a cruel, cruel man,” he claimed. “Tempting me in public like that,” he said with a dramatic huff. “So mean.”

“You tease me, too,” Yuzuru countered with a smirk. “Now come on, we must go!” He grabbed Javier’s wrist and jogged across the street to the shopping center. 

Javier would gladly let Yuzuru drag him wherever he wanted to go, as long as Javier got to be there with him. 

~

Yuzuru had never felt the way he did as he and Javier spent the whole afternoon at the shopping center. He bought his phone charger, and then they walked around, looking at all the shops. Javier bought a new watch and some shoes, and Yuzuru modeled clothes for Javier to show exactly how ridiculous he looked in clothes off the rack that hadn’t been altered for how tiny he was. Javier nearly fell over laughing when Yuzuru first came out in jeans that were two inches too short since the only ones in his size were for boys, not men.

They got Starbucks to warm their cold fingers as they walked around, and Yuzuru was entirely smitten with the way the tip of Javier’s nose was turning pink as the sun started to set and it got colder. When they finally stopped to get dinner, Javier proved to be even more perfect than Yuzuru could have ever imagined.

“Hey, Yuzuru,” Javier said, catching his attention from his food. “I- uh-“ He fiddled with his phone. “I kind of, um. I got you something.” He reached into one of his bags that he’d left in the chair beside him and Yuzuru felt a wave of affection for Javier. 

“Javi, what you do?” he asked, and Javier handed Yuzuru a box. Yuzuru opened it with a small smile on his lips before gasping when he realized inside the box was a jewelry case. “Oh my God,” he said, opening it to see a pretty silver bracelet. “It so pretty!” he squeaked, taking it out. He held it in his hands and smiled as he looked at it. “Javi, thank you,” he said, beaming as he looked up at him.

Javier shrugged. “You have such beautiful hands, I saw it when I was getting my watch and though it would look so nice on you.” He held out his hand and Yuzuru handed him the bracelet and then held his arm out. Javier undid the clasp and wrapped it around his wrist, hooking it and then stroking the skin of his wrist as he looked at Yuzuru’s hand. “See? Beautiful.”

Yuzuru bit his lip and, for just a moment, tangled their fingers together before he knew he had to let go to keep from being too obvious. “You are sweet,” he said softly, and Javier just winked.

“I love to see you happy,” he said simply and Yuzuru blushed.

“You do good job making me it,” he reassured him. 

All though dinner, Yuzuru kept looking at his bracelet every time it caught his eye.

~

Javier took Yuzuru as far as where they needed to split and take different busses. He hated to part from Yuzuru after a day of amazing fun together. “I’ve had an amazing time spending the day with you, Yuzuru,” he said, and Yuzuru gave him a surprisingly sneaky smile.

“Me, too,” he said, and then, much to Javier’s surprise, Yuzuru grabbed his wrist and tugged him behind the sign at the bus stop, where the streetlight didn’t illuminate, and shoved him against the glass to kiss him. 

Javier moaned in surprise, but didn’t miss a beat, wrapping his arms around Yuzuru to hold him close. Yuzuru giggled against his lips and slid a hand into his hair, tugging him into the kiss. Making out behind a bus stop wasn’t exactly what Javier had expected of this day, but when he snuck a grab of Yuzuru’s ass and Yuzuru just moaned and pressed into the touch, Javier decided it was far, far better than he expected. 

The only reason they dragged themselves apart was because Yuzuru’s bus pulled up, and when he pulled away, his eyes were glassy and his lips were swollen and pink. Yuzuru giggled and wiped at his mouth and Javier couldn’t help but drag him in for one last kiss. “Goodnight, Yuzu.”

Yuzuru smiled and patted his cheek. “Goodnight, Javi,” he said, blushing as he walked towards the bus still tugging his clothes all back into place where they’d become twisted from roaming hands. 

Javier leaned his head back against the glass and sighed, already dreaming of when he could see Yuzuru again after such an incredible day together.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Several thing happen this time!!!

Yuzuru shrugged off his jacket as he stopped to drink water. He reached for the bottle Tracy was holding out for him and she smiled when she saw his bracelet. “Oh hey, that’s new. When did you get that? It’s nice.” He looked at it and smiled what he knew was a sappy smile, and Tracy instantly lost her smile. “Oh. Let me guess.”

Yuzuru blushed but nodded. “Javi,” he said softly, touching his bracelet with his opposite hand. “I- um.” He ducked his head. “I have talk with him like you say.”

Tracy looked concerned but not overly upset. “Guess it went how he wanted it to go, huh?”

Yuzuru nodded resolutely. “Yes. I talk with him when I go to his house Saturday afternoon. We talk, then he cook me dinner and drive me home. Yesterday we go out on date,” he said, lowering his voice on that last one. “We go shopping and he buy me bracelet as gift.”

Tracy sighed but just nodded. “Alright. As long as you know what you’re doing, you’re an adult. It’s your life to live and I won’t say anything bad about your choices.” She lowered her voice. “But you should tell Brian and your mother. I won’t rat you out, but you should say something. The longer you hide it, the worse it’ll be.”

Yuzuru had been thinking about that. He knew he needed to tell Brian. He wasn’t sure how he could tell his mother and it not break her heart to learn he was dating a man, but Brian would understand that much at least. He wouldn’t like what man, but he would have no ill response to Yuzuru coming out to him. He sipped a bit more water before skating off, joining the rotation for jump training once more. 

~

Yuzuru panted into Javier’s mouth as they broke to breathe, only to gasp when Javier kissed his jaw and then his neck instead. “Javi,” he moaned, sliding a hand into his hair to hold him there. When Javier offered to pick him up from practice Thursday and drive him home, he was not expecting to get into the car and have Javier’s ‘hello’ kiss to the corner of his mouth end in the two of them kissing again, and again, and eventually making out in the front seat of the car. 

Javier made his way back to Yuzuru’s lips and Yuzuru tugged him closer, arms entirely around his neck and shoulders, so he could kiss him harder, sucking on Javier’s upper lip just to earn another beautiful moan from his sexy boyfriend. Javier groaned and broke the kiss to breathe, hand sliding up the side of his shirt. “God, it hasn’t even been a week, how am I so addicted to you already?” he groaned, and Yuzuru just kissed him again since his brain wasn’t working well enough to translate his thoughts to English. 

Javier’s fingertips trailed up his ribs and made him moan into the kiss, and he scratched at Javier’s scalp with he hand in his hair just as a loud knocking on the window startled them apart and he yanked Javier’s hair by accident, making him shout in pain. “Ow! Yuzu!”

Yuzuru looked over Javier’s shoulder and gaped in horror at the face outside the window. 

It was not a happy one. 

“Oh no,” Yuzuru whispered and Javier turned around, only to freeze at Yuzuru’s side when he saw Brian, too. “Um… I think he mad at me,” Yuzuru mumbled. 

Javier looked back at him apologetically, and Yuzuru just bit his lip. “Yuzu, I’m so sorry, I-“

“No,” Yuzuru said softly. “I should tell him before now. I just was being scared.” 

Javier smiled sadly. “Want me to talk to him with you?”

Yuzuru snorted humorlessly. “It probably good idea I get out and talk and you go away very fast.” He grabbed his things from the floor and waved awkwardly. “I take bus home. I will call later,” he promised, and Javier waved back just as awkwardly as Yuzuru climbed out of the car. 

Yuzuru stood up and looked at Brian across the top of the car until Javier drove off, leaving nothing in between them but five feet of parking space. “Um. Hi, Brian,” he said, then blushed when he realized he needed to straighten his clothes back from Javier tugging at them to get a hand inside his shirt. 

Brian crossed his arms and took a deep breath. “So. What happened to ‘oh no, he’s straight’?” he asked, and Yuzuru blushed.

“I… guess I am wrong before?” he asked, trying at humor.

Brian rolled his eyes. “So, who else knows you’re at the ‘making out in a car’ stage with a hockey player for the biggest team in the country?” he asked.

Yuzuru fiddled with his bracelet. “Um, well, Tracy know we are dating?” he offered. Brian looked surprised. “She go with us to lunch Saturday and she tell me ‘that man like you, you must talk and if you do not feel same, make sure he know so he will not get wrong idea’, but when I try talk about it at his house, he just confess he fall for me and apologize for ruining friendship, but I-“ He blushed. “I like him. So I kiss him. And he is very sweet to me and cook me dinner. Then Sunday, we go for walk at park, and then we go for lunch, then we go shopping and he buy me bracelet,” he said, holding up his arm. “And I do not see him until today again, so when he offer pick me up I say yes, and I only mean little kiss in car, but- but it become big kiss,” he confessed, blushing harder than ever. “And you catch us. And that is whole story.”

Brian groaned. “So you haven’t even been with him for a _week_ and you’re already making out in front of the rink in his car? Yuzuru, you’re so not subtle or careful. This is a terrible sign. You are going to have this all backfire on you!”

“I will not kiss in car anymore,” Yuzuru promised. “I may be embarrass to even be in car with him ever again.”

Brian laughed incredulously. “The season is just about to start and you decided this was a good time to get a boyfriend, and not just any boyfriend, but a _hockey player_ ,” he stressed. “In Canada!”

Yuzuru frowned. “I like him,” he said in a small voice. “Javi is sweet and handsome. He make me happy. Why you do not like him so much? You do not know Javi. He is good and nice. He only want best thing to me. It worth risk to be with someone who make me happy and take care of me always.”

“It’s not that simple,” Brian said in a lower tone. “Sure, you like him, and he obviously likes you. But you aren’t thinking about the potential consequences, Yuzuru. He’s a hockey player. And I know you get sick of me saying that, but understand what I mean by that. He’s supposed to be the manliest guy in Canada,” he stressed. “He’s around a culture you don’t understand the way those of us who grew up with it do. There are no gay men who make it in that sport. Most likely, you are an experimentation to him because you’re pretty and just happen to be a man. Sure, he may like you, but that’s for now. He’s going to be thinking about all the ways he could get found out with his teammates. Also that sport is hyper-involved. Those guys do everything together. He’s going to spend more time with his teammates than he will be able to spend with you and most likely he’s going to have to make excuses to get out of stuff with his teammates just to have any free time that’s not spent hanging out with them.” Brian looked at him seriously. “Their season starts soon, and they will have a game practically every week. You have seven competitions maximum all season, they’ll be playing eighty-something games.” He put a hand on Yuzuru’s shoulder. “You could not have picked a worse sport to date someone from, Yuzuru. I’m not trying to hurt your feelings by saying this, but it’s just true. He is not a good candidate for a boyfriend.”

Yuzuru pouted, doubts swirling in his gut. “But… I like him.”

Brian sighed and shook his head. “Alright. You always have been stubborn,” he said with a shrug. “You live your life, Yuzuru. If you don’t plan on changing anything, then don’t. I really do hope you don’t have to live with the consequences of this choice, and I’m not lying about that.” Brian gave him a long look, staring him in the eyes. “I only ever want what’s best for you. You know that.”

Yuzuru nodded, looking down at the ground. “I know,” he muttered, fiddling with his bracelet. “But it is my choice,” he said more firmly. “If it go bad, it go bad. But I want Javi more than I am afraid.” He shrugged. “He is good man. If thing go bad, it will not be because he was bad, and I want try this instead of just worry about bad thing all the time. Javi is kind and nice and make me happy.”

“Okay,” Brian said simply. “I won’t get on your case about it as long as it doesn’t become a distraction. And I’m guessing Tracy didn’t tell your mother so I won’t either. Just be careful. Don’t let her catch you like I just did,” he said and Yuzuru flushed at the thought alone. 

~

Yuzuru didn’t get to see Javi again until Saturday, but at least they got to talk on the phone. It became almost a routine to go to his room around nine and spend at least an hour talking with Javi about their days. Yuzuru felt like a lovesick fool except Javier was just as bad as he was. 

“This season is going to be torture,” Javier said dramatically and Yuzuru hummed sympathetically into the phone from where he lay with it on the pillow beside his head. “Not seeing you is killing me, Yuzu.”

Yuzuru giggled and rolled his eyes. “Javi, you will see me tomorrow.”

“I know, but that means it’s been two days since I last kissed you,” he sighed. “What have you done to me? You’re like a drug I didn’t know I was addicted to.”

Yuzuru snorted. “Javi, you are silly.” He sighed. “I do miss Javi,” he admitted. “And I miss Effie. I want see cat again. She is cute!”

“Will you come home with me for dinner after practice tomorrow?” Javier asked. “You can see Effie and I can cook for you and we can maybe watch a movie?”

Yuzuru imagined cuddling up on the couch with Javier and got excited. “Okay. I like idea. You are sweet for cook for me again.”

Javier sighed. “I just want to spend time with you. I know how crazy our lives are going to be soon. I want as much time with you as I can get.”

“I understand,” Yuzuru said, already thinking about life when there were thousands of miles between them all the time. Yuzuru’s stomach turned painfully. “Javi?”

“Yes, _Cari_?”

Yuzuru fidgeted with his covers. “Do- do you think this bad idea? Date?” He rushed on before Javi could get the wrong idea. “Not that I don’t want you, you are best thing to happen, but we have so much busy and lives we have are not easy and we travel a lot and will not see you for long time.”

After a long pause, where Javier hummed softly. “I would rather send messages you won’t read for hours and get one back while I’m asleep, knowing the whole time you were waiting for me, than not have this at all. Yes, it will be hard, and yes, we will probably fight sometimes, but I feel more for you than I have for anyone this quickly.”

Yuzuru smiled and tugged the covers over his head. “You are only person I ever feel this for, Javi.”

“I know, and I consider it the greatest honor of my life that you want to date me,” Javier said earnestly. “You’re an incredible person and I couldn’t ever wish for anyone else.”

Yuzuru drifted to sleep that night, after a whispered goodnight to Javi, with the words, ‘I couldn’t wish for anyone else’ playing over and over in his head and setting him up for absolutely wonderful dreams. 

~

Javier smiled when he saw Yuzuru entering the ice. He waved to him and Yuzuru smiled and waved back before focusing on his coach. “Fernandez, what are you doing?” He startled. He looked at Scott, who raised an eyebrow. “Focus, maybe? You signed up for these drills.”

“I’m just waving to my friend, I’m focusing,” he defended.

“Whatever,” Scott said, shaking his head. Javier rolled his eyes at him because all he did was wave, that was in no way incriminating. 

Later, in the locker room, it came up again and he started to wonder if he was more transparent than he thought. Thankfully, Scott waited until everybody else was in the showers to hold him back so he didn’t make a scene. “Javier, listen,” he said, fidgeting with his towel. “You’re an amazing winger and most of all, you’re a great teammate.” He cleared his throat. “But people are talking shit, man. It’s not good shit, either. They’re talking shit about you and the figure skater.”

“Let them,” Javier said with a shrug. “I don’t care,” he said confidently. “I’m friends with a figure skater. If they have issue with that, so what?” He scoffed. “He’s a man, I’m a man, you’re a man. You and I are frights, yes? I’ve never come onto you and gone gay on you,” he pointed out. “Yuzuru is my friend. I like being friends with someone I admire as an athlete. It’s like befriending Messi.”

“Yeah, but Messi isn’t a _figure skater_ ,” Scott emphasized.

“So what?” Javier asked again. “Figure skating is not a ‘sissy’ sport! It’s hard. Yuzuru trains every day but Sunday, and he skates when most of us would be crying in the locker room from those injuries. You heard it when we watched the Olympics, he could barely walk and he still skated!” he stressed. “Figure skating is a tough sport and I admire the man who does it. I refuse to deal with these assholes saying I’m gay because I like a sport that doesn’t routinely knock your teeth out.”

Scott snorted. “Okay. Whatever.” He shook his head. “You just better convince the guys of this, Fernandez. Because some of them are starting to say your interest in that guy is more than just friendly.”

Javier scoffed. “At least I didn’t think he was a hot chick from behind, Scott,” he reminded him and Scott cackled at the memory as he walked to the showers.

Javier held it together until Scott was gone and then collapsed to the bench, taking a few deep, steadying breaths to get himself under control after such a close call.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BA BA BAAAAAA!
> 
> *throws glitter* DRAMA!

Yuzuru and Javi had only been dating three weeks the first time he spent the night, and unfortunately, it wasn’t for a fun reason.

Javier woke up to his alarm going off to wake him up for his morning run only to realized it sounded like it was in the wrong place. It was coming from towards his feet, not from his left bedside table. He blinked sleepily only to frown when he saw his television, not his dresser. He tried to lift his hand to look at his watch but found his arm trapped. When he looked down, he frowned momentarily at the sight of Yuzuru curled up against his side, his knees on Javier’s thigh and his head on Javier’s chest. Instantly, his brain cleared and he snapped fully awake. 

He and Yuzuru had watched a movie cuddled up together on the couch after dinner last night and, clearly, they had fallen asleep. “SHIT!” He shook Yuzuru quickly. “Yuzu, Yuzu, _Cari_ , wake up.”

Yuzuru mumbled unhappily and said something Japanese before blinking up at Javier. “Javi?” he asked in a tiny voice, only to look around at the daylight flooding into the room and gasp as he scrambled to get up. “No!” He scrambled around on the couch beside him and dug out his phone, but Javier could see it was dead. “No, no, no, what time it is?” he asked, grabbing Javier’s wrist to pull his watch towards him. 

“It’s eight,” Javier explained, knowing when his alarm went off.

“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!” Yuzuru cried, scrambling off the couch. “Oh no, oh no, oh no.”

Javier got up and followed him as he ran around grabbing his things. “Yuzu, Yuzu, calm down-“

“I CANNOT BE CALM DOWN!” Yuzuru shouted, looking terrified. “I did not go home and phone is dead! Mom probably call police! I am famous and missing!” he cried, running over to put on his shoes. 

Javier grabbed his phone – thankful for the long-life battery – and went to slip on his sneakers, not bothering to tie them as he caught up with Yuzuru, grabbing his wallet and keys at the last second as hey followed him out the door. “It’s okay, it’ll be okay,” he soothed as he took Yuzuru’s elbow and kept him from sprinting blindly away. When he got him to the car, Yuzuru was shaking and looked near tears. He realized how bad this was. It was very, very bad. 

“I am bad son,” Yuzuru gasped as they pulled away from the curb, and Javier’s heart ached. He reached out and caught Yuzuru’s hand, squeezing it tight.

“You’re not, you just fell asleep. It was an accident. It’s all okay, _Cari_ ,” he soothed. But internally he knew this was as bad as Yuzuru feared it was. “Where do I need to take you? Home or to the rink? Where will she be?”

“I don’t know,” Yuzuru whimpered and when Javier glanced over he saw tears creeping down his cheeks. He took a wet, shaky breath. “I am so much trouble.”

“I’m so, so sorry,” Javier said earnestly. 

“It not your fault,” Yuzuru whispered.

When they got to Yuzuru’s house, their decided destination, there weren’t any cop cars, but there were two cars parked outside. Yuzuru groaned. “It Brian and Tracy,” he explained. 

Javier parked across the street and got out when Yuzuru did. Yuzuru looked at him wide-eyed. “What you doing?!” he hissed.

Javier shook his head. “I’m not letting you face them alone. It’s my fault as much as yours that you fell asleep. I should explain what happened. I won’t bring up us cuddling, but your mom knows we’re friends.”

Yuzuru looked anxious about that, but he clearly didn’t want to waste more time arguing, so he just started off at his fast walk towards the apartment. Javier followed him and cringed when he saw him wringing his hands so much. When he got to the door, he opened it with his keys, and Javier heard someone shout something from inside. He followed Yuzuru inside and, when Yuzuru instinctively toed off his shoes beside the door, Javier did the same. 

“Yuzuru?!” Javier followed close behind Yuzuru as he rushed towards the woman with a accent like his own who Javier presumed was his mother. 

“I’m sorry!” Yuzuru shouted before he even got around the corner. He was crying as he ran across the room to where the woman was standing, Brian and Tracy sitting at the table she had been at. Javier lost track since Yuzuru swapped to Japanese, hugging his mother and crying and shaking his head, clearly trying to explain. 

However, the coaches spotted him and he froze in his spot when Tracy stood up, a look of an enraged mama bear on her face. “YOU!” Javier had to admit, he was kind of afraid of her. “What the HELL did you do to him?!” she demanded, marching right up to him. “He’s out all night, no calling home, no word, and he comes home crying, and of course, YOU are here!” 

“No!” Yuzuru said, turning away from his mother with a fearful look on his face. He shook his head, wiping his face as he started towards them. “I telling mother my phone died,” he explained. “I promise, Javi did no bad thing. I fall asleep watching movie and phone die while I sleeping, we both fall asleep!” he urged. “I tell Mom this, I just am crying because of guilt. I make her worry and feel horrible.”

“Yeah, fell asleep watching a movie,” Brian said dryly and Javier flushed when he realized what Brian thought happened. He glared at Javier. “You’re a distraction. I told him I wouldn’t say a word about you being in his life until you became a distraction-“

“Brian, he did not do thing bad!” Yuzuru defended, coming over to stand slightly in front of Javier. Javier would be touched by how protective he was being if he wasn’t scared shitless by all of this. “His phone make noise, it wake us up! Javi wake me up and bring me home! He only help me, I make mistake, he just help me!”

Tracy sighed. “Yuzuru, you did not fall asleep watching a movie,” she said pointedly. “We’re not stupid.”

“It’s true,” Javier urged. “I swear on my slapshot, we were watching Finding Nemo,” he said honestly, deciding not to be ashamed of liking children’s movies. “We were watching Finding Nemo, and I don’t remember where I fell asleep, but Yuzuru was awake when I passed out, but obviously he followed. We weren’t drinking, we weren’t doing anything you think, we were watching a cartoon and fell asleep.”

“Can I talk with son and this man private?” 

Javier felt the blood leave his face when he looked at Yuzuru’s mother, who was looking at him with a very, very knowing look.

Yuzuru looked equally terrified, and almost looked like he wanted to stop Brian and Tracy from departing. “We’ll see you this afternoon for jump training,” Tracy said to Yuzuru, glaring at Javier on his way past. Brian looked at Javier like he was thinking of ways to end his life, which was a little terrifying. 

When they were gone, Yuzuru’s mother faced him and bowed her head. “I am Yumi, Yuzuru’s mother.”

~

Yuzuru was still wiping away his tears when his mother asked him and Javier to sit with her at the table. “Mom,” he started, and she held up a hand to silence him. 

“I’m not blind, Yuzuru,” she said, and he swallowed hard. “What do you think I meant when I told you that you can be honest with me and trust I’ll always love you?” She looked at Javier. “I can see the appeal, I guess. He’s handsome,” she said and Yuzuru bit his lip. “Tell me the truth. Why didn’t you come home?”

Yuzuru shook his head. “He told the truth, Mom. I told you I was going out with him after practice. We went to pick up takeout and then went home to watch a movie at his house. I like his cat and I like his house and I like him-“ He stuttered over that, and his mother just gave him a look, urging him to continue. He sighed. “We were sitting on the couch together and- and we fell asleep. It was warm and comfortable and I guess it just happened.”

“Are you having sex with him?” she asked plainly, and Yuzuru’s eyes widened.

“MOM!”

She pursed her lips. “I’m a middle-aged woman, Yuzuru. I know that isn’t ‘hanging out with a friend’. It’s dating. You’re dating him.” She tilted her head. “So, are you having sex with him?”

Yuzuru flushed. “N-no,” he said, looking down at his bracelet. It was true. They hadn’t had sex. They had never really done anything more physical than kissing and that one time Javier put his hand up Yuzuru’s shirt when they made out in his car. Even when they did that, he had never become aroused and he hadn’t felt it if Javier did. They were still very new to this and Javier had never been with a man, even if he obviously had been with people before unlike Yuzuru. It would be kind of shocking to have already had sex after not even three weeks under those circumstances. 

“Is that the truth?” she asked, clearly noticing his stutter. 

Yuzuru rolled his eyes uncomfortably. “I guess it’s a ‘not yet’ more than a ‘no’, but that’s still no. We only confessed our feelings a few weeks ago. Our first date was the Sunday after we confessed.” 

She eyed him closely and seemed to accept what he said was true. “So he respects your boundaries, then.”

“I guess so. He hasn’t tried to get me to have sex with him,” he said, still horrified at talking about _sex_ with his _mom_. “But he’s never dated a boy before, so it may be his boundaries, too.”

“I presume Brian and Tracy know?” she asked, and he nodded shamefully. “And they don’t seem to approve.”

Yuzuru sniffed. “Brian thinks hockey players are dangerous to me and that Javier will hurt me. Tracy isn’t so mean, but she doesn’t like me dating him.”

After a long pause, Yuzuru was surprised when she swapped to English. “I want you phone number,” she said to Javier. “If he suffering bad training, I will not let him go out. He is adult, but he is athlete, too. I am mother of athlete Yuzuru, not just man Yuzuru. I expect you come for dinner each week if you do not have game at bad time and interfering happen.”

Yuzuru’s eyes widened. “Mom?”

She looked at him. “What? If my son has a boyfriend, I am going to get to know him. I’m going to make sure he’s good for you.”

“You don’t care I’m gay?” he asked suspiciously.

She took a deep breath and sighed it out, looking stressed but forcedly calm. “You are who you are. What I think could not change who you are. And who you are is my son,” she said simply. “If I try to make you not see him, you will resent me. And that’s not fair anyways,” she added more gently. “Your life and your choices are _yours_. I can’t take that away from you. No good mother could ever try to hurt her child just because she disagrees with his choices.” She shook her head. “This is just how it is and I must accept that. However, I deserve to get to know the man my son cares for.”

Yuzuru swallowed around a renewed lump in his throat. “I love you, Mom,” he rasped out, and her tension melted into a very conflicted smile. “Thank you for being my mother.”

“Oh, Yuzuru.” She reached out and touched his hand and he latched onto it like he was a child. “In the end, the most important things are that you aren’t hurt in this process, that you’re careful of what people know about the both of you, and that he makes you happy.” His heart skipped a beat at the last part. His surprise must have shown, because she smiled. “I have devoted so much of my life to help you find your happiness as a skater and a champion. I sacrifice to see my child happy. How could I truly feel hatred for a man if he contributes to my child’s happiness, too?”

When Yuzuru started crying again, slumping over so his head rested on his and his mother’s linked hands, he felt a warm, broad palm rubbing soothing circles over his lower back. He lifted his head and looked over at Javi, who had to be so, so confused, but whose focus was on Yuzuru’s comfort. He sat up and released one hand from his mother’s to reach over and touch Javier’s face. “Thank you,” he said, looking Javier in the eyes, even if he knew he had to be ugly and splotchy from all the crying. 

He wasn’t sure if Javier truly understood the depths of that ‘thank you’, but he did know that Javier just leaned into the touch and gave him a soft smile. “I guess this is good crying then?” he asked, and Yuzuru’s mood lifted considerably as he started laughing, unable to help be charmed by that question. 

“Yes. It good crying,” he confirmed, then looked at his mother, who was watching their interaction very closely. “Mom,” he said, sticking to English for Javier’s sake. “This is Javier Fernandez. He play hockey for big team here. He-“ He took a breath and smiled wider. “He is my boyfriend.”

She smiled at Javier and he looked slightly terrified, which only got worse when she simply bowed her head and said, “Hello, Yuzuru’s boyfriend. I think we will see more of other one very soon.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY MY FRIEND HAD OFF WORK IN AMERICA (don't know what for) SO SHE EDITED THIS FOR ME EVEN IF IT IS SUPER LONG AND IT IS CRAZY TO POST SO FAST AFTER LAST POST BUT I CANNOT WAIT!!!
> 
> You will DIE. Trust me! POR DIOS NECESITO AGUA BENDITA!!!

True to his word, Javier came to have dinner with Yuzuru and his mother every week he could. When the season started with Yuzuru’s first competition of the year being in Canada, Javier asked for a different gym time than usual just so he could watch Yuzuru skate on his phone while he was on the treadmill. 

Watching him skate in two sinfully tight costumes now that he was his boyfriend was beyond erotic. Javier was lucky he was at the gym and had enough self-control to not get horribly turned on by how Yuzuru looked in those costumes. Beyond the sexual attraction, however, he couldn’t help but recognize how beautiful Yuzuru was in them. The light blue one made him look like a prince from a fairy tale and the black one made him look like the sexy villain from a spy movie. Yuzuru had explained how both skates were tributes to two of his biggest heroes of his youth, and it only reminded Javier that Yuzuru was such a humble person in some ways. He was very prideful in others, and he wasn’t falsely humble about his abilities and his records, but he was humble in that he respected the foundation of who he had become. He still respected the ice like it was the first time, he still thanked his mother for sacrificing so much to help him become who he was, and he still wanted to pay tribute to skaters he admired. 

He had also seen how kind Yuzuru was to other skaters first-hand during training one day, and how much he respected them. Javier had been watching him train with his fellow male rink mates, and when one of them – the American – couldn’t do the quad jumps that he and the other man could do, Yuzuru praised how beautiful his technique was on his triple jumps. It wasn’t just to his face, either. Later, when Javier was asking about what he had said to make the guy hug him and he explained about the praise, he smiled and said, very simply, “He has better spins and skate skill than most of us, so if he ever get the big jumps, I may lose.”

Watching him skate reminded Javier that this beautiful, passionate, kind person painting a story with his body on the ice was Javier’s _boyfriend_.

It was still weird to think that he had a boyfriend. Javier had found men casually attractive in the past, but nobody ever caught his eye enough to make him consider that it was more than passing observation to someone’s handsomeness. Looking back, he figured he had probably always liked men, but he was good with the ladies so he never had to think hard about it. Yuzuru was by far the only man who had ever arrested his attention so decidedly. Javier wasn’t sure any woman had ever made him feel so enamored the way Yuzuru did, either. He had had a few relationships and more than a few casual flings or one-night-stands, but even when he loved someone, the way he felt when he was wit them had never been as all-consuming as he felt with Yuzuru. 

Yuzuru was, simply put, Javier’s favorite person he had ever known. 

It hit Javier so fast he had to stop the treadmill and catch his breath, so hard that he actually felt an electric shock running up his spine, and with such clarity that Javier almost felt like he was having an out of body experience. 

He was in love with Yuzuru. 

It hadn’t been very long at all and they still hadn’t even had sex, but Javier knew, in that moment, that he loved Yuzuru Hanyu so deeply it was a wonder he hadn’t felt it growing. He had been trying to take it slow since their lives were hectic and they were new to dating another man, and all along, he was falling in love the whole time. 

It was both the scariest and most wonderful moment in Javier’s entire life, and it happened on the treadmill at the gym while Yuzuru skated on the tiny screen on his phone. 

~

Yuzuru had so much adrenaline after winning his first competition of the year that he couldn’t stop tossing and turning. He groaned and flopped onto his back. He really wished Javier was there to hold him close and soothe him to sleep. Javier big, warm arms around him would calm him down right away, he was sure. He closed his eyes and day dreamed of Javi in the bed with him, holding him close, probably petting his back to make him sleepy. Javier was very tactile. 

Unless Javier in his bed would mean Javier was touching him somewhere else entirely. 

Yuzuru’s eyes snapped open and he gasped at the thought. It was so dirty he felt ashamed of himself for a moment before it occurred to him that Javier probably thought about him that way, too. Yuzuru stared at the ceiling, his mouth going dry as he wondered what Javier thought about regarding Yuzuru and something dirty. Did he imagine Yuzuru doing sexual things to him? Did he imagine Yuzuru doing sexual things to himself?

Yuzuru wasn’t shocked when he felt heat stirring in his groin. He blushed in the darkness but even when he put his hands over his face, he couldn’t stop the thoughts or his reaction to them now. 

What if Javier thought about Yuzuru when he touched himself? What if he pictured Yuzuru on his knees for him when he was alone in his bed at night? Yuzuru pictured Javier’s bare, sweaty chest like he saw that time when he was getting off the ice and Javier’s big, strong hands, one of them curled around himself while the other grasped at the sheets. Yuzuru moaned at the thought of Javier panting his name while he pleasured himself, and he gave up any semblance that he wasn’t going to do exactly what he was thinking about. 

Yuzuru slid a hand down his stomach, pulling his shirt up and pushing his pants down as he kicked the covers off. His breath grew more ragged as he finally touched himself. He slid the other across his chest and stomach, moaning at the thought of Javier being the one touching him. Would Javier be gentle or rough? Would he caress Yuzuru’s skin with kisses or would he dig his fingers into Yuzuru’s hips and leave bruises that would remind Yuzuru of their encounter for days every time he took off his clothes to shower or change?

Would he slap Yuzuru’s ass while he fucked him?

Yuzuru moaned high and breathy as the mental image of Javier just as he’d imagined him touching himself, only with himself bouncing on top of Javier instead, Javier’s hands on his ass, not himself. Javier squeezing his round ass while he filled Yuzuru up so, so good. 

Yuzuru needed it, so he quickly licked and sucked on two of his fingers and moved to kneel on the bed, leaning his forehead against the pillows as he reached back and teased his entrance with his own fingers. He liked it this way for years. He had done this to himself for the first time after watching a dirty video online and seeing the way it made the man in the video moan and come all over himself. Now, he pictured Javier flipping him over after he rode him and holding onto his hips as he pushed his way inside. Yuzuru gasped as his fingers slipped inside as he imagined Javier’s length in their place. “Javi,” he moaned, unable to help himself. 

Maybe Javier would push his shoulders so he was in exactly this position, face on the bed, ass high in the air, so that Javier could fuck him until his legs shook. Maybe he would curl over Yuzuru’s back and whisper filthy things in his ears in Spanish. Maybe he would find that spot that Yuzuru could barely brush and it still made him whine and instead make him see stars. 

Maybe Javier would come deep inside Yuzuru and fill him up the way nobody ever had before. 

Yuzuru cried into the pillow when he came, body shaking violently as he clenched around his fingers and spilled into his fist, careful not to make a mess on the bed even in the midst of the _best_ orgasm he had ever had in his entire life. 

After Yuzuru cleaned up and lay back in bed, his felt a pang in his heart as he imagined how much nicer it would be to enjoy the post-orgasm calmness with an equally calm and sated Javier curled around him, kissing his shoulder and whispering endearments into his skin while they drifted to sleep together after making love. 

Yuzuru missed Javier so much it hurt, and he really, really wanted to see him as soon as he got home. 

~

When Yuzuru was home from the competition, he came over to show Javier his medal, and Javier decided he wanted to do it, he wanted to tell Yuzuru how he felt. They had been together two months, which wasn’t a terribly long time, but it was long enough that he felt Yuzuru wouldn’t be too overwhelmed. 

They sat on the couch looking at the medal when he turned to Yuzuru and took his hand. “Yuzuru,” he said, and Yuzuru looked at him. He was nervous and knew it showed. “I want to talk to you about something important.”

Yuzuru blinked and then put on a serious face, nodding. “I want talk with you about thing, too,” he said, turning more to face him. “What it is?”

Javier’s cowardice got the best of him and he cleared his throat. “You can go first.”

Yuzuru nodded, opened his mouth, and said the last thing Javier ever expected. “We should talk about doing sex.”

~

Javier’s eyes flew wide. “What?!”

Yuzuru smiled and nodded. “I think about this recent, and I want know how you think about do sex together,” he clarified.

Javier hadn’t expected that at all, but he wouldn’t be honest if he said he hadn’t also thought about it. He had looked into the whole ‘sex with a man’ thing when they started dating, but it hadn’t come up yet, so he hadn’t worried about it. “Well. I guess talking about it is a good thing,” he agreed, and Yuzuru smiled as he tangled their fingers together. Javier cleared his throat. “You’ve never had sex, right?” he asked, and Yuzuru nodded.

“Never. Just touch myself,” he said, and Javier wasn’t sure who was pinker in the face between the two of them. Yuzuru seemed determined, but still embarrassed. “I- I want Javi to do it. It not matter I do not do before, because Javi make me feel so much want,” he confessed. 

Javier chuckled. “Same here,” he admitted. “You’re so sexy to me. I’ve wanted to touch you so many times.”

Yuzuru bit his lip. “I… imagine it.” He ducked his eyes sheepishly. “Last night even,” he added. “I cannot sleep, have much energy, and I think about Javi in bed to cuddle me sleep, but then I think if Javi in my bed, maybe it not cuddles we do. I think about Javi touching self think about me, too.”

“Oh I’ve definitely done that,” Javier blurted out, then slapped a hand over his face from the embarrassment. “I- I mean- I’m-“ He stuttered and Yuzuru just giggled.

“Do not have embarrass,” he teased. He patted Javier’s thigh. “Last night, I think about Javi going inside. Make me feel good this way. I touch myself inside think about Javi fuck me.”

Javier was pretty sure Yuzuru was trying to kill him. “You…” He cleared his throat and crossed his legs. “You want that? You like it?”

Yuzuru giggled shyly but nodded, licking his lips nervously. Javier just got distracted by how wet and pink it made them look. “I touch myself there. It not easy with just own fingers, but it feel good.”

Javier pictured Yuzuru _fingering himself_ just last night and any chance he wasn’t getting hard went out the window. “Um. Yuzuru?” he asked, and Yuzuru bit his lips, looking like he already knew what Javier was going to say. “Would you like to… uh. Do you want to… So, about-“

“You want to have sex,” Yuzuru said bluntly, and Javier nodded eagerly.  
“Yeah, definitely.” 

Yuzuru just nodded and stood up, holding his hand out. “Come,” he said, and Javier wasted no time grabbing his hand and standing with a smirk. 

“I plan on it,” he said, and Yuzuru snorted and rolled his eyes as he all but ran to Javier’s bedroom, hand in hand with him. He had only been in Javier’s bedroom to find where Effie ran off to once, but he didn’t bother looking around when they got there. He turned around and tugged Javier closer, arms going around his shoulders as he drew him into a kiss. “Mmmm, God, you turn me on so much,” Javier confessed against his lips and Yuzuru shivered.

“You are so sexy, too,” Yuzuru said, groaning eagerly when Javier’s hands slid down to his ass and he squeezed it. 

Javier kissed his throat as he led him to the bed, both of them shuffling slowly, reluctant to release each other. “What do you want?” he asked as he pulled back far enough to look into his eyes. 

Yuzuru licked his lips and thought quickly before making up his mind. “I want to try suck you,” he said, and Javier swallowed audibly, eyes going wide. Yuzuru giggled. “Javi so easy for me,” he joked, tugging at a curl gently. “We go slow, yes?”

“Absolutely, however slow you need,” Javier urged, holding him close. “I want you to be comfortable.”

“You are sweet,” Yuzuru mumbled, then kissed him again before turning around and crawling onto the bed. He held out his hand and Javier crawled onto it with him, Yuzuru felt a little nervous as he fell onto his back, looking up at Javier, but Javier’s eyes were full of nothing but adoration. He kissed Yuzuru again, lapping into his mouth as he slid his hand up Yuzuru’s shirt carefully. “You can,” Yuzuru mumbled against his lips, and Javier carefully slid his shirt up. Yuzuru sat up far enough so that Javier could strip his shirt off over his head, and then fell back down, smiling as he watched Javier reach back and tug his own shirt off. 

Yuzuru slid his hands instantly to Javier’s shoulders, biting his lip as his touch trailed down Javier’s hard, muscled chest, to his sexy abs, and down to his belt. He looked at Javier, who waited for his cue, and he slowly started unbuckling Javier’s belt. “Let me help,” Javier offered, and Yuzuru let Javier undo his belt and unbutton his jeans. He let Yuzuru decide what to do after that, though. Yuzuru’s heart pounded as he pushed them down over his hips, careful to leave his boxers on. He wasn’t quite sure he was ready for Javier to be completely naked so fast. “Here, maybe it’ll be easier if we just-“ Javier rolled to one side and kicked his jeans off, and then grabbed Yuzuru’s hand, urging him to crawl on top of him. Yuzuru smiled nervously and did so, smiling down at Javier as he sat on his knees. “Let you control the pace.”

Yuzuru looked down at the man beneath him and he couldn’t stop a shiver that ran down his spine. “You so beautiful,” he said, leaning down to kiss Javier again. He moaned when he pressed against him and their bare torsos touched. He had never imagined that the feeling of skin on skin would be so erotic with just a simple touch. Javier’s eager sounds suggested he felt the same. Yuzuru shuffled until his knees were on either side of Javier’s thighs, and as he pressed their bodies firmly together, he gasped into the kiss at the feeling of hardness blocked only by thin cotton against his bare stomach. He broke the kiss and looked down, eyes wide when he saw how hard Javier was in his boxers. He looked back at Javier, who just guided him back into a kiss. 

“Can I?” Javier asked, hands straying to Yuzuru’s ass, thumbs dragging slightly at his track pants. 

Yuzuru nodded. “Yes,” he urged, lifting his hips so that Javier could push them down over his ass. He had a little trouble, from his angle, to kick them off, but when they were gone, Javier grabbed his ass and squeezed, pressing their hips together in a way that made Yuzuru moan. “Oh my God.”

Javier kissed his jaw. “This might be new to me, but I don’t hate it one bit,” he rasped as he ground his hardness against Yuzuru’s. “Fuck, feeling how turned on you are for me, it’s so hot.”

“Want you so much,” Yuzuru gasped, whining when Javier’s tongue swirled on a spot on his neck that made him shiver. “It so much,” he gasped.

“Too much?” Javier asked, stilling immediately, and Yuzuru shook his head, grinding his hips down against Javier’s again.

“Not too much. Just much.” He lifted up off of Javier, who looked confused by his words and actions, and kissed his chest as he crawled down Javier’s body. He moaned as he finally got to fulfill one of his hottest fantasies and lick Javier’s abs. Javier cursed and Yuzuru just moaned, pressing kisses until he got to where Javier’s boxers strained around his erection. Yuzuru touched it exploratively, breathing rough as he got closer to one of his other hottest fantasies. “I can?” he asked, looking up at Javi, who was looking at him with fire in his eyes, like Yuzuru was turning him on more than anything before. 

“Yeah, yes,” Javier stuttered, and his abs flexed as he sucked in a breath, making Yuzuru groan at the sight. He was around a lot of very fit men all the time, but lean muscle wasn’t like those hot abs. Yuzuru cleared his head a little and turned back to the task at hand. He bit his lip in anticipation as he carefully tugged Javier’s boxers away from his waist and then lowered them to reveal his rock hard length. Yuzuru let out a stuttered breath and just stared at it while he worked Javier’s boxers down to his thighs before getting to impatient. He touched it and moaned softly as he felt the heat of it beneath his fingertips. He curled his hand around Javier’s erection and stroked it slowly, almost teasingly. Javier’s fingers twitched in the edge of his vision and Yuzuru could only imagine what it was like for him to have Yuzuru touching him. He looked up at Javier, who looked flushed and hungry, and he had to smirk, feeling a little bold and sexy. 

“I think Javi like this,” he teased, and Javier just nodded weakly. Yuzuru looked back at Javier’s erection and his mouth watered at the thought of what he wanted to do next. “I can do this?” he asked, looking up at Javier, who nodded eagerly.

“Yeah, sure.” Yuzuru lifted up on his elbows some and tentatively curled his tongue around the head, getting a feel for it. Javier made a sound like a wounded animal, and Yuzuru felt more powerful than ever. He gently slid it into his mouth, and the way Javier groaned made him feel sexy and wanted. Yuzuru didn’t know what he was doing, but he went with what he felt was probably right, gently bobbing his head, tongue tracking the vein on the bottom. He felt a tentative touch to his hair and looked up at Javier. “You’re so gorgeous like that, sucking my cock,” Javier panted and Yuzuru whimpered at the vulgarity of it all. It felt filthy in the best way. “Use your hand on what you can’t fit,” he gently guided, and Yuzuru did as he said, looking up at him for confirmation. “Yeah, just like that,” he groaned, petting Yuzuru’s hair absently, like he wasn’t sure what Yuzuru liked or not. 

Just when Yuzuru was getting the hang of a rhythm and starting to really enjoy the way Javier responded to him, Javier gently put a hand on his chin to stop him. “Wait, wait, wait.” Yuzuru pulled off of Javier with a slight frown and wiped at his chin. 

“I do something wrong?” he asked, and Javier chuckled weakly, shaking his head. 

“No, but if you keep doing that, I’m going to come way too fast,” he said, and Yuzuru gave him a smug grin, happy to hear that he made Javier feel good. 

“What you want do instead, then?” Yuzuru asked, biting his lip flirtatiously as he sat up on his knees. He took the initiative to push his own underwear off, looking at Javier as he did so. He had an awkward moment where his seduction failed because he had to awkwardly wiggle to get his underwear past his knees, but Javier didn’t seem to be laughing. Yuzuru resumed his crawl up Javier’s body, and Javier groaned, looking down at his fully naked body. He caught Yuzuru’s hips the moment he was within reach and Yuzuru moaned softly when Javier grabbed his now bare hips and ass. “You want do more?” he asked.

Javier looked up at him with hungry eyes. “I want to do it all,” he confessed. He kissed Yuzuru, who blushed at the thought of Javier kissing after his mouth had been where it had. “Can I use my fingers?” he asked, and Yuzuru whimpered but nodded. He enjoyed how it felt to touch himself there, so he couldn’t imagine how it would feel to have his boyfriend do it for him. “I have- wait.” Yuzuru moved some so that Javier could reach over to his bedside table. Yuzuru bit his lip when he came back with a bottle of lubricant. Yuzuru leaned back against his chest when he sat back up and kissed him hungrily. 

“Do it,” he murmured, kissing Javier’s jaw and then his neck. He felt Javier’s groan vibrate against his lips and he smirked, pressing his tongue against that spot that made him moan. He continued kissing his neck and shoulder until, with a gasp, he felt Javier grip his ass, and a cool sensation against his entrance. He whimpered and shuddered, tucking his face into Javier’s neck as he teased him before carefully slipping a fingertip inside. Javier kneaded his ass with the hand that wasn’t fingering him, and he sighed at the sensation. Javier was very gentle and went slowly, so he had a thought. “You do this before,” he mumbled, and Javier chuckled awkwardly.

“Um, now probably isn’t the time to talk about my sexual history,” he murmured and Yuzuru grinned. He wasn’t bothered by how many women Javier had been with. He didn’t know Javier’s past, but he knew Javier had dated a few women seriously in his life and he suggested he’d had more sexual partners. Being an athlete in a popular sport, Yuzuru figured tons of women would like a chance to fuck a hockey player, so it stood to reason Javier had been popular with women. 

“Javi has been with kinky women who like it this way, huh?” he teased, wanting to embarrass his boyfriend even in the wrong moment. It was too funny how cute Javier was when he was embarrassed. Javier made an embarrassed sound, but his only action was to slip a second finger inside with the first. Yuzuru moaned, lifting his head to kiss Javier’s jaw. “Okay, I get it, shut up now.” He touched Javier’s face and kissed him as he pressed back against the fingers inside of him. He moaned when the move made them slip deeper. He could never get his own fingers that far inside. It was incredible. “Nnnng, yes, I like this.” He rocked back and gasped in surprise when he felt Javier lightly touch that place inside that made him feel fire in his veins. “Wait, that is close.”

Javier looked at him with lust-addled eyes. “There?” he asked, and Yuzuru nodded. Javier pressed his fingers deeper again, curling them just right, and Yuzuru saw _stars_

“Oh YES!” he gasped. He tossed his head back, rocking onto the fingers inside of him. “Oh my God.”

“Fuck, you look so good,” Javier groaned. He kissed Yuzuru’s neck where his head was tossed back and bared it. “You’re so incredible.” Yuzuru whined, gasping out a curse in Japanese, unable to focus on what language he should use. Javier slipped another finger in, continuing his assault on Yuzuru’s prostate while stretching him further. Yuzuru had always enjoyed the stretch. It wasn’t that he liked pain, but it was like that tiny bit of pain that came with the pleasure. Like when Javier scraped his fingernails against his ribs, it didn’t hurt, but there was a tiny bite of pain with the pleasure. Or how Javier moaned when Yuzuru tugged at his hair gently. It wasn’t enough to hurt, but it ignited that spark. 

Yuzuru could feel Javier’s cock rubbing against his inner thigh as Javier thrust up against him while he fingered him, and when he felt it slip behind just enough to nudge where Javier’s fingers were, Yuzuru suddenly had the _best_ idea. “Condom?” he asked, barely able to remember the world in English. He kissed Javier, pushing his hair out of his eyes. “You have condom?”

Javier’s eyes widened. “Yeah, are you sure? Do you really want-“

“Get it,” Yuzuru urged, pushing at Javier’s chest. He grumbled unhappily at the loss of Javier’s fingers inside of him as Javier leaned halfway off the bed again to get a condom, but when he came back, Yuzuru sat back on his thighs, reaching for the lube that had rolled away down the bed. When he came back, Javier was already rolling the condom onto his cock. Yuzuru opened the bottle of lube and drizzled it on Javier’s cock. He hissed at how cold it was and Yuzuru mumbled apologetically as he stroked Javier, getting it nice and wet. “Sorry.”

“Just get back here,” Javier said, and Yuzuru eagerly scrambled back into his arms. He wrapped his arms around Javier’s neck and kissed him eagerly as Javier shifted his hips so that Javier could angle his cock to Yuzuru’s entrance. When Yuzuru eased back onto him, in spite of how thoroughly he was stretched, it was still a bit of a struggle to get the head inside. When it finally went inside, however, he gasped. It was a little overwhelming. It didn’t really hurt as he slowly sank down onto Javier’, but it was just enough thicker to make him feel it. As it went deeper inside of him than anything had ever been, he began to feel overwhelmed. He didn’t realize how ragged his breath had become until Javier held onto his hips, stopping him. “Hey, are you okay?”

Yuzuru looked down at Javier and was shocked to feel wetness on his eyelashes. Javier looked worried, but Yuzuru just pressed their foreheads together and shook his head. “It- it okay. It just a lot. It intense.” He kissed Javier chastely. “I never have so much inside me. It feel good but- but much.”

“Overwhelming?” Javier asked, and Yuzuru nodded. “Are you okay? Do you want to stop or slow down at least?”

Yuzuru shook his head. “I am okay.” He pressed against Javier’s restrictive hold on his hips and Javier loosened his grip, letting Yuzuru finish taking the last couple of inches. Yuzuru shuddered and shook at the awesomely intense feeling of Javier inside of him. Javier was _inside_ of him. His boyfriend’s cock was in his ass. It was crazy to think after so many years not even really thinking about sex to realize he was _having sex_. 

He was having sex with his boyfriend, Javier Fernandez, the most patient and wonderful man he could imagine having sex with. It had to be so hard for Javier not to move right now, but he hadn’t so much as shifted, clearly worried about Yuzuru instead. Yuzuru opened his eyes and looked into Javier’s wide brown eyes, and all he saw there was confidence. Yuzuru held his gaze as he carefully lifted up a little and then lowered back down, starting a slow, careful tempo. Javier had sweat around his hairline and his grip on Yuzuru’s hips was shaking, but he never once rushed Yuzuru, and Yuzuru shuddered at the feeling of intense trust that came with every second of this. He got more and more sure of his movements, since nothing he did caused any sudden pain like he had slightly feared, and as he canted his hips and found a better angle, he started riding Javier faster. 

When a shift made Javier hit that spot inside that made him see stars, Yuzuru shuddered and gasped, clawing at Javier’s chest where his hands were braced. “Fuck,” he said, and Javier groaned.

“I’ve never heard you curse like that,” Javier panted, hands on Yuzuru’s hips to help guide him. “It’s hot,” he added. Yuzuru arched his back, whining as he slammed his hips down harder, enjoying the force of the thrust jarring him slightly. He really whined when Javier ducked his head and sucked on one of Yuzuru’s nipple, tongue flicking against it repeatedly. Yuzuru had never really even explored how sensitive his nipples might be, but they sure were when Javier touched them. 

“Javi!” he cried out, whining as his thighs began to burn. He would have thought that he had better strength than that, but after a weekend of skating and performing, his legs weren’t as sturdy as usual. “Javi, you fuck me,” he pleaded, and Javier growled against his chest as he picked Yuzuru up off his lap, making him shudder at how empty he felt all of a sudden, and laid him down on the bed, moving to kneel between his thighs. 

“Just a second, I promise,” Javier said, taking the opportunity to add more lube. He groaned at the sight of Yuzuru spread out below him and pushed his thighs apart, shuffling to slide back inside. 

Yuzuru moaned as he filled him again, his moan turning into a gasped whimper when Javier leaned over him, hands braced on the bed to either side of Yuzuru, and started fucking him. This position didn’t get him as deep as the other, but he could go harder. He wasn’t going hard enough to hurt Yuzuru, but he could fuck into him with sharp snaps of his hips that intensified the pressure to his prostate. Yuzuru wrapped his legs around Javier and his arms, groaning when Javier bit and sucked at his throat while he fucked him, Yuzuru held onto Javier’s shoulders, gasping with every thrust. When Javier found his prostate dead on, he cried out and dug his fingers into Javier’s back. “Javi, more, there, good!”

Javier understood his babbling because he increased the force of his thrusts, making him babble and whine desperately as he clung to Javier so tight his legs shook. Javier gave a rough, hoarse sound, and sat back on his knees. Yuzuru looked up at him with dazed eyes, arms spread helplessly on the bed as Javier held his hips and started fucking him hard _and_ fast, clearly reaching his limit of patience. The fast, hard thrusts abused Yuzuru’s prostate so perfectly that he couldn’t stop whining and moaning desperately, head thrashing back and forth. “Fuck, fuck, Yuzuru, you feel so good.”

“Yes, yes, Javi, yes!” Yuzuru chanted. “Yes, yes, yes.” He had the mental clarity to slide one hand down his stomach to grip his own erection, jerking off while Javier fucked him so good he saw stars. He gripped at the bed with his free hand, needing something to ground him as he felt his orgasm building and building. The more pleasure he felt, the longer he lasted without orgasm, the more he begged Javier for harder and more even though he was fucking him probably as hard and fast as he possibly could. Finally, when Yuzuru was sure he was going to float away in a sea of pleasure, the crest broke and he came with a positive _scream_. “Javi, YES!” 

Yuzuru’s orgasm was so overwhelming and lasted so long, Javier’s assault on his prostate only prolonging the longest orgasm of his entire life, that when Javier gave a hoarse grunt and his hips stuttered as he cried, “Fuck, Yuzuru, FUCK!”, Yuzuru was only just coming down from his orgasm. He shook and whined through the feeling of Javier pulsing inside of him as he spilled into the condom, and his chest heaved when Javier finally stopped moving. “God, _Cari_ ,” Javier breathed in a shaking breath. He shook like he was freezing, no doubt the adrenaline coursing through his veins, and Yuzuru just watched through ragged gasps and tear-damp eyes as Javier carefully pulled out of Yuzuru. 

Yuzuru whimpered unhappily at how empty and cold he felt now, but Javier just took off the condom, tossed it where Yuzuru hoped there was a trashcan, and then lowered his body so he could press kisses to the bends of Yuzuru’s hips, rubbing his muscles gently as he silently apologized for how far he made Yuzuru bend. Yuzuru giggled at him and reached down to tug him up his body as he closed his leg and shifted onto his side so he could curl up against Javier. Javier, to his credit, took him in his arms and held him so close, their legs tangled, that he wasn’t sure they had been this close even during sex. “Javi okay?” Yuzuru mumbled against his chest, and he felt shaking lips pressed to his temple.

“I’m amazing. Are you hurt?” he asked, a gentle hand curling around his upper thigh and the bottom bend of his ass inquiringly. 

Yuzuru shifted a bit and he did feel tenderness, but it wasn’t bad. “No, I am okay.” He pressed a kiss to Javier’s chest. “Thank you.”

Javier laughed weakly. “What are you thanking me for?” he asked, stroking Yuzuru’s spine from top to bottom like he was petting his cat. 

“Thank you for giving me incredible first time,” Yuzuru answered sheepishly. “That so much more than I can imagine. It feel… it feel so special,” he admitted bashfully. “And that best orgasm I probably ever have,” he added with a giggle and Javier chuckled, kissing his face again. 

“God, you’re incredible. Your body is so responsive and you have so much power in such a slender figure. That was probably the most energetic sex I’ve had that wasn’t weirdly kinky,” Javier confessed. 

Yuzuru giggled and pulled his head away from Javier’s chest, looking up at him as he reached a hand up to pet Javier’s face. “What kind of weird, kinky sex you do in the past?”

Javier grimaced. “Do you really want to talk about that in the afterglow of making love?”

Yuzuru grinned. “Okay, but I want know sometime. Obviously, you sleep with girl who like it in the butt, so that already story I want to know,” he teased. and Javier just pouted playfully at him. “I stop now,” he promised, kissing him on his pouty lips. They lay snuggled together, ignoring how disgusting they were for a while longer, and Yuzuru remembered something. “Oh yeah.” He petted Javier’s chest absently. “You say you have thing you want to tell me before I talk about sex. What thing is it?”

Javier blushed and Yuzuru tilted his head curiously. Javier took a shaking breath and caught Yuzuru’s hand on his chest, holding it tightly. “Um, I actually kind of wanted to say something to you. I realized it this weekend and I Just- I wanted to tell you as soon as possible, not wait for it.” Yuzuru smiled encouragingly and Javier took a deep breath before whispering the last five words Yuzuru could have ever imagined he was going to say. 

“I’m in love with you.”

Yuzuru’s eyes widened, and then he closed them against the sudden feeling of tears. “Oh, Javi.”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Javier murmured, catching his face in his hand. “What’s wrong? Shit, please don’t cry,” he urged. “I won’t say it again if it makes you cry, I promise, I’m sorry-“

“Javi, don’t be stupid.” Yuzuru opened his eyes, beaming. “They are happy tear,” he said, pointing out the obvious. He laughed wetly and surged up to kiss Javier, smiling against his lips. “I love you,” he said, heart pounding. He hadn’t thought about saying it yet, he was still so scared of messing up their careful relationship, but Javier saying it first only made him more sure he was ready to confess, too. 

Javier’s look of surprise was hilarious, as was the kind of dying goat noise he made as he clearly had a momentarily meltdown. “You- you do?”

Yuzuru laughed openly at his reaction. “Oh my God, I think I break Javi brain,” he said, petting Javier’s hair teasingly. “Yes, _Baka_. I love you.” 

The kiss Javier pulled him into made him moan, hands sliding into Javier’s hair to hold him tight as they kissed hard and messy. “ _Te amo, Cari, mi cielo, mi vida,_ ” he breathed against Yuzuru’s lips between kisses. “ _Mi corazón_.”

Yuzuru felt an overwhelming sense of happiness that made him burst into giggles in between kisses and Javi’s words. “I am sorry. I don’t know why I laugh. I just so happy,” he apologized, pressing his forehead against Javier’s. “I so, so happy.”

“It’s okay, I’m very happy, too,” Javier replied, smiling so widely that his cheeks bunched up and his eyes wrinkled. “I love you, Yuzuru Hanyu.”

Yuzuru closed his eyes and hugged Javier tightly. “I love you, Javier Fernandez.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me father, for I have sinned... and loved it jejeje


	13. Chapter 13

After showering together – and oh how Javier loved seeing Yuzuru soaking wet – they decided to go out since they wouldn’t have much time together soon with the season starting for Javi. He really was supposed to go to the gym that afternoon after Yuzuru came over to show him his medal and left to go unpack at home, but he called Coach Holden and told him he couldn’t make it and that he’d come in early in the morning to make up for it. They never did eat lunch like the plan was, what with them having really fantastic sex and very emotional confessions of love that still made Javier feel giddy, so they went to a seafood restaurant Yuzuru liked Javier to take him to. 

Since it wasn’t very busy, as it was three in the afternoon, they sneakily held hands under the table until their food came, and when it did, they kept feeding each other bits of their own food and generally being obnoxiously in love. 

“I like this,” Yuzuru said, holding a bite of fish out to Javier. “It have lemon taste. Very yummy.” 

Javier took the bite and then hummed. It was really delicious. After he swallowed and wiped his mouth, he nodded. “That’s great. I’ll have to get that next time.” He speared a piece of carrot. “Taste this, it’s glazed with something sweet,” he said, and Yuzuru hummed excitedly when he chewed it.

“Oh my God, I think it ginger and honey,” he said, nodding. “Very yummy.”

Javier looked at Yuzuru and when he raised his head and the sun made his hair shiny and his cheeks glow, he couldn’t help a sappy little sigh, biting his lip as he admired Yuzuru’s beauty. He was always beautiful, but right now, it was like he was glowing. “You’re so beautiful when you’re happy,” he murmured quietly and Yuzuru beamed, cheeks showing a bit of pink.

“You make me happy,” he said warmly. “Javi loving me is best feeling. It happiest I ever been. It more happy feeling than gold medal at Olympics,” he said and Javier’s heart skipped a beat at how _huge_ it was and yet how simple and easy it was to love each other. 

“I really, really can’t think of anything that makes me happier,” Javier confessed. “I’ve been in love before, but you’re just so different to anybody I’ve ever known. You’re just so special to me.” 

Yuzuru giggled and ducked his head. “Javi,” he sighed, then rolled his eyes, looking out the window. “You are sweet,” he decided, and Javier grinned at how adorable he looked when he smiled at him again. 

~

Javier was pretty sure his coach was punishing him for skipping gym time. “Coach, I can’t feel my arms,” he gasped as he lay against the mat. He’d been doing pushups for half an hour now. According to Coach Ramirez, the fitness coach, he was doing them, ‘wrong’. 

“Well clearly you’ve been slacking,” Ramirez said simply. “If your arms are done for, let’s work on those abs. Four minute plank. Now.”

Javier groaned and moved into plank position, crossing his legs to try and tighten his body to lock it into position. He lifted his head to look at the mirror in the gym and saw Milo and Oliver watching him and looking at Coach Ramirez as well. He could only imagine what they were thinking since he was clearly being extra punished. It was his own fault, and it was definitely worth it. Spending his day with Yuzuru was more than worth this extra exercise. He remembered the feeling of Yuzuru asleep in his arms this morning, since his mother gave him permission to stay over, and he thought about sleepy good morning kisses and couldn’t help but smile even as sweat dripped down his face. 

Yuzuru was the ugliest sleeper Javier had ever witnessed, and he loved everything about it. Yuzuru had one eye that didn’t close all the way when he slept, his hair somehow got matted like crazy even though he barely moved in his sleep, and he had the ugliest little snore. Javier was enamored by it. Everything about his boyfriend made him happy. 

When he finally collapsed, he lay there on the mat panting. His abs were burning and his arms were shot, but he thought about Yuzuru and managed to push himself up and get to his feet, looking at Ramirez while he panted. “Did I make it?” he asked.

“Close,” Oliver called out. “Milo timed you. You made three and a half minutes. I bet your shoulders are screaming.”

Javier wiped at his forehead. “I’m dying.”

“Good, time to go running,” Ramirez said, pointing over to the lines painted on the floor. “Suicide runs, now.”

Javier groaned but went to get started. He may throw up at the end of this workout, but he pictured Yuzuru’s beautiful smile and found he was able to power through. 

 ~

After managing about half the workout that Ramirez wanted, coach Holden came in and called them all to drills. Javier was exhausted, so the last thing he wanted to do was go skate drills, but he couldn’t get out of them, and he knew it. 

When the days practice was finally over, Javier was pretty sure he’d never walk without pain ever again. “Dude, Javi, what the hell did you do to piss off Coach?” Josh asked.

“I have no idea,”Javier said as he sat down heavily and tugged off his skates. “I guess it was skipping the gym yesterday. He probably thinks I’m gonna get out of shape if I’m that lazy.”

“Could be you spending too much time with your ballerina on ice.” Javier looked over his shoulder at Ivan and raised an eyebrow.

“Really? Again with this shit?” he asked tiredly. 

“It’s just true.” Ivan made a show of holding his towel over his chest. “Better watch out, Guys, Fernandez has gone queer on us! Keep an eye on where he’s staring.”

“Oh, please, like even a gay guy would take two looks at your ugly ass,” Milo said, plopping down right beside Javier. “Anyways, I’m pretty sure Holden likes the figure skater kid. Ramirez just doesn’t like slackers and Holden wasn’t there to see how Ramirez worked you, so being slow pissed him off.”  


~

Yuzuru was pulling his training shirt on, eyes covered, when he heard a gasp. “Oh my GOD! Those are SEX bruises!” Yuzuru struggled to get his shirt down, looking across the room at Jason. Jason clapped his hands excitedly. “Oh my God, those are fingertip bruises on your hips!” He rushed over, slamming into the locker beside Yuzuru. “Who are you sleeping with and give me ALL the details!”

Yuzuru blushed, ducking his head. “It is secret,” he warned him. “Brian and Tracy know but nobody else. Mom says I must keep very quiet.”

Jason’s eyes narrowed. “Is it the hockey player?!” Yuzuru giggled bashfully and Jason gasped. “Lucky!!!” 

“We are being dating for two month, about,” Yuzuru confessed. “He very sweet,” he added with a smile. “Javi buy me bracelet for first date,” he said, holding out his wrist. He covered his face, too giddy now that he could talk about it. “Just few days ago, he say he loves me,” he whispered, and Jason squeaked excitedly.

“Oh my Goooood, it’s so romantic!” He hugged Yuzuru suddenly. “I’m so happy for you! You deserve it,” he gushed. “I want to hear all about it later, but right now, Brian will kill us if we’re late for jump training,” he said, and Yuzuru nodded and grabbed his skates, heading for the door after Jason.

~

After training, Yuzuru and Jason sat in the lounge, whispering together. “So when Tracy tell me I must talk with Javi, I do, and he confess he like me, and I kiss him.”

“Eeep!” Jason clapped happily. “That’s so romantic! So like, what do you guys do? Do you go on dates? How does that work out?”

“We do dating, but we keep thing subtle,” Yuzuru explained. “Like, we do same thing we did before confessing. He cook for me, though,” he confessed. “He make dinner and I come to his home and we watch movies. Sex thing is still new, but I stay night at his house after first time and it so nice,” he sighed. “He hold me and it feel like best sleep ever.”

“I want a boyfriend,” Jason said with a pout. “That sounds amazing. A handsome man buys you jewelry and cooks you dinner and cuddles with you. Also, you said he has a cat. I mean, talk about the perfect cuddling, a big man holding you and a cat sitting on your lap. It sounds pretty ideal.”

Yuzuru giggled and nodded. “I love it. I love how it feel when he look at me and call me beautiful. I was happy without boyfriend but it so nice. It like best friend who cuddle and kiss and do sex with.”

“Ohhhhh boy, I walked in at the wrong moment.” Yuzuru startled and flushed when he looked up and saw Brian had walked in and was headed to the coffee machine, going by the cup in his hand. He sighed as he kept walking. “I’m not here. I didn’t hear my skaters talking about sex. Ew.”

“Oh my God, we’re all adults here, Brian,” Jason said, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, you’re both painfully young to me. It’s gross. It’s gross to think about you being ‘adults’,” he said as he poured up some coffee. “God, I’m old. I think twenty-something year olds are too young for sex. This is a new low. Life is only downhill from here.”

Yuzuru giggled at Brian’s despair. “I have same years as when my parents get married. It not that weird.”

Brian scoffed. “You carry around a stuffed Winnie the Pooh, you’re definitely more of a child than your mother was at your age and I didn’t even know your mother when she was young.”

Yuzuru shrugged. “My boyfriend like Finding Nemo, it good match,” he said proudly, and Jason cooed.

“Awwwww, I love that movie!” He fanned himself. “Such a perfect man. You’re so lucky, Yuzu!”

Yuzuru smiled shyly and shrugged. “He sweet and cute and I love him.”

Brian’s humor faded some and Yuzuru held his gaze, refusing to back down even though Brian didn’t look too happy about that assessment. “So this is for real, huh?” he asked calmly, and Yuzuru nodded his head once.

“Yes. It is.”

Brian looked pained but just nodded. “Okay. You live your life,” he said simply, then walked out with his coffee. 

Yuzuru knew that this was as accepting as Brian was going to get. He wasn’t going to ever embrace Yuzuru’s relationship. But at least he was agreeing to be fair about it. Brian was one of the most important people in his life, and he trusted him in most things, but this was one area they would never see eye-to-eye on, so he was glad Brian was willing to accept that trying to talk him out of loving Javier was a lost battle and not his concern.

Javier was important to him and Brian was like an uncle more than a coach, and he needed them to both be okay with that. 

~

When Javier’s season started for real, Yuzuru had to deal with the fact that he wouldn’t see him all that often. Only the second week of the regular season, he had _four_ games in just one week. Yuzuru couldn’t imagine competing every other day like that. Not to mention the day off was spent traveling to the next city. When they were at home, Yuzuru tried to watch his games if he could, but it was hard. Every time Javier got hit it hurt his heart and made him kind of angry that people were beating up on his boyfriend. When he told Javier this, Javier’s reaction was hilarious. 

“Yuzuru, I’m wearing so much gear and a helmet, it barely even hurts,” he said, pressing kisses to Yuzuru’s ribs as they lay in bed together after ‘Javi’s team won’ celebration sex.

Yuzuru pouted. “But I don’t like see it,” he mumbled. “I know you are not bad hurt, but it still make me sad,” he explained. “You know I don’t like hitting,” he said, tugging at Javier’s hand until he came back up and kissed Yuzuru properly. “I know you love sport, and I never want to say bad thing, but I cannot help.”

Javier smiled down at him, propped with his elbows on either side of Yuzuru’s head. “I understand,” he said, brushing Yuzuru’s bangs out of his face. “Every time you take a bad fall, I worry you’re injured,” he admitted. “You don’t have a helmet on, if your head slams into that ice, it could be so bad.” He kissed Yuzuru’s forehead. “Love makes worriers out of all of us.”

Yuzuru still got butterflies whenever Javier said that he loved him. He couldn’t help it. Everything about being in love was incredible to him. “I love you,” he whispered, pressing his lips to Javier’s. 

Javier smiled into the kiss and brushed their noses together. “I lo-“

He was interrupted by his phone ringing on the bedside table. Yuzuru pouted and Javier groaned, reaching over to grab it. He slid off of Yuzuru and lay on his back beside him as he answered the phone. “Hello?” Yuzuru used his position to wiggle his way into laying his head on Javier’s chest, wrapping a leg around one of Javier’s. “Yeah, I’m still up,” he said, and Yuzuru bit back a giggle at the ‘why’ Javier wasn’t in bed yet. They had learned that Javier, though just as inexperienced as Yuzuru, was really, really good at sucking Yuzuru off. “No, Coach hasn’t said anything about offense practicing in the morning with the defense.” Yuzuru closed his eyes, listening to the rough nature of Javier’s voice this time of night, and cuddle up to him. He smiled to himself when Javier rubbed his back absently while cuddling him closer. However, Javier’s next words jarred him out of his daze. 

“Yeah, I guess I can come out.”

Yuzuru sat up on his elbow and frowned at Javier, who gave him a sheepish grin and shrugged. 

~

Javier knew Yuzuru wasn’t happy when he had to interrupt their post-sex cuddling to go out drinking with his friends, but when he explained that he didn’t have a good excuse to tell them to cover that he was cuddling with his boyfriend, Yuzuru had left without too much complaint. He wasn’t angry at Javier, he didn’t think, but he definitely wasn’t thrilled about not getting to spend the night. Javier wasn’t the happiest in the world that the promise of morning-sex was off the table now, but they both had a delicate balance to keep so that nobody they didn’t want knowing about them found out. 

“Javi!” Javier laughed when the whole rowdy line sitting at the bar called his name. He blushed when a couple of the regular bartenders spotted him and started cheering. 

“Hey, Javi,” Janelle said, handing him a beer with a wink. “On the house for the winning goal scorer!”

He laughed and nodded. “Thank you, Beautiful.” He sat down beside Milo, who slapped him on the back. 

“Why the fuck didn’t you come straight here, Man?” he asked, clearly already a few beers in. “Scott’s dumb ass had to call when you didn’t respond to our texts!”

Javier winked. “Maybe I had something better to do than answer your texts,” he joked, even if it was secretly true. 

“That mean Janelle is on the menu for me?” Max asked, leaning past Milo. “Because I’ve sure never stood a chance when you were around, Javi.”

Javier snorted, sipping his beer. “Go ahead. I met up with a ‘friend’ as soon as I got unpacked,” he said, and the whole group laughed raucously at that. 

Janelle was a nice woman, and though they had no romantic attachment, last season it became almost a convenience to hook up with her after her shift ended and he was leaving the bar anyways. It happened about a dozen times over the past season, and he had no intention of it happening again, so he didn’t mind one of his other teammates taking over. She knew he didn’t like her that way and he was pretty sure she didn’t like him that way, either. She was a bartender stuck with gross drunks all night and he was polite and kind, so she could hook up with him without worrying he would stalk her or something. He was pretty sure his teammates knew the key to getting someone that hot to want to have sex without any attachments was by being nice to her when she was single and needed some relief the same as anybody else. 

He had love now, for the first time in five years, so he had no need for ‘relief’. 

“So, who are you screwing that’s worth saying no to such a beautiful woman for?” Milo asked, raising his voice when Janelle came near. 

She looked at Javi, raising an eyebrow. “Damn, I was hoping you’d stick around until closing,” she said with a wink. She grinned at Milo. “Your friend is a hell of a gentleman, if you know what I mean.”

Javier chuckled. “A gentleman who’s working on something,” he confirmed with a little shrug. 

“We haven’t heard about a girl,” Milo said, and Javier wiggled his eyebrows.

“I’m still working on it! I’m not exactly young anymore, it would be nice to have a girlfriend, not just a hook-up. She’s just not so easily convinced.” He gestured to his face. “All of this charm and I still have to work at it. Says a lot about a woman. Until I can get her to date me, I agreed to keep it private.”

The group laughed at him and he ducked his head, hoping his lie could carry him for a while without them demanding to know who the mystery girl was. 

When he went to the bathroom late and checked his phone, he had a goodnight text from Yuzuru that made his heart melt and reminded him it was all worth it. 

_love u Javi goodnight xx kisses_


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a fluffy chapter!
> 
> (Can you tell I post a chapter when I check my email in the morning and see it is back from being edited before I leave for work? Sorry I post so early! Lol)

Nothing was stranger than having somehow ended up having his favorite male figure skater as his boyfriend, but a close second for Javier was arriving to pick Yuzuru up from practice and getting accosted by two other elite figure skaters, who stopped him from going to the rink by each grabbing an elbow and steering him to the lounge.

“Hi, you remember me, right?” Jason asked, and Javier raised an eyebrow and gave a charming smile.

“Of course, the last time I was here you told me I was handsome and Yuzuru was a lucky man,” he teased, and Jason sighed.

“Still true,” he said. “So this is my good friend Evgenia!” he said brightly and Javier chuckled and nodded to her.

“I’m aware. I’m a big fan, really,” he said, and she lit up.

“Really? That’s cool!” she said excitedly. “So, we are kidnapping you.”

“Yeah, we have to make sure you’re good for our friend,” Jason added. “I mean, you’re handsome so that’s a plus, and he says you’re very sweet, but you’re also a big jock, so we need to decide if we approve or not!” He narrowed his eyes at Javier. “Yuzuru is our friend, so we’re not gonna just accept you.”

Javier grinned, more than a little charmed at how caring they were towards Yuzuru. “I’m all ears,” he agreed readily. 

They sat him down and immediately started on questions. “Do you have any tattoos?” Evgenia asked, and Javier fought a smile at being stared down by a tiny teenage girl. 

“No, no tattoos.” He smirked. “Yuzuru has one on his left thigh, though,” he said, and Jason and Evgenia both gasped.

“Oh my God, Yuzuru has a tattoo?”

“Oh my God, don’t talk about sex in front of a child!”

Javier laughed at their reactions, but shook his head. “I have no tattoos.”

“Have you ever cheated on your partner before?” Jason asked, and Javier winced. That was far more direct than he expected. 

“Not as an adult, but to be entirely honest, I once went out with a different girl while I was dating a girl in high school. But this was before there were relationships and commitments and being an adult, not a selfish teenage boy,” he confessed. 

“Hmmmm,” Jason and Evgenia both said, looking at each other doubtfully. 

Whatever they decided, they kept going. “Have you ever dated a man before?” 

“No,” he said honestly.

“Are you just experimenting with our friend?” 

“No,” he urged. “I’m not surprised you would ask, but I think I’ve always been bisexual but didn’t bother worrying about it since I was popular with women.”

“So you’re a manwhore,” Evgenia said, and Jason looked taken aback.

“Who even taught you that?!” he asked, then groaned. “Ignore her. That’s rude.”

Javier chuckled. “You guys are cute,” he said honestly. “Are there any more questions? I really think Yuzuru must be looking for me now.”

“One last one,” Evgenia said, raising a manicured finger, and Jason gave him a far more serious look.

“Do you have any intentions of hurting our friend?” he asked point-blank. 

Javier smiled and shook his head. “No, I would never hurt the man I love.”

“Awwwwwww,” Evgenia cooed, swatting Jason repeatedly in the arm. “It’s so cuuuute!”

Jason sighed and smiled a big, bright smile. “Okay, we approve. Go get your man,” he said, and Javier stood up with a little wave.

“Nice seeing you both,” he said in parting before he turned and left to go find Yuzuru and take him home. 

~

In the car on the way to his house, the last thing Yuzuru expected was for Javier to snicker and inform him, “Your friends ambushed me and interrogated me on whether I’m going to hurt you.”

“What?!” Yuzuru squeaked, and Javier grinned and nodded.

“Evgenia and Jason, who I guess felt protective, decided I needed to pass their tests.”

Yuzuru groaned. “Oh my God.”

“It was cute,” Javier said, reaching out to slide their hands together on Yuzuru’s lap. “I like that you have friends who care.” He squeezed his hand. “You’ve a very loved person, Yuzuru Hanyu.”

Yuzuru beamed. “This include you?” he asked, and Javier winked.

“You know it, _Cari_.”

~

When they got to Yuzuru’s house, Javier parked, since he was having dinner with them, but before they could get out of the car, Yuzuru tugged him across the console and kissed him. Javier, never one to deny a kiss, sighed into the kiss, letting Yuzuru put a fingertip on his chin to guide him into a deeper kiss. They stopped just short of full on making out when Yuzuru’s stomach growled, making them draw apart with laughs. “Guess I have angry tummy,” Yuzuru said with a sweet little giggle and Javier fell a little more in love with how sweet Yuzuru was.

They went inside and Javier could already smell something delicious cooking. Truth be told, other than how intimidating Yuzuru’s mother could be, he really enjoyed these dinners. Yuzuru was more himself around his mother and would slip into his mother tongue very easily and forget Javier couldn’t understand. Javier adored just watching Yuzuru in his home with his family. Yumi was nice, as well. She gave him looks that said she knew far more than he did about everything, but she was never anything but kind to him. He knew it had to be hard for her to accept that her son was not only gay but dating an athlete in a ‘manly’ culture, but he never intended to let her fears come to pass. Nobody would ever harm Yuzuru if he had anything to say about it. 

Yuzuru called out a greeting, and Javier heard his name in there, so when they entered the kitchen, Yumi just turned to smile at them. “Hello, Javier,” she greeted, as always, in a very carefully dictated word. He could tell she wanted to not slip up and seem rude. Yuzuru had less of an issue with that, always saying “Jabi” or “Javiel” without caring he misspoke, and Javier took it as a sign that he was comfortable with Javier. He actually adored that little ‘Jabi’ from his boyfriend’s lips. It was his favorite version of his name now. 

“Hello, Mrs. Hanyu,” he said, always pretending not to hear her when she said he could call her by her given name. He felt it was more respectful to address the woman who could ban him from seeing her son formally. “It smells wonderful in here,” he added with a charming smile. 

“It not done yet. Maybe ten minute,” she said, looking down into the pot. 

Yuzuru said something quickly and grabbed Javier’s hand, ignoring whatever his mom called after him as he led him down the hall. Javier leaned closer and lowered his voice. “Where are we going?”

“My room,” Yuzuru said simply. He opened a door and Javier was a little surprised by the room beyond it. He had never been to Yuzuru’s room, and it honestly looked more like a teenage girl’s room than an adult bedroom. To start with, he had posters of some band all above his single bed, there were several Pooh toys and a Pooh clock, and the furniture was all white with purple accents.

“You really like purple, huh?” he asked, and Yuzuru shrugged.

“I just like pretty color,” he said, tugging Javier to sit on his bed with him. 

Javier looked up at the band on the wall. “Is that the band you sent me video links to?” he asked, and Yuzuru beamed and nodded.

“Yes! My favorite band!” He twisted his head around and sighed. “Singer is so cute,” he said, and Javier chuckled and poked his side.

“He is cuter than me?” he asked, and Yuzuru made a ‘very serious’ contemplative face before wiggling his hand back and fort as if to say ‘maybe’. “Hey! I’m your boyfriend,” Javier cried, tickling Yuzuru’s waist. 

“Javi, stop!” he squealed, giggling as he tried to squirm away. He tried to stand up, but Javier just caught him around the waist and fell back on the bed, holding Yuzuru to his chest, grinning as he half-heartedly ‘fought’ to get away. “Javi is mean!” He pouted and Javier pecked his pout teasingly, earning a huff.

“Just say I’m cuter than some guy in a band and I’ll let you go,” he said, and Yuzuru hummed, narrowing his eyes and then tapping his chin before biting his lip and ducking his eyes.

“Maaayyyybe I like,” he suggested and Javier grinned, loosening his hold just enough to adjust their positions so that they lay cuddling with Yuzuru’s head on his chest and his arm settled around Yuzuru’s waist, his free hand stroking his hair absently. “Yes, I like,” Yuzuru mumbled, pressing a kiss to Javier’s clothed chest. 

Javier closed his eyes and just held Yuzuru, enjoying the feeling of being close with his boyfriend while he could. Unlike when Yuzuru came over, he definitely wouldn’t be spending the night here with Yuzuru in his arms. Sex was incredible with Yuzuru, but sometimes this was even better. He kissed Yuzuru’s hair, finding Yuzuru’s hand on his chest to tangle his free hand with it. “I love how soft your hair is,” Javier murmured absently. 

“I love how warm Javi is,” Yuzuru mumbled against his shirt. “It so cold but Javi so warm. I wish Javi was always pillow, so I never feel cold in bed.”

Javier bit his lip. “I could make such a dirty joke right now, but that’s too sweet to ruin the moment,” he said and Yuzuru chuckled tiredly. 

“Tired Yuzuru would rather have cuddle,” he confessed and Javier could definitely understand that. Nothing felt better after a long day than to fall asleep on the couch with Yuzuru’s back against his chest and his arms around Yuzuru’s waist. Javier might be Yuzuru’s favorite pillow, but Yuzuru was Javier’s favorite teddy bear. 

Javier smiled and kissed his forehead again. “I love you so much, _mi vida_.”

“Love you, too, Jabi,” Yuzuru mumbled softly. 

Javier heard a creak and opened his eyes, only to see Yumi standing in the doorway, looking at them. He started to say something, but she just shook her head, _smiled_ at him, and nodded towards the hallway. She turned and left and he saw her shoulders moving in silent laughter as she left. Javier waited a moment before gently nudging Yuzuru. 

“ _Cari_ , maybe we should go back. Your mom must be done by now,” he suggested.

Yuzuru sighed, but sat up with a nod, stretching his arms wide over his head. “This is true,” he said, yawning as he looked down at Javier. “Besides, tummy is angry,” he added, rubbing his stomach, and Javier grinned.

“I love when you say ‘tummy’,” he said, sitting up to give Yuzuru a quick peck. “Come on, let’s go feed your hungry tummy.”

All through dinner, Javier saw the way Yumi looked between him and Yuzuru, especially when Yuzuru fed Javier and giggled at the food Javier dropped. Javier had a feeling that though she said nothing, Yumi was starting to understand that Javier really did love Yuzuru. He hoped she might even be starting to think he was good for Yuzuru. His biggest hope was that someday, she would learn to trust him with her son’s heart. He understood it wasn’t easy, but he wanted the most important person in his boyfriend’s life to approve of their love. 

~

When Yuzuru’s mother sent him off to training with his lunch box, she stopped him with a hand on his cheek. “You’ve really grown into a handsome young man,” she said, and he tilted his head curiously, not sure where this was going. She patted his cheek and smiled. “You can stay over at Javier’s house if you want him to pick you up from practice. Just make sure you get to training on time in the morning. And make sure you have a healthy lunch to take with you.”

Yuzuru smiled brightly. “Thanks, Mom.” He hugged her quickly. “Not sure why the advanced permission when I haven’t even asked, but I’m glad you trust me.”

She hummed. “It’s more I’m starting to trust him,” she confided. “That man adores you. I guess it was hard for me to see it for a while, but it’s obvious as anything that he would never let anything happen to you.” She grinned. “A good man like that is hard to find. He might just be a keeper.”

Yuzuru blushed and ducked his head. “I told you all he’s a good man. I’m glad someone finally believes me.”

“Well, give your coaches some slack,” she said kindly. “You’re a young person in love. You’re not the most reliable judge of your partner’s character. I worried you could be blind to his faults, but getting to know him every week, it’s pretty obvious to see he’s a genuinely good person. All a mother wants is for her child to fall for someone who will be good for him, not just someone who _seems_ to be good. Coach Brian doesn’t know him the way I’m getting to. I won’t pretend to know him as much as you do, but I know Javier enough by now to realize he is honest about his intentions with you.” She shook her head. “I’m not saying nothing could ever happen to hurt you where he’s involved, but I believe he won’t ever hurt you on purpose. And physically, you are in no risk of harm when it comes to him. His teammates won’t suddenly beat you up if he has anything to say about it.” She grimaced. “I have to admit, it was a real worry. I know what those types of men are like. And they’re his friends, so it’s not hard to worry he would pick his friends over you if you didn’t know him as well as I’m beginning to.”

Yuzuru smiled softly and nodded. “I’m not saying he would have to choose me or his friends, but if it was anybody’s safety or someone he’s friends with, he would stop his friends from hurting them. I know Javi. Hockey is a violent sport, but only on the ice for him. Javi would never be violent outside of the sport. He would defend a stranger if a friend tried to beat them up.”

“Yeah, it’s crazy such a gentleman would be into such a violent, ugly sport,” Yumi agreed. “If you told me he was another figure skater, I would believe that before I believed he was a hockey player.” She smirked teasingly and Yuzuru already feared what she was going to say to embarrass him. “Even the way he touches your face and kisses you when you don’t think I can see you is very gentle.”

“Mooom,” he whined in embarrassment. He put a hand over his eyes. “Okay, I’m leaving, if I don’t die of embarrassment!” he complained, stomping out of the house in a mood far more like a child than an adult man in an adult relationship. 

But mothers really were the worst about being embarrassing.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh. Little rocky time for the boys.

Javier kissed Yuzuru’s thigh, right where his Olympic Rings tattoo was, and Yuzuru shivered. “Javi, stop it. You know I have sensitive after we do sex,” he chastised. 

Javier grinned and crawled up his body, trailing teasing kisses along the way. “I know, but you’re so beautiful. I want to worship you even when I’m not horny for you.” He pressed his last kiss to Yuzuru’s forehead and then fell into bed beside him, holding his arms up so that Yuzuru could curl into his chest. He smiled and closed his eyes, kissing the top of Yuzuru’s hair. “ _Te amo, Cari._ ”

“Te amo, Javi,” Yuzuru repeated in adorably terrible Spanish. However, when he looked up at him for approval, Javier beamed and nodded.

“Good job!” He held him close and sighed. “This is what I needed after a long day training.”

“What, a blowjob?” Yuzuru joked, and Javier snorted, shaking him playfully.

“Curling up with my beautiful boyfriend,” Javier countered. “I wasn’t expecting you to stay the night, but it was a pleasant surprise.”

Yuzuru hummed. “I just feel like it.” He traced Javier’s abs. “You still never tell me about other people you do sex with,” he added. “I have curious.” He wiggled his eyebrows comically. “I know you do sex with girl who like it in the butt. Have to be kinky story,” he prodded. 

Javier groaned, but sighed, deciding it was only fair. “Well yeah. I hooked up with this girl last year for a while, actually. She was a little kinky,” he agreed. “She’s a nice girl. I just didn’t have feelings for her. Don’t think she had any for me, either. She just liked that I was nice and respected her, and we were sexually compatible.” He smiled bashfully. “And yes, she did like anal sex. It was new for me, but I wasn’t against it.” He winked. “Good thing, huh? It would be very awkward if we didn’t know what we were doing when we started having sex.”

Yuzuru hummed. “True thing,” he said, rubbing a hand through Javier’s chest hair absently. “So, how many people you date for real thing? You so handsome and nice, I bet you get lot of ‘one time’ girl, but what about real thing?” he asked.

Javier sighed, not liking talking about this, but knowing he owed it to his boyfriend to go through their pasts. It wasn’t Yuzuru’s fault he had no past and Javier had a lot. “I’ve had five ‘long’ relationships.”

“What mean long?” Yuzuru asked.

“Six months or more,” Javier said, then pursed his lips. “Well, length of time isn’t the thing, it’s the feelings. I’ve been in love three times before you, but had two others I thought I loved but realized I didn’t,” he said. “First two were the ‘thought it was love’ ones. First time, I was sixteen and had my first ‘real’ girlfriend and thought she was the person I’d end up with forever.” He snorted. “Sixteen-year-old boys are stupid,” he said and Yuzuru giggled softly. “Her name was Amara and we dated until I finished high school and she was the first girl I ever had sex with. I thought she was IT for me. But then I moved away to play hockey and didn’t have any issues leaving her, too.” He grinned. “Clearly, teenage love isn’t ‘real’ love. The next girl was a girl I dated when I was in Russia. I thought I loved her, but really it was just ‘you are the only person I like here’ and I was very attached to that. But again, when I left Russia, I didn’t care to leave her.” 

“I understand this,” Yuzuru murmured thoughtfully. “You meet person who is like _only_ person. I have this but friend way before. I did not have many friend, because of figure skating as child, but few times I have single friend who is _only_ friend and I think they mean everything until it is not hard to not talk and to leave.”

Javier understood that, too. “After that, the first girl I dated was here in Toronto. Her name was Amanda. She was beautiful and I did fall in love with her,” he admitted. “But I was so young and she wanted something serious. She wanted to get married and have babies and I got too scared by that, so I broke up with her. I felt bad, but I just wasn’t ready for what she wanted. I’m sure she met a great man who wanted what she did after I left, too.”

“Yeah, that sound like best situation,” Yuzuru agreed. 

Javier sighed. “The next girl I loved, her name was Maria. I met her visiting my parents at home. It was a long-distance relationship, and we fought so hard for it,” he said, feeling a pang of sadness at the memory. Even if he loved Yuzuru now, it didn’t magically not hurt to remember that relationship. “Maria was everything I could have wanted, but the distance was just too much. We only got to be in the same place five times in the _year_ we tried to make it work. It just wasn’t possible for us.”

Yuzuru hummed. “That is sad,” he commented, and Javier was surprised. He looked down at him and Yuzuru gave him a small smile. “I love you, so think of you be sad make me sad, even if sad thing is a thing that give you to me.”

Javier chuckled. “You’ll really laugh at the last one, then,” he said, thinking about his longest, most devoted relationship. “Coincidentally, the closest I came to something like what we have, she was also Japanese,” he said, and Yuzuru looked at him curiously. “She was Canadian, but born in Japan. Her name is Miki and she had a baby when we met. Her daughter was only a few months old, and when I started dating her, I was old enough by then that I thought I could be a father,” he confessed. He thought back to holding Miki’s daughter and thinking ‘this is it, this is my life’. “I loved them both so much,” he said, voice tight. “I would have married her,” he said weakly. “She was just… the perfect partner. And I loved that little girl so much,” he breathed, throat closing on him. “But much like Maria, Miki had to make a decision.” He shrugged some, careful not to jostle Yuzuru’s head. “She decided Japan was better for her daughter than Canada, because her whole family was still in Japan. And when she asked me to go with her, I couldn’t leave the NHL,” he all but whimpered. “I loved her so much, but I gave my life to my sport. If my own mother couldn’t convince me to give it up and come home, I couldn’t let her do it, either.” He sucked in a rattling breath. “I was with her for a year and that was two years ago that she left.”

Yuzuru rubbed his chest, looking at him with sad eyes. “That one hurt bad, huh?” he asked, and Javier nodded, smiling weakly. 

“I’m sorry. Please don’t think she still means more to me than you do-“

“Shhhh,” Yuzuru said, kissing him sweetly. “I am adult, Javi. Just because I have not experience this, it don’t mean I cannot trust that you love me now just because you love women before me.” He cupped Javier’s jaw in his hand. “Love is so much, but it is not all about partner. Just because I don’t do before, it don’t mean I do not see other do the same. Relationship is about love _and_ match good. You must have both.” He smiled at Javier. “I just trust we match good and have love, even if other person did not.”

Javier curled his arms around Yuzuru and kissed him long and slow. “You are so understanding and so beautiful and so smart. I can’t ever remember feeling so comfortable in a relationship before. I’ve never dated a man, but I feel like you and I ‘match good’ more than I ever had before.”

Yuzuru smiled. “My mother, she like you,” he whispered as if it were a huge secret. “I come over tonight because she say I can before I even ask and then say she really like you and think you love me and respect me and she is happy I found person who deserve me.”

Javier’s heart skipped a beat. “She does?” he asked, then, because he knew Yuzuru loved when he was silly, threw his free arm up. “Yes! I achieved the Mrs. Hanyu seal of approval!”

Yuzuru laughed his favorite ugly, dying-goose laugh, and grabbed Javier’s arm to bring it back down. “Javi, you so silly!” he said loudly, moving to sit on his lap, smiling down at him. “Silly, silly Javi.” 

Javier curled his arms around Yuzuru, beaming up at him. “You have no idea how much I wanted her to like me. I know people don’t trust me with you, and I don’t blame them, but you’re so different from anyone I’ve ever known. So many people run your life, and I don’t mean that in a bad way, because you’re not a child or anything, but your life is structured to make you a champion, and the people who run it are all only in it to make you the best. They all love you and do whatever they must to make sure you’re safe and happy and at the top of your sport. Those people are the ones I need to make understand that I only want the same things they do.” He kissed Yuzuru quickly. “That and to hold you in my arms and kiss you and have sex with you,” he added and Yuzuru giggled at his silly words. “Your mother is the biggest one I need to get on my side. Knowing she finally likes me, it opens the door for those coaches of yours. Tracy, I think I have a shot with, but Brian is my last big hurdle now that Mama Yumi is out of the way.”

Yuzuru kissed him sweetly. “She say she can tell you respect me,” he said proudly. “She say she see that you love me and you respect me. She say she only ever want for me to find someone who fit so good and make me happy.” He kissed his forehead. “I love Javi so much,” he confessed. “I so happy when she give ‘approval’. My mother is most important thing in my whole life. She give me life and give up _her_ life for me. She start do everything with me when I am fifteen. She give up time with her husband and daughter because I need her. She is _everything_ to me, and have her like my boyfriend mean he is worth loving.” He kissed Javier sweetly once more. “You are worth loving. I trust her to know I am not just dumb boy in love. I find good man who worth it.”  
Javier looked up into Yuzuru’s eyes and felt a sudden feeling of Zen. He was positive now that Yuzuru was, without a doubt, the love of his life. He had just spoken of others he thought were ‘it’, but for some reason, this time he felt sure. Yuzuru was it for him. It was a wonderful, peaceful feeling. 

 

~

Yuzuru’s first Grand Prix event was in Finland, and it coincided with Javier having a three-away-game-week, so he couldn’t watch it live. Yuzuru was kind of sad that his boyfriend wouldn’t see him skate live, but he decided it wasn’t so bad, he could just watch the videos later. 

Javier did watch the videos later, but he also slept on both flights between games, so Yuzuru didn’t get his ‘good luck’ messages until after he had skated. When he finished third after a miserable free skate, all he wanted was sympathy. Instead, he got a text that said, “I know you can do it! Only gold for my baby!” two hours after his miserable failure. It felt like rubbing salt in his wounds. 

Even worse, when he got home after a long flight in which his knee he tweaked on a fall throbbed from the air pressure, he wanted to go to Javier’s house and be babied by his boyfriend, but instead, when he called him, Javier informed him he was out with his friends and had training all day the next day, so he couldn’t see him for two days. 

Yuzuru was miserable and hated everything and the only one there for him was Pooh-san. 

~

Javier finally got to watch the videos of Yuzuru’s skate when he got home from training all day and spent a good, long time in bed, just letting his muscles rest. He watched Yuzuru’s terrible long program and felt like a _jerk_ for sending that good luck message without making sure it was actually before he skated. He also felt terrible for not making time for Yuzuru. He knew he had to be so upset and, going by how he was hobbling when he got off the ice, sore somewhere. He needed someone to pamper him and let him whine to them for a while. He vowed to do that the next day.

… Right after training until late afternoon.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The boys talk it out... and make up ;D

Yuzuru was not the happiest when he got to Javier’s house. Javier hadn’t responded to his calls or messages all day until he finally just said, ‘Hey, you want to come over?’ when Yuzuru was just getting ready to eat his dinner. However, he did want to see Javier, unhappy with him or not. After dinner, he took the bus to Javier’s house and when he knocked on the door, he crossed his arms and made it clear how he felt about Javier right now when Javi opened the door. 

“Hey, Yuzu, you could have told me to come…. Get you.” Javier looked at his frown and smiled weakly. “So, I know you’re upset I ignored your messages-“

Yuzuru shoved past him. “You do not even think I do sex with you tonight,” he said as he headed straight into the house. He looked around and spotted Effie and immediately went to go pick her up and take her place and cuddle her. “Stupid boyfriends, huh?” he mumbled to her, kissing her head. 

Javier sat down on the other side of the couch, thankfully smart enough to put some space between them. “I’m really sorry, Yuzuru,” he said earnestly. “I’ve been so busy lately. And I know that’s no excuse for not responding to your messages-“

“It only take second to say, ‘oh, sorry Yuzuru, I have busy day so cannot talk, bye bye’,” Yuzuru snapped at him, glaring over the top of Effie’s fluffy little head. “I know you have two second sometime today.”

Javier sighed, hanging his head. “I’m sorry,” he repeated. He held his hands up. “I don’t have an excuse. I should have texted you. Just like you said, it only takes a second. I just didn’t do it and I’m sorry.”

Yuzuru pouted at him. “Thank you for see that you are stupid,” Yuzuru said in a faux-pleasant voice. 

Javier snickered at that and looked up at him. “I know. I’m pretty stupid to ignore the love of my life. I really hope you can forgive me. I just didn’t think about it. And I realized when I got home that it was a very bad idea to ignore you.”

Yuzuru huffed and pouted when Effie got sick of him and ran away. “Effie is even mean to me. Today not good day for me,” he whined. “Brian have bitchy attitude today, Mom fuss at me for not cleaning dishes right, Jason get hurt and cries, and then you ignore me all day.”

“Oh, _Cari_ , I’m so sorry,” Javier said, sliding down the couch to sit close to him. He held up his arm and let Yuzuru choose if he wanted to cuddle, and Yuzuru’s angry resolve broke and he practically crawled into Javier’s lap, snuggling close and tucking his head under Javier’s chin. “Want to talk about it?” He rubbed Yuzuru’s side. “You said Jason got hurt, was it bad?”

“No, not bad,” Yuzuru said with a relieved sigh. “He cut hand on skate. Lot of blood but he do not need stitches. I think he get more frustrated than hurt and it make him cry.”

Javier cooed and kissed his hair. “I’m sorry your friend got hurt.” He chuckled. “The cleaning thing is your own fault though. It sucks your mom got mad at you, but you should clean things properly.”

“I know, it just suck,” Yuzuru grumbled. “I do not know what wrong with Brian. He just mean today.”

Javier chuckled. “I didn’t even know you knew ‘bitchy attitude’, so that was pretty funny to hear.”

Yuzuru smiled sheepishly. “It what Tracy say behind his back,” he confided and Javier grinned. “He call me lazy. Can you believe?!”

“That’s crazy,” Javier soothed. “You’re definitely not lazy.” He kissed Yuzuru’s temple. “I’m sorry for being a shitty boyfriend.”

Yuzuru sighed, rolling his eyes. “You not shitty boyfriend. Just make me mad,” he corrected. “You good boyfriend most of time,” he said confidently. “Just today you do bad. I miss you much for many days and you do not talk with me. I know I cannot be selfish, just because I need do not mean you can drop thing for me, but just tell me you cannot. I will understand,” he said, patting Javier’s arm. 

“I know,” Javier sighed. “I missed you the past few days. I’m used to talking even if I don’t get to see you.” He kissed his ear. “I’m sorry for how the free skate went for you.”

Yuzuru’s heart clenched and he bit his lip. “It make me feel so bad,” he confessed, voice a little warbly. “I hate do bad skate. I know it selfish, many people love to have third, but I want just have other person be better, not me do bad.”

“I know,” Javier soothed. Yuzuru closed his eyes and sniffled. “I noticed you were walking funny. Are you hurt?”

Yuzuru shook his head. “Just little hurt on knee, but it fine now. Nothing injury, just owwy.”

Javier cooed and kissed his cheek. “You know, my bathtub is very big. Want to go take a long soak? I even have lavender bath oil that can relax you.”

Yuzuru perked up a bit at that idea. He hummed playfully. “Only if Javi comes in, too,” he decided.

Javier chuckled. “Oh? What happened to ‘don’t even think about sex’?” he asked, and Yuzuru scoffed, sitting up to glare at him.

“I say nothing about sex, we can do naked together and not have sex,” he informed him pointedly. “But if you just think it good way to seduce me, maybe I do bath alone.” He narrowed his eyes at him suspiciously. 

Javier held his hands up and shook his head. “I won’t lay a hand on your naughty places,” he said, and Yuzuru giggled at Javier’s words. 

“Good.”

~

Javier knew it wasn’t going to be easy to have a wet, naked Yuzuru in his arms and not get hard, but he had no idea how much worse it would be when Yuzuru kept wiggling around, rubbing his very round backside right up against Javier’s crotch, all because he kept turning his head to look at Javier to speak to him. “Yuzu, Baby,” he said, grabbing his waist to hold him still. He swallowed hard. “If you keep wiggling like that, I’m going to have to get out. You don’t want sex, and that’s fine, but I’m starting to get aroused here.”

Yuzuru giggled, looking over his shoulder. “Javi.” He shook his head. “You such dirty,” he said, then rested his head back against Javier’s chest. “Just little touching and you get hard for me. Such dirty, dirty.”

Javier fought so hard to keep his hands on Yuzuru’s middle, not reach anywhere else as he held him. “I am a man with the most gorgeous boyfriend in the world, and said boyfriend keeps rubbing his ass against my dick. I’m not dirty, I’m human.”

Yuzuru hummed. “Maybe Javi should learn not to be mean to ‘gorgeous boyfriend’ then.”

“Withholding sex is punishing you just as much as me,” he reminded him. “It’s fine to not want it, but using it as a punishment for me being ‘mean’ is counterproductive. I know you like sex with me.”

“Javi make good point,” Yuzuru agreed. He tapped his chin. “Maybe better way is make Javi give me really, really good sex,” he suggested. “Instead of punish, I let Javi make it up to me.”

Javier chuckled and kissed Yuzuru’s earlobe. “I could fulfill a fantasy for you as an apology.”

Yuzuru shivered in his arms. “Javi, now you are one giving me ‘hard’ time,” he said, then giggled. “Get it? Hard time?”

Javier groaned at how lame that was. “You’re such a dork.” He rubbed a hand over Yuzuru’s belly. “Tell you what. If you really aren’t up for sex, it’s okay. I’m not trying to talk you into it.”

Yuzuru looked up at him and bit his lip. “Is it really okay if we do not?” He smiled apologetically. “I feel so tired. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize for that,” Javier chastised, kissing his ear. “If you’re not in the mood it’s absolutely fine. I know sometimes you’re just too tired or just don’t want to. Everybody gets that way. I do need you to not rub your ass on me though, because I really don’t want to take a cold shower and I’m not going to masturbate with my boyfriend in the other room.”

Yuzuru smiled and closed his eyes. “Maybe in morning I will feel like it. You are right, punish you by not having sex is stupid, it punish me too. Javi is really good at sex, why would I not want you give me sex if I am in ‘mood’?”

“Oh ho,” Javier teased. “I’m good at sex, huh?”

“You make me have two orgasm in one sex, Javi,” he remined him, and Javier groaned at the happy memory of the night they fucked so good that Yuzuru had, indeed, come twice, and Javier himself was pretty sure he saw a glimpse of heaven, he came so hard. It was easily the best orgasm in his entire life. He had never shaken like he was freezing after sex before, it had been so mind blowing. 

“We’re definitely very sexually compatible,” Javier joked. He sighed after a short while and hugged Yuzuru, tucking his face into Yuzuru’s neck. “I miss you when we’re apart,” he confessed softly.

Yuzuru reached back with a wet hand and scratched at his curls. “I know. I do, too. It will only be harder after Grand Prix.”

“Hmm?” Javier asked, leaning into the hand in his hair. 

“When I go home. I do not come back for almost two month,” he said, and Javier’s eyes flew open. 

His heart sank and dread filled him. “What?”

Yuzuru sat up a little to turn and look at him. “I have not said?” Javier shook his head and Yuzuru gave him a sad smile. “Grand Prix final, it early December. I go home after. I do not come back until late part of January. I go train for Japan National at the end of December home, then do not come back until training time for Four Continent.”

Javier stared at him with pain in his heart. “So I won’t see you for that long?”

Yuzuru nodded. “I am sorry. I think that you know.” He reached up to cup Javier’s face in his hand. “I will miss you very, very much.” He leaned in to kiss him slowly and Javier felt his heart break just a little bit at the thought of not having this for nearly two months. 

“I’ll have so many games in those times I can’t come see you,” Javier murmured, trying desperately to think of a way to visit Yuzuru in Japan. “Shit, I really won’t see you.”

Yuzuru nodded sadly. “And summer will be worse.” He bit his lip. “I want this for as long as we still have love, so I thinking we be together still next year. But this mean April until June, I am not here. And I leave for much of July to go do ice show.”

“I won’t be playing then,” Javier said with a shocking sense of relief. “I can come see you in April and June and July. I can spend half the month with you if I have to.” He touched Yuzuru’s face. “Four days without seeing you hurt so much. Six weeks will be a lifetime.”

“I know,” Yuzuru said, looking just as bad as Javier felt. “We will talk every day, yes?”

Javier nodded, kissing him again to hide how his eyes had grown slightly damp. He hadn’t felt so attached to someone in his life as he was with Yuzuru. Yuzuru was his best friend and the love of his life and he was really starting to feel like his _partner_. More than a boyfriend, but someone he shared his life with. It was still so early, but Yuzuru was all he could want in a relationship, and he got excited to see him every time they were apart. Six to eight weeks would hurt quite a lot. “Te amo, Yuzuru.”

Yuzuru smiled brightly. “Te amo, Javi.”

Javier hummed. “How do you say ‘I love you’ in Japanese?” he asked, and Yuzuru hesitated. “Yuzu?”

“It is big thing,” Yuzuru said softly. He looked into Javier’s eyes. “In Japan, say ‘I love you’, like big love, it is not thing we do really. Especially not man. We say ‘I like you’. Or maybe “I really, really like you”. But really even husband never say BIG ‘I love you’ to wife,” he explained. “Biggest ‘I love you’ I ever hear my parents say is _dai suki da yo_ ,” he added. “Big time ‘I love you’ almost only used for asking for to marry person.”

Javier grinned. “Such a reserved culture for such a not reserved man,” he said, and Yuzuru giggled.

“I have too much time with western people. I am way not reserve enough at home.” He poked Javier on the nose. “I think I can say to you _dai suki da yo_ ,” he whispered. “I feel like this could be long thing, you and me. So I think it okay.” He blushed and Javier’s heart melted. “I like _te amo_ more, though,” he decided. 

“We can stick to _te amo_ ,” Javier agreed. He kissed his nose, grinning when Yuzuru scrunched it up. “You want to go to bed?” he asked, and Yuzuru nodded.

“Yeah, I have sleepy eyes,” he said, and Javier melted a little at how cute he was. 

“Alright, sleepy eyes, let’s get dried and in bed.”

~

In the morning, Yuzuru woke up to Javier’s lips on his throat. He groaned sleepily, but then moaned as he felt a hand stroking him to hardness. “Javi?”

“Oh good, you’re up.” He kissed Yuzuru, who moaned in confusion. “I figured my apology wasn’t good enough yesterday. If you want, I could make it a whole lot better.” 

Yuzuru’s mind cleared well enough that he just nodded eagerly. “Yes. I think it is good idea.”

Javier grinned and then disappeared under the covers after one more kiss to his throat. Yuzuru moaned, arching as Javier lapped at his nipples, one after the other, and then kissed down his stomach. What _really_ shocked him, however, was when Javier skipped his erection and, instead, pushed his thighs up so that the covers fell away. “Javi, what- OH!” He gasped, fisting his hands in the sheets as Javier put his _tongue_ in his _ass_. “Oh my God!” he gasped, shocked and a bit confused at how good it felt. “Oh, oh, oh, oh,” he panted. He whined, thighs quaking, as Javier opened him up with only his mouth. “Oh, Jabi. Jabi!” he cried out, whimpering helplessly as the assault on his ass. 

When Javier finally relented, he grasped for Javier, tugging him up his body. “Good morning,” Javier panted, and Yuzuru just moaned, gripping at his shoulders. 

“Fuck me,” he moaned. “Please, please, fuck me.”

Javier groaned and ducked to suck on Yuzuru’s throat as he reached blindly for something. Yuzuru turned his head and saw the condoms and lube were already on the bed down by Javier’s knee. He reached down and grabbed them, putting them where Javier could reach without having to get away from Yuzuru’s throat. 

It only took moments for Javier to put on a condom and slide a few fingers into Yuzuru before he reached down and swatted at the hand. “It okay, it okay, just fuck me,” Yuzuru gasped. He twisted around, careful of his long legs, and raised his ass in the air, gripping at the headboard as he pressed his face into the pillows. “Fuck me hard,” he begged. 

“Shit,” Javier groaned, then wasted no time sliding home. Yuzuru gave a high, keening whine and rocked back into every thrust. He didn’t know what had come over him, but he felt desperate to have it rough this morning. He wanted a good ‘apology’ so he was going to make Javier work for it. Javier started slower than Yuzuru wanted and he just reached back an grabbed a handful of Javier’s ass, tugging him forward on a thrust to make him speed up.

“Harder,” he commanded. Javier gripped his ass and slammed his hips against Yuzuru’s and Yuzuru moaned happily, rubbing his face against the pillow. “Yes, yes, Javi!” he whined, gripping the headboard tightly. He loved the way Javier felt inside of him, big enough that he felt so, so stretched and could feel pressure against his prostate with almost every single thrust, but not so big that it hurt. Yuzuru had always worried sex this way would be too painful to enjoy, but Yuzuru had always had a high threshold for pain, so a little sting really just excited him. Javier’s grip on his ass, sure to leave bruises, was just tight enough to excite him. Javier’s rough fucking only made his sensitive body _flood_ with pleasure. 

“Fuck, you like that?” Javier groaned, leaning over Yuzuru’s back to kiss his shoulder and neck. “You like my cock in you, Yuzu? Your ass is so tight for me. So good.”

Yuzuru shivered at how _dirty_ Javier was. “Love it. Love Javi. So good,” he panted, his English hard to find as his body was flooded with endorphins and adrenaline. Javier bit his neck just hard enough to make him feel it and Yuzuru cried out. “Oh my God!” He tipped his head to give Javier more access to lick and kiss the place he had bit, soothing it and sending shivers down Yuzuru’s spine. “Javi, Javi, Javi,” he panted, eyes rolling as Javier slid his free hand, the one not holding himself up against the headboard, to tease Yuzuru’s nipples and then trail down his body to his straining erection. Yuzuru whined and almost thrashed in his hold as he suddenly felt the need to come. 

“Javi, so close, please,” he whimpered. 

Javier pulled away from his back again and held Yuzuru’s hips, fucking him hard and fast just how Yuzuru wanted it, and Yuzuru lifted himself up on one hand so he could reach down and resume the touch Javier had abandoned. “Yuzuru, fuck!” Javier slapped his ass, and Yuzuru whined, shocked to discover he liked that. He had never thought he’d be into being hit on the ass, but _wow_ , it was like a reverberation of pleasure through his so-close body. 

Yuzuru came with a cry just as Javier gave a long grunt and froze inside of him. Yuzuru shivered when he could feel it pulsing inside as Javier came. When Javier groaned and fell against his back, panting, Yuzuru just shivered. He reached up to find Javier’s hair, petting his curls as he fought to hold up both their weight on his weak arms. “Javi, you are heavy,” he murmured, panting in the aftermath of really, really good sex. 

Javier made a protesting noise but lifted himself up again. When he pulled out, Yuzuru whimpered. He always hated that weird, uncomfortable feeling. Once Javier had gotten off of him, Yuzuru sat back on his knees, not wanting to fall into the mess he made of Javier’s sheets. He pushed his hair off his head and looked over at Javier, who had slumped against the mattress near the foot of the bed. He chuckled some, and Javier grinned dazedly at him. “Good morning?” Javier offered in a rough voice, and Yuzuru snickered, crawling to flop down beside him, moaning tiredly as he fell onto his stomach. 

“Best good morning,” he said. He wiggled his hips and shivered. “I will feel this all day,” he said, cheeks going pink as he looked at Javier’s eyes. “I have jump training today. Every jump, I will remember Javi fucking me.”

Javier groaned. “That’s really hot,” he blurted out, and Yuzuru giggled. Javier sat up on his elbows and looked Yuzuru over, wincing. “You’re definitely going to have bruises on your hips and ass. I’m sorry. I always forget you bruise so easily.”

Yuzuru bit his lip. “It okay. Nobody sees my ass,” he said with a wink. “Nobody beside you. I worry more about this.” He put a hand on his neck and turned it so Javier could see before lowering it. 

Javier’s eyes widened. “Oh crap, I’m so sorry.”

Yuzuru smirked. “It is okay. Everybody important know I am dating you. I am adult, you are adult, we do adult things. It just how it work.” He leaned over to peck Javier’s lips. “Mmmm, you forgive, by the way,” he said with a teasing giggle. “Best apology ever.”

Javier snorted but groaned, rubbing his forehead. “My back is going to kill me all day because of this. Sex with you can be more of a workout than hockey sometimes.”

“Good sex mean good exercise,” Yuzuru joked, rubbing a hand over Javier’s abs comfortingly. “I gain three pound since we start dating,” he teased. “Think it arms because I never need them as much before.”

“As skinny as you are, I believe it,” Javier said, tugging Yuzuru down on top of him, tickling his tiny waist. “You weigh what? Ten kilograms less than me? Even though we’re nearly the same size.”

“Probably,” Yuzuru said, rubbing a hand over Javier’s broad chest. “You have big muscle. I only have big leg and butt muscle.” He leaned in and pressed a kiss over Javier’s heart, smiling as he did so. “Big heart muscle, too.”

Javier groaned. “You’re too cute. This is the end. I’m dying,” he said, flopping back ‘dead’. 

Yuzuru giggled but played along, shaking him. “No, you cannot die, I need ride to training!” He leaned over him and wiggled his eyebrow. “Need mouth to mouth?” he asked, and Javier ‘woke up’ long enough to smirk.

“Yes, please!” he said, then ‘died’ again.

Yuzuru leaned down and kissed him, angling Javier’s chin so he could deepen the kiss. Javier was scruffy with morning stubble, something Yuzuru thankfully didn’t have to worry about since he just shaved yesterday, and Yuzuru kind of liked the prickle against his lips. When he broke the kiss, Javier moaned and he grinned. “You live yet?”

“Yeah, the kiss of life gives me strength,” Javier joked, and Yuzuru just poked him in the nose. 

“ _Baka_ ,” he said affectionately. “Come now. I must shower. You join me, we save time.”

“You know, we probably won’t really save time, right?” Javier asked, sitting up as Yuzuru got off the bed and went towards the bathroom. “We’re going to end up making out. Might end up having sex again.”

“No, I must be at training on time,” Yuzuru said firmly. “Unlike you, I have focus.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After very, very long day, I give you another chapter before I sleep hopeful for all day. I am being awake for twenty hour. It is only getting this on my email that give me strength to post it because I want get all of this story posted. It has been finish long time, but I only get it checked by the chapter. 
> 
> Appreciate all of you, I really really appreciate <3
> 
> (Sorry for English, but I am too tired.)

Boyang took one look at the huge hickey on his neck and burst out laughing, smacking Gabby where she sat beside him on the couch. “Yuzu, you do good night, huh?” he teased, and Gabby snorted, putting a hand over her mouth when she saw the mark. 

“Evgenia mentioned you had a special somebody,” Gabby said, chuckling. “Damn, is it a vampire?”

“Ha ha, just laugh much because I get ‘good morning’, and you both not,” he dismissed, going over to the water cooler to fill up his water bottle since Javier only had tap water at home – ew – and Yuzuru needed water from bottle. Even then, he put flavor packets in, because _ew_. Plain water was gross. 

“Getting it good in the morning, huh?” Gabby asked, wiggling her eyebrows. “I thought you were a good boy whose mom took care of him.”

Yuzuru shrugged. “She let me stay over. I am adult, even if my mother help me out much,” he said with a dismissive shrug. 

“Yuzu! Jason had to get stitches so you’re in his jump training slot this morning,” Tracy said as she came in, standing with the door open. She looked in at him, and then did a doubletake when she saw his neck. “Oh, Brian won’t be happy about that. Better duck him and get straight to Ghislain,” she said, and Yuzuru giggled bashfully. 

“Want help me ‘sneak’?” he asked, and she snorted, but nodded to the door.

“Come on. I might have some makeup that will cover that up,” she offered. They headed straight to her office, careful to avoid Brian, and she sat him down on the side of the desk as she got her purse. “So. Somebody made bad decisions before practice,” she teased.

Yuzuru chuckled. “Sorry for mark. He get carry away,” he said, blushing. “He always so careful but he make me mad so I make him apologize.”

Tracy snorted, clearly amused. “And as an apology, he bit your neck?” She dabbed at the spot with a makeup sponge. “Guessing you’ll have a lot to explain to your mother when you go home.”

“She say it okay for me stay at his house,” he reasoned, shrugging a little. “I doubt she think adults do not do adult thing when sleeping over.”

Tracy hummed. “So your mother approves, then? Of Javi?”

“Yes. She say she trust him and decide he respect me and love me. It best feeling, know Mom approve of him. It nice have her see what I see and not think I am just ‘love blind’.”

“I guess if Mama Hanyu trusts him with her baby,” Tracy mused. “The rest of us can’t really say anything about him. We’re your coaches, but she’s your mother. Her judgement is better than ours.”

Yuzuru nodded with a smile. “He so happy. Mother approval make him feel happy. He only want good for me, and he is good. Now he see Mother agree and he feel secure.”

Tracy grinned. “You know, I have to say. I think your English is getting better with this boyfriend,” she said, putting away the makeup. She inspected his neck and hummed. “Not exactly your shade, but it’s better than that big red vampire bite.”

“I talk about more thing with Javi, I think,” Yuzuru said. “Here, I talk most about skating thing. At home, I do not speak English. With Javi, we talk about all kind of things. It make me feel comfortable with more word I do not say much.” He hopped off the desk. “And he teach me Spanish! I know many word now!” He pointed at the door. “This is ‘porta’,” he said, then frowned. “Well, something like this.”

Tracy smiled fondly. “I’m happy for you,” she decided and he beamed. She patted his shoulder. “You’re growing into a wonderful young man and you deserve to be happy. If your mother thinks he’s good for you, then I’ll trust her. This man is good for you.”

Yuzuru beamed and threw his arms around Tracy. “Thank you! It mean much you like him,” he said, pulling back with a happy, warm feeling in his heart.

Tracy petted his back. “Come on. Ghislain is waiting on you.” 

~

Javier had forgotten the trouble he and Yuzuru got up to in the shower – in spite of Yuzuru’s insistence he was stronger than to give in to the temptation – until he was changing into his uniform and Milo barked out a laugh. “ _Scheisse_ , Fernandez! You never said the girl you’ve been trying to get to date you had talons!” 

Javier frowned, trying to look over his shoulder, only to have the whole locker room bark out laughs. He backed over to a mirror and flushed when he saw the scratches Yuzuru had left on his back as he held his thighs and fucked him against the shower wall that morning. “Shit, I didn’t even feel that.”

“Pretty sure some of those drew blood,” Josh said, walking over to look at the mirror. “Damn, Javi. Now we know why you’re so popular with the ladies!”

Javier smirked, playing along. “If you treat her right, she’ll claw you bloody,” he said with a wink. “Her nails aren’t even long,” he added, which was true. Yuzuru just dug his nails in when he was close to coming. “You make her scream, she’ll score you good even with short ones.”

“Well now we know why Javier didn’t come out last night,” someone shouted, and Javier rolled his eyes, pulling his pads and gear on. “You gotta tell us about this mystery girl, Javi. You’ve been fucking this chick for weeks and still won’t give us a name.”

Javier thought quickly and said the first name that came to his mind that was close to Yuzuru’s. “Suzy,” he offered. “Her name is Suzy.”

“Suzy, huh? She that special you won’t introduce her?” Scott asked, closing his locker next to Javier’s.

Javier hesitated, but Scott had been on the team as long as he had. The lineup changed all the time, but a few of them, especially Scott and Milo, had been closer to him than some of the others ever were. He leaned against his open door and swallowed hard. “I haven’t felt this way since Miki,” he confessed.

Scott stilled, looking at him. Scott had been there when Javier met Miki, he had been there when Javier brought a baby to practice, excited to show her off to everybody, even if she wasn’t biologically his, and Scott had been there when Miki had left and Javier didn’t engage with anybody for weeks. He would understand, even if it was a half-truth, the way most others wouldn’t. “Miki, huh?” he asked, and Javier nodded, tapping on the locker in agitation. 

“Yeah. There’s no kid involved this time, but I just-“ He sighed, closing his eyes. “After Miki, all I did for two years is pine and hook up and then feel empty after every one-night-stand apart from Janelle. She is my friend, so even if it wasn’t romantic, I felt like someone cared. But this one…” He groaned. “She’s more than Miki, man. I feel more for her. I feel like she might be ‘the one’. I know that’s not ‘cool and macho’, but-“

“Javi, you’re looking at the man whose wife left him,” he reminded him, and Javier felt a pang. It was true. Scott had been married for five years and had two kids, but his wife couldn’t take him never being around, so she left. She moved to Vancouver with the kids. He only saw his children a few times a year. “No, talking about ‘the one’ isn’t macho and manly, but you think I wouldn’t love finding a woman who could take the time apart?” he asked. “I don’t have any ill-feelings towards my ex, you know that, she couldn’t take it and that’s only fair. I don’t even have bad feelings about her taking my kids to fuckin’ Vancouver. Her parents live there and they deserve a good family life, not a dad who wouldn’t be home often anyways.” Scott shrugged. “But it was good while it lasted. Having a wife, that support system, it was great. If this Suzy chick could be ‘the one’, I’m happy for you, man.” He patted Javier on the back. “You were messed up after Miki, Man. I couldn’t wish for you to miss out on a chance for the same for nothing. Even if you are distracted a lot lately,” he reminded him. 

Javier reached out and clapped Scott on the shoulder. “Thanks, Scott. And I really hope you get to see the kids, soon,” he added, and Scott smiled sadly. 

“Not until Christmas. Coach gave me time off to fly on out to Vancouver and stay until the game just after New Years. But hey, it’s the life I picked. I could’ve moved out there so I was closer to them. Same as you could’ve moved to Japan with Miki,” he said, and Javier nodded. It was about choices, in the end. He made his, Scott made his, and in the end, his love of his sport outweighed his love of a woman. Scott probably didn’t love the sport more than he did his children, but he chose to live the life of a traveling father, not move there and get a boring job just so he was nearer his kids. 

Javier made the choice to love an elite athlete who would spend months away from him every year, and it sucked. But he hoped it would work out. After all, who was perfect for the partner of someone who traveled a lot besides someone else who traveled just as often?

~

The first time Javi got into a real bench-clearer of a fight during a match and got a black eye and split lip, Yuzuru had both fussed at him for starting a fight, (“I don’t care if it is how sport works, that so stupid!”), and babied him, (“My poor hurt Jabi, I give it kisses!”). As he lay on the couch obediently with an ice pack on his face and his teammates fussing at him for not coming out in the messages on his phone, he listened to the sound of Yuzuru puttering around in the kitchen preparing a paste his mother made for his bruises and thought about how domestic it felt to have his boyfriend taking care of him on a Sunday afternoon. There was a hockey game on the TV, a cat sleeping on his feet, Yuzuru’s jacket thrown across the back of the couch, and the sounds of his partner just sharing his space with him in the other room. 

It made Javier think about the future. 

They both clearly felt like this might be something permanent. They both definitely intended it to be long-term at least. This was the first relationship Javier had been in that hadn’t even been six months yet, but he really felt like it might be the last one he ever was in. They hadn’t faced their biggest hurdles yet, though. The time apart would suck, but more than that, Javi had to think about something else: Yuzuru was a famous _male_ figure skater and Javier, though not ‘famous’, wasn’t a no-name-nobody since he was a game-playing winger on one of the biggest teams in the NHL. They couldn’t keep their relationship a secret forever. Even if they kept it private, eventually his teammates would have to know. His ‘there’s a girl I’m trying to get to date me and I don’t want to fuck it up by going to fast’ lie wasn’t going to last much longer. His teammates already pestered him to bring her out. Even the ones with wives who didn’t go out with them still had pictures of her and the kids in their lockers and on their phones. 

There were no openly gay hockey players in the NHL. He didn’t know any _closeted_ gay hockey players in the NHL. He had never known any even slightly non-heterosexual man in any hockey league in his entire life. He knew there were a couple of women in ladies hockey who were openly lesbian, but in a sport with a culture of macho-masculinity, being a lesbian only made them more ‘masculine’ than the rest, as stupid and untrue as it was. 

Hell, having followed figure skating for years, Javier knew how rare it was to have an out gay man in figure skating, too. He could remember skaters rumored to be gay having their federation try to force them out of the limelight to cover up the rumors in the not-too-distant past. Yuzuru, being Japanese, would _never_ be able to even hint at his sexuality if he wasn’t also the most famous and most popular figure skater in the world and possibly the history of the sport. Even then, Javier knew Yuzuru wasn’t going to like the idea that they could get outed. Javier feared that could hurt their relationship if he brought it up, but he didn’t really know how much longer they could live in their bubble of privacy. At this point, Yuzuru’s father and sister still didn’t know. Javier’s parents didn’t know. The people at Yuzuru’s rink largely didn’t know. His two main coaches knew about Javier, Jason and Evgenia knew about him, and he figured Boyang had probably put two-and-two together, but for the most part, people just knew Yuzuru was seeing ‘someone’ and he never explained who exactly. 

Nobody in Javier’s life knew about him. Sooner or later he would have to tell at least Coach Holden, since he was the head coach. He just worried that, though Holden was the most open of all of them, it would still be grounds to at least forbid him from ever talking about it again. Or possibly even bench him. The worst thing, he figured, was getting outed to the whole team and getting either traded to get rid of him, or possibly even shut out of the league because nobody wanted the liability of it getting out they had a gay player (even if he was bisexual, it wouldn’t matter, he was fucking a man, so that’s all anybody would care about). 

“Alright!” Javier was dragged out of his disturbing thoughts by Yuzuru coming out of the kitchen with a bowl in his hand. “Special bruise medicine!” He sat on the couch beside Javier’s hip and took the ice pack off his eye. 

Javier took one sniff of the crap in that bowl and sat up. “Ew, that smells disgusting!”

“Too bad,” Yuzuru said, leveling him with a look that almost dared him to squirm away. Javier groaned but relented, laying back down. He closed his eye and tried to think about how much he loved Yuzuru and how it was his own fault for starting a fight as he settled in to let the love of his life smear something that kind of looked and smelled like bird poop on his face. “There. Let it sit and you will be much better when you wake up.”

Javier fought a gag when he took a breath and let it out slowly. “You love him, you love him, remember, Javi, you love him,” he muttered where Yuzuru could hear, and Yuzuru just giggled.

“Yes, Javi, you love Yuzu, don’t be grumpy!” He smacked a kiss to the clean side of Javier’s face. “Let sit for thirty minute, then you can wash it off.”

“Of course, _mi vida_ , anything for you,” Javier said in a far-too-calm voice, fighting the urge to vomit and run to the shower, knowing if he didn’t give it a shot, he would hurt Yuzuru’s feelings.

Javier was well and truly soft for that man. There was no other explanation for it.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not super long but a lot of things talk about!

The weekend of the Grand Prix Final, Javier was playing a game in Boston. In between the flight to Boston and the game, he managed to stream the men’s event on his phone. His teammates gave him hell for it, but he had to watch Yuzuru skating. He had barely made the final, after only a bronze and silver at his two assignments, so he was nervous. Javier would miss the free skate since he had a game, but as soon as it was over, in spite of everybody going out to celebrate their win, he skipped off claiming he’d hurt his knee and needed to ice it, just so he could get to the hotel and find the results. 

Yuzuru won.

Javier laughed out loud, throwing his arms up in his empty hotel room, and instantly pulled up the first video of the free he could find. Yuzuru had been _beautiful_ during his free skate. He was on fire finally after struggling with it all season. As soon as he finished, he called Yuzuru immediately. 

“JAVI DID YOU SEE?!” Yuzuru answered his phone quickly and with a very excited voice. “Javi, I win!”

“I saw!” Javier said proudly. He walked around, unable to sit down from the excitement. “You were gorgeous! You haven’t skated that well all season. I’m so happy for you, Yuzu. I’m so proud of you, _Cari_.”

“I have so much nervous, but then when I skate, I just feel good, you know?” he rambled. “I feel ready. I like program much more this skate. I don’t know if I finally feel ‘groove’ or what, but I really happy with how it feel now.” He sighed. “Oh, Javi, I am so happy. Finally it feel right.”

“I’m happy, too,” Javier said with a chuckle.

Yuzuru gasped suddenly. “I do not even ask, how is game? Did you win?”

Javier grinned, flopping onto his bed. “Yeah, we won. Both of us had a good weekend, huh?”

“Yay! So proud of Javi. You do good hockey job,” Yuzuru said adorably. Javier knew Yuzuru still didn’t understand hockey and still really didn’t like it that much, but he was always so supportive of Javier. “When you will come home?” Yuzuru asked innocently and Javier’s heart sank. 

“Not until you’ve already gone back to Japan,” he admitted sadly. “I’m traveling until the nineteenth, then a few home games, then I have off the week of Christmas to go home and visit my family.”

Yuzuru was quiet for a moment before he spoke softly. “Guess goodbye kiss last week was goodbye for long time, huh?”

Javier closed his eyes. “Yeah, afraid so.” He sucked in a breath, fighting a wave of sadness. “But, hey, you’re coming back middle of January, right? We have tons of home games that month so I’ll be around more often.”

“Yes, I come home second week of January. I have hard train for Four Continent, since I never do good there, but I have all night free to be with Javi,” he said, sounding giddy at the thought. “I like when Javi have many home game. It feel good to sleep over with you. Long days feel less tired when you can hold me,” Yuzuru said honestly, and Javier’s chest ached at the want to hold Yuzuru right now. 

“I love you so much,” Javier said with a tight voice. “I’m glad I’m going to be so busy this month, so the next six weeks fly past me and, before I know it, I’ll be home with you in my arms and Effie sitting on our feet while we watch a movie.”

Yuzuru giggled. “I cannot wait for this feeling again,” he said fondly. 

“Hey, so,” Javier started nervously. “I wanted to let you know something before I do it, and since we’re talking about plans, I may as well do it now.” He cleared his throat. “I’m going to tell my family. About us,” he added. “When I’m there for Christmas, I’m going to tell them that I’m bisexual and have a boyfriend. And I would really like permission to tell them who you are.”

Yuzuru was quiet for an alarmingly long time before he finally spoke. “Oh.” 

Javier’s heart leapt. “Is that a bad ‘oh’?”

“No, just… ‘oh’,” Yuzuru said even more confusingly. “I guess it okay? You sure you want them know it _me_?” Yuzuru asked. “They know who I am.”

Javier frowned. “Yeah, they do. Even more reason to be proud of you. My boyfriend just won the Grand Prix Final,” he reminded him. “Why wouldn’t I want to show off to my family that I had landed a beautiful, wonderful, _talented_ man like you?”

“I guess,” Yuzuru said nervously. “I just-“ He stopped and Javier waited patiently. “I guess you want be truthful. I understand this. But I am not really ‘Javi’ type, am I?”

Javier hesitated. “Well, you’re not a beautiful woman with long hair and large breasts, so no, not really. But as a man, the only ‘type’ I have had is you. You make me happy. Why would I care if you don’t fit some expectation they have?”

“I just do not want Javi family to be ashame you pick girly figure skater if you are dating man,” Yuzuru finally confessed. “Maybe they expect you go for man who is big and manly like you. Not feminine boy like me.”

Javier scoffed. “You’re beautiful and graceful, but you’re not a ‘girly boy’. If anything, I’m the one who will seem not good enough. You’re Laura’s favorite figure skater, remember? I’m just a random hockey player and I somehow landed a two-time Olympic champion figure skater. You’re far more impressive than I am to them. They wouldn’t give a shit about me if I was someone besides their family member. Trust me, you’re impressive.” He fell onto his back on the bed and looked at the ceiling. “If you tell me not to tell them who you are, I will respect your choice,” he said quietly. 

There was a long silence before Yuzuru finally spoke. “Mom say we should tell Dad and Saya, too.” He sighed. “You can tell if I can tell.”

“You can tell whoever you want,” Javier said simply. “Your father and sister should know. I agree with your mother. Getting her support in our relationship made me feel so happy. I would love to know you had your whole family’s support and that they accept your relationship with me.”

Yuzuru chuckled. “I want Javi’s family to know, too. I just worry I am not enough for them. You are not me. I never have friend, I never date, my mother is just happy a good man loves me. I am scared Javi parents think ‘oh, you settle for this man instead of pretty woman’ or something.”

“My family trusts my decisions,” Javier said with a shrug. “And if they don’t, it doesn’t matter. I want them to, but unlike you, I spend almost a year without seeing anybody in my family. I hate it, but my life isn’t about them. You have a different relationship with your family, and I understand we have very different cultures. Family is important to me, but I’ve had independence since I was a teenager. You are devoted to your family.”

Yuzuru hummed. “I think that Dad may not enjoy I am gay, but I do not think it will be ‘ew, gay son’. I think he will worry for me. He always worry for me,” he added in a sad tone. “Just because I live away with Mom for so long, it do not mean Dad does not love me so much. My sister, she love me so much, too. I suffer so much guilt from keeping family in two halves, but we never let it ruin us. My parents, I always worry when I was younger that they get divorce because I keep Mom and Dad apart. But we work so hard to stay a family. Everything I do, it is because my family sacrifice for me.”

Javier knew this much. They had talked before about their lives and their childhoods. Javier now knew that life hadn’t been easy for Yuzuru for a long time. He was only eleven years old when news crews started camping out at his training rink. Yuzuru had grown up knowing his every move was watched, and it was only through his own threats and the Japanese Skating Federation that his entire family hadn’t become a media circus. Yuzuru grew up so isolated because of how good he was at his sport. Javier found himself repeatedly thanking his lucky stars that Yuzuru was well-adjusted enough to have even fallen in love, because if their love had been one-sided when he confessed, it would have broken Javier’s heart. 

Occasionally, Javier wondered if maybe Yuzuru wouldn’t be so settled on their relationship if he knew anything else, but in general, he didn’t question a good thing. Yuzuru was the best thing. 

“I wish I could come visit and show your father that I belong with you,” Javier said, surprised at his own words as soon as they were out of his mouth. 

Yuzuru giggled. “You belong with me, huh?”

“Of course I do,” Javier said warmly. “You’re the best thing to happen to me, Yuzuru Hanyu. I know I won’t ever have to choose, but I-“ He froze, realizing what he was about to say and how profound of a thing it was to say without even being able to see Yuzuru. But still, he felt the need to finish. “I would choose you over my sport,” he confessed. “Maybe the only reason I think this is because I know I won’t have to,” he added quickly. “You wouldn’t make me choose, and if my team knew, even if I chose it over you the damage would be done, but I want to stay with you. No matter what,” he finished simply. “I know that’s stupid to say, and I probably freaked you out, and I- I’ve only been with you for five months, but _God_ , Yuzuru.” He sucked in a breath. “I’ve never felt so right before you. I feel like this is how my life should be. I feel like you make the good parts of me better. My parents were only dating six months before they got engaged, and I’m not trying to go that far yet, but I just- I feel like I _get_ why they did something so crazy now,” he confessed. “The next six weeks will _suck_. But I don’t doubt at all that when we’re back in Toronto together, we’ll curl up on the couch with Effie and watch a movie and then I’ll cook us dinner and everything will be comfortable and happy between us.” He sucked in a breath. “Is that stupid? Am I being dramatic?”

There was a long enough silence that Javier got worried, but when Yuzuru finally spoke, his voice sounded both tearful and giddy. “I know what you mean, Jabi,” he whispered. “You feel right for me, too.” He laughed wetly. “It crazy, it _so_ crazy, but I feel same. I feel like- like if we can do this time apart, if we are okay just talking for so long, then when we come home, it all be good and it feel _final_. Like- like for good. Like if we do not fall apart in this time we do not see, then this is it. We never have to not be sure about love ever again.” Yuzuru let out a silly, ugly, dramatic laugh that Javier _adored_. “You know what crazy?”

“What is?” 

“My parents get married really young,” Yuzuru said with a giggle. “My mother is my age when she marry my father. Her Mom think it stupid get married so young, but she did, and they have two children young, and she say I remind her of herself. Maybe family is mirror of us? I am young to find ‘one person’, but maybe it make sense? We meet at time when it is crazy for both, but it work. I am young, but it work. We are not together long, but we feel so right.”

“It really does feel right,” Javier agreed. He put a hand over his eyes. “Okay, I think we should stop talking before I do something stupid like propose to you when we haven’t even been together six months yet. Let’s get through this time apart before we do something that crazy, okay?”

Yuzuru giggled. “Yeah, this is good idea. I cannot get married, it is middle of season, wedding is much too stressful,” he joked. “You can tell your family about me, and I will tell family about you, okay?”

“Sounds great,” Javier agreed. “Goodnight, _Cari_ ,” he said, and Yuzuru hummed warmly.

“Goodnight, Javi.”

When Javier finally dragged himself to bed, all he could do was think about the future and his hopes for it.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy loooong chapter that shows two very different families reacting to the same news!

Yuzuru was always happy to be back home when they were there, but for some reason, this time felt less happy. He kept sighing and looking out the window, actually missing Toronto as he looked at the snow falling. It would be just as snowy in Toronto as Sendai, but he still missed it.

“You miss him, don’t you?”

Yuzuru blushed and looked over at his mom, who was sipping tea in the doorway. “Is it that obvious?” he asked guiltily.

She tutted. “You’re young and in love, I’ve been there before.” She walked over to join him at the window. “Also, you’re very dramatic. You are standing here sighing like you’re filming a drama.” 

Yuzuru giggled at that comparison. “I guess I am.” He looked at his phone. “Time zones aren’t being good to us these past few days. He’s traveling all over North America so he’s playing games and resting in between flights and transportation. I haven’t talked to him in anything other than messages when we know the other is sleeping for days.”

“Are you talking about your coach?” Yuzuru turned and saw Saya coming down the stairs. “I’m sure he’s got tons of students to deal with, huh?”

Yuzuru swallowed hard, looking back out the window, and then looked at his mother, who looked surprised by his expression. “Mom? Can- can you go get Dad?”

“Are you sure?” she asked, and he nodded, taking a breath.

“Yes. I’m sure.”

~

Yumi was always proud of her children because they were her children. She was often very proud of Yuzuru because of his devotion to his sport, and as the mother of an athlete, it was easy to beam with pride every time he achieved a goal. Right now, however, she was proud of her son’s strength and bravery. She suspected her husband would be accepting of what he wanted to say, but Yuzuru was so brave to face the possibility that he might not.

“What’s all this about?” Yumi looked at her husband as he sat down, and she reached out to grab his hand under the table.

“Yuzuru wants to talk to us,” she said gently. “He has something to tell you and Saya.”

“Yuzuru?” he asked, and Yuzuru nodded.

“Dad, Saya, I’ve been looking for a way to have this conversation, and I believe this is the best time,” he said, taking a deep breath. “The reason I keep my phone with me all the time lately isn’t games. I know you just guessed it and I didn’t try to correct you, but I want to talk about it now.” Yumi smiled encouragingly when Yuzuru looked at him. “I’m- I’m gay,” Yuzuru said softly. He ducked his head, shoulders tense. “And I have a boyfriend in Canada.”

There was no reaction for a moment and Yumi looked at her husband carefully. She could practically see the wheels turning in his head so she squeezed his hand pointedly. “Honey,” she prompted and he finally opened his mouth.

“Oh.”

“Wow, you managed to get a boyfriend with Mom always with you?” Saya asked, and Yumi glared across the table at her daughter. Saya laughed. “What?! I’ve never heard of Yuzuru going out even with friends.”

“Saya,” Yumi said warningly. Saya may be a grown woman, but she still couldn’t tease her brother.

“It’s a fair point.” Yumi looked at her husband, who was looking back at her. “You knowingly let him start dating a man?” he asked, and she raised an eyebrow, not sure of his tone.

“And?” she asked defiantly. “I may be taking care of him, but Yuzuru is twenty-three years old. He isn’t a child. He’s allowed to make his own choices. No, I didn’t know they were dating until they messed up and scared the hell out of me because Yuzuru didn’t come home one night, but I can’t say I blame him for being scared to tell me his boyfriend wasn’t just a friend anymore the way his coaches reacted.”

“Isn’t his coach gay? Why would he have an issue with it?”

“Because Javier is a hockey player.” Yuzuru was looking between them worriedly, clearly afraid they were going to start arguing. Yumi’s heart softened some, because she knew how badly Yuzuru worried about making them fight. He had always been so scared of breaking her and her husband up, even if he never said it to her. She never wanted to put that kind of stress on her children. “My boyfriend, he’s a hockey player. I met him because I needed extra Saturday training because of my ankle, so they booked me some ice time on a training rink for the Toronto Maple Leafs. They’re a very famous hockey team. When we started becoming friends, Coach Brian, he was worried I shouldn’t be around hockey players like that, because he was worried men like that might beat me up, since I’m a figure skater and they play a violent sport. But Javier isn’t like that at all,” he said quickly. 

Yumi chuckled, thinking about _Javier_ as the once-frightening threat to her child’s safety. Knowing him how she did now, she couldn’t imagine a more gentle, caring man than Javier. She had her reservations to start with, but the way he looked at Yuzuru and the obvious fear he had for her, a little old woman, was so very obvious. “You let him date a man from a violent sport?”

She looked at her husband with defiance in her eyes. “Do you think for a second I would let my child date someone I worried would hurt him” she countered with. “Trust me, I worried so much about Yuzuru taking this course in his life. I’m still terrified of how cruel the world can be to him just for being gay. But I promise you, there isn’t a part of me that fears his boyfriend would ever become violent with him. That man is polite and courteous and pretty much terrified of me just because he wants my approval so badly. Saya has never dated a boy who was so obviously afraid her parents would ban him from seeing her.”

Yuzuru giggled suddenly. “Javi was so happy when I told him Mom approves of him. I thought he was going to die the first time he came over for dinner with Mom.” His eyes softened. “Dad, he loves me,” he said simply. “His name is Javier Fernandez. He’s Spanish and moved to Canada to join the NHL and play hockey. He’s twenty-eight years old, he has a cat named Effie who is the cutest cat in the whole world, he cooks dinner for me, he loves Disney movies, and he has only ever wanted to make me happy.” He smiled warmly. “When we started becoming friends, it was because he didn’t want me walking down the street and waiting at the bus stop alone in the dark. He said it made him worry someone might hurt me to steal from me or something.” He shook his head. “I know Brian and Tracy were scared because he’s never dated a man and they were worried someone from such a masculine sport might snap and hurt me in a panic because he’s suddenly not straight anymore, but he’s so not like that.”

“He really isn’t,” Yumi added, already seeing the thoughts connecting in her husband’s head. “He’s European, Dear. They’re a little different than most. He just accepted, ‘I thought I was straight, but I guess I’m not’ far easier than I ever thought anybody could.”

“He’s telling his parents when he visits in a few days,” Yuzuru added. “His parents and his sister, too. They’re all spending a week together for Christmas, and he’s going to tell them about me.”

Finally, her husband sighed and closed his eyes. “Alright,” he said simply. “I guess this is just how it is.”

“Yes,” Yuzuru said firmly. “And neither of us are trying to get ahead of ourselves, but we think this might be the way it is going to continue to be as well.”

“Wow, that serious, huh?” Saya asked. “How long have you been together then?”

Yuzuru smiled, clearly happy things went okay. “Five months. I know that’s kind of early to be talking about things in a permanent sense, but it’s just how we feel. When we met, we instantly ‘clicked’. We were only just friends for so long because he didn’t want to scare me away by confessing how he felt, and I thought I was imagining that he liked me back since I thought he was so sweet, and cute, and funny. My coach suggested I talk to Javier about it since she didn’t want me to get hurt when Javier snapped – not physically, but like an argument – and when I asked, he just came out and said, ‘I’m sorry I’m ruining our friendship by having feelings’, and I told him I felt the same way, and the very next day we had our first date.” He held up his wrist, showing her his bracelet. “He got me this on our first date. He’s so sweet like that.”

“Oh, cute,” Saya said, leaning closer to look at it. “Daaaang, that’s an expensive brand. Is he rich?”

“Yes,” Yuzuru said with a giggle. “He’s a hockey player on a very famous team and he has been there several years. He isn’t CEO wealthy, but he makes a lot of money and doesn’t have more than a house and a car and whatever he wants, so he can afford to surprise me with a nice bracelet.”

Yumi watched as her husband made his escape, sneaking away while Yuzuru was occupied. She stood and followed him, carefully watching him from the doorway of their bedroom as he walked over to the window and looked outside at the snow. “You know, as much time as he has spent with me in his life, Yuzuru gets a lot of his dramatics from you,” she informed him, sliding the door shut behind her as she entered the room. 

He chuckled tiredly. “I guess so.” He hung his head. “Our _famous_ son is gay,” he said simply. 

She sighed and nodded. “I know.” He didn’t respond so she walked over and put her arms around him, resting her cheek against the back of his shoulder. For all the time they weren’t together all the years of Yuzuru’s life, she did still love her husband dearly. These days, a chance to hold him was a rare thing. “Trust me, whatever fear you have, I’ve had it a thousand times over,” she said, eyes shut. “But he’s happy. He’s happy and we’ve both given so much to make him happy. He’s never been able to be a normal boy, and I know he never cared about that, he’s only ever wanted to be the best and the ice is all he’s really cared about, but I’ve never seen him this _happy_.” She chuckled tiredly. “He’s in love. My son is so clearly in love you can see it even when he’s not with his boyfriend. It’s good for him, you know? He goes out now. I’ve never managed to get him to make friends, and now he goes out. And he talks more to the other skaters he trains with because he’s getting better at socializing. His English is better, because he has to speak it in more diverse situations. He’s becoming more rounded as an adult and just more of an adult in general, and his skating hasn’t suffered any from it.”

“He’s as good as ever,” he agreed, lacing their hands together on his stomach. He sighed. “It just scares me. If it got out, the media wouldn’t spare him for a moment. It would be brutal. He has lived as a public figure since he was just a little boy. They have made him the hero all his life, but they would rip him apart as easy as anything.”

Yumi hummed. “I know. I hope that never happens, but that’s never been good for him. There were so many times when he was a little boy and people started wanting to follow his every move that I thought about ending all of this. When my twelve-year-old couldn’t go to the ice rink without TV cameras waiting, I thought about stopping the figure skating thing before he ever truly got started. But he would have hated us for it. He loves it. Half the reason I’m so happy he has Javier is because I thought he may never care about other people as much as he does the ice.”

“Is Javier really a good man for him?” he asked. “Yuzuru talks about him like he’s the perfect person, but I know how well you can trust a young man experiencing love for the first time.”

Yumi chuckled. “Oh he’s so kind. Trust me, Javier is a strong, kind man. He respects Yuzuru and he respects me. The reason they got outed was the most false-sounding truth ever: Yuzuru went over and Javier cooked him dinner, and they fell asleep on the couch watching _Finding Nemo_.”

“Psh, I think we both know what young people do alone all night,” he said, and she laughed, shaking her head.

“Trust me, they are neither stupid enough to come up with a lie that sounds so fake as that. I truly believe that’s what got them caught.” She smiled at the memory. “I was so scared. I knew he was going over to Javier’s house and he didn’t show up that night, so I called Coach Brian to see if he went there for any reason, and when nobody could find him, they came over and we were all panicking about whether to call the police when Yuzuru came running inside freaking out about scaring me, and I look up and there’s this handsome man peeking fearfully around the corner of the hall,” she recalled. “He looked terrified out of his mind, but when Yuzuru started getting the scolding of a lifetime, he stood up for him. He was obviously terrified, but they presented a united front. They faced the insults and the accusations and Yuzuru got heated defending him, and the whole time, this ‘super macho hockey player’ just stayed terrified.” She smiled. “He agreed to my terms. I told him he had to come to dinner with me once a week so I could see how he treated Yuzuru. And he has only ever been the most polite, courteous boy towards me.” 

“Hard to imagine a famous hockey player acting like that.”

“He loves our boy,” she said simply. “It’s obvious that he was so scared I would ban Yuzuru from seeing him. Yuzuru says that when I decided Yuzuru had my permission to stay over whenever he wanted and see Javier as much as he wanted, because I approve of him, Javier was so excited. He had been hoping all long that I would finally approve of him.”

“I just worry.”

“I know.” Yumi pressed a kiss to the back of his shoulder and lifted her chin to hook over it, looking at the side of his face. “But I happen to recall a couple around Yuzuru’s age who decided waiting longer to get married was just too hard to handle, damn their parents’ opinions on it.” He smiled faintly and she looked at the aging face of the man she married when she was twenty-three and stubborn. “We’ve had our ups and downs, and a whole lot of strains, but I’m sure you remember how it felt to be twenty-something and so sure than nothing was more right than what was in your heart.”

He nodded, ducking his head. “I guess Yuzuru does get his dramatics from me, after all,” he said, and she smiled and pressed a kiss to the side of his neck. 

“He is his father’s son.”

~

“It go really well, I think,” Yuzuru gushed over the phone. “Dad still act kind of weird, but he not get mad. Mom say that he just worry. It make sense,” Yuzuru added. “This is Japan. I am so important in sport here. If I cause scandal, it will be major downfall. Big thing.”

“I get that,” Javier said, yawning as he looked at the clock. It was _so_ early. He hated having to get up so early to talk to Yuzuru, but Yuzuru was bad with time zones, and Javier would never not answer when he called. “You don’t see him very often so I’m sure he doesn’t have as much of a feel for how much he can trust your love-addled thinking.”

“This is true,” Yuzuru said with a soft giggle. “I am just happy it go well enough.” 

“I’m going to tell my family today, I think,” Javier said softly. “I just feel ready.”

“I give you confidence, huh?” Yuzuru joked.

“You always give me confidence,” Javier said in a sappy tone. “My baby gives me love and strength and I feel more confident in everything I do.” He made kissy noises at the phone.

Yuzuru giggled. “Javi, you so silly.”

“ _Mi vida_ ,” Javier cooed, getting up to start getting his clothes and things to get dressed for the day while he spoke. “ _Mi cielo_. My sweetheart, the love of my heart, the light of my life.” He grinned at the laughter he was getting with his silly tone. “You know you’re the reason the sun rises in the morning and sets in the evening, heart of mine.”

“Javiii,” he whined, practically cackling now. “You make lungs angry if you make me laugh so much!”

“Nooo, don’t get angry at the sun in my sky, stupid lungs!” He grinned, holding up a shirt to see if he wanted to wear it. “ _Cari_ , you are the stars in my night sky.”

“Javi!”

“The rice in my paella.”

“Javiiiii!”

“The fish in my-“

“Javier Fernandez Lopez, what the hell?!”

Javier startled, dropping his shirt and covering his naked chest, as if it mattered, turning to glare at his sister. “Laura! Why are you in my room?!” he squawked, and she pushed through the door and walked over to the phone.

“Oh, please, like I’ve never seen you shirtless, you weirdo,” she said, grabbing for his phone. “Who are you talking to-“

“Laura!” He tried to stop her as she picked the phone up and jumped over his bed like they were children and not adults. “Why are you even here so early? Give it back!”

“Hello?” Yuzuru asked in English, and Laura perked up.

“Oh ho, who is this?” she asked also in English. 

There was a long pause. “Javi, you there? Who have your phone?”

“My sister is evil, don’t listen to her!” he shouted, chasing Laura around. “Laura, stop this! You are thirty years old! Give me the damn phone!” He finally tackled her to the bed and snatched it. He took it off speaker, holding Laura down – which should be way easier for a hockey player against a girl her size, but it really wasn’t – and put it to his ear. “ _Cari_ , I have to go kill my sister, I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”

Yuzuru giggled. “You have fun, Javi. I love you.”

“Love you, too,” he said, kissing the phone one more time before hanging it up and tossing it. “Laura, you’re so dead,” he said, only to yelp when she got hold of a nipple and twisted it painfully, using his jerk back to shove him off the bed. 

“Who was that, huh?” she asked, rolling backwards off the bed to jog out of the room. “Mama! Papa! Javi has a girlfriend!”

“Laura!” he cried in frustration, taking off after her. He chased her down the stairs, frustrated by how fast she was. “Laura, you shit, come back here!”

When they got downstairs, he could see his parents having breakfast, but he was busy running after her. She laughed gleefully as she jumped over the couch and put it between them, making him start each way like he was a goalkeeper. “So who’s the girl, huh? Huh?”

“Laura, stop it!”

“Come on, Javi, you know-“

“Children.” They both stilled at the tone in their mother’s voice. They turned to look at her and she was looking at them sternly while their father raised an eyebrow in confusion. “You are aware that you are twenty-eight and thirty years old, right?” 

“Well tell Laura this,” he said snappily. “She came into my room and stole my phone while I was talking!”

“To a giiiiirrrll,” Laura taunted.

“Laura, you can’t taunt your brother like you’re still teenagers. You’re a grown woman,” Enriqueta chastised. “And Javier, why on earth are you up so early anyways? You’re never up this early, and when you are, who on earth would you be talking to this time of day? It would be past midnight in Toronto.”

Javier did not expect to come out to his parents before eight in the morning while in nothing but boxers, but he figured now was as good as ever. “Um, so, I kind of wanted to talk to you about something.” He glared at Laura. “I was planning on doing it fully clothed, but someone is a brat.” He leaned back against the back of the couch. “So, the person I was talking to isn’t in Toronto, they’re in Japan.” He cleared his throat. “And it’s not a girl.”

There was a long pause and Laura whistled. “Well that’s unexpected. You were saying all those things to someone other than a girlfriend?”

He snorted. “Laura, you’re so stupid.” He looked at her pointedly. “What’s the ‘not a girl’ version of ‘girlfriend’?” he prompted. 

Laura gasped. “Holy shit! You’re dating _him_ aren’t you?!”

Javier blushed but nodded. “Yeah, I am. Uh, surprise everybody, I’m bisexual?” he offered with a shrug. 

“And dating YUZURU HANYU?!” Laura prompted again. “Ahhhhhh, I’m so happy I came over so early!” She put her hands to her chest. “My baby brother, dating _Yuzuru Hanyu_!”

“That figure skater you both like?” They looked at their father, and he raised an eyebrow. “ _You_ are dating a figure skater?”

“Antonio,” Enriqueta chastised. “You know he loves that sport.” She smiled brightly. “I never expected you would date a man, but knowing which one it is, I’m not that shocked. You always have loved watching him skate.”

“I just never expected a figure skater to go for Javier, honestly,” Antonio offered. “Figure skaters are mature and elegant. Our son is twenty-eight years old and running around in his boxers because his sister was picking on him.”

Javier snorted. “If you think I’m immature, my boyfriend is twenty-three and his mother packs his lunchbox every day and he carries a stuffed Winnie the Pooh tissue box around like it’s a teddy bear. I’ve caught him taking to it before,” he said pointedly. “What he’s like on the ice when he performs is nothing like Yuzu when he’s at home with me.”

“Awwww,” Laura cooed. “Yuzu is such a cute nickname!”

Javier nodded. “So, yeah.” He exhaled heavily. “I’ve been with him for five months now. He’s…” He smiled bashfully. “He’s amazing. I think I’ve probably always been bisexual, I just didn’t think about it because I had no problem with girls, but Yuzuru’s just so special.” He shook his head. “You remember how excited I was when we started hanging out. He’s just so interesting and so beautiful. I fell hard,” he said simply. 

“Does anybody else know?” Enriqueta asked, and he shook his head.

“I can’t,” he said, nodding towards them pointedly. “You know what it would do to me. I’m actually really worried, because eventually my lies won’t fly with the team, and that’s if I don’t slip up. But I don’t know what else I can do. There’s no way I can openly have a boyfriend in the NHL, and I’m not sure it wouldn’t get me kicked off the team to have one in secret.”

“I know you,” she said, looking at him knowingly. 

He sighed. “I know.” He rubbed at his hair. “I already have some issues with it. I keep lying about some girl I want to date so I’m keeping things private until she agrees to a serious relationship.” He grimaced. “I’m just really worried. Neither of us have a career that’s really open to our relationship getting out, but we both have kind of implied we consider this possibly something permanent.”

“That serious after just five months, huh?” Laura asked, and he nodded.

“I’ve never felt like something was a good match like this before. We are so different in a lot of ways, but it’s almost weird how much we have in common otherwise,” he said. “Remember how I started at figure skating because you did?” he asked, Laura. “He’s the exact same. His older sister did it so he wanted to do it, too. He just had talent,” he joked. “His parents married young, just like ours. He chose Canada to have the best coach, I chose Canada to have the best team. He loves cats like I do, he loves a lot of the foods I do, we like the same movies, he likes my stupid sense of humor and actually thinks I’m fully, and we always have so much to talk about. In five months, I’ve never been bored for a moment when I’m with him. Even when we fight, we are able to communicate and work it out without taking days to stop being stubborn, and he _is_ very stubborn, so that says a lot.”

Laura cooed. “Be honest, the tight outfits doesn’t hurt, does it?” she teased and he glared, but felt his ears turning red. “Ha!”

“Oh yeah, because I shouldn’t find the person I’m dating incredibly attractive,” he defended. He smiled sheepishly. “He is really beautiful, though. Even when he’s objectively kind of gross looking, I think he’s beautiful. I mean, when he’s finished training and sweating buckets and his hair is stuck up all over the place, he looks pretty disgusting, but it’s so cute how silly his hair gets.” He smiled as he gazed into the distance. “And when he sleeps, one of his eyes doesn’t shut all the way, and it is so weird but I think it’s adorable how weird he looks in his sleep.”

“Love makes you hilarious, Son,” Antonio offered. “You sound ridiculous about that man.”

“I am ridiculously in love,” he confessed simply. “Yuzuru is incredible and I’m counting the days until I see him again. We’re halfway through our seven weeks apart and I’m going crazy with how much I miss him.”

“I just worry about your future,” Enriqueta said softly. “You’re a very open man when you’re with someone, Javi,” she murmured, reaching out to take his hand. “Hiding that and bottling it up can’t be good for you or the relationship.”

“I can’t show him off the way I could a woman,” Javier said simply. “I _hate_ that, but it’s the honest truth. Both our careers would be ruined if our love came out.”

“I know that,” she said gently. “That’s why I worry. You’re a very open person, and I just worry you won’t be happy hiding everything this way for very much longer. Look at how long it took for you to tell us and usually you can’t wait to tell us if you meet someone special.”

“If the option is to hide what I have or lose him entirely, I can hide it and be happy,” Javier decided. He shook his head. “I’m not giving Yuzuru up easily, and if that means this time has to be different, that’s fine. This time _is_ different, anyways. I’ve never dated someone famous before.” He smiled to himself, looking down at his hands. “I’ve never dated someone like Yuzuru before.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I be asleep? Yes!
> 
> Am I staying up because this chapter came and I needed to get it out ASAP??? Also yes!

Being apart was hard, but not speaking was torture. Javier missed Yuzuru’s voice. He also knew that Yuzuru wasn’t going to be happy with him after a whole week of just missing each other and leaving voicemails. Going out with his teammates after a game felt like a damn good idea. Though he didn’t usually drink much, having a few beers after a win was always a fun time. They were in Detroit so it was snowy and cold and a bar was a lot less lonely than his hotel room and the sound of snowy wind blowing.

“Man, that was a good game,” Milo said, patting Javier on the back as he slid onto the barstool beside him. “I thought you and Anton were gonna beat the shit out of that guy, but it was a good game.”

Javier chuckled. “Let’s just say somebody doesn’t like me getting into fights,” he said, sipping his drink.

“Ah, the infamous Suzy, huh?” he asked. He eyed Javier closely. “Be real with me.” He looked around deliberately. “There’s nobody else close enough to hear.” Javier’s heart stopped, and Milo leaned closer, looking him in the eyes. “There’s no ‘Suzy’, is there?”

“Haha, what do you mean?” Javier asked, drinking some of his beer nervously. 

“Come on,” he said, giving him a far-too-knowing look. “Remember you’re talking to a German here. I’m just saying, the winters get cold up in the mountains.” Javier frowned in confusion and Milo wiggled his eyebrows. “I may not have personal experience, but I get that a lot of men at some point in their life have… exceptions.”

“Milo, how drunk are you?” Javier asked, and Milo sighed, shaking his head.

“You’re deflecting, but I know you know what I mean.” He raised his beer. “Just make sure ‘Suzy’ knows that not everybody on this team is German. Not everybody’s been to the Alps.”

When Milo left, Javier let out a breath. Milo had a _weird_ way of saying, ‘hey, I’m not stupid, you’re dating a man, but it’s just a thing that happens, no big deal’. He rubbed at his forehead and downed the rest of his beer. He put the bottle aside and the bartended grabbed the empty one and swapped it for a fresh bottle. He looked at him and frowned. “I didn’t order another.”

The bartended nodded down the bar. “From the lady,” he explained. Javier turned to follow his gaze and saw a woman raise her martini to him and give him an inviting smile. Javier panicked for a moment before deciding to casually stay in his seat and let her get the idea on her own. 

However, before he could call the bartender back to tell him he didn’t want the drink, Ivan and Jacob slid into the stools on either side of him. “Woooo! I saw that girl buy you a drink, Brother,” Jacob said, clearly a few sheets to the wind already. He slapped him on the shoulder. “Get you some, Javi.”

Javier grimaced. “Thanks, I needed to hear you say that out loud, Jacob.” He shook his head. “I’m not going to-“

“If you say not gonna at least go talk to that beautiful woman, I’m gonna start thinking you got hit in the head a bit too hard,” Ivan said, swinging an arm around his shoulders. He leaned in, sneering at Javier. “Look at her.” He turned to gaze at the woman, who raised an eyebrow at Javi. “Big tits. Big eyes. Big lips. Great ass. I mean, what more could you want from a woman?” 

Javier rolled his eyes. “Conversation and a good personality?”

Ivan scoffed. “It’s a bar, she doesn’t want your ‘conversation’, she wants your dick, Man.”

“And to think you’re single with such charming language,” Javier said mockingly. “Look, you heard me talking to Scott about Suzy-“

“Suzy the chick that won’t date you?” Ivan goaded.

Scott and Brett joined them. “What about Scott?” Scott asked, looking between them. 

Ivan patted Javier’s shoulder a little harshly. “Javi’s using the excuse of that broad he was telling you about to get out of accepting this nice beer from that hot chick down at the other end of the bar,” he said, and they all looked that way. She smirked and winked, blowing Javi a kiss. He shifted uncomfortably. 

Scott hummed. “I mean, I get you really care about Suzy, Man, but if she’s the one that refuses commitment, it’s not really like you owe her any.” He shrugged. “Your call, but if Suzy won’t be faithful to you, why are you being faithful to her when there’s a dish like that waiting for some fun?”

“Man, if you don’t want her, go talk me up,” Brett urged, nudging him with a wink. “I won’t say no, that’s for sure.”

Javier scoffed in disgust. “Yeah, there’s no telling what kind of diseases you’ve given your girlfriend with your whoring,” he said coldly. “God, you guys are Neanderthals.” He took the beer and reluctantly went down to talk to the woman who gave it to him, if for no reason other than to get away from his disgusting teammates. 

He smiled sheepishly as he stepped up to her. “Hi, I’m Javi,” he introduced, and she held out her hand with a smile.

“Veronica.” She hummed. “You guys are hockey players, right?” she asked, and Javier knew right away she was just what they all thought: a puck bunny looking to score a hockey player for the night. 

“Yeah, we are,” he said. He raised the beer. “Thanks for the beer.”

“No problem,” she said, giving him a quick once over. “So, tell me about yourself Javi. You play hockey. What else?” 

“Um, well we’re from Toronto, but as you can probably tell, I’m from Spain,” he offered. 

“Yeah, I picked up on the sexy accent alright,” she said, putting a hand on his knee when he crossed his legs. “So Javi from Spain, you have a girlfriend?”

“I- uh, not really?” he offered, a little flustered by how forward she was. He had picked up girls in a bar before, but very rarely did they get straight to the point like Veronica was. 

She leaned closer, lips touching his ear as she whispered, “Want to get out of here?”

He heard his teammates all whoop and cheer and he looked around at them in a panic only to confirm that, yes, _seven_ of the guys were now clustered around the other end of the bar watching him and high-fiving each other. He looked at Veronica in a panic. “Hey, um, I’ll be right back, bathroom,” he said, stumbling off the barstool. He went to the bathroom and locked the door as soon as he was sure none of the stalls were occupied. 

Javier pulled out his phone and pressed call as soon as he found the contact. He paced some, pushing his hair off his forehead. He knew this wasn’t going to go well. He _knew_ it. But he also knew his teammates would never buy ‘Suzy’ as an excuse now that they had seen that gorgeous woman touching his leg and practically kissing his ear. He had to think of some way out of this, and the only honest thing to do was his current course of action. 

“Hello? Javi?” Javier rubbed a hand over his face when he heard Javier’s voice.

“Hey, Yuzu.”

“Jabi, it is late, isn’t it? Why are you not sleeping?” Yuzuru asked. “I am happy to hear your voice,” he added. “I just am thinking you sleep now.”

Javier laughed weakly. He hated his life. “It’s great to hear your voice, too, _Cari_.” He leaned against the sink and leaned his head back against the mirror. “Yuzuru, I have to ask you something. And please, please remember how much I love you.”

“What is it, Javi?” Yuzuru asked innocently.

Javier closed his eyes. “So, I’m at a bar with my teammates after the game-“

“Oh, yes, did you win?” Yuzuru asked excitedly.

Javier laughed weakly. “Yeah, we won.” He gritted his teeth. 

“Yay!”

“I need a favor, and please don’t freak out,” Javier begged. “So, this girl bought me a drink and my teammates were all there, so I went to talk to her. Just talk!” he said quickly. “But she’s really, really trying to get out of here with me, and they’re all watching and cheering me on and crap, and the only way I can get out of this situation is to leave with her.”

There was a long silence before Yuzuru spoke, and this time there was _zero_ excitement in his voice. “You want to go home with some girl?” he asked in a warning voice.

“No!” Javier said quickly. “No, just- just leave the bar with her, get away from the team, then go back to my hotel room. _Alone_.”

“So you want me to give permission for you to make teammates think you go fuck some girl?” Yuzuru asked, sounding less happy by the moment. “I cannot believe you do not call for _days_ and this reason is what make you call me.”

“I know, I know Baby,” Javier groaned. “I’m so sorry! I promise you, I hate this so much, but all I need is for you to tell me it will be okay. I just felt like I should tell you before I did anything.”

“It make it seem more suspicious, Javi,” Yuzuru said firmly. “If you just want trick teammate, why not just tell me ‘oh funny story’ later? Asking permission make it seem like maybe you do not just walk out with girl.”

Javier banged his head against the mirror a good few times. “I’ll probably have to kiss her. That’s why I need permission. I will have to kiss her and then tell her I change my mind and maybe give her another goodnight kiss as an apology.”

“Oh! So this real reason!” Yuzuru snapped. “You want permission to _kiss someone else_ just because you won’t look like ‘wimp’ in front of team! I can’t believe this, Javi. You really call me first time in _days_ to get permission to kiss random strange woman!”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I know,” Javier said, voice full of guilt. “I just feel like they suspect something. I need to throw them off. If they think I fucked her, it’ll get them off my back.”

“Why you do not just leave?” Yuzuru asked, voice tight like he was going to cry, and instantly Javier felt like a _dick_. “Why it matter so much what they think? You have fake girlfriend, just tell them you do not want other than her. Why you stupid hockey men need to be so ‘macho’ and dirty?”

Javier hung his head. “Because it’s what they’re like, Yuzu.”

“Whatever,” Yuzuru said, and now Javier was certain he was crying. “You go do whatever. Kiss her. Fuck her. I don’t care. Just do not tell me because I want pretend my boyfriend love me enough to not touch some woman just because his friend are assholes.”

Yuzuru hung up on him and Javier’s heart lodged itself somewhere in his throat. He closed his eyes, fighting the urge to all him back and beg for his forgiveness. He took a few deep breaths to gather himself and then nodded. He could do this. He could get out of this without hurting Yuzuru worse than he already had. 

When he got back to the bar, he walked up to Veronica and said, “I’m leaving, how about you?”

“Lead the way, handsome,” Veronica said. Javier’s teammates all cheered like the teenagers they were when he took Veronica’s hand and let her lead the way to get him out of the bar. 

~

The whole walk in the direction of what he assumed was Veronica’s apartment, Javier felt guilt eating away at him. He wasn’t going to go with her inside, but he was still trying to figure out how to let her down easy. He looked down at her hand in his and felt terrible to see manicured nails curled around his. Yuzuru had slender, small hands, but he bit his nails so they looked nothing like this. He missed the way Yuzuru’s hands felt in his. He looked at her as they walked and thought of how much he missed small, sparkling brown eyes that nearly disappeared when Yuzuru smiled really big. Her eyes were big and blue. 

Even just thinking about Yuzuru made him feel slightly queasy. 

_Kiss her. Fuck her. Do whatever you want._

Javier shuddered at those words. The very idea of touching the woman at his side was unthinkable. She wasn’t his beautiful Yuzuru. She didn’t have miles of pale skin covered by the scars and calluses of an athlete. She didn’t have an ugly, goose-like laugh that made Javier’s soul happy. He would have once loved a chance to sleep with a woman like this one, but it was really a mark of how deeply in love he was that he had zero interest, not even in fantasy not to be acted upon.

“I can’t do this.” He stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. “This is ridiculous.”

“Um, what?” Veronica asked, and he grimaced, giving her an apologetic smile.

“Look, I was going to make up an excuse to not go up to your apartment with you, but I should just be honest now,” he said, not caring they were in the middle of the sidewalk. “I’m not single. I have someone. My teammates don’t know about them, so I was doing this to get them off my back and I figured I would get to your place and pretend I’m too tired, but this is just stupid.” He shook his head. “I’m really sorry for leading you on, but this was never going to happen. I was going to just give you a goodnight kiss and call it at that, but I can’t even do that. I called before I even left the bar and it ended in an argument because we’ve been apart for six weeks now and the thought of me kissing you caused a huge fight, and I can’t do this.” He caught his breath and looked at Veronica, who was looking at him with wide eyes.

“Wow. That sucks,” she said, then laughed. “Man, you tough guys are so hard-up about feelings you can’t even tell your friends the truth.” She shook her head. “It’s cool, Dude. Don’t beat yourself up. It’s actually kinda sweet,” she admitted. “You love her so much you don’t want to kiss another girl.” 

Javier smiled sheepishly. “I am sorry, though.”

“Hey, it’s better you didn’t make me the person who broke up a happy couple,” she said simply.

He bit his lip as he got an idea suddenly. “About that, can I ask for a favor?”


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a long one but very big one!!!

Yuzuru lay in his bed crying. It was the middle of the day but his heart hurt and he felt sick and all he could think about was some anonymous woman kissing his boyfriend and touching him the way Yuzuru touched him and maybe even having him touch her, too. He trusted Javier, he did, but he was _disgusted_ by the thought of a stranger getting even a tiny bit of the affection that belonged to him. He couldn’t stop squeezing Pooh-san’s face and whimpering as he imagined some faceless woman’s hand in Javier’s curls or Javier’s hands on her waist. He hadn’t kissed his boyfriend in over a month, so the thought of someone else doing it made him want to vomit. 

Yuzuru cried himself to sleep, only to wake up with a notification from Javier. Part of him wanted to throw the phone, but when he opened the message, he was glad he didn’t.

There was a photo of a woman waving at the camera holding a cocktail napkin that said, _I didn’t kiss your boyfriend_. Below it, Javier’s message was clearly a plea for forgiveness.

_I’m sorry I am a coward, but I respect that what I asked of you is wrong. Thankfully, Veronica was nice enough to believe me when I explained that I’m actually seeing someone and just wanted an excuse to leave. I told her I called you and it upset you, so she agreed to the photo. She said if I had been honest with her, she would have left me alone. I guess I am the biggest idiot of all time. I only hope that you can forgive my stupidity and my cowardice. I love you more than anything and I never wanted to hurt you. I thought honestly was the best policy, but I see now that sucking it up and telling my teammates to back off was the better course of action. I promise, I will never try this again. I will never let them scare me into hurting you ever again. Our relationship is a hard one to balance and sometimes I lose sight of how important you are to me versus my teammates. My team is important, but I can find ways to keep from hurting you to keep them off my back. We’re traveling for the next few days, but Tuesday I will have a hotel room to myself and we can have a Skype date like we wanted to last week. I’ll make it up to you, I promise. I love you, I love you, I love you always. <3 Javi_

Yuzuru sniffled and shook his head. “So, so stupid,” he said, though he laughed wetly and hugged his phone. He closed his eyes and thought of Javier’s arms around him and the scent of Javier’s skin when he held him, and if he tried really hard, he could imagine the warm feeling of Javier’s lips touching his cheek as he held him and drifted off to sleep. 

Javier wasn’t forgiven yet, but Yuzuru was so relieved that Javier at least hadn’t actually kissed a strange woman. Even if it was just kissing, it still was _Yuzuru’s_ kisses. If he wasn’t getting them, it would only add insult to injury to have some woman get his kisses instead.

~

“Javi, look what I get!” Javier watched as Yuzuru opened up a box and picked up the last thing Javier expected: a hockey jersey. It was a Maple Leafs home jersey. “And look, best part!” Yuzuru turned it around with a flourish and Javier bit his lip against a sappy laugh when he saw the back read FERNANDEZ. “Mom get it for me for birthday, but it just get here today!” He did a little dance. “I have shirt for Javi’s team with Javi name on it. I love it!”

“You are too cute,” Javier said fondly. His heart ached with longing to be within kissing distance from Yuzuru. “It will be very late when I get home after the home game the day you get home, but I promise, the next day I’ll be waiting outside the rink for you.”

Yuzuru melted visibly. “Javi miss me, huh?”

“Mostly I just really want a kiss. I want to hug you and kiss you and keep you all to myself.” He sighed dramatically. “I miss every part of you.”

Yuzuru bit his lip. “You miss all parts, huh?” He bit his lip and touched his cheeks. “You miss this part?”

Javier chuckled and nodded. “Yep.”

Yuzuru gave him a flirty look and touched his lip. “This part?” Javier nodded, and he continued, touching his throat. “This part, too?”

“I really miss that part.”

Yuzuru sat up straighter and tugged the bottom of his shirt up just a couple of inches. “And this part?” he asked, sliding a hand across his bared skin. 

Javier got some idea where this was going and sat up a little, looking at the screen on his laptop closely. “Uh-huh,” he said, breath increasing in pace as Yuzuru slowly tugged his shirt up and off. He ran his hand across his stomach and chest and moaned softly. “This parts?”

“God, yeah,” Javier moaned, looking at Yuzuru’s bare torso. 

“I bet Javi miss this part, too,” he said, standing up to slowly push his trackpants down. Javier licked his lips, watching with interest as Yuzuru’s pants slid down his hips, baring black briefs and thick thighs. When Yuzuru was standing in front of his desk with nothing but tiny black briefs on, he made a show of touching his thighs and shivering. “Mmmm, Javi,” he moaned. 

“Is this okay? Nobody will hear you?” he asked, and Yuzuru just shook his head.

“Nobody else home,” he said, toying with the edge of his underpants. “Javi want see more parts he misses?” he asked, and Javier groaned.

“Take them off,” he urged, and Yuzuru giggled teasingly.

“Javi need show me some, first,” he cooed. “Give me what I miss, too.”

Javier eagerly stripped his shirt off. He got naked in seconds, eager to get Yuzuru out of his clothes, too. “Alright, your turn!” he said in a playful tone that just set Yuzuru to a round of loud, obnoxious, ugly laughter that was music to Javier’s ears.

Watching his nearly-naked boyfriend nearly fall over laughing at him was enough to make this night a thousand times better than going out with the guys ever could.

~

Javier was pumped for the game. They were playing at home and, best of all, Yuzuru’s flight would be landing any time so win or lose, he would see him tomorrow. He hoped they won, though. He would love to celebrate a win with his boyfriend when he picked him up from practice. “What’s got you so pumped?”

“I just feel good,” Javier said as he tugged on his gear. “I think we’ve got a good chance tonight. Don’t you?”

Milo chuckled. “Yeah, our record is better. You get far more excited about a possible win than most of us.”

“I bet I know why,” Ivan said, walking over to lean against the locker beside Javier’s. “Josh and I came to see if we could drag you out with us the other night,” he said, smirking in a way that made Javier’s blood run cold. “Skype date, huh.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Javier said coldly.

“You know, it’s funny,” Ivan said with a smirk. “I didn’t get it before. ‘Suzy’ sure sounds a lot like ‘Yuzu’,” he said, and Javier just stared, hand shaking on his locker. 

“Yuzu?” Josh asked, closing his locker to look at Ivan. “Isn’t that what you call that figure skater?” he asked Javier and Javier just swallowed, unsure what to say. 

“Hey, shut the fuck up,” Milo interrupted. “Don’t start running your mouths with that shit.” He looked at Javier with worry in his eyes. 

“Why, you fuckin’ the skater, too, Schneider?” Ivan asked, winking at Javi. “The little faggot likes being passed around, huh? Let me know next time, if I close my eyes, maybe I could show him what it’s like to be with a real man.” 

Javier saw red and lunged at Ivan, only stopped by Milo grabbing him and dragging him back. Ivan jumped towards him, but Josh grabbed him and held him back, too. “Hey, hey, cool it!”

“Fuck you, Ivan!” Javier snarled, trying to get at him. He deserved an ass kicking for talking about Yuzuru that way and Javier was going to give it to him.

“Let’s go then, Fernandez!” Ivan shouted back, and it took a couple more guys to get in and keep them apart from each other. 

“Javi, Javi, man, chill out-“

“Ivan, stop provoking-“

“Guys, guys, we’ve got a game-“

“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!”

They all stopped when Coach Holden came in, the other coaches flanking him. “We have a game in _minutes_! I know my players aren’t trying to fight each other in the locker room!”

“It was Ivan, Coach,” Anton called from across the locker room, where most of the team was just stuck watching Ivan and Javi try to get at each other. “He was talking bullshit and provoking Javi.”

“Psh, if what he says is true, you want to be the one defending Fernandez?” Max asked, and Anton glared.

“It’s bullshit, and you know it. Ivan has been looking for a fight all season. He’s been talking shit about Javier since the summer-“

“I don’t give a fuck who says what about who!” Holden interrupted. He looked around. “We are _one team_!” he shouted at them. “We’re playing a game in minutes and we need to be a united front! This fucked up shit about the offensive line and defensive line forming fucking cliques like you’re in a goddamn high school is going to stop!” he snapped. “Petrov!”

Ivan squared his shoulders, still red in the face. “Yes, Coach?”

“Your ass is benched,” he said, and Ivan and half the defensive line started to argue. “No. You’ve been pissing me off for months. I’ve seen you coming after other players. It’s not just Fernandez, you were on Anton and Kumar for the past month. You can’t stand that they offense gets the praise you think you deserve, but you’re not even the best defensive player on the team,” he said. “And Fernandez, whatever you are doing to make yourself a target, you sort that shit out. Ivan’s not the only one that’s been talking shit about you. You used to be pretty universally liked, so whatever has changed you fix it before I bench your ass for causing tension in the team.”

Javier’s spine stiffened at the thought of being benched, because he knew if he didn’t fix things up, it wouldn’t just be off the ice, he might get traded just to repair the status quo in the locker room. He had been there a long time, so he thought he was safe, but it was obvious what Coach Holden meant by that jab about causing tension in the team. 

When Holden left, Javier looked around the locker room and saw more than a few of the players were whispering among themselves, and almost all of them were looking his way as they did so. 

~

Yuzuru was so excited. He hadn’t attended a sports event since he was a little boy and his dad took him to baseball games. When Tracy surprised him on his return with tickets to go see Javi’s team play. He had wondered why she insisted he come home on an earlier flight so that he arrived that morning instead of that night. Tracy was taking him, Evgenia, Jason, and had even talked Brian into coming. He was still not crazy into hockey, but the chance to attend a game where his boyfriend was playing was way more exciting of a prospect than watching it on TV. 

“It is fate Mom get me this for my birthday!” he said as he fidgeted with his big, blue hockey shirt. 

Tracy chuckled. “I can’t believe you own that shirt. Your mother is hilarious.”

“I love it,” he defended, fidgeting with the hem of the shirt.

“I just can’t believe you talked me into this,” Brian said as they made their way to their seats. 

“But this will be so fun!” Jason said excitedly. “I went to a hockey game when I went to the Olympics, and it was so fun!”

“Hockey is the best sport,” Evgenia gushed. “Russian hockey, it is best. This is so good, too.”

Yuzuru sat down and leaned his head on Tracy’s shoulder. “You are best, Tracy. Thank you!”

“And I’m getting a beer,” Brian said, getting to his feet. “Or two. Or three, if I can carry them.”

Tracy snorted. “Guess I’m watching the children then if your old ass is going to get drunk.”

“Get me one!” Evgenia said and Brian scoffed.

“Ha, you’re not nineteen young lady, nice try,” he said, and she giggled innocently, earning a fond look from Brian on his way past. Yuzuru had noticed Brian had a special soft spot for Evgenia. Everybody loved her, but Brian seemed to just find her too cute to handle sometimes. Yuzuru understood entirely. She might be eighteen, but she seemed like the sweetest little girl sometimes. Jason had taken an almost ‘big brother’ role with her as soon as she arrived, and Yuzuru didn’t blame him. She was so sweet.

“Worth a shot,” he said to her and she giggled, leaning into his side. 

“I don’t drink, I just wanted to see his face,” she confessed.

Once the game started, it didn’t take Yuzuru long to kind of get into it. He had never really liked hockey, but something about being at the game made it a lot easier to understand why people loved this. He even stopped flinching at every hard hit by the end of the first period. During the second period, however, Javi scored a goal and Yuzuru couldn’t help leaping to his feet and cheering with everybody else, even as Brian laughed at his excitement. 

“I think you’re having more fun than you did when you won your second gold,” Brian joked, looking past Tracy at the three skaters. 

“Javi scored!” Jason cheered, jumping up and down with Yuzuru. Evgenia joined them, jumping up and down with all the other fans around them, all three of them laughing at how silly they were being. At the end of the second period, when Javi’s pass went to the player who scored, they all cheered again, bouncing around excitedly. Even Tracy joined them this time, clearly having fun as well. 

“Oh my God, look!” Jason cried, and Yuzuru turned around, trying to see what he was pointing at, only to spot a familiar face on the jumbotron: his own. He froze for a moment then put his hands over his face laughing before giving a wave and then sitting down, blushing as Jason shook him by the shoulders while the camera was still on him. It panned out some and Jason and Evgenia were included, so they all waved and made faces while it was on them.

When it finally went away, Yuzuru laughed. “That is so embarrassing!” 

“You’re probably the most famous person here in the stands tonight,” Tracy said with a shrug. “They like finding celebrities with the camera,” she said, and Yuzuru waved and bowed to the people around them who realized who they all were.

~

Javier’s excitement had been doused when, while they were on the bench, Nigel nudged him and pointed up at the jumbotron and said, “Isn’t that the guy Ivan gives you shit about?” Sure enough, and unexplainably, since Yuzuru should be getting off a plane about now, Yuzuru, his coaches, and two of his friends were on the jumbotron, clearly having been spotted as famous people in the crowd. “Wearing a ‘Fernandez’ shirt,” Nigel added, giving him a pointed look. 

Walking into the locker room after the period ended wasn’t nearly as exuberant as it should’ve been for someone who scored and assisted in that period. He took off his helmet and tugged his shirt and pads off, flopping onto the bench, panting. Scott offered him Gatorade and he nodded. “Thanks, man.”

“You’re gonna need it,” he said, and his sympathetic look said all Javier needed to know about Scott putting two and two together. He grimaced and drank deeply The locker room was weirdly quiet while they waited on Coach Holden to show up.

Right up until Lenox spoke what Javier knew a lot of them had to be thinking.

“So, Fernandez, all that shit Ivan’s been going on about, that shit’s for real? You’re fucking the figure skater?”

“Hey,” Milo started, and Jones leveled him with a look.

“What? I thought it was bullshit, but everybody on the bench saw it. That figure skater is up in the stands wearing a Fernandez jersey,” he said and Brett pointed at him.

“That doesn’t mean shit and you know it. He’s openly friends with that figure skater, why wouldn’t you go to a friend’s game when it’s at home? And you saw, there were people with him-“

“Other figure skaters,” Ivan offered, smirking from across the locker room as he looked at Javier. “The old one is a famous fag, so that’s not making a good argument there.” He tilted his head. “Maybe ‘Suzy’ is fucking his coach, too. Getting it wherever he can-“

“Will you shut the fuck up already?” Milo roared across the room. “There is no need for that word-“

“What, you defending Faggy Fernandez, too, faggot?” 

“PETROV!” Ivan finally looked worried when Coach Holden’s voice echoed through the locker room. “You’re off the ice! I’ve fucking told you all not to say that fucking word!” he shouted. “If you get recorded saying that shit, the whole team will be fined!” 

“Coach, come on!” Ivan cried.

Lenox stood up. “Coach, we need him! Ivan’s necessary-“

“Then he should watch his damn mouth,” Coach Holden said. “And Fernandez, stop provoking him, you’re on the bench until we need you.”

Javier spluttered. “Coach, I didn’t do a damn thing!” he defended. “He keeps coming after me unprovoked-“

“None of us are stupid enough to buy it anymore, Javi,” Holden said in a quiet tone, holding his hands up. “I’ve looked the other way as long as I can but my hands are tied. You let your shit get out to the team and the damage is done.”

“But Coach-“

“If your ‘friend’ didn’t show up and put his face on the damn jumbotron, maybe this wouldn’t have gotten out of hand and what happened before the game would’ve been the end of it,” Holden said with a shrug. “It’s not my business, I don’t give a damn about your business, but you have to deal with the team if they do give a damn about your business.”

Holden stormed out and Javier was left staring after him. He looked around and his heart sank when he realized how silent the locker room was. Everybody was looking at him. Every. Single. Person. Javier grabbed his Gatorade and walked back out to the hallway, deciding to wait out there until the intermission ended rather than deal with his entire team staring him down and trying to decide if their winger was screwing a male figure skater or not in his downtime.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I decide to not make you wait because-
> 
> I want to see you all suffer! Muajajajaja
> 
> (Sorry. I just realize from the comments I have accidentally made you used to fluff and easy fixes to drama and that is not the case so I want to see if I make anybody curse at me jajajaja)

After Javier’s team won – although he didn’t play in the last period for some reason – Yuzuru was super excited to see him the next day. He sent him a selfie of himself going to bed that night in his Javi jersey, and though he was a bit disappointed, he wasn’t really bothered when he didn’t get a reply back.

When Yuzuru got out of training, he had a text from Javier saying he would be out front. Yuzuru was so excited to finally see Javier, so when he got outside and saw Javier sitting on the hood of his car, he broke into a run. “JAVI!” he cried, and when Javier stood up, Yuzuru leap into his arms, squeezing Javier while he kissed him in greeting. Javier kissed him back for a moment before breaking the kiss. “Oh my God, Javi, I miss you so much! It is so good to see you again after so long. I miss your hug so much,” he said, hiding his face in Javier’s neck, hugging him tight.

“Hi, Yuzuru.” Javier sighed and eased Yuzuru back. Yuzuru frowned and looked at his face searchingly. Javier looked down at the ground between them. “We need to talk.”

~

Yuzuru wasn’t sure what was wrong, but Javier was very quiet as they drove towards Javier’s house. “Javi? What do we need talk about?”

Javier’s jaw clenched. “Can it wait until we’re home?”

“I guess,” Yuzuru mumbled. He reached out to grab Javier’s hand off the console, but almost the second his fingers brushed Javier’s, Javi swapped hands on the steering wheel. He frowned but didn’t say anything. 

When they got there, Javier let him in and Yuzuru immediately went to Effie, who meowed excitedly when he came in. “Effie!” He scooped her up and hugged her close, rubbing his face against hers. “Oh I miss you. I miss you so much. Almost like I miss Javi.” He kissed her little furry head. “You are sweetest and I miss you.” He put her down and turned to greet Javi instead. “Do not worry, I miss you most,” he said, wrapping his arms around Javier’s chest, looking into his eyes lovingly. Javier’s eyes were so beautiful. He tilted his chin up and kissed Javier, who seemed reluctant to kiss back.

“Baby, we need to talk,” Javier murmured, but Yuzuru grinned.

“Let’s talk later,” he said, nuzzling Javier’s throat, pressing a kiss there. “It almost two months since I have Javi in my arm. I want something else right now.”

Javier looked torn, which Yuzuru didn’t understand for a moment, but eventually he caved to Yuzuru’s straying hands and eager kisses. Yuzuru moaned happily when Javier picked him up and carried him to bed. He loved Javier manhandling him. He liked dating a strong man who could carry him around like that. There was just something so passionate about being carried to bed and laid down. _Finally_ , Javier kissed him with purpose. Yuzuru reveled in every deep, searching kiss. 

When they were bare, Javier kissed his throat while he opened him up, and when he filled him up, Yuzuru moaned breathlessly. The way Javier kept looking at him the whole time they made slow, passionate love was something overwhelming. Javier’s eyes were full of a desperation that Yuzuru couldn’t really place, but the intensity matched that desperation. It felt like Javier was savoring finally having Yuzuru in his arms again. They never got too fast or hard, it was like a low smolder that built into a roaring inferno as their tired, sweaty bodies fought together at the very end for the swell of passion as they met their climax almost perfectly in time, like their bodies knew just want they had needed after so long apart. 

Yuzuru wiped a tear off of Javier’s face as he came down, looking at Yuzuru like he was afraid he would never look at him again. Yuzuru felt an overwhelming surge of love for the man above him. “Te amo, Javi,” he breathed, shivering at the uncomfortable feeling of their bodies parting. “Mmmmm, this was incredible,” he said, grabbing a tissue off the table beside him to wipe off his belly so that he could snuggle with Javi without being gross and sticky. 

“I shouldn’t have done that.” 

Yuzuru frowned, looking over at Javi, who had moved to sit on the side of the bed, looking down at his hands instead of at Yuzuru. “Javi? What you mean?” He sat up and crawled over to the edge of the bed. He draped himself over Javier’s shoulders, only to have Javier stand up, leaving him kneeling there while Javier paced. “Javi?”

“I wanted to bring you home to talk to you, not- not sleep with you,” Javier said, tugging at his curls. “God, I should not have done this.”

Yuzuru was a little hurt by that. “Why? Javi, we are apart so long, why you would not want do sex when we get chance?”

“Because we can’t see each other so much anymore!” Javier blurted out. He looked at Yuzuru with desperation in his eyes. “I’m already benched because the rumors got worse and then you being at the game in my jersey last night just convinced the rest of the team it’s true, and if I don’t do something now they’re going to trade me, or worse, just kick me out of the league entirely.” He put his hands on top of his head. “I’m not- I don’t want to lose you forever, but we need space. Distance. If- if we take some time apart. If we stop seeing each other for a while, things can die down. We can start dating again and be together again after the dust settles, but for now, we need to take a break for a while.”

Yuzuru stared in shock and mounting horror before it suddenly occurred to him he was naked in Javier’s bed while Javier, essentially, broke up with him. “Oh my God.” He looked down at the lube still on his inner thighs, and then gasped raggedly. “You _bastard_ ,” he cried as tears filled his eyes. He scrambled out of bed and started finding his clothes. “You horrible man,” he gasped, dragging on his clothes through a haze of tears. 

“ _Cari_ , I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Yuzuru, I told you I wanted to talk-“

“SO YOU JUST FUCK ME ONE MORE TIME BEFORE YOU BREAK UP WITH ME?!” Yuzuru screeched at him as he wrestled his way into his shirt with shaking limbs and ragging sobs tearing at his throat. “You bastard. How could you?!” He ran from the room, rushing to the door to toe on his shoes and grab his jacket and bag. “Brian was right, he was always right!”

“Yuzuru, please, don’t freak out, okay? I’m so sorry, you’re right, I’m a bastard, but you kept kissing me and when I tried to get you to talk, I just- I’m human, okay? I’m only human and I love you so much-“

“Fuck you!” Yuzuru snarled. “If you love me you would not be this way. Fuck you, Javier Fernandez,” he sobbed, opening the door.

“It’s not forever, Yuzu, I promise, we just need some time-“

“Go to hell,” Yuzuru whimpered before he ran outside. 

Yuzuru didn’t stop running until his lungs couldn’t take it anymore and he collapsed onto the sidewalk, in broad daylight, sitting on his knees on the street in a residential neighborhood, crying his eyes out six feet away from someone’s mailbox while a man across the street walked his dog, seemingly not noticing the person having a breakdown opposite him. 

~

Brian was just about to leave his office to get ready for juniors group training when his phone buzzed. He sighed and took it out of his pocket only to frown when he saw Yuzuru was calling. Yuzuru had left not even two full hours ago, excited to see his boyfriend, so Brian was instantly worried. “Yuzuru?” he asked when he answered, only to hear crying.

“Brian,” Yuzuru choked our pitifully and Brian instantly was on alert. 

“Yuzuru what’s wrong?”

“W-Will you come get me?” Yuzuru asked. “P-Please?”

“Where are you?” Brian asked, not hesitating for a second.

“The m-mail box beside me say o-one four five seven and street sign say Acorn street.” It scared Brian that Yuzuru clearly didn’t know where he was but was in a residential area.

“Okay, I’m coming. I’ll GPS it and be there as fast as possible, Yuzuru.” Brian for his coat and keys and left quickly. “Just stay put, I’m coming for you,” he said before hanging up to search that address.

When he found Tracy he only had to look at her before she looked worried. “Brian?” 

“Cancel the Juniors for me. I don’t know what’s happened, but Yuzuru called me crying and gave me the address in a mailbox he’s beside and begged me to come get him.” 

“Wasn’t he supposed to be with Javi?” Tracy asked, and Brian gave her a grim look.

“I knew better than to let everyone convince me to trust that hockey player with my skater,” he said angrily, already pretty sure he was going to get his ass kicked for trying to beat the hell out of a hockey player half his age tonight.

~

When Brian got to the street his GPS suggested, he drove slowly, looking for a skinny boy with dark hair. When he found him, he was sitting on the curb outside a random house that seemed to not have anybody home. The way he was hugging his knees so tightly made Brian fearful. He stopped and got out of the car, walking around. “Yuzuru?”

Yuzuru lifted his head and his face was a wreck. He had clearly been crying for a while. His eyes were red, his cheeks were wet and streaked, and his nose was raw. “Brian!” he choked out, unfurling to jump up and throw his arms around him. He hugged Brian tight, crying into his shoulder, and Brian just hugged him closer, rubbing his shoulders. “I want to go home,” he cried weakly and Brian just shushed him.

“Okay, I’ll take you home,” he said, leading him to the car. He opened the door for him and sat him down and then walked around, already seething. Whatever happened, it was bad. That much was obvious. When they started driving, he looked over at Yuzuru, looking for any signs of injury. “Did he hurt you?” he asked carefully.

Yuzuru whined as he choked on a breath. “He did not hit me, if you mean that,” he said, pulling his knees up, his heels on the seat. Normally Brian would yell at him for that but he didn’t have the heart to do anything to mess up his comfort. “It hurt less if he hit me,” Yuzuru whimpered.

Brian sighed. “Oh, Yuzuru.” He reached out and patted his knee. “What happened?”

“He- he break up with me,” Yuzuru whimpered. “But- but he don’t just break up,” he said more spiritedly. “He say we need to talk, but when we get home and I want to do sex, he doesn’t make me stop, he let me have sex with him, then he immediately get out of bed and say ‘this was bad idea, because I want to talk, not this, and when I ask why he say he has to break up with me because team basically found out about me and- and then he go all-“ Yuzuru started making hand puppets like he was Javier talking, which made Brian smile in spite of his rage. “ ‘Oh, it is not forever, just for now. We break up and then later we be together again, just until ‘dust settle’ - or some word like this – ‘then it will be okay’, and he say it all like it is okay to break up with me without warning after _he fuck me_!” he said harshly. Brian grimaced at Yuzuru saying that word and at thinking about his student having sex, but more than that, he grimaced at how dirty a move that was. 

“Jesus, what an asshole.”

Yuzuru whimpered and started crying harder again. “He say all this while I am still _naked_ ,” he sobbed. “I am in bed and- and we _just_ finish doing sex, and he break my heart!” Yuzuru leaned his head against the window, his tiny body wracked with sobs. “I hate him,” he gasped. “How he can do this, Brian? He love me, I know it, so why does he hurt me?”

Brian sighed. “Because that’s what these hockey guys are like, Yuzuru.” He shook his head. “I never dated one, but I was friends with one. He was totally fine having a gay friend, he didn’t have any issue with it. Then when his teammates found out, they started calling him gay and what happens? Suddenly my ‘friend’ is one of the bullies who calls me a ‘fag’ and treats me like shit. I think he really cared for me, but he cared more about his reputation on that team.” He smiled sadly. “He probably does love you, Yuzuru. He just can’t face the thought of everybody on his team thinking badly of him. Those hockey teams, they’re like frat houses. Those guys do everything together. They are family, they are friends, and they put their team above all else. It’s toxic masculinity at its finest.” 

“I just do not understand,” Yuzuru whimpered. “Javi is not like them. Why he suddenly is?”

Brian rubbed his back comfortingly. “I don’t know, Yuzuru. I’m so, so sorry.”

Yuzuru let out a broken sob. “But I _love_ him.”

~

“I fucking _hate_ him,” Javier slurred, looking across the bar at Ivan and his table of assholes. 

“What’s wrong with you, Javier?” Milo asked, taking the shot away from him before he could get even more drunk. “You never drink like this and every night for the past three weeks that we went out, you’re drinking us under the table.”

“And it’s not just here,” Scott added. “When I picked you up for training because you couldn’t drive, you were drunk at _eleven o’clock_ in your own house.”

Milo patted his back. “Coach might stop benching you if you come to practice without a hangover a few times a week.”

“Yeah, man, I know you hate being benched, but its been two weeks. There’s no reason to drink your life away over it,” Scott said.

Javier snorted derisively. “What the fuck would you say that for? You picked this shit over your goddamn children,” he spat, and then instantly felt bad, no matter how drunk he was. “I’m sorry, man. You don’t deserve that.” He pictured Yuzuru’s betrayed eyes as he realized Javier was leaving him while he was still naked in his bed. He felt a wave of tears coming. “He didn’t deserve it,” he said, voice breaking. He stole the shot Milo had taken from him and drank it before they could stop him. It didn’t work to erase Yuzuru’s beautiful, perfect eyes so full of hurt, but it made him care a little less. 

Except it didn’t. It really didn’t. He hung his head, biting his lip to keep the tears at bay. 

“Jesus, let’s get him out of here.” Javier knew tears were on his face when Milo and Scott grabbed him under each arm and practically carried him out of the bar. He didn’t realize what was happening until they had tossed him into the backseat of Scott’s SUV. “What the fuck is wrong with you, man?”

Javier laughed wetly, laying on his back. “I’m playing fucking hockey!” he said loudly. “Isn’t that what I’m supposed to do? Get wasted after a win and find the first girl who wants a hockey player to fuck her?” he slurred. “I’m being like Brett! I’m fuckin’ everything that moves and drinking until I can’t feel guilty.”

“You didn’t fuck anybody, Fernandez, and we all know it,” Milo interrupted. “You’re too busy on the ‘getting wasted’ part.”

Javier snorted. “I sure fucked somebody. Then dumped ‘em. Still in bed together and everything.” He laughed again. “I’m a f-fucking amazing person, huh, Milo?”

“A damn it, Javi. Is that what this is about?” Scott asked, and Javier continued laughing until he realized he wasn’t laughing anymore, he was crying. “Man, this shit isn’t even about being benched?”

“I had to so I could get off the bench and keep from being traded,” Javier explained, sitting up only to fall over the other direction with a groan. “Six months. Six months I had a good secret going. Fucking _Ivan_ ,” he spat. 

“So what happened to ‘can’t get Suzy to date me’?” Scott asked.

Javier laughed through tears. “You fuckin’ heard him, Scott. You’re not stupid. ‘Suzy sure sounds like Yuzu’,” he said, mocking Ivan’s stupid accent. 

“Yeah, I’m not stupid, but I figured ‘Suzy’ being unwilling to commit was still a thing. What about that chick at the bar?” Scott asked. “Were you fucking around on him, too?”

Javier snorted. “I was gonna leave with her and then lie and tell her I was too drunk and kiss her goodnight and go back to the hotel. I couldn’t even do it,” he said. “I couldn’t even _kiss_ her, because I knew he would be hurt if I did. Even if it’s just a kiss, we’d been apart for six fucking weeks and it would break his heart that I was giving someone else the kisses he couldn’t have.” He rubbed at his face. “Fucking Ivan.”

Milo and Scott exchanged looks and Milo shook his head. “So it was serious, huh?” Milo asked. “The figure skater was the real deal.”

Scott sighed heavily. “Javi, you said ‘Suzy’ was more than Miki was,” he said, and Milo looked startled at that. 

“I was going to marry him,” Javier whimpered, rubbing at his chest as he stared at the roof of the car. “Not now, but one day. I was so sure about him. I would’ve given anything to keep him happy.” He scoffed. “Except for the one thing I risked losing because of Ivan’s big fucking mouth.”

“Fuck, Javier. You dumped him over being benched?!” Scott asked incredulously.

“Benched is the start,” Javier slurred. “They’ll trade me to get rid of the ‘fag’ on the team. I’m gonna be lucky if they don’t trade me for causing divisions now. I got rid of that problem before I could get kicked out of the league.” He rubbed at his forehead. “It wasn’t supposed to be forever, I just- I wanted us to take a break so I can settle shit down and then we could be together again, but I guess dropping the bomb right after I fucked him probably wasn’t the best way to do it if I wanted to preserve anything.”

Milo snorted. “Well yeah, you dumb bastard, that was probably a bad choice.”

“I told him I wanted to talk, I was gonna just talk, but he kept- he kept kissing me and he wanted it so bad, and it’s so hard to say no to him. You’ve never looked him in the eyes when he wants something. He looks like a puppy. Like a- a puppy-eyed, floppy-haired puppy,” he said, picturing Yuzuru’s pouty face. “He could seduce a nun,” he added with a warm sigh. “We’d been apart for so long, and he can usually drag me into bed too easy anyways. I’m just a fucking man, you know? How do you turn down the love of your life throwing himself at me?” Javier sighed. 

“The whole fuckin’ time, I knew it. I knew it was the last time. I knew my ‘take a break’ idea wouldn’t work, but I just-“ He whimpered. “I gotta try, you know? I love him.” He laughed bitterly. “I never felt half of this for Miki, Scott. Not even half.” He clutched at his shirt over his chest. “The look on his face when I said I had been benched because I was found out and it could end in me being kicked off the team, he knew.” He whimpered, tears coming again. “He was so hurt. I hurt him so bad. He was so betrayed and I know he felt used and I broke his heart.” 

He rubbed a hand over his face as he fought not to sob. “I broke his heart and you know what happened today?” He sucked in a ragged breath. “He fell apart at one of the four biggest competitions of the year. I watched him have a breakdown. He barely managed to finish his skate. He cried his way through it, the whole time.” Javier gasped. “I’ve fucking ruined his life the past few weeks because I’m too selfish and too big a coward.” He laughed hollowly. “But go Maple Leafs, huh?”

Milo and Scott exchanged looks as Javier started hysterically laughing in ragged gasps that were definitely sobs.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I feel generous, I give you next chapter already!
> 
> So many people angry at me, but this is not a quick fix, jajaja.

Brian and Tracy were really worried about Yuzuru. He didn’t take the breakup well. He didn’t come to training for days afterwards. Yumi said he wasn’t eating and she could barely get him out of his room. When he did come back to training, it wasn’t easy going. He was miserable and his skating reflected that. Most days his quads failed him and his spirit just wasn’t in it anymore.

What happened at Four Continents had been inevitable, really. 

“It’s okay. We’ll focus on worlds,” Tracy reassured Yuzuru, but the scariest part for Brian was that Yuzuru didn’t even seem that bothered to finish in eight place. He wasn’t crying, he wasn’t freaking out, he was just… standing there. Which was quite a turn from him during his free skate, because it was the kind of meltdown that made even those who hated a skater feel sorry for them. He nearly fell out of a spin, he was visibly crying his way through the second half of the program, and he popped almost every single jump that he didn’t fall on. It was almost like the fight was just gone from him entirely. 

“What happened, Yuzu?” Brian asked, putting a hand on his shoulder. “What made you have a meltdown?”

Yuzuru blinked and looked at him with dead eyes that broke Brian’s heart. “I still get alert on phone. Maple Leafs are playing tonight.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” Tracy cooed, pulling him into a hug he didn’t participate in. She rubbed between his shoulders. “Come on, let’s go back to the hotel.”

“Okay,” Yuzuru said, his voice hollow and face blank. 

~

Yuzuru had never, in his entire life, felt so empty. He lay on the bed in his hotel room and all he could think about was how he didn’t feel anything. He had just lost miserably and he felt _nothing_. His heart was broken and there was no more room for anything else. For the first time in his life, he had found something he loved more than skating, and now it was gone. It was almost like he had reached a new level of sadness he hadn’t known existed until Javier broke his heart and unleashed so much pain and humiliation. 

The worst part was that he still believed, deep down, that Javier loved him. That hurt worse than anything. If Javier had just used him and played games with him, it would hurt less, he thought, than knowing that Javier chose to go against his own heart just because he would rather hurt Yuzuru than fight for him. Javier made a choice to be selfish even if it meant hurting the both of them.

Yuzuru sniffled and wiped at his eyes and groaned. He was sick of crying. He was sick of feeling this way. He was sick of Javier still hurting him even if they hadn’t spoken since that day. He sat up and decided to watch his free skate and see exactly how horribly it had gone. He could only imagine. He couldn’t really remember much about his free skate, he had been so caught up on thinking about Javi and how his phone had betrayed him so. Worst of all, he still deep down hoped that the Maple Leafs won, because Javi didn’t deserve to feel as miserable as he had made Yuzuru.

Watching his free skate, however, he felt disgusted in himself. He couldn’t understand how he, Yuzuru Hanyu, had put on such a disgraceful show for his fans. He never fell apart. He held it together when his foot was broken and he thought his career might end. He won Olympic Gold with an ankle so injured he could barely walk off the ice. He had skated with a painful abscess in his abdomen. Yuzuru had survived so much and skated to prove himself in spite of all of it, and now he had let a _boy_ make him practically give up on not just life, but _skating_. 

Javier had made damaged his devotion to his sport. 

Yuzuru watched the video through again and instead of sadness or emptiness, he started to feel a new emotion: anger. He was angry at Javier. He was angry at himself. He was angry that some man had taken the power over him to make him nearly give up on what he loved most. Some _bastard_ who was too much of a coward to deal with his teammates and instead chose to break the heart of the person who loved him most had caused Yuzuru to give up in the middle of a program all because he was busy thinking about someone who didn’t deserve his attention. 

After the fourth watch through, Yuzuru decided he didn’t actually care if the Maple Leafs won or lost, and he didn’t give a damn about Javier Fernandez’s success or failure. Caring about Javier made him stop caring about himself, and now he had an eighth-place finish at Four Continents on his record. 

That was unacceptable. 

Yuzuru grabbed his phone and called Brian. As soon as he answered, Yuzuru wasted no time speaking. “I am will get gold at Worlds. We start as soon as we get back to Canada, yes?”

“Well it’s good to hear you motivated again, but what happened? We can talk about this later-“

“No time for later, I do bad today, and I never do bad again,” he vowed. “No man is ever more than skating for me. I will not let this ever happen more. I am winning Worlds. I want start fast as possible. I will do all I must to win.”

Brian chuckled on his end. “Well I hate it took this to wake you up, but it’s good to hear from the Yuzuru Hanyu I’ve known for six years again.” Yuzuru felt a swell of anger that made his hands shake, because it was true, he had become a shadow of himself for the past few weeks. Never again. “We’ll start on Monday,” Brian said, and Yuzuru hung up with a sense of grim satisfaction.

Javier was the one who lost something in all this. Yuzuru was the best thing that would ever happen to him and he chose to throw Yuzuru away. Yuzuru still hurt and he knew it wouldn’t stop just because he decided not to care anymore, but more than that, he was determined to show the world exactly what Javier Fernandez gave up. He knew Javi watched figure skating every time there was a competition, so when Worlds came around, he would see exactly who he fucked and then dumped and would remember how stupid he was for doing something like that to Yuzuru Hanyu. 

~

When Javier showed up late and hungover to training, he wasn’t shocked when Coach Holden shook his head after he saw him. “FERNANDEZ! OFFICE! NOW!”

Javier rolled his eyes and followed him, sunglasses on even inside. He drank his coffee as he followed, trying to stop feeling like death warmed over. Coach Holden shut the door behind him when he got inside, so Javier slumped in the chair across from Holden’s desk with a groan. “Coach, I’m sorry I’m late. I’m just feeling a little under the weather-“

“You’re hungover. Again,” Coach said, settling at his desk. “Javi, you’re my best winger. I need you to stop putting me in this position. I can’t let you off the bench if you can’t even stay sober long enough to contribute to practice.”

Javier hung his head. “I know. I just-“ He stopped and shook his head. “I haven’t been well lately. I’m scared shitless of getting traded,” he said confessed.

“And you think becoming a drunk is gonna help your case?” Holden asked. He sighed. “Look, I know Ivan and his cohorts are the issue, not you. But you know how the shit they keep talking is making it look like you’re the reason for the divisions in the team.”

Javier snorted. “Yeah. I know.” He drank more coffee. “I really, really hate him, Coach,” he said bluntly. “He has ruined my life. Officially.”

“I’m not saying I think he’s innocent, Javi, but he didn’t make you start drinking so much and slacking off,” Coach Holden said. “And he couldn’t have known your ‘friend’ would have showed up on the jumbotron the same night he talked shit. The team would have probably dismissed it if it weren’t for that happening that night.”

“Ex,” Javier said emotionlessly. He turned his coffee up again, wishing it was more alcohol all of a sudden.

“What was that?” Coach Holden asked, and Javier lowered his sunglasses, looking him right in the eyes.

“Yuzuru isn’t my anything anymore,” he said, not bothering to be cryptic. Coach wasn’t stupid. “After half the team turning on me and being benched, I thought it would be best if we take a break and don’t see each other for a while.” He smiled bitterly. “You can imagine how, after a month and a half apart, suggesting a temporary break from our relationship might not fly.” He saluted with his coffee. “So I lose the love of my life for a sport I’m not even allowed to play anymore and I ruined his performance in his sport by breaking his heart as well! Cheers!” He downed the rest of his coffee, almost wishing it would drown him. “Fucking Ivan.”

“Ah, hell, Javi.” Coach Holden looked at a loss for words. “So that’s what’s been going on for the past month.”

“My life falling apart may not be convenient for you, Coach, but it isn’t exactly a picnic for me either.” He sighed, dropping his head back against the chair. “Every fucking day feels as pointless as the last. I know I need to be focusing on practice since I sacrificed everything else to try and stay on this team, but it’s hard to just- just exist,” he said weakly. “When you feel guilt and- and everything seems pointless, it’s hard to even breathe. The only time I’m not miserable is when I’m so drunk I can’t remember my own name.”

“Shit,” Coach Holden said oh-so-eloquently. He leaned forward against his elbows. “Look, if you need some time off-“

“The only thing in my life is hockey now,” Javier said firmly. “I gave up _everything_ to be a Maple Leaf. I live in Canada all year and see my family maybe once a year, if I’m lucky, because I’m devoted to this team.” He swallowed hard. “I gave up the chance to be a father for this team, and then two years later, when I found the person I was probably meant to be with for the rest of my life, I ripped his heart out because I was scared of losing my part on this team.” Javier tapped on the desk with a pointed finger. “So I’m going to get my place back on this team. I am going to play the best I can. I have nothing left but this team.”

Coach Holden looked at him with sadness in his eyes, but he nodded. “Stop the drinking, then. If you want your spot back on the team, sober up. If it hurts too bad to be sober at home, go running until you’re tired enough to sleep. You’re not performing to a standard that’s going to get you off the bench.”

Javier nodded. “Okay,” he said, realizing he really had to do what he could to get off the hook. “What about the fact I’m bisexual and the whole team knows it by now?”

“Just lay low,” Holden said simply. “Let me deal with Ivan.”

~

Javier did what he had to do, and by the end of February, he came off the bench. It wasn’t easy. The nights were the worst. He would sit with Effie and think about how he used to call Yuzuru almost every night and just talk about anything and everything. He missed him so much it hurt to breathe most nights. It was those nights when he did what Coach Holden suggested and went running. Nobody else was out for a run at nine o’clock on a February night in Canada, but it helped him clear his head. Focusing on the cold and how it tightened his chest instead of heartbreak. 

Because of all the extra running, Javier was faster than ever once he got back onto the ice. He had lost some weight in his month-long bender due to not wanting to eat and the alcohol making him not care about it, so he was lifting a lot of weights in off-ice training to build his arms back up, and the running was helping his legs. His slapshot got faster with his extra strength, and the only way to stay sober and not go crazy was to focus all of his attention on hockey, so he was more mentally there than he ever had been. 

Personally, however, he was still not okay. The team was still dancing around him. Scott and Milo stuck by him, though. The whole situation really showed him who his true friends were. The three of them had been on the team together for all this time, and they were really proving to be there for him when he needed someone. A few of the other guys included him in their conversations, but nobody else went out of their way to check on him the way those two did. The team was split into three groups: people who supported Javier, people who supported Ivan, and people who didn’t want anything to do with either of them and just kept their heads down. For the most part, the bulk of the team were in the latter group. Ivan had three or four guys on his side in trying to make Javier’s life a living hell, but Coach Holden had stuck to his guns and kept an eye on them. 

Ivan had been benched for three games when he yelled, “Faggy Fernandez isn’t late for once!” when Javier got to practice on time. He was really close to getting suspended with his homophobic language. Javier hated him, but even he was shocked at how stupid the guy could get to keep doing that shit when he was on thin ice with the coaching staff. 

It took a while, but Javier was on the mend. He was by no means less heartbroken, but he found a reminder that there were people in his life who had his back and those who were trying to stab him in it all had their asses on the line for it. The team was doing well and looked in line to go to the finals, so at the end of February, six weeks after Javier and Yuzuru broke up, he was doing as well as could be expected. 

And then he arrived at the training rink only to see a very familiar woman with blonde hair talking to Coach Holden, who looked frazzled and concerned the second he spotted Javier walking down the tunnel. 

“Javi. We need to talk,” he said, and Javier could only swallow thickly when he realized what exactly Coach must want to talk to him about.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst, Angst, Angst!
> 
> jajajajajaja you will all hate me even more!!!

Yuzuru was not one to back down from anything. Yumi admired that about her son. He was a strong man who had more resolve than she ever could hope to have. Yuzuru had a way of making things happen if he really wanted it to happen. He had a will of iron and the focus of a champion in every situation that he had to face in life. She had seen him defy the odds a thousand times in his twenty-four years on earth. When he was born, he was premature and they said he may not catch up to the other boys and girls developmentally until he was well on in age. He learned to read before any other children in his class. When he was diagnosed with asthma as a small child, they said he could never play sports, and instead he found a sport indoors away from pollen and dust that he could manage. As a child, they said his frame and lungs would keep him from having the strength and stamina to be competitive in figure skating, and he used his slenderness to his advantage because his lightness made his strong legs even more useful. He skated until his lips were blue to build up his stamina no matter how much it must have hurt him. Every time he got injured and was told he would have to withdraw, he powered through the pain and blew the others out of the water.

Yuzuru was the bravest, strongest, most determined man Yumi had ever met and she was still amazed she managed to raise a child who could do so much in spite of the obstacles he faced. 

But when Brian and Tracy came to their home to sit own with Yuzuru and talk about their options to get him ready for Worlds after his setbacks, the solution they suggested was the one thing she thought might end up being an insurmountable wall between her child and a gold medal at Worlds. 

“You cannot think Yuzu go train at that place,” Yumi said incredulously, reaching out to curl her hand around Yuzuru’s knee. “It is bad you ask him this.”

“Trust me, I don’t like this,” Brian said firmly. “But if Yuzuru wants extra training, his options are limited. He can go train on a public rink in front of people, or he can go where we still have a signed agreement.”

“At Maple Leafs training rink,” Yuzuru whispered, eyes shut. 

“I’m so sorry,” Tracy said seriously. “If I could, I would train you at night so you don’t have to be there when the team is, but I can’t do that and you know it.”

Yuzuru shook his head. “No, I cannot ask this,” he said quietly. 

Javier Fernandez had done so much damage to her child that Yumi wanted to proclaim mother-veto-power and forbid this from happening, but at the same time, she knew Yuzuru was an adult and should be allowed to choose this. She had watched her child struggle worse the first few weeks after the breakup than he had since he was a teenager. She still didn’t know the details, because Yuzuru didn’t want to talk about it, but whatever happened between them to end things, it hurt him so badly. She honestly still didn’t understand. She knew that Javier got scared because he got found out, but she really thought he loved Yuzuru too much to let that break them up. Yumi knew it wasn’t easy to be outed, and she hated that for Javier, but whatever sympathy she had for him, it was tainted by the way he hurt her son. She suspected that there had to be more to the story and it probably was very complicated, but at the end of it all, Yuzuru was her baby and he had been hurting in a way she had never seen, and that made her want to hate that man for ever coming into Yuzuru’s life. 

“I want gold medal,” Yuzuru decided. He looked up with that fierceness in his eyes that she knew meant he had made up his mind and was going to do whatever he needed to do to make sure that medal was his. “I will train there. It is not problem.”

“Yuzuru, I know you’ll be distracted. If you need to, I can work with Coach Holden to make sure you are never there when he is-“

“I need the ice when I can get the ice,” Yuzuru interrupted, his face cold and determined. “Javier Fernandez is old problem. Gold medal is new problem. I don’t care where he is, I only need ice.”

Everybody looked at each other after his decision, and Yumi sighed. “Okay. Do what he want,” she said with a shrug. “Yuzuru know better than us what he need.”

“Yes, I do,” Yuzuru said simply. “When I start skating there?”

Tracy smiled tightly. “I’ll meet you there in the morning bright and early.”

~

The first morning that Coach Holden brought up how Javier was going to have to share the ice with his ex, Javier wasn’t sure how he could handle it. What surprised him most, however, was how, in the locker room, Milo sat down beside him and slung an arm around his shoulders. “You gonna be okay out there?”

Javier smiled at how genuinely worried he looked. “I guess we’ll find out, huh?” He patted Milo’s shoulder. “Just keep me busy, I’ll be fine. I’ve been focusing better lately, you know.”

“Yeah, I do,” Milo said. “I’m proud of you, Javi. You went through a lot in the past month and you’re really coming out of it. I just don’t want to have to sit up to make sure you don’t die in the night from alcohol poisoning again.”

Javier shook his head. “I’m focused now. We’re looking good for the playoffs. I’m gonna get us there as long as I can stay on the ice.” 

“Alright, but if you need to talk, I’m here for you, Javi,” Milo said, then grinned. “Just don’t fall in love with me, I can’t handle a relationship right now,” he joked and Javier laughed and shoved him.

“Get off me, you gross old man,” he teased, happy that he had someone who had just accepted him without any issue. Milo really was a true friend. It felt good to know who his real friends were, even if the circumstances were far less than ideal.

When they got out on the ice, Javier’s eyes couldn’t help but find the figure at the far end of the ice, dressed in all black training gear. His heart stopped for a moment as he watched the so familiar form in a spread eagle while Tracy watched. Javier knew those curves. He remembered with an ache how that tiny waist felt under his hands. He couldn’t see his face, but he knew how soft his pale skin was. When Yuzuru turned his head to look at Tracy, Javier wanted to cry, because he had somehow forgotten just how beautiful Yuzuru was. 

Javier tore his gaze away and looked at his teammates warming up on their half of the ice. He fought hard to focus, because this was why he no longer called Yuzuru his own. These men, this sport, this ice, it was why he wasn’t in a drunken stupor or hungover. Milo and Scott were what kept him sane. These people were his team and he was determined to make them champions. If he had lost the love of his life, he wasn’t going to lose the team he loved, too.

~

Seeing Javier hurt just bad enough to make Yuzuru want to forget him. He only saw him when he couldn’t help it, when he was facing the way the team training on the ice was while working on his choreography, but when he looked that way, his eyes instantly went to Javier on instinct. It made him angry, because he _did not_ miss him. He refused to miss someone who hurt him for selfish reasons. It was frustrating and ridiculous and he hated it. 

He decided he wanted to forget Javier whatever way he had to. 

That night, he made a very stupid decision and went out without telling anybody where he was going. He knew it wasn’t a good idea, but he didn’t want anybody knowing what he was doing. The thing was, Yuzuru knew he was attractive. He knew from experience how irresistible he was when he flirted going by how easy it was to get what he wanted from the very man he wanted to forget. He also knew where to find somebody who would be easy to play like a fiddle and get what he wanted from him. 

It didn’t even take half an hour sitting at a bar drinking ginger ale before a very attractive man sidled up to him and asked if he could sit there. Yuzuru took in the nice suit the man was wearing and started asking about his job and if he was from out of town. When the guy revealed he was in town for a conference, Yuzuru knew he had found the right target. He didn’t want someone to fall in love with, he just wanted someone to make him forget Javier Fernandez. 

All in all, Yuzuru was only at the bar for an hour before he got invited by Michael – that was his name, though Yuzuru didn’t bother asking his last name – to join him at his hotel. 

Yuzuru enjoyed the sex while it was happening, Michael was breathtakingly gorgeous and knew exactly how to fuck a man, but after the initial foreplay, for some reason, he couldn’t stand kissing him. It felt wrong. Every time Michael tried to kiss him during sex, Yuzuru turned his head and offered his neck instead. As soon as it was over, Michael tried to hold him and kiss him in the afterglow, and Yuzuru was so put off that he practically bolted out of the bed and didn’t even get his shoes on as he made a run for it with barely more than a ‘thanks, bye’ on his way out of the hotel room. 

He got into the elevator and took one look at his reflection, taking in the mark Michael left on his neck and the mess of his hair, and suddenly instead of feeling better, all he could think about was the way Javier used to laugh at his sex hair while he held him close after they made love. Yuzuru had been doing so well to not think about it, and suddenly all he could think about was how he and Javier would lay together and just talk after they had sex. They talked about dreams and their fears and their pasts and their hopes for the future. Javier would play with his crazy sex hair and press kisses to his forehead between words. He would fall asleep to whispered Spanish and big, warm hands stroking his hip, and everything was so warm and quiet and calm. Yuzuru had almost enjoyed the way he and Javi were with each other after sex more than he did the sex itself, even though sex with Javier was always incredible. 

Yuzuru slumped against the corner of the elevator as the tears came and it felt like having his heart broken all over again. He put his hands over his mouth to stay quiet, but his shoulders heaved as he realized that he just fucked a stranger to try and forget someone who he never would. If this was any indication, if he ever had sex again, he would think about Javi holding him and telling him about summer in Spain and how beautiful Madrid was when the flowers bloomed in the parks. A gorgeous man just fucked him until he almost screamed, and yet he felt more hollow than he had when he saw Javier on the ice. 

When the elevator door opened, his mind conjured up the words in Spanish that Javier had taught him, and he smiled a brittle, heartbroken smile as he looked at them. “ _Puertas_ ,” he whispered, and then put a hand over his mouth to keep from alerting anybody outside them to his tears. 

Yuzuru took out his phone as he walked out of the hotel and sat on a bench just outside the lights of the lobby coming through the entrance. He called a cab, and then, when he hung up, he let his finger hover over a contact he had tried so many times to make himself delete. 

He hit ‘call’ instead. 

As it was nearly midnight, he wasn’t shocked when it went to voicemail, and it almost made it easier to speak, head hanging to hide his tears. “I wish I could hate you,” he began, taking a ragged breath as he spilled every thought he had to a voicemail box on the other side of the city while its owner slept. 

~

“ _I wish I could hate you. I do not know how this hurt last so long, but worst part is I cannot stop good memories even with all bad ones. You know what I do tonight? I want to get Javi’s face out of my head after seeing you at skating rink, so I go find first handsome man I can at bar to take me home and fuck me. Only I can’t kiss him. I don’t know why, it just feel wrong and bad. He fuck me so good, but I cannot kiss him. And then, he try to hold me and I panic and run away, because it feel wrong like kisses do. And know what happen then? I cry in stupid elevator because all I think about after hot business man fuck me is how- how you talk to me after sex. How you make me laugh and- and tell me about Spain and hold me close and whisper secret to me and I _hate this_! I want to hate you! Is this how it always is? You have sad heart before, does it ever stop? Will I never have sex again without missing Javi when it is over? You hurt me so much and I cannot stop missing you. It is not fair. Why don’t I hate you? I cannot even enjoy sex because it feel wrong because all I know is sex with someone I love. Everybody do sex without love, so why can I not without feeling wrong? Do I must fuck different man every night until it stop feel wrong? Maybe you don’t just hurt me, maybe you ruin future chance at love, too. I really, really wish I did not still love you so I could hate you, Javier Fernandez._ ”

Javier had listened to the voicemail seven times since he woke up. The first time he listened to it, he threw up. He thought he was getting better, but hearing Yuzuru’s voice made him cry and listening to Yuzuru crying made him guilty. Listening to Yuzuru describing letting a strange man take him to his hotel room made him angry, not even because Yuzuru was sleeping with someone else, but because he was so careless as to do something that dangerous. Anything could have happened to him. That man could have hurt him and nobody would ever know. Yuzuru was too important to the world to be risking his safety that way. Yes, Javier felt ill to think about someone else touching Yuzuru, but Javier couldn’t even care about that as much as he did the thought that Yuzuru could have been hurt and Javier wouldn’t have been able to protect him. 

But what really hurt the most and fucked Javier up royally was Yuzuru confessing that he still loved him only as a way to point out how much he wanted to hate him. The thought of Yuzuru hating him had haunted him for so long that the emotional whiplash of learning that Yuzuru still loved him made him want to go find a bar and drown himself in whiskey. 

Javier had training though. And training meant Yuzuru would be there. It meant he could see for sure that Yuzuru had gotten home safely after stupidly trusting a stranger to get him alone in a hotel room like that. Javier _needed_ to see him and know he was okay after such a risk.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is not even full day but I just get home after long night and muuuuuucho wine, jajjaja! I feel generous! I want this story all posted, so HAVE MORE!
> 
> These last chapters are all very long, but I do not think you care jaja!

Yuzuru felt like such an idiot the morning after he sent that voicemail. He wished he could travel back in time and not do something so embarrassingly stupid, but he had been emotionally unstable and acted on impulse. His only hope was that Javi’s part of the team wasn’t at the rink the next morning. 

As fate would have it, when he got to the rink and went to change, he walked around a corner just as Javier was coming from the other direction. They nearly collided, and ended up standing there, staring at each other with wide-eyed, shocked looks for a few infinitely stretched seconds. “I- excuse me,” Yuzuru finally muttered, ducking his head to go around Javier.

“Yuzuru, wait,” Javier said, reaching out to catch him by the waist. Yuzuru jerked away like he had been burned and Javier held his hands up apologetically. “I just wanted to say something,” Javier said softly. He ducked his eyes. “I got your message.” Yuzuru flushed and looked away, wishing the ground would swallow him up. “I- um.” Javier sighed. “I just want to say two things. First, I’m sorry. For everything. I can never apologize enough for hurting you, but I want you to know that I am sorry.” He huffed out a soft sound of frustration. “And second, please don’t go to stranger’s hotel rooms without anybody knowing where you are. It’s so dangerous. Tell somebody where you are and when to expect you back at least. Text someone the hotel and room number. I was so scared I would get to training and you wouldn’t be here because something happened and you didn’t get home. If you don’t want your mom or coaches knowing, text it to Jason, he wouldn’t judge you. Just please, please don’t do something so scary again.” 

Yuzuru lifted his eyes and looked at Javier, who just smiled sadly and nodded, holding up a hand in a solemn wave goodbye before continuing on his way. Yuzuru watched him until he turned the corner and was gone and then staggered over to the wall. He leaned forward, taking deep breaths as he played it over and over in his head. 

All Javier had to say was an apology and begging Yuzuru to be safe because he was scared for his safety. 

The man who ripped his heart out and skated over it was somehow still the same protective, earnest man Yuzuru had fallen in love with. The man who knew Yuzuru had only been touched by him until last night wasn’t jealous or angry, he was _scared_ for Yuzuru’s safety. He was not only understanding and apologetic, but he was so non-judgmental that he suggested Yuzuru trust his friend to look out for him when he slept with other men in the future, even though the look on his face clearly said Javier didn’t want to think about Yuzuru doing so. 

Yuzuru had no idea what the hell he was supposed to do with the man he had built up in his mind as a selfish bastard being so honest and selfless and caring. If he flubbed his jumps all day in practice, it was because he kept hearing a Spanish accent and wanting to storm down the ice and demand to know why Javier was suddenly the Javi he had known for six months again instead of the bastard who broke his heart.

~

Yuzuru arrived early for practice, before Tracy, and was surprised when the only other person there yet, it seemed, was one man on the ice. He didn’t know which one he was, but he thought he was the one with the German accent he remembered from all those months ago, the first day he arrived. After he got his skates on, he was still alone with the man on the ice, who had started hitting the hockey puck into the net by himself. “Excuse me?” he called. He stepped onto the ice, skating towards the man. “Um, you know why nobody else is here?” he asked cautiously, stopping a good ways away.

“Oh, I didn’t know you were here either,” the man said, confirming Yuzuru’s suspicions about the German accent. “I don’t know about your coach, but the team isn’t starting training for another hour.”

“Hmmm,” Yuzuru said, tapping his chin. “Tracy must just be late.” He tilted his head. “Why you are early if you do not have training for one hour?”

The guy grinned. “Just an early riser,” he said. “Unlike our buddy Javi,” he added and Yuzuru tensed some. The man clearly saw him and held up a hand. “Hey, don’t worry. It’s fine.” He smiled sadly. “I’d be the last one to judge him for dating you all that time. I know you probably don’t like hearing about it now, considering things, but you don’t have to worry about me.” 

“Your name Milo, right?” Yuzuru asked, trying to remember.

“Yeah, Milo Schneider,” he said. “Sorry for bringing all that up. I just, you know, didn’t think before I mentioned him and then you seemed spooked-“

“Thank you,” Yuzuru said solemnly. He didn’t want to talk about it anymore, but it did feel comforting to know he had no reason to be afraid of this man he was alone with. 

Milo looked at the stick in his hand then grinned at Yuzuru. “Want to try?” he asked, holding it out. “Your coach isn’t here, and it’s a good way to warm up.”

Yuzuru looked dubiously at the stick. “Try hit at puck?” he asked, and Milo nodded. 

“Come on. It’s fun,” he urged. 

Yuzuru smiled tentatively. “Okay,” he said, taking the stick. He held it the way he had seen the other guys hold it and Milo laughed.

“No, not like a golf club,” he said, demonstrating the proper hand positioning. Yuzuru adjusted and he nodded. “Yeah, like that.” He dropped a puck onto the ice in front of Yuzuru. “Now you just draw back and really whack it towards the net.” Yuzuru drew back and swung hard at the puck and barely touched the top of it, making it slide about a meter slowly. He pouted, and Milo laughed. “Come on, try again. Skate into it if you have to.”

Yuzuru skated into the swing and this time, he connected. It was no loud ‘crack’ of a shot like most hockey players, but it flew with speed towards the net, bouncing off the bar. “Awww, dumb net,” Yuzuru complained.

“Hey, that’s not bad. Try again,” Milo suggested, dropping another puck. “Really look at where you’re aiming.”

“So like baseball,” Yuzuru reasoned, then skated back some to get a run up again. This time when he hit the puck, it went into the net. “I did it!” he cried, holding the stick over his head. 

Milo held up a gloved hand for a high five and Yuzuru beamed as he slapped his hand. “Good job for someone with those tiny arms. You’re not so bad,” he said with an amused chuckle. “You have a strong core, so your snap is more torso than shoulders, but it makes you fast.”

“Yes, must have fast shoulder turn for quad jump,” Yuzuru explained, demonstrating how he tucked his arms in and spun from the shoulders. “Hip and shoulder must work together. Strong middle part is important.” He stepped back some. “Fast spin and strong leg is why I can do this,” he said, and then smirked as he pulled his favorite show-off move: a triple axel from a standstill.

“Whoa, how do you jump so high with no momentum?” Milo asked, skating around him. “You’re so little but that’s power there.”

Yuzuru slapped his thighs. “It is why leg is almost size of waist,” he said proudly. “Little weight and bit leg muscle, it make me good jumper.”

“That’s cool,” Milo said with a smile. “You know, the guys always give Javi shit for it, but I get why he watches figure skating and makes us join him. It’s not just twirls and glitter. It’s hard shit.”

Yuzuru rolled his eyes. “‘Twirl’ is not easy, you know,” he said pointedly. “Anybody ever try spin? You have wrong skate, but spin is not thing anybody can do. It is like ballerina, but on skate blade on ice. And you cannot just spin, you have to change spin and do other foot and new position. It just lot of hard work.”

There was the sound of a door opening and suddenly voices came into the arena. When the sound of skates hitting the ice began, Yuzuru turned around, still holding the hockey stick, and looked at several other of the players coming their way. “Schneider! What are you doing here so early?”

“Teaching young Skater Boy here how to do a slapshot,” Milo said, clapping him on the back. 

Yuzuru smiled sheepishly when the other men all looked at him. A few of them looked unhappy to see him, but a couple looked amused. He saw Javi watching nervously and he averted his gaze. He still wasn’t sure how he felt about Javi right now. There was something about the weird way Javi was nice to him even after his mortifying phone message that made him unsure of how to act even just on the same ice with him. Yuzuru handed Milo his stick back. “Thank you, Milo. I have fun,” he said, bowing politely before skating away, giving a wide berth to the hockey players as he headed towards ‘his’ end of the ice to skate around and warm up while waiting for Tracy to arrive. 

~

Yuzuru wasn’t sure if it was on purpose or accidental, but after playing with Milo, when he got there early, the few who were always there early invited him to play around with their hockey sticks and try to hit slapshots. It was kind of nice to goof off with nice hockey players. Milo was kind of older than Yuzuru so he was almost uncle-like towards him. He seemed to think Yuzuru was a sweet kid, which would normally bother him, but he found he enjoyed Milo’s company. Milo seemed to be closest to Scott, who was just as nice. They were both close to Javi, and he had actually been civil with Javi while Javi was on the ice with Milo and Scott while they were arguing about how to teach Yuzuru to do a slapshot. He didn’t really speak to him on a personal level, but when Javier had an instruction for fixing his grip, he followed it instead of giving him a cold shoulder. It wasn’t really friendly, but it was better than hurting every time he saw Javier’s face. 

It still hurt to think about how close they had been versus ‘civility’ being a high point for them now, though. 

He did know which hockey guys he didn’t like at all, though. Javier had never said any names about him being found out by someone on the team, but some of them were clearly saying mean things behind Yuzuru’s back when they saw him. He ignored those guys as best he could, but he was sharing their locker room, after all. He tried not to get stuck in there with any hockey players, changing either while they were all still on the ice or after they left when it was possible. 

One morning, however, he couldn’t avoid a group of the mean ones who looked at him with those same sneers he got used to from bullies as a child. He was late for once, so he had to go change while the stragglers were still getting ready. He changed in a corner so he didn’t have to let them see him naked more than was necessary, what with him feeling like a scrawny boy around those huge men, but it was obvious from the whistles from a few of them across the room that they were staring with the intent of making him uncomfortable. When he was dressed, he grabbed his bag and started across the room, only to have one of them push away from the lockers and step in his way. “You know, I’m starting to see why people thought you were a girl from the back that first day. Those curves are dangerous,” he said, grinning in a cruel, scary way. 

“Move,” Yuzuru said firmly, trying to edge around the man, only to have another edge him closer to the lockers. He swallowed hard when he realized he was mostly trapped, since two of them were between him and the door. “I say move,” he said seriously. 

The guy who leaned closer, putting his arms up against the locker on either side of Yuzuru’s head, just sneered. “What did you see in Fernandez anyways?” he asked, face uncomfortably close to Yuzuru’s. “You’re a little one, sure, but Fernandez is short and scrawny. You settled for that?” He huffed frighteningly. “I’m not a fag, but maybe I should show you what a real man can do to you, huh?” he asked, his breath brushing across Yuzuru’s earlobe. “If I close my eyes, I could probably make it so a scrawny little shit like that did nothing for you.”

Yuzuru felt a surge of anger overcoming his fear. “He may not be good boyfriend, but I am sure you do not have half what Javi gave me,” he snapped at him. “Now get off.” 

“Listen, you little faggot-“ The second the man grabbed Yuzuru by the arm, Yuzuru jerked his knee upwards. He missed his crotch, where he was aiming, but he nailed him in the thigh with a bony knee and a strong leg, knocking him back. “AH! You fucking cunt!” the man howled as he stumbled back, clutching at his leg. He stumbled when he put his weight on that leg, falling to the floor. Yuzuru didn’t wait to see what the other man would do, just ran, bag banging against his side as he rushed out to the ice.

When he got there, Tracy was waiting for him, and he shook off the incident in the locker room and focused on his training. He had three weeks until Worlds and he intended to win that gold medal.

~

The team was running shots on the goalkeeper all morning and Javier was happy with his focus even with Yuzuru on the ice behind him. He was aware of it but still able to focus, which was progress, in his opinion. A month ago, he was either drunk, hungover, or a combination of both this time of the morning just to try and not think about Yuzuru. Now he was on the same ice as him and focusing on his slapshot instead of falling apart at the seams. 

“Good job, Javi!” Coach Holden called as he hit a shot right on goal. “And great stop, Max,” he called to the goalkeeper who had stopped a dead-on slapshot with reflexes like a from snagging a fly out of the air. 

There was a loud crack, not unlike the ones all around them, only simultaneously with Javi realizing no puck was flying at Max, there was a loud, female scream from the other end of the ice. Everybody turned around just in time to see Tracy skidding to a stop beside the sprawled figure in black laid flat on the ice. Coach Holden gasped. “Shit!” He started skating that way just as Javier realized what must have happened. 

“Yuzu?!” he cried, fear gripping his lungs as he took off that way, breezing past Coach Holden. He heard other skates behind him, but he just skidded to a stop beside Tracy, dropping to his knees as she repeated Yuzuru’s name.

The good news, Javier realized, was that Yuzuru was blinking blearily up at the lights above him, so he was conscious at least. The bad news was there was blood dripping from a small cut in his hairline, just above his temple. “Yuzuru? Can you hear me?” Tracy asked, leaning over him. 

“Let me see, move,” Coach said, pushing Javier back so he could lean over Yuzuru. “Son, can you hear me?” He waved his hand in front of Yuzuru’s eyes and Yuzuru blinked a few times before his eyes focused on Coach Holden. 

“W-what happen?” he asked, voice weak. “Did I fall?” he asked when he spotted Tracy. 

“You got hit in the head with a hockey puck,” Tracy said, voice fearful even though she was clearly trying to stay calm and not freak Yuzuru out. 

Yuzuru reached up and touched his head only to hiss. “Don’t do that,” Coach Holden said, catching his wrist. “Ramirez!” he called to his assistant coach. “Get me a light,” he called. “Yuzuru, we’re going to help you up, but I need you to come with me off the ice. I’m gonna make sure you’re not concussed.”

Yuzuru blinked in confusion. “Hockey puck?” 

“It’s okay,” Tracy said. She stood up while Holden helped Yuzuru to his feet. However, Yuzuru’s skates slipped from under him. He would have hit the ice if Javier didn’t think fast and catch him around the waist with a grunt.

“Hold on, Yuzu,” he murmured. He ducked under Yuzuru’s arm and swept his feet out from under him. He didn’t have a thought to spare for what he was doing, who he was doing it to, and who all was watching. All he knew was that Yuzuru got hit in the head – without a helmet – by a stray puck. He could have died and he could still be concussed. Javier carried Yuzuru as he skated to the edge of the ice and Yuzuru just slumped against his shoulder, barely helping hang onto Javier at all. Javier walked over to the bench and sat Yuzuru down. He knelt down in front of him, holding his shoulders to keep him from falling off the bench as he swayed. “Hey, you’re okay,” he comforted, rubbing his upper arms soothingly. 

“Javi?” Yuzuru asked, blinking at him in confusion. “When you come here?”

Javier’s heart leapt into his throat when he realized exactly how out of it Yuzuru was. “Do you know where you are?”

“Ice?” Yuzuru asked, though he didn’t sound too sure of himself. 

“You are at the hockey training rink,” Tracy said as she sat down beside him. “Remember?”

Yuzuru blinked slowly but then nodded. “Oh yeah. I do spin practice while hockey players play on their end.” He raised his hand towards his head with a hiss. “Ow, my head.”

“Don’t touch it,” Tracy said, catching his hand before he could touch his open wound with a dirty glove.

“Alright, Son.” Coach Holden crouched down in front of him, making Javier move aside. “Follow this with your eyes, Kid.” Yuzuru followed the light with his eyes and Holden hummed. “Well, no obvious and immediate sign of concussion. That’s lucky,” he said, shaking his head. “Looks like the puck just got a glancing blow. A straight shot to the head without a helmet could kill someone.” He looked at Tracy. “I would still take him to the emergency room right away. Just to make sure.”

“Yeah, I’m going to do just that,” Tracy said, already unlacing Yuzuru’s boots. “Come on, Yuzuru. We’re going to get your head checked out.”

“But my mom, she does not know how to get there,” Yuzuru said, still pretty dazed. 

“We’ll send her the address,” Tracy reassured him. “Can you walk for me?” she asked, standing up to go pack his skates up. 

Yuzuru stood up and swayed. Javier caught his waist. “Whoa there,” he said, steadying him. 

Tracy and Coach Holden shared a look that he didn’t miss at all, but he just pulled one of Yuzuru’s arms around his shoulders. “Here, I’ll get him to the car for you, Tracy,” he offered. She sighed but nodded.

“I don’t have time to waste arguing the pros and cons. I just need to get him to a doctor,” she said bluntly. She held Yuzuru up while Javier got off his skates, and then he resumed his place, guiding Yuzuru along slowly all the way to the front of the building. They stood waiting on Tracy since neither of them had any shoes on to walk through the snow with, and Yuzuru whimpered occasionally. He was obviously in pain and Javier’s heart ached. 

“You’ll be okay,” he whispered and Yuzuru just mumbled weakly.

Once Javier helped Yuzuru into Tracy’s car, he watched her drive away feeling helpless. When he realized Yuzuru’s things were still in the building, he decided he could skip off the rest of practice to gather Yuzuru’s things up and take them to him so they weren’t left out in the open in the rink. He ignored the looks everybody gave him and focused only on Coach Holden, who just patted him on the back with a pinched look on his face, as if he was saying, ‘I don’t like it, but I get it’, as he gathered up Yuzuru’s things and went to change and get his own stuff. 

When he left the rink, Holden and Ramirez were talking to the guys about something and Javier was able to just slip away unnoticed, carrying both his and Yuzuru’s things.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DRAAAAMAAAAAA!

It took him a while to get anybody who knew Yuzuru to respond to him about where Tracy had taken him. In the end, it was Yuzuru himself who responded with the name of a hospital and nothing more. Javier was relieved that Yuzuru was at least still conscious and able to coherently text things. Javier had been hit with a slapshot _with_ a helmet before and every time it left him dazed from the impact. He couldn’t imagine getting hit in the forehead with the puck with nothing to protect his head. 

When he got to the hospital, he snuck past the front desk, knowing he would never be allowed to see Yuzuru if he asked. Yuzuru had told him what floor he was on and where he was at, so Javier went straight there. When he found his room, it hit him that Yuzuru had been _admitted_ into the hospital, which was never a good sign. The door was open, but he knocked anyways. The only two in the room were Yuzuru and Yumi, but he could hear Brian’s voice down the hallway. “Um, hi?” he said weakly as he stepped into the room. 

Yumi didn’t look happy to see him, and Yuzuru just looked pale and tired in general. Javier’s heart lurched when he saw the bruising already starting on Yuzuru’s forehead. “Thank you for my stuff,” Yuzuru said in a weak voice. 

Javier took the bag and jacket and sat them on the table next to the bed. “I- I figured you wouldn’t want your boots left lying about,” he muttered. He stood awkwardly beside the bed, looking down at Yuzuru. “Are-“ He cringed, already knowing how stupid he sounded. “Are you alright?”

Yuzuru nodded, then winced at the movement, prompting his mother to grab his leg pointedly. “The doctor says I do not have a concussion, but he say he do not know how I get lucky, so I am here for few more hours until they are for sure I am okay. I must have some scans and tests. Maybe I have to stay overnight to be safe that I do not have bleeding inside that is slow,” he said, pouting. “Mostly it just really, really hurt.”

“God, I can only imagine,” Javier blurted out. “Getting hit in the head with the puck with a helmet on really rings your bell, getting hit in the bare head could kill someone.”

Yuzuru giggled in surprise, even as he winced and grabbed his head as he did so. “Ring your bell?” he asked, leaning his head back against the pillows stacked behind him. “That funny words.”

Javier’s throat tightened and his chest ached to hear Yuzuru laugh for the first time in months. “Yeah, I guess it is.” He cleared his throat, very aware that Yumi was in the room, watching him like a hawk. He had to say this, though, before he left. “I was so scared,” he admitted softly, looking at Yuzuru’s head. “Tracy screamed and when we all turned around you were just sprawled out on the ice and I honestly thought you were dead, that there was no way you got hit with that stray puck and didn’t die,” he all but whispered. “If you hadn’t been awake, I would have been sure you were dead when I got to you.”

Yuzuru smiled sadly. “I am alive. I will be fine.” He gritted his teeth. “I-“ He shook his head. “Thank you. For help me. I barely was knowing what happened, but I know you help me off the ice and to Tracy’s car. So thank you, Jabi.” 

Javier smiled weakly, his heart aching so hard to hear that little ‘Jabi’ again. “You’re welcome.” He took a breath and put his hands in his pockets. “Um, well. I should probably get going. If I’m here when Brian comes back, he might murder me,” he joked, and Yuzuru smiled weakly, clearly feeling the weight of the ‘joke’ as well. 

“Bye, Jabi,” he said tiredly.

Javier nodded, a strained smile on his face. “Bye, Yuzu.”

Neither of them could have known as Javier left and Yuzuru watched him go that Yumi’s knowing eyes never left the set of Javier’s shoulders and the look in Yuzuru’s eyes the whole time. 

~

Toby Hart was a rookie and for the most part was still just on the roster, not on the team in the ways that counted. He kept his head down, he focused on his training, and very occasionally he got a few minutes on the ice while they rested the real forwards. He respected those guys. The main three forwards, Javi, Milo, and Scott, they were all amazing at scoring goals that seemed impossible, and he admired the hell out of that. He kept out of all the team drama because he knew he would be easy to get rid of, unlike the more seasoned team members, and he had grown up dreaming of being a Maple Leaf someday as a little boy. 

However, when he realized he was the only person who saw what happened to the figure skater that had been in the center of all the drama surrounding the defensive line vs offensive line, he only sat on that knowledge long enough to get over his own fears of repercussion. He knew he could get in trouble for kicking up more drama, but he also knew that Coach Holden would have a shit-fit over the full story and heads might roll when it all came out. He would rather be the one telling the tale than the one caught hiding it. 

Also, as much as nobody wanted to think about it, he knew Javi had really loved that guy, and he deserved to know the truth before it got out to the whole team. 

During the next day’s practice, Toby snuck up beside Javier’s locker and spoke in a low voice. “Hey, come with me, you need to know something.” He nodded his head to the showers, which were empty by now, and Javier frowned but followed him as he went that way. 

~

Coach Holden being in the room when Javier got done talking to Toby did _nothing_ to stop him from marching right up to Ivan, grabbing him by his shirt, and slamming him headfirst into his own locker. “HEY!” someone shouted, but Javier just dragged Ivan back around and, while he was still dazed, punched him as hard as he possibly could right in the face. 

“What the fuck!” Ivan roared, swinging back, but Javier was so full of rage the blow to the face barely registered as he grabbed Ivan by the throat and started slamming him against lockers as he shouted in his face.

“YOU DID IN ON PURPOSE YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT?!” Javier cried, punching Ivan again as they stumbled around the locker room, slamming into lockers and other people and benches. “YOU COULD HAVE FUCKING KILLED HIM YOU BASTARD!” They fell to the floor and he just punched him over and over again until someone grabbed him under his arms and yanked him off of Ivan. 

“Javi, man, stop!” 

“Get off of him, Fernandez!”

“What the HELL is going on?!”

Javier struggled against Milo’s hold, but Milo was admittedly stronger than he was. Coach Holden stood between them, hands outstretched, while Ivan struggled to get up. “What the fuck is this shit, Fernandez?!” Holden snapped at him.

Javier just growled. “He hit Yuzuru with that shot on purpose, he could have killed him! I should rip your FUCKING ARMS OFF!” he roared at Ivan, rage coursing through his body. 

The whole room went otherwise silent and Coach Holden looked at Ivan in shock. “You _what_?!”

“You can’t prove shit-“

“I saw it.” Everybody looked at the rookie, Hart, and he looked terrified but determined. “I saw everything. You- you were looking right at him and took aim when you made that shot. You weren’t facing the goal, you were facing the far end of the ice. It was deliberate as daylight.”

“What the FUCK?!” Holden snapped at Ivan. “What the fuck were you thinking?! You could have killed him! You could have hit his coach and killed her! You NEVER aim at a fucking person, nonetheless one with no gear on!”

Ivan scoffed. “I was aiming for his leg, he just bent over at the wrong time,” he said. “That little cunt nearly broke my leg, I was just repaying the favor-“

“Wait, wait, wait, when was that?” Holden asked, and Ivan clammed up. Holden looked around the locker room. “I SAID WHEN WAS THAT?!” he demanded. 

Anton sighed. “Aw hell, Coach, he was just joking around with the figure skater. He didn’t mean any harm-“ Coach Holden gave him a look and Anton cringed. “Before practice, we were still in here when the figure skater was changing. Ivan just wanted to fuck with him a little. He blocked him in against the lockers and messed with him a little bit. Just talking shit about him picking a scrawny shit like Fernandez instead of a real man. Kinda said some stuff about showing him what it’s really like if he was a woman, just harmless stuff. That skinny little shit kicks hard, though. He got Ivan in the leg and left so no harm, no foul-“

“You fucking _sexually harassed_ a figure skater and then deliberately HIT HIM WITH A SLAPSHOT?!” Holden roared at Ivan, who looked worried now. “Get your ass out of my locker room and don’t you come the fuck back!” he snarled, pointing at the door. “I’ll be contacting the owners _immediately_. If the Japanese Skating Federation sues the team, I’m sure as fuck not taking the fall for your behavior. You don’t know how big of a hole you fucking dug yourself, Petrov. Get the FUCK OUT OF MY SIGHT!” 

Javier wanted to finish beating Ivan to death, but seeing him humiliated and most likely _fired_ was almost as satisfying. 

“And every single person who was in this locker room and didn’t report it, I will find out who you are, and I don’t care how good you are, this is going to the owners,” Holden added, looking at the usual suspects as he said it. “And Fernandez.” Javier stilled, and Holden gave him a disappointed look. “You should have come to me, not attacked him right here in the locker room. You’re suspended until the owners decide what to do about it.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry, but this shit has gotten way out of control.”

Javier’s anger faded and fear took hold. “But Coach-“

“My hands are tied,” Holden said apologetically. He sounded exhausted by all of this. “I’m sorry,” he repeated as he left the locker room, already pulling his phone out as he went. 

~

Yuzuru was banned from anything that could make him fall and hit his head for a week – even though it was only two weeks until Worlds – after the accident at the hockey rink. He hated having to stick to spins and choreography training, he loved jumping, but he also understood the reason behind it. He was damn lucky to not have a concussion. They said the blow was almost as bad as the one he took when he had that collision at the Cup of China years ago. Tracy reminded him this could be a good thing, it would mean he was absolutely perfect on his performance components and spins when the time came. 

Boyang and Jason were his partners in stroking practice to work on their edges on the morning that Brian came out of his office looking grim and pale. “Tracy, Yuzuru. My office.”

Tracy looked startled. “What? I’m busy with the boys, Brian-“

“They can wait,” he said tightly. He looked shaken as he looked at Yuzuru. “Come with me, Yuzu,” he said, and Yuzuru frowned, exchanging looks with Tracy as they went after him. 

When they got to his office, Brian shut the door and drew the shade, which really worried Yuzuru. “Brian? What happen?”

Brian gestured for them to sit and then sat at his own desk, hands over his face as he settled. “Yuzuru… you know that if you have any problems, you can always come to me, right? I would never judge you if someone- if someone hurt you,” he said slowly. 

Yuzuru was really, really confused. “What you mean, Brian?”

“Why am I being asked to bring you to meet with the Maple Leafs legal team, coaches, and owners to give a deposition about someone sexually assaulting you at their rink?” he asked quietly.

Tracy startled. “What?!” She looked at Yuzuru with wide eyes. “Yuzu?”

“What?!” Yuzuru asked, eyes wide. He shook his head rapidly. “I have not- that is not- no!” 

“Please don’t think you should be embarrassed or its your fault. Whatever happened to you, it’s our fault for putting you in that situation far more than yours-“

Yuzuru interrupted Brian. “Nobody hurt me like that,” he said firmly. “Only person who ever touch me on that team is Javi!” He started and added quickly, “And he never hurt me. Not like that. He is not that person, he would never hurt anybody that way.”

Brian looked relieved but very confused as he deflated. “Oh thank God.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “What is this about then? Did you have any problems with any of them?” he asked.

Yuzuru hesitated. “Well. One man,” he said weakly. “He scare me,” he admitted. “I would not say it ‘sexual assault’, but he block me from leaving and say bad things. He do say dirty thing,” he admitted. “I did not think it so bad,” he added. “He block me from leave and said thing about how I did not pick ‘real man’ to date on team, and if I he was ‘fag’ he could show me a better time.” He shrugged. “But I kick him in the leg and make him get away and leave.”

Brian snorted. “You kicked a hockey player in the leg and just left?”

Yuzuru nodded. “He sound really hurt. I almost feel bad but then think he is asshole, so who care if I hurt his leg?” 

Tracy sighed. “Sexual harassment, definitely. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me that. I could have asked the coach to keep his players away from you.”

“It was last day I there,” Yuzuru explained. “I think about telling you after we finish training, so he cannot scare me again, but then I get hit so I do not think about it since. I have bigger problem to worry about.”

“Well, they want you to come tell your side of the story. I’m guessing its about that guy,” Brian said. “They contacted the JSF and they said they would let you and me decide if we want legal representation in the situation, but the person I talked to said you aren’t in any sort of trouble, you’re just a witness to some issues they have with one of their players. Sounds like this guy who bothered you is getting canned and they want legal reason to cut him out of the contract without having to pay him.”

Yuzuru sighed and rolled his eyes. “Fine. I will go. It take up my time, but that guy was a dick,” he said bluntly and Brian let out a surprised laugh. 

“Your language has gotten pretty ugly lately. Those hockey players are a bad influence,” he joked. He nodded more seriously. “Alright. We’ll go to the meeting, assuming you’re okay with just me and Tracy, not your mother.”

Yuzuru shook his head. “No reason to bother Mom if we must not have to.”


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have more feels!

Three days after he was asked to come, Yuzuru, Tracy, and Brian were led into a conference room in a law office downtown. They were not the only people there to see the lawyers either. Coach Holden was there, as was, confusingly, Javier. Brian was surprised to see Javier there, but clearly Yuzuru was more shocked to see the state of his face. He gasped, and put a hand over his mouth, and it was only the other people around, Brian figured, that kept him from asking why Javier’s face was bruised and he had a butterfly bandage on his eyebrow. 

“Mr. Hanyu, Mr. Orser, Mrs. Wilson.” A man in a suit greeted them, holding out his hand to shake hands with them as they were guided to sit at one side of the conference table across from Coach Holden, Javier, and some people in suits. “I believe you already know Coach Holden and Javier Fernandez. These are the team owners, Ms. Knotts, Mr. Colter, and Mr. Gartner. I’m Roger Logan, the legal council for the Toronto Maple Leafs. As I told you on the phone, we’re here regarding two incidents on the third of march and the subsequent incident that followed on the fourth. All involving Ivan Petrov.” He turned gestured to the camera at the head of the table. “Everything will be on the record, though nobody is being asked to testify anything under oath. Our discussion today is mostly just the beginning steps to decide whether there is enough grounds to remove Ivan Petrov from the Maple Leafs and possibly open the channels to criminal charges, should Mr. Hanyu wish to file them.”

Yuzuru looked surprised at that, and Brian regretted not bringing Mrs. Hanyu for this. She would be very interested in anything that could lead to criminal charges. That was serious business. “What exactly is the nature of potential criminal charges? I’m aware that the man I assume is Ivan Petrov harassed my skater, but legal action seems a bit extreme in that case.”

Coach Holden cleared his throat. “Yuzuru, I’m very sorry to inform you that the incident in which you were injured by a hockey puck was not, it turns out, an accident.” Brian sat up straighter and he saw Tracy’s eyes grow hard. Yuzuru just looked stunned.

“What?” he asked weakly. 

“Petrov admitted in front of the entire locker room that he aimed for you deliberately and there was a witness on the ice who saw the whole thing.” Brian saw red.

“What?! What the hell, Holden?!” 

“I know,” Coach Holden said solemnly. “I’m disgusted and feel guilty as hell. I never thought a player of mine would ever do something like this, but I’ve been having issues with Petrov all season. He’s been harassing his teammates, he’s made multiple homophobic remarks, several of them about Yuzuru, and from what another team member said, it sounds like he may have sexually assaulted Yuzuru. I don’t know the extent of that incident, but it sounded serious. I do know, that same morning, he says he was aiming for Yuzuru’s leg since Yuzuru kicked him in self-defense, and instead, Yuzuru leaned down in the way of the shot.” He looked at Yuzuru, who was Brian saw was pale and shaking. “I’m so, so sorry. If I ever thought any of my players would try to hurt you, I would have kept them out of that rink.”

Brian noticed Javier’s hand clenching on his chair and saw the bruises. He started to put two and two together. “What was the incident on the fourth?” he asked, and the room clearly grew a bit uncomfortable. “Mr. Logan?” he prompted.

Mr. Logan picked up a sheet of paper. “According to the coaches’ record of the event, Mr. Fernandez attacked Ivan Petrov in the locker room without any clear provocation, and the ensuing verbal altercation revealed the details of Petrov deliberately trying to harm Mr. Hanyu as well as the revelation of some sort of sexual misconduct towards Mr. Hanyu.” 

“Mr. Hanyu, we would like for you to give us a full account of the incident in the locker room on the morning of the third,” Ms. Knott said, looking at him very clinically. 

Yuzuru cleared his throat. “I was changing. I always wait until the hockey players all are gone, but this time they did not go,” he said. “That man, I don’t know at the time, but I guess he is Petrov,” he added. “He put his arms to block me from leaving. He put hands on locker on either side of me, so I cannot go. He start saying things about m-my ended relationship.” Brian winced, knowing intimately how vile it was to have to talk about something private for legal reasons when it wasn’t their business what he did in his private life. “He say he is not a ‘fag’, but if he is, he could- he could show me what ‘real man’ is like.” He closed his eyes and shivered. “He say maybe if he close his eyes he still can.” 

Brian looked at Tracy, who had tears in her eyes. Yuzuru hadn’t told them that part. That was a direct threat to sexually assault him. Yuzuru had made it seem like not a big deal, but that was a very, very big deal. 

“What happened next?” 

Yuzuru took a breath, opening his eyes, which were a bit damp. “I hit him in the thigh with my knee. He fell back and called me a word I do not know and cannot remember. I guess it bad thing. I just run away because I do not know what he do if he get up after I kick him. I think it is over after that.” He shrugged. “He is just bully, like many men who don’t like ‘girly’ figure skater. I think it is not problem anymore.” He sucked in a breath. “But if he- if he hit me with hockey puck, that is big deal.”

“That’s assault causing bodily harm at the least,” Brian said firmly. “Easily aggravated assault since he could have _died_ if the blow was direct,” he added, putting a hand on Yuzuru’s back. 

Mr. Logan nodded. “And if you wish to pursue legal action, you are within your right to file for those charges with the local police,” he added. “Currently, however, we’re trying to determine if we have grounds to remove Ivan Petrov from the Maple Leafs for his actions. With Mr. Hanyu’s testimony of the sexual harassment in the locker room with implied threat of sexual assault on the record, we should be able to proceed,” he said to the owners. “I open the floor for you to address any questions you have now, but I must remind you that though I am your legal representative, the questions are on an official record. If you have any question about whether or not you should speak, please write it down and ask me before you proceed.”

After a little murmuring back and forth, the owners faced Yuzuru. “Mr. Hanyu,” Ms. Knotts said again. “Would you consider the coaching staff and therefore the Maple Leafs as an organization to be responsible for this man, Ivan Petrov, harassing you in the locker room?”

Brian was unsure about Yuzuru answering these questions, so he put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m not sure this is a good idea,” he said, but Yuzuru spoke before he could stop him.

“I do not know, but I do not think Coach Holden would let this happen to me if he knows,” he said. “Coach Holden is nice to us always. Tracy and me, he give us many freedoms. And no other player bother me. Not really,” he said, shaking his head. “When I first arrive, there is some teasing, but they all are not mean about it. They just are hockey guys. They do that to each other, I see it. I only have problem with Ivan Petrov. Nobody else bother me.”

Mr. Colter spoke next. “You are aware that, should you proceed with legal action against the Maple Leafs organization involving the incident with one of our players before he can be removed from the team, the full details of your sexual relationship with another player will become public record-“

“Hang on, now,” Tracy interrupted, face flushed. “Are you threatening him if he reports being purposefully injured by this maniac?!” she demanded. 

“It’s just the truth,” Mr. Colter said calmly. “A legal case against one athlete by such a high profile athlete such as Mr. Hanyu would inevitably reveal the details of his personal life-“

“And why, exactly, is that?” Brian demanded, already seeing this spiraling out of their control. “It’s about Ivan Petrov attacking Yuzuru, it has nothing to do with his previous relationship with Fernandez-“

“It’s obvious the motivation behind the attack would come out-“

“And that motivation was self-defense in the face of the threat of sexual assault! Yuzuru being gay has nothing to do with someone who _isn’t_ threatening to sexually assault him out of spite!” Brian snapped. “The details of anything else are not relevant to-“

“When it comes to this assault charge, surely Petrov will make knowledge of his own assault at the hands of Yuzuru’s former-“

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” Tracy argued. “You’re trying to scare him into not reporting that someone attacked him in a manner that could have killed him!”

“Whatever Petrov says, it will end up on public record, and we can’t control that-“

“You phrased it as a charge against your organization-“

“I don’t care.” They all stopped arguing when Yuzuru’s calm voice spoke over them all. He lowered his head, blinking rapidly. “I don’t care,” he said in a frightened voice that said he very much did care. He raised his head, and Brian saw the defiance he always saw when Yuzuru had made up his mind and was _going_ to do something, no matter what. “Ivan Petrov could have killed me or my coach all because he hate gay people,” he said firmly. “Nobody can let him get away with this. If it come out I am gay, then it come out I am gay,” he said simply. He tilted his head as he stared right at Colter. “I am two-time Olympic champion, you think who I sleep with can hurt that I am best skater in the world?”

Brian looked at Tracy, who looked just as shocked as him that Yuzuru was suddenly so defiant. Brian would be terrified if he was in Yuzuru’s place. Brian had already been retired from competition for years when he got outed and it had still felt like the scariest thing ever. The world had changed a lot, but Yuzuru was Japanese, not Canadian, and even Canadians had to make a big choice in coming out. He held his breath, waiting for the other side of the table to offer up something else to scare him, and sure enough, the next words came from the so-far-silent member of the owners. 

“And you would have no issues outing your former partner as well?” Mr. Gartner asked. “It isn’t just your career on the line. We had all but decided to keep Fernandez on our team since he is our fastest skater and nobody outside the locker room will ever know what he did to Petrov, but if it gets out, hockey fans are not nearly as accepting as figure skating fans might be.”

Yuzuru paled, and Brian hung his head. He already knew Yuzuru would never do that. It was clear as anything that even after two months of being split up, he still loved Javier, regardless of what he had done and what all ha happened. “I-“ Yuzuru stuttered and closed his eyes, clearly losing the fight to stay strong.

“Don’t threaten him with my career.” Brian was surprised, as it appeared everybody was. Javier hadn’t spoken the whole time they had been there, but he looked enraged as he stared at the team owners from the end of the row. 

“Javi,” Holden said quietly, but Javier continued.

“You think for a second I care more about my career than some bastard trying to injure Yuzuru getting punished for his actions?” He scoffed. “I love being a Maple Leaf. I love this team and they are my family. But Ivan could have _murdered_ him. Two inches different and Yuzuru would be _dead_! He can’t get away with that just because you want to blackmail Yuzuru into keeping his mouth shut because of _my_ career.” He shook his head. “I’ll go tell everybody myself. Damn the consequences!”

“If you do that, you would be ruining a very strong career-“

“I’ve done a _lot_ for my career,” Javier interrupted. “I have sacrificed more of myself than you would ever understand, Ms. Knotts. I’ve given up family and friends and relationships for this team, and I don’t regret most of those things I had to do. But I’m not sacrificing a violent crime being brought to light because of my career.” He shook his head. “I’m an athlete, but I’m not a monster. I’m selfish, but when someone could have died because of the actions of a person, the victim of those actions should be able to speak out without fear.” He sat back in his seat. “So if Yuzuru wants to report it, it’s his choice. You don’t get to make him think he’s hurting another person’s career by choosing to press charges against a man who hurt him.”

There was a long silence before Yuzuru spoke. “Javi, you don’t have to do this.”

Javier turned to look at Yuzuru for the first time that Brian had seen so far, and he cringed a little at the state of Javier’s face full on. “And you don’t have to worry about hurting me to make the man who hurt you pay.” He smiled sadly. “I’ve done enough to you and enough has happened to you because of me. I’d say you were crazy for caring about me at all if I didn’t know you, Yuzu.”

“Javi,” Yuzuru said weakly, looking at him with worry and fear in his eyes.

Javier shook his head with a sad little smile. “Don’t worry about me, _Cari_. Worry about yourself instead.”

Yuzuru looked torn, and Brian put a hand on his wrist. “Yuzuru.” Yuzuru looked at him. “I think we’re done here.”

Yuzuru nodded, standing up. “I have said what I need today. If you want talk to me more, I will have the JSF give you number for a lawyer,” he said, then bowed politely.

Brian and Tracy stood up and each of them put a hand on him, Brian’s on his back and Tracy’s around his wrist, and guided him out of the room. Brian happened to make eye contact with Javier on the way out and he could see a fortitude he hadn’t expected in them. 

Maybe Brian hadn’t been all right about Javier Fernandez. The look in his eyes was one that Brian could easily recognize as that of a mature adult who was doing what he had to, at great personal sacrifice, to do the right thing for the person he loved. 

Brian felt sorry for Javier. He knew that Javier was fully aware he was about to tank his career in the name of justice. He understood the hard situation he was in. It was an impossible situation. Javier had a choice, but when it came to a good man doing the right thing, there really was no choice to be selfish. He may have been selfish about Yuzuru’s heart in the past, but it said a lot that now he was ready to put Yuzuru’s safety and wellbeing ahead of everything else.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! Don't read this in a place you can't make noise. I know how you guys are. You WILL scream at one point during this chapter. I wont give any context for how or why you scream, but you will. I know you guys. 
> 
> Also, for the ones who keep making Shoma/Jason comments, please identify yourself when you comment on this chapter. I will dedicate the SHoma/Jason fic that is going to happen next to you!

At practice the morning after the deposition, Javier had already decided what he would do. He knew Yuzuru might still try to protect him by letting it all fall through the cracks, and instead of trying to talk to Yuzuru about this whole situation that was, in the end, Javier’s fault, since Ivan would have never gotten so fixated on Yuzuru if he didn’t think Yuzuru had turned someone on his team gay, Javier decided to take the step himself. 

He told Coach Holden about it, and Holden suggested that Javier be the one to drop the news to the team. He hated for it to be before a game, but Javier intended to post something online after the game that left no question to his sexuality and then wait for the media and fans to react before giving an official statement to the press. Besides, Javier thought, it was better that the team know this was likely his last game with them after all the years he played with some of them.

“Alright, Men,” Coach Holden said, clearing his throat before the pre-game speech. The other coaches were aware of the situation and they all stood behind him, heads bowed solemnly. “I know this is a tough game. We’re down three of our best defenders. I won’t get into the why again, but we all know it was the right thing.” He rubbed his hands together. “And I hate to bring you down any more before such a big game, but someone has something to say that… well it’s going to be tough to hear for some of us.” He nodded to Javier, who just stepped away from his locker, looking around at his teammates. 

Scott was the first one to realize what was going on. “No fucking way. Did they trade you?!” he demanded, standing up. “Coach, they can’t trade Javi, he-“

“No, I haven’t been traded.” Javier smiled sadly. “I’ll probably be traded or fired, depending on how angry the owners are, but not yet.” He sighed. “It’s not secret anymore that I’m bisexual. You all know it. After the shit with Ivan, you all know I was dating Yuzuru for a while.” He shook his head. “The owners threatened Yuzuru that it would ruin his career if he pressed charges against Ivan for deliberately hitting him with that puck, and he told them to go fuck themselves, basically, because he isn’t afraid to come out as a gay man if it means he can press charges against someone who could have killed him.” He smiled bitterly. “So then they threatened him that it would come out who he was dating on the team and it would ruin my career.” He sucked in a breath. “So, after the game, I’m going to cut the shit and do it myself.” He shrugged. “I may not be dating him anymore, but I’d like to think any decent human being would sacrifice his career to make sure the victim of a crime isn’t intimidated into not pressing charges. What Ivan did may not have meant to be that serious, but two inches down and that slapshot would have killed Yuzuru. If he had missed and hit Yuzuru’s coach, she could’ve been killed. And even then, his target was Yuzuru’s knee, and if he fucked up Yuzuru’s knee it would end his career.” Javier shook his head. “So if they kick me off the team, they kick me off the team. I’m not letting someone get away with a crime because of my career being threatened. If Yuzuru chose not to out himself, it would be different, but trying to blackmail him to spare my career is bullshit. They want a scandal? I’m gonna give them one.”

Nobody spoke for a while until Milo stood up. “Coach, I love this team and you’re like family to me,” he said, then shook his head. “But if they trade Javier over something that stupid, I’m gone.”

“Yeah, I’m with him,” Scott said. He shuffled over and slung an arm around Milo. “So tell the owners they already lost their best defensive players. If they want to lose their best offensive players, too, go ahead. Cause this guy, he’s been on this team the whole time I have,” he said, looking at Javi. “Both of them have. We’re a unit. I’m not playing for a team that fires somebody because of who he used to be screwing. I mean shit, Brett’s a philandering man-whore and nobody is threatening to trade him!”

“Hey!” Brett butted in, but a few guys just laughed at him because it was true. 

Javier looked at Scott and Milo with sad eyes. “Guys, don’t do that. This is my choice-“

“It’s nobody’s choice who they fall in love with,” Scott interrupted. “It’s their choice to give you shit about it, though. You gave up the love of your fucking life to stay on this team and we both know it,” he said, and Milo nodded. “NO fucking way we’re playing for those assholes if they fire you over this if they kept you through the drinking yourself half to death over a broken fuckin’ heart phase. And not to be cocky, but the both of us are pretty damn good hockey players, somebody else will take us,” he said, and Milo nodded again, fist-bumping Scott. 

“If they want the Maple Leafs to start sucking worse, tell them they can go ahead,” Milo said to Coach Holden. “And if they fire us, they fire us. I don’t know about Javi and Scott, but my severance pay if they cut me before my contract is up is huuuuge,” he said with a wink. “I’m sure I can live off that until another team picks me up.”

Javier wasn’t sure what to say, but he couldn’t deny there being a lump in his throat. “I love you, brothers,” he said, dragging Scott and Milo into a group hug, the three of them giving each other manly pats on the back in the middle of the locker room, not caring about the scene they were making. These guys were his teammates, his brothers. No matter what happened, he had them at his back and that was something really special to him. 

~

Javier hoped it wouldn’t be, but he knew that most likely, this would be his last game on the ice. As they walked out to the fans cheering for them, he took it all in. He looked at the packed home stadium and thought that, if this was it, it was going to be the best game that he could make it. These people were here for him. They were here for his brothers. His teammates were his family, and after tonight, he might lose that family forever. It was a hard pill to swallow, but he had been selfish for long enough. Sacrificing all of this wasn’t hard this time, because he was doing it for the last thing he had in his recently shitty life.

His integrity. 

He had lost his love. He had sacrificed a decade of family holidays and birthdays and weddings and children being born. He gave up a ready-made wife and child for this sport. He gave his body and his time and his youth to this sport and this team and this family of teammates. He was one of the few men on his team who hadn’t given knees and ankles and teeth to this sport by his age. And most of them were still giving bits and pieces of themselves on into their upper thirties. It was the type of sport you gave your blood, sweat, and tears. It was the lifestyle you gave your marriages and your relationship with your children to. It was a lifestyle akin to selling your soul to the devil for just one more game every night. 

But Javier wasn’t going to sacrifice his integrity, especially when the one who would suffer if he did was the man he loved more than anything else. Even now, months later, Javier loved that man more than anything. It killed him that someone ever hurt him just because of that love. Javier was pretty sure that he would never love anyone the way he loved Yuzuru. If there was anybody worth giving it all up for, it was the man whose heart he had broken. Someone hurt that man. Someone hurt him because of Javier’s love for him. One of his own teammates had hurt him because he was gay and Javier loved him. 

He liked to think he would give his career to protect anybody’s right to find justice for the hurt someone caused them, but it was no question that he would give what was left of all he was to make sure that Yuzuru felt no fear in seeking justice against the man who almost killed him. 

Javier felt a strange sense of calm at the thought that tonight’s game was for the fans who had stuck with him all this time and who may never stick with him again after tonight. This game was for his brothers. This game was for Scott and Milo, who would both give it all up to support him and keep their own integrity intact. Win or lose, this was going to be the best performance he ever gave to his sport. 

However, he planned on winning. 

~

Yuzuru sat with his hands over his mouth as he watched the TV with his mother.

“Well, we have some stunning news in the world of NHL hockey tonight, huh, Joan?”

“That’s right, Tom, in a rather stunning turn of events, Javier Fernandez, the star winger of the Toronto Maple Leafs, a top scorer in the league and in tonight’s barn burner, turned some heads after the game. The Maple Leafs, who were lacking their starting defensive line after some as of yet unexplained suspensions, headed off with the Philadelphia Flyers in a high scoring close one that was an incredible offense without a defense heading off against another incredible offense. The Maple Leafs ended up winning the match in over time, with a winning score from Fernandez himself, but the real drama wasn’t the intense match at all.”

“No, Joan, it wasn’t. In a twitter post right after the match, Fernandez tweeted, ‘I dedicate tonight’s win and an almost certain clencher for the Stanley Cup Finals to the rest of the LGBT community. As a proud B, I won this one for my brothers and sisters and for the fight still ahead of us all even in these modern times.’ Before this, there were no openly LGBT players in the NHL, making Fernandez the first openly bisexual hockey player in the league’s history.”

“Yes, Tom, and it’s easy to see why that slightly overshadowed the team’s victory tonight. When we reached out to try and speak to Fernandez, we were told he left the arena early and didn’t plan to speak to anyone tonight.”

Yuzuru sucked in a breath and looked at his mother. Yumi reached out and rubbed his arm. “I guess he was serious about you being free to press charges against the horrible man who hurt you without fear of him suffering for it.”

Yuzuru swallowed hard, looking back at the screen, which still have Javier’s player profile photo up on the screen while they talked. “I- I have to go,” Yuzuru said, standing up abruptly. He rushed to his room to get his wallet and keys. “Mom, I’m sorry to run out so late, but I- I have to go.”

Yumi gave him a knowing look. “Go talk to him. I think maybe we have all misjudged his situation.”

“I think so, too,” Yuzuru whimpered, fighting tears already just at the thought that Javier, his brave, strong Javier, had just likely destroyed his own future just to be sure that the man who hurt Yuzuru didn’t get away with it. 

~

Javier was in the shower when he heard his doorbell ringing. He couldn’t imagine who could be there that time of night, and he worried it might be reporters already. It was one o’clock in the morning, and he didn’t have the patience for that shit. He got out and dressed in just a tee-shirt and sweatpants, still toweling his hair as he headed to the door. “Alright, alright, I’m coming!” he shouted. He nudged Effie out of the way and opened the door, ready to tell whatever person was there to harass him to fuck off and come back in the morning. 

When he pulled the towel off his hair and tossed it onto the table beside the door, however, he raised his eyes and saw a very familiar pair of brown eyes looking back at him. His stomach tightened painfully. “Yuzuru?”

“Why you do this?” Yuzuru asked without preamble. “Why you ruin your career when I have not even said I will press charges?”

Javier sighed, hanging his head. “It wasn’t a hard choice,” he said in a tired voice. “If I take it out of your hands, you don’t have to worry about anybody but yourself.”

“But what if I do not do it? What if- what if I chose not to? How you so sure I will do it?” Yuzuru demanded.

Javier raised his eyes and shrugged. “I’m not. But now you only have to worry about yourself. After all you’ve been through because of me, I couldn’t let you suffer having to make that choice.”

“But why?” Yuzuru asked in a scratchy voice. 

Javier looked into his eyes. “You know why, Yuzuru.”

Yuzuru let out a soft breath, and before Javier could even react, he grabbed Javier by the shirt and kissed him with so much force it shoved them both inside the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Satisfying, huh?


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH WHATEVER I JUST WILL POST THE REST TODAY I AM JUST SO READY TO HAVE THIS STORY OUT THERE FOR YOU ALL INSTEAD OF SITTING ON MY COMPUTER NOT BEING READ!
> 
> I will post this chapter now before bed and the epilogue when I wake up in the morning!!!

Yuzuru hadn’t come here with the intention of jumping Javier, but the moment Javier looked at him and basically confirmed he loved Yuzuru still after all this time so much that he would rather suffer than let Yuzuru’s attacker go free, without expecting anything from Yuzuru for it, he felt like he wouldn’t be able to breathe if he didn’t have Javier in his arms. 

Javier seemed very confused, but didn’t miss what Yuzuru was asking of him. He let Yuzuru shove him against the closed door and kiss him like a dying man who found what he needed to live. Yuzuru wasted no time pushing Javier’s shirt up, and Javier raised his arms and let him have it. The break to get the shirt off only lasted as long as it took for Javier to kiss him again, hands going to unzip Yuzuru’s coat and shove it off his shoulders. Yuzuru shook the coat off his arms with a frustrated whine, hating that he had to take his hands off of Javier. 

Once the coat was off, he tugged his own shirt up and off. Javier caught his wrists to pull the long sleeves off his hands and then groaned hungrily as he pulled Yuzuru’s naked torso against his own. Yuzuru shuddered, fingertips digging into Javier’s back as he kissed Javier’s jaw and throat, moaning helplessly as he explored the warm skin his hands had missed so much. He gasped when Javier ducked just far enough to grab the back of his thighs and pick him up. Yuzuru wrapped his legs around Javier and arched his body against Javier’s, hands finding purchase on his shoulders as he clung to him. They kissed like it was the most important thing in life as they stumbled their way to the bedroom, stopping to make out and grind on each other at every flat surface they encountered. Yuzuru was pretty sure he heard some of Javier’s pictures and a lamp or two shatter on the floor, but they didn’t dare stop to check. 

When they got to the bedroom, Javier shut the door in Effie’s face to keep her from the bedroom, and when he let Yuzuru down to his feet, Yuzuru just shoved his own pants and boxers off, getting his feet tangled on his shoes and falling over. Javier reached for him to help him up, but Yuzuru was up before he could help. He locked his gaze with Javier’s, trying to convey with a look how much he loved Javier and how much he wanted this right now more than anything else. He shuddered as Javier’s hands curled around his waist like they belonged there, and he rested one hand over Javier’s heart and slid the other past the waist of Javier’s sweatpants, shivering when he found nothing between them and his hot skin. Yuzuru curled his hand around Javier’s rapidly hardening length and Javier’s breath hitched. Yuzuru stepped until their lips were nearly touching and breathed out just two words. 

“Fuck me.”

The tension between them snapped, and Javier grabbed his face in his hands, kissing him like he would die if he didn’t do it right then. However, his hold on Yuzuru’s face was gentle and made him feel important and cared for.

It made him feel loved. 

Yuzuru pushed Javier’s sweatpants off his hips, and Javier stepped out of them in the same movement that had him picking Yuzuru up by his ass and waist and crawling onto the bed as he gently laid him against the pillows. Yuzuru loved how easily it was for Javier to move him around. Even now, in the heat of passion, he was gentle and careful with Yuzuru, treating him like the most precious thing he would ever touch. “Yuzuru,” Javier breathed, kissing down his throat. He made his way down Yuzuru’s body, hands holding the arch of Yuzuru’s lower back as he paid the kind of attention to Yuzuru’s nipples that made him arch and whine. Every time he shifted, his erection rubbed against Javier’s abs since Javier lay with Yuzuru’s thighs on either side of him. 

“Javi, please,” he begged, and Javier continued his way downwards, his hands tracing the curves of Yuzuru’s body as he went, holding him with rough, warm hands that felt once again like they were made to fit Yuzuru’s dips and swells. He gave Yuzuru’s length a teasing lick and then continued on, practically worshipping Yuzuru’s thighs. He kissed the Olympic rings on his left leg and left little red marks all along the delicate skin of his inner thighs, earning desperate moans from Yuzuru as he did so. “Please, please Javi, I need you,” he begged.

Javier crawled up his body and kissed him thoroughly, tongues dancing together in an erotic, intimate kiss that transcended feeling almost entirely. He only pulled away to retrieve what they would need from the bedside table. When he returned, he didn’t stop kissing Yuzuru’s face and lips and neck as he gently opened him. Yuzuru gasped, whining at the feeling. Javier still knew his body so well he easily found every spot and touch and angle that he had perfected in their time together. Yuzuru couldn’t imagine why he ever thought a stranger from a bar could ever compare to the man who learned his body with singular devotion just to give him maximum pleasure when they made love. 

When Javier moved above him, he held Yuzuru’s gaze as he entered him. Yuzuru shuddered, gasping as he kept his eyes open and stared up into those big, beautiful brown eyes as their bodies joined together for the first time in months. Javier’s breath hitched and he gasped a few times, and Yuzuru felt like he might cry from the intimacy of the moment. He reached up, cupping Javier’s jaw, and only then did Javier break their staring contest, closing his eyes as he pressed his face into the touch. “Yuzu,” he nearly sobbed, and Yuzuru felt a lump in his throat when he realized it wasn’t just him that had missed this so much. Javier looked like he was having a religious experience as he gave Yuzuru time to get used to the feeling. Yuzuru knew Javier had missed him, and he had missed Javier so much, but he never truly understood how it wasn’t just Yuzuru’s heart Javier had been forced to break before. 

When Javier looked back into his eyes, he curled his fingers loosely in Yuzuru’s hair as he gently started to move, touching him like he couldn’t believe anything so precious to him was in his arms again. 

Yuzuru cupped Javier’s face in his hand as he started to fuck him, slow and easy, clearly wanting to make this last. Yuzuru didn’t mind that one bit. “Javi, Javi,” he whimpered, touching his cheeks and jaw, unable to take his eyes off of the beautiful man above him. When Javier turned to kiss his palm, he watched a tear trail from the corner of Javier’s eye, and it broke something inside of him. 

Javier never stopped wanting him. He never stopped loving him. Javier had just been scared and didn’t know what else to do when he ended things between them. Yuzuru wasn’t the only one who had suffered, he realized. Javier had hurt so much and Yuzuru had blamed him all along. Yuzuru’s breath hitched and he wrapped his arms around Javier’s shoulders, dragging him down until their bodies were flush, only the pillow beneath his hips and the hold of his legs around Javier’s waist making it even possible for their thrusts to continue. “My Javi,” he breathed, sliding a hand into those gorgeous curls. He kissed his earlobe. “I love you. I’m here, and I love you,” he chanted, and he could _feel_ Javier shudder in his arms. He closed his eyes and tossed his head back, still holding Javier close. “Don’t stop,” he pleaded, and Javier put a little more force into his thrusts. 

“I love you,” Javier panted against the side of his throat. “ _Mi vida, te amo. Mi corazón._ Yuzuru,” he rasped. “I miss you so much. _Por dios_ , I miss you.”

Yuzuru gasped both from the pleasure and from the tears streaking his face now. “I am here. I am here, Javi. You do not must miss me again,” he promised. He cried out as Javier’s thrusts made him see stars. “Oh, Javi, please,” he babbled, digging his fingertips into Javier’s shoulders. “Javi, my Javi.” He couldn’t think of the words in English anymore, so he just slipped into Japanese, hoping the tone conveyed the sentiment well enough in their moment of passion. “ _I love you so much. You’re everything to me. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I didn’t understand. You hurt me but I didn’t understand how much it hurt you._ ” He let out a sob of both pleasure and emotions, tangling his fingers in Javier’s hair. “ _Oh, I’m never letting you go. Not again. Never again. You’re everything. You’re the love of my life. You’re- you’re my Javi._ ” He cried out, feeling his orgasm nearing. He almost never wanted this to end, but as he swapped to English, he found it harder to focus. “My Javi. Mine. Always mine. Your Yuzu. Your Yuzu,” he babbled.

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” Javier panted, lifting his head to gaze into Yuzuru’s eyes as he started to shake, clearly on the edge himself. “Yuzuru, I love you.”

Yuzuru whined, keeping his eyes open to make sure Javier saw everything in them as he spoke. “I love you. Te amo, Jabi. I love you. Ah!” he cried out, body bowing sharply as he felt his orgasm just about to hit. Javier kissed him quickly, moaning roughly into his mouth. Yuzuru gasped, giving up kissing as the dam finally broke. “JAVI!” he gasped, shuddering as he came. He clung to Javier’s shoulder and hair, panting into his mouth. Javier gave a hoarse groan and Yuzuru whined desperately as he felt him pulsing inside of him, shuddering and whining desperately through his orgasm just as Yuzuru’s began to wane. 

Through it all, their eyes never closed and they never stopped looking at each other through their pleasure, sharing a moment so intimate that tears filled Javier’s eyes as he came down and the physical pleasure gave way to emotions. Yuzuru held him as he trembled, his own throat tight and his own eyes burning. He whimpered and brushed tears from Javier’s face, and Javier just shuddered and copied his motion, wiping Yuzuru’s tears in return. “I love you so much,” Javier rasped, and Yuzuru let out a wet laugh, unable to help himself. 

“Look at us. We both cry so bad,” he joked, and Javier huffed out a laugh, which made Yuzuru wince, since they were still connected. 

“Sorry,” Javier breathed, kissing him as he pulled out. Yuzuru shuddered and instantly hated feeling empty after finally having Javier inside of him once more. Javier clearly hated the distance too, because he disposed of the condom and grabbed a cloth to clean Yuzuru with as fast as his shaky legs could carry him, and then just flung it towards the hamper so that he could immediately curl himself around Yuzuru once more. 

Yuzuru smiled with blinding joy when Javier laid his head on Yuzuru’s chest and slid his thigh in between Yuzuru’s legs, his arm curling possessively around Yuzuru’s waist. Yuzuru laid his cheek against Javier’s curls and wrapped his arms around Javier’s shoulders so firmly his knuckles were white. “I love you,” Yuzuru whispered again, kissing his hair. “There is so much I want to say, but maybe we talk tomorrow?” he asked.

Javier nodded against his chest and clung tighter. “Please. I just want to hold you and never let you go right now. We can talk about anything and everything in the morning, but please. Please be here when I wake up. Please don’t leave me,” Javier begged quietly. “I’m so sorry for everything-“

“Shhhhh,” Yuzuru calmed, stroking a hand through Javier’s hair. “Te amo, Jabi.” He smiled through silent tears that disappeared into Javier’s beautiful curls as he held Javier close, intending to not move a muscle for the rest of the night.

He never wanted to be apart from Javier ever again.


	30. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERE IT IS! THE END!
> 
> This is longest thing I ever write and I am thinking I never do this again, jajaja.
> 
> But I love it and I love you guys for helping me and loving this fic <3
> 
> My next fic is going to be that Shoma/Jason I promise some of you in the comments. You guys are fully responsible for this one. I already have one chapter done even, jaja! (It will really not be long like this, so don't expect that again)

“After several weeks of stunning drama for Japan’s Yuzuru Hanyu, all following an all-time podium low at Four Continents, seeing him up on that top step of the podium is a really great feeling, isn’t it, Tara?”

“Absolutely, Terry. Most of us have heard in the past three weeks alone that first off, there was a terrible training accident in which he was struck in the head with a stray hockey puck at his extra training time on the ice with the Toronto Maple Leafs, but then just last week it came out that it was a deliberate attack and that hockey player has been charged with aggravated assault in the incident and arrested on top of being removed from the team.”

“And just this week, Yuzuru revealed that the attack was motivated by his relationship with a teammate of that hockey player. In fact, just as we speak, the person you’re seeing on the screen right now is Javier Fernandez, Yuzuru’s partner.”

“It’s just wonderful to see Yuzuru manage to not only show up at Worlds after such a horrible incident, but to show up and win with a new world record!”

“That’s definitely one way to show that those who would seek to hurt a master class skater like Yuzuru can’t get him down. And being here with the support of his partner right there in the stands has to be a great motivator. Yuzuru’s coach Brian Orser has gone on record stating that Yuzuru and his partner both risked a lot to make sure that the man who attacked Yuzuru is served his just desserts for such a violent and dangerous act, and that he’s proud of Yuzuru for soldiering through all of this ugliness to even compete. I’m sure now that he’s victorious, Coach Orser will only have even more great things to say about how strong and brave Yuzuru Hanyu really is.”

Yuzuru paused the video and giggled as he looked at Javier, who was blushing and hiding his face in the bedding of their hotel room. “You look so cute in your glasses and a pooh-bear hat,” he cooed, rolling closer so he could ruffle Javier’s curls. 

“I can’t believe they got me on camera!” Javier groaned. “I didn’t think anybody would even notice me!” Yuzuru cooed affectionately once more, flopping across Javier’s back, snuggling closer. He was so grateful for Javier these days. Javier had sacrificed so much but he didn’t regret it at all. 

Javier didn’t get fired from the team, or traded, but the only reason for that, Yuzuru learned, was because they couldn’t afford to lose their defensive and offensive starters all in one swoop. The settlement was that they would keep Milo and Scott, who Yuzuru still felt warm and fuzzy to think about them threatening to quit with Javi if they fired him, and Javier would be ‘given time to mentally recover from an attack on his partner’ for the rest of the regular season and through the playoffs. If they made it into the finals, Javier would rejoin the team to help them finish the season strong. 

Javier said he had no regrets in risking being fired or traded, because Yuzuru was safe and Ivan was very likely going to jail. Yuzuru was just happy that Javier’s actions made him finally see that he and Javier had both been wrong to go through with their breakup. 

This time, Yuzuru had the full support of everybody he knew in both dating Javi and coming out about it. So far, the JSF had threatened him a few times, but winning Worlds in the face of such adversity had really made it difficult for them to do anything about him being openly gay and openly dating a bisexual hockey player. He refused to do any interviews about it, but he didn’t shy away from being seen in public with Javi just because he knew someone was watching him. 

Yuzuru was so sure now that this was for real. This was for good. It was far too early to consider it, but he was absolutely positive that someday, he was going to marry Javier Fernandez. Long after they were both retired, he would still be with Javier, spending their lives together. He was pretty sure his mother was already excited about the prospect of Yuzuru moving in with Javier and giving her a break after all her long years as his caretaker. Yuzuru would be offended if he didn’t know that it was getting to be about time he was able to care for himself without needing his mother to look after him. 

“Are you proud of me?” Yuzuru teased, poking Javier in the ear just because he knew he didn’t like it. “Jabiiiiii,” he whined, pouting as he rolled off of Javier and lay beside him with wide puppy eyes. “Are you proud?”

Javier rolled his eyes and shifted to lean over Yuzuru, his hand braced on the other side of Yuzuru’s body. “Yuzuru. When am I not proud of you, _Cari_?” He kissed his cheek with an obnoxious ‘smack’ just to pester Yuzuru. “ _Mi vida_ , you are the best figure skater in the world. You are the most beautiful, most graceful, most perfect figure skater in history. I’m always proud of you.”

Yuzuru giggled and bit his bottom lip, tapping a finger against his cheek playfully. “Sooooo, you want to see me wear my gold medal?” he asked. 

Javier grinned. “Sure, feel free.”

Yuzuru grinned some. “ _Only_ gold medal?” he asked, and Javier raised an eyebrow at him. Yuzuru slid his foot along Javier’s calf more pointedly. “Maybe show me how proud you are with me only wear gold medal and nothing more?”

Javier snorted. “Wow, you’re so kinky, Yuzu,” he said, ruining Yuzuru’s seduction attempt. Yuzuru pouted but Javier just kissed him sweetly. “You really want to make love with your gold medal on? Is this something you’ve been holding back in fear you might creep me out?”

“No! It is not like I have long kink!” Yuzuru defended. “I just think it be sexy! Javi, you make it sound weird, why you don’t just let me do seducing?” he whined.

Javier chuckled. “Baby, you could seduce me in a snow suit that hid all of your gorgeous curves. If you want to have sex with a gold medal on, I’ll get on my knees for you and worship my gold-medal-winning Yuzu without a single complaint.”

“Well _now_ it not sound so sexy anymore, Javi,” Yuzuru said pointedly.

“So you do not want to?” Javier asked, and Yuzuru hummed.

“I like the ‘Javi get on his knees for me’ part,” Yuzuru said, and Javier just smirked as he got up and walked around to the foot of the bed. Yuzuru sat up and his mouth went dry when Javier stripped his shirt off and got to his knees, reaching out to touch Yuzuru’s thighs and encourage him to come to the edge of the bed for him. 

“This want you want, Yuzu?” Javier asked, and Yuzuru nodded eagerly, wiggling to the edge of the bed and lifting his hips to push his pants down. 

“This good start!” Yuzuru said eagerly, wasting no time to enjoy his beautiful, amazing boyfriend. 

He may have him forever, but Yuzuru wasn’t an idiot, forever just meant he could start enjoying a long future of fun, sexy evenings in with the love of his life now, with no worries that he would lose him in the future. 

Javier just chuckled and started by kissing the tattoo on his thigh teasingly. “I love you so much, Yuzuru Hanyu.”

“And I love you, Javier Fernandez,” Yuzuru said, cupping his cheek affectionately. After the moment passed he winked. “Now, what did you say about ‘worship beautiful Yuzu and make him have many orgasms’?” he urged, and Javier just chuckled and shook his head.

Yuzuru could see how fond he looked as he did so, so he figured this was definitely the best start to his happy ever after as he could hope for anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for sticking with me through this and for encouraging me. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
> 
> Gracias por todos <3


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